the only constant is change yet no matter the time, physical distance, new relationships, jobs, lives you stay in my head. i don’t know how to feel about it anymore. i believe i’ve come to terms that this is our way but no matter what you don’t leave my thoughts, my heart. i don’t think we could ever get back what we had with the time last and actions made since that last night. Is anything(body) capable of filling the void where you belong? i pushed you out because i feared the pain was becoming to much for me to withstand and i still believe i was right. most days i’m so thankful the strength i need to push forward and bring me back from the razors edge, but was all that pain just pushed down instead of resolved? am i left with what drips out from the core of my being? did i only take what i had and spread it thin enough to make it through most days fine without ever actually ridding myself? will it be a struggle for the rest of my life? i have so many questions without answers, too afraid to ask for i don’t know if i can accept the truth. honestly i think i’ve known all along.
