This dissatisfaction that I feelā¦this distasteful feeling that I am so unimpressed with life, wondering if this is all there isā¦
Itās not just mine to feel.
So many people around the world feel it. Even ones who seemingly have their lives together at times do wonder if this is what life is supposed to be like.
Itās normal to want more. Its normal to want everything all at once.
Take me for example ā I want to wander the world like a nomad, being reckless with my adventures. And yet at the same time, I also deeply need to just have a small cottage somewhere hidden by the lake where I can do nothing but read in peace without a care in the world. I want to be alone, fully immersed in my life without having to accommodate anyone else, but I also want to fall in love and have a soulful relationship that spans through the decades.
I want it all but at times, I want nothing at all.
Sometimes this life feels like itās too short for all the adventures I yearn to have. Yet at the same time it feels like an eternity that is far too long to keep going through the motions.
This feeling is felt by quite a few people I know personally. So itās in a way comforting to know that itās not just me. Itās nice to know normal it is to feel so strange.
But why?
Itās as if we are awake while the whole world sleeps.Ā
As if the very few us who have woken up from the hallucination that is projected as ālifeā begin to doubt and question the reality of it all. So we wonder, āIs this life? Is this all there is?ā while the rest simply carry on living their day-to-day lives as if nothing is wrong. And to them, nothing is wrong.
Itās just usā¦wondering and yearning and despairing over the existence.
I honestly donāt know why it took me so long to understand this very simple truth: There is no great purpose in life.
Life has no meaning. Life has no grand plan or purpose. Contemplating our existence ā asking that damned question āWhy are we here?ā ā will yield no new information.
Life is life. It is what it is.
At the crux of it all, life is a sea of highs and lows that we must surf.
Lord Buddha clearly had it right.Ā
Suffering is the truth. The only truth.Ā
Even in joy there is suffering. It lies in the impermanence of it all.Ā
You can look at it and measure it from any angle you like but suffering is at the center of this existence. The one truth that we all share despite everything that separates us.
So we have two option open to us;
1. We can hide from the truth, whether itās through self-medication or distractions. Drugs, retail therapy, sex, great escapesā¦pick your poison. And then carry on pretending as if life is perfect and nothing is truly wrong. Prolong the inevitable for as long as you can and be completely unprepared for when the emptiness of it all finally catches up to you.
Orā¦
2. Live in the truth, aware of exactly what life is.
Ā
Of course there are moments when I wish I could be like the rest of this world, living in ignorance, unaware of the true nature of it all. But how can I ever regret being awake? How can I ever regret this awareness?
No matter how prettily it is wrapped up, shit always begin to smell for its true nature cannot be hidden.
There is no escape. There is no fantasy where everything is tied up with a happy ending, where all the problems disappear, and where you will find peace that comes as easy and quick as death.
There is to just live.
To somehow eventually end this cycle and find true emancipation.
And the first step to that is being awake to the reality.
Itās painful. Itās uncomfortable. But I am alive, and so I live. All I can do is to liveā¦to live as best as I can, with as few regrets as possible.
We are born, and we die. Neither is within our control.Ā
However, everything in between is up to us.Ā
While the realization is scary, it is also quite liberating.
Not that my short 27 years on this planet makes me some wise human being but Iāve learnt a few lessons and tidbits along the way as I stumbled my way through life as best as I could.
Thought Iād share them here.
Ps: Also, happy birthday to me! xD
1. The secret to everyday happiness is having an attitude of gratitude.Ā
2. Shift your mindset from an āI have to do thisā mentality to an āI get to do thisā mentality. I get to go to work, I get to have a busy day, etc. Donāt dress your opportunities as stress.
3. Cook at home 80% of the time. Itāll save you a shit load of money, allow you to expand your culinary skills, and give you more control of what you put inside of your body.
4. Take care of your body. We only get one body in this lifetime and it is what allows us to do everything we want to do in this life. So taking care of it should be our ultimate priority - so eat right, workout, find ways to manage your stress, and get enough sleep.
5. Everything you desire is on the other side of consistency. Overcoming fears, making plans, and moving towards goals youāve set for yourself is all good but for you to see real results, do what is required every single day. Put in the work consistently. Discipline is the ultimate form of self-care.
6. Put in the effort to understand yourself as itĀ is the one sure fire way to improve your life. Knowing what you need, what you fear, your strengths and weaknesses, how you study, how you react to stress...get to know all that about yourself and more. Then instead of trying to work against your innate traits, use them and work with them.Ā
7. Pessimism comes naturally to us. Sometimes itās our default setting. We always have to work harder to stay positive but trust me itās worth it.Ā
8.Ā Not everything you think is true. Our minds can convince us of quite a lot of things. It can be way harsher and judgmental on you than even your worst frenemy. Out of the blue if it tells you that you are a terrible writer with no facts to back it up, question that thought and investigate if it is true or not. Conquer your thoughts so you may eventually conquer your life.
