sandwich to heaven

"Painting is like building a sandwich, a sandwich all the way to heaven."

[sandwichtoheaven]

Looks like my problems are solved.

[sandwichtoheaven]

Scented Candle Idea: Fried Chicken.

[sandwichtoheaven]

Some guy on Jeopardy just responded to a question about amphibians with "killer whale". Bro, do you know what an amphibian is? Have you ever seen a killer whale on land?

[sandwichtoheaven]

The worst is when you randomly check your phone and see you have a Snapchat, have that little boost of excitement, and then realize it's from Team Snapchat.

[sandwichtoheaven]

While walking to my car, I walked into this Canadian goose sitting in the parking lot because I was kind of zoned out and not paying attention, and it honked and flew off.

[sandwichtoheaven]

Sometimes the only thing that gets me out of bed is the fact my house is the last in town to still have a house phone that rings from time to time.

[sandwichtoheaven]

Daylight savings is basically just a lame form of time travel.

[sandwichtoheaven]

Certain things in life are unavoidable: Death, taxes, and Katy Perry's "Dark Horse"

[sandwichtoheaven]

If some other girl pulls her EOS lip balm out of her purse, you have to also take yours out and begin comparing which ones you have. It's practically a law.

[sandwichtoheaven]

Before college I never wanted to be old, but after college I see old people and I get jealous because they probably have their student loans paid off.

[sandwichtoheaven]

If you come across a giant pair of novelty sunglasses, you put those babies on.

[sandwichtoheaven]

When you're buying something meant for children, like kid's snacks, because you like them too, but you're an adult and the cashier is giving you a look, so you're all "hahaha these are for my son." I HAVE NO SON.

[sandwichtoheaven]

The reason it is important to learn a second language is so that if Facebook ever for real lets you see who stalks your profile, you can promptly move to another country to avoid all those people who just found out you stalk them.

[sandwichtoheaven]

Every time I meet a girl my age named Bella I cringe out of habit before realizing she was born before the Twilight craze.

[sandwichtoheaven]

You know you're from a boring town if you've ever considered the witness protection program, not because you witnessed any crime, but because it seems like a solid way to move somewhere else.

[sandwichtoheaven]

Every time I see a 'slow school zone' sign outside a high school, a little voice inside my head goes "No. Full speed ahead. Those kids should know better than to run into the street like maniacs by now."

[sandwichtoheaven]

I hate when I ask if the cake is chocolate and I'm told it's marble, it's vanilla and chocolate, as if that's a good thing. No. I'm going to ask you a second time what flavor the cake is. Hint: The right answer is 100% chocolatey goodness.