9. On that note, almost everything in life is a skill. If you put your mind to it and commit yourself to doing the required amount of work, every skill in life can be learned. Want to be a good writer, you can learn it. Want to be a better cook, you can learn that too. Want to be more organized? Woah! Guess what? You can learn it! And in this day and age, learning something new is just a click away.Ā
10. Mindset is everything. Everything begins and ends in your mind. Thereās nothing you cannot change about your life if you put your mind to it. Within reason. If you decide you can, thereās a good chance youād find a way to do it. Similarly, if you decide you canāt, you will guarantee that you wonāt be able to do it. So approach life from a position of power, not defeat.
11. Stop complaining. Seriously. It serves no purpose and only brings more negative energy into your life. In most situations, you often have two options: change it or accept it. If youāre unhappy with something or a situation, change it. If you cannot change it, find a way to accept it and find peace with it. Worrying about it is pointless. Regretting the past cannot change it for it has already happened. Being anxious about the future is pointless for itās still yet to come. Fretting about things beyond your control only distracts you from being present in the moment and enjoying your life.
Ā Ā
12. Feel what you need to feel and then let it go. Grief, anger, resentment, envy...whatever it is, do not dwell on it. Do not let it fester inside of you.Ā
13.Ā Do not let how you feel rule you. Let it guide you, and guide it yourself but never let it control you. I used to allow how I felt on a particular day decide whether or not I went to school, or showed up for work, or whatever else. And in the end, I almost always ended up feeling guilty and shittier at the end of the day. It should be noted that I am not talking about mental health days that you just might need to recover from everything overwhelming you. But you should always pay close attention to whether youāre actually feeling terrible inside, or are you just feeling lazy. Sometimes reluctance is just laziness with a better excuse.
14. Youāre not going to be at your 100% every single day. There will be fluctuations and happiness and sadness comes and goes. Just do your best to create your happiness. Just do your best to endure your sadness.
15.Ā Be compassionate and patient with yourself. Youāre doing the best you can. Itās the greatest form of kindness.Ā
Ā Ā Ā
16. Donāt live pay check to pay check. Have financial goals and build up savings. Up until very recently (read 3 months ago) I used to spend my entire paycheck and go broke until the next one arrived. But hey! I am 27 freaking years old now and itās way too late for me to be living that recklessly. Recording my expenses made me realize just how much money I used to waste on things I didnāt really need. Now that I have started making a realistic budget and actually sticking to it, I actually have more money to spend on things I really want to invest in.Ā
17. Debt is never worth it. Trust me, it is no fun having something like that hanging over you. Especially for a control freak like me, it was just a horrible experience. I aināt going to say donāt ever get a Credit Card. Just spend wisely. Most of the things you think you desperately need are not always necessities.
18. Confidence starts inside of you. The one person you really need to impress, is yourself.Ā
19. But also...sometimes, even if you are not at your most confident self, you can still fake it till you make it. In other words, we all have bad days. We are allowed to have them. After all, we are human. We all have our struggles, and messes but itās the way we carry them that sets us apart. Story time: one day, when I was at work, my best friend showed up on her way somewhere, and I was in my shittiest over-worn maxi dress. My hair was up in a messy bun that I usually put it up in when I just canāt be bothered to wash it and style it. I had red lipstick on, and flip flops. She took one look at me and said,Ā āyou look so beautiful and put together.ā Trust me, I didnāt feel it but somehow my minimal effort looked passable enough. So learn to carry yourself well even when you donāt feel like it.
Ā
20. In life, failing in some capacity is inevitable. So, fail with purpose and fail productively. Learn from your failures. Become better from those learnings.
21. Declutter your life. Clearing up your space of things helps to clear up your mind. Clearing up your life of people and commitments help you simplify your life. Live clutter free. Love and respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that is not right for you.
22. Not everything that weighs you down is yours to carry.Ā You can love people but you cannot āsaveā them. They have to save themselves.
23.Ā Appreciating someone elseās success or amazingness does not in anyway lessen yours. Lift each other up.
24. Be aware of your ego. Donāt let it ruin moments, relationships, and productivity.
25. Take responsibility for yourself, your choices, and the consequences of those choices. Blaming someone of something else is pretty much equivalent to giving your power away. So donāt be the victim of your life. Take your power, and own it.
26.Ā The purpose of life is to be alive and happy and just do the best you can. Donāt over-complicate it. Any of it. And definitely do not overthink it. Thereās no grander purpose to life than to be alive.
27. The magic in life lies in everyday moments. Teach yourself to find the joy in everyday mundane things - the taste of coffee, a good song, laughing over nothing with a good friend...etc. Create your own kinda magic everyday.
Sometimes your existence in my life feels so far away that it almost feels like it happened to someone else and not me.
There was a time when you were my everything. Not a moment spent when I wasnāt talking to you or thinking of you.
When I would look into your laughing eyes and think mine. When Iād see your playful mischievous smile and think mine. When Iād hold your hand over the gear shift and think mine. When Iād convince myself itās perfectly alright to think youāre really mine. When I believed it to be true.
Itās barely been a year and already it feels a lifetime ago.
Another life.
A different me with a different you.
Funny, isnāt it, what time and distance can do?
ā
Something can become nothing.
Before summer of 2018, you werenāt even a speck in my radar and yet you ended up being my whole world.
But come summer of 2019, you were naught but a distant memory I somewhat sometimes think about and wonder was any of it real...
And just like that...everything can become nothing.
ā
I remember thinking Iād die for you.
Like thereās nothing I wouldnāt fight for you.
I promised us forever but I only lied to you,
But only because you lied to me first.
ā
Donāt ask me where I went or what happened to destroy what we had then.
You know all too well.
For forever we were never meant.
ā
So I deleted you from my contacts but I still remember you number off the top of my head.
I remember your face but not how your lips felt.
One day though, all memories will fade.
And maybe Iāll need to look you up on Instagram again to remind myself what you look like.
ā
Another lifetime later...
Iād even laugh about the boy I would have fought the whole world for even knowing I deserved better.
Maybe I would even forgive myself for giving my love away to you who never deserved me at all.
āNot all storms come to disrupt your life. Some come to clear your path.ā
ā
Everything is an experience.
Even the worst pain you feel, and the toughest struggle you endure are all part of the plan of putting you in the right path to discover what you deserve and what does not serve your journey forward.
ā
Pain may make me weep and feel broken but I am still grateful for it.
ā
True strength lies in enduring pain and rising above it, no matter how bleak your situation seems at the moment.
So this morning, Ā I watched this amazing TED Talk.
āThe Unstoppable Power of Letting Goā by Jill Sherer Murray (21.12.2016, TEDxWilmingtonWomen)
in this video, Jill Sherer Murray outlines her experiences and the power she discovered in āletting go.ā
Hereās a brief summary of what she said we ought to let go of to be happy;
1. Let go of taking things personally.
Almost all the time, if someone is treating you badly or isnāt giving you what you deserve, it has nothing to do with you but everything to do with them. Itās their issue, not your imperfections.
Itās easier when you make your peace with that.
I was with someone. We cared deeply about each other but he just wasnāt willing to commit to me. For months and months I beat myself up about it thinking that there was something wrong with me that he couldnāt bring himself to commit to me. But the truth was, he didnāt believe in love. Nor did he want that conventional life. It had nothing to do with me or if I was good enough or not.
2. Let go of what other people think.
First off, itās none of your business. You do you and you what feels right to you.
Secondly, everyone and their neighbor will have an opinion about your life. If you listen to everything, youād have no room to be what you want to be.
10% will hate it, 80% will be indifferent to it, and 10% will be your raving fans. Itās nice to have raving fans, but if one isnāt, thatās okay too.
3. Let go of trying to be something Ā you are not.
We cannot change who we are at the core. And thatās actually a good thing. You are meant to be what you are, exactly as you are.
I was so unhappy trying to be non-monogamous when that was not who I really was. I canāt change who I really am, and thatās perfectly fine. I shouldnāt try to.
4. Let go of the need to be āperfectā.
To be honest, perfect is overrated. The more you try to be perfect or do something perfectly, the more you tend to procrastinate about that change you want to make.
Just forget about being āperfect.ā Be real instead. Being authentic and true to yourself is far more important.
5. Let go of ānot yet.ā
If thereās something you want to do, make a plan and act, but donāt wait. Live your life NOW. Donāt settle forĀ āgoodā but aim forĀ āgreat.ā
Our time is so limited. We could live to be 90 or we could die tomorrow. Every second we live a mediocre life is a second wasted. Every moment should be of our choosing, not one we settled for.
Jill stayed in aĀ āgoodā relationship for 12 years, settling for what she could get instead of going after what she truly wanted.
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