pmgs

— an open book☽

[santamonaica]

My last entry... for now

In more or less 18 weeks, I’ve come to understand more about myself with the help of this SocSc subject.

Throughout the (nearly) 4 months of learning and understanding more about myself, I’ve come to the realization that I am who I am now because of several reasons: first, my family has brought me up this way in a small city, relatively smaller than where I study now, and second, the goals that were instilled in me growing up has molded me into the woman that I am now. Being a middle child, I tend to be more self-assertive and goal-oriented.

Cliques and crowds were one relatable thing I’ve learned in this subject. I don’t really want to believe that “tell me who your friends are, and I’ll tell you who you are” saying. I like to believe that whoever you associate yourself with is merely just a social label, but it’s in how you allow yourself to influence and be influenced by these people that matters more. What came along with this is the “increasing positive affect” activity that helped me reach out to more strangers and make new acquaintances. 

Identifying what makes us sad, angry, and happy is another important lesson that I’ve learned in this subject. If we successfully do this, we’d be able to understand ourselves more and at the same time know our own limits. 

Lastly, this subject taught me to be understanding and patient, not only to the people around me, but to myself as well. I do not have to be so hard on myself all the time, for I also have my own down moments. There was one module that asked us what we were grateful for that day, and no explanations were needed. I found that very calming and enjoyable to do, especially that I was able to look back at what I was grateful for that specific day. However, I can still continue doing it any day I want. 

Goodbye, SocSc 11 class. Those chill and -sometimes- draining 1 hour and 30 minute classes with you (Ma’am Keh) were definitely one for the books. I’d always cherish this class and the lessons I learned throughout the months. 

All the love! xx

[santamonaica]

Binhi

Binhi translates into the beginning of anything; “ang simula, pinagmulan, pinanggalingan.” The aim of this area engagement is to be involved with our foster families, and get to know their life stories in the form of “kuwentuhan.” My main takeaway from our foster nanay, “A” (alias), is that we all have to start from somewhere small and low. From there, we will have to make sacrifices, then we’ll eventually work our way up. So far, my experience has been an eye-opening one, and is definitely better than I expected. Seeing my nanay cry during our closing remarks was a tear-jerking moment for me, especially after getting to know about their family’s business and life story.

The families in the area we were immersed in have experienced squatting in non permanent addresses, that’s why it is such a great feeling for them to have their own land and houses now. From the words of one of the mothers in our area herself, she said that "lupa lang whining namin, pero sa awa ng Diyos binigyan din kami ng bahay." It was such a heartwarming experience knowing that they’ve gone through difficult times, yet our Tita tearfully told me that she is happy now that not only does she have a place to call her own, but also a small sari-sari store business to fund her family’s needs. According to Tita A, starting a business entails making a huge sacrifice, and for their case they had to do it by pawning some of their most loved valuables. Her husband has been a security guard for 18 years already, but still is a regular employee who sometimes works 24 hours straight, and has not received any promotion yet.

Our nanay would jokingly approach my partner and I with the statement “i’ll tap you if i’m having trouble  with our business, okay?” And she’d laugh it off afterwards. I personally think that what I can today, as a student, is to help support small, local businesses. From this small act of supporting their services and products, who knows how big they may get in the future? Some of the most successful businesses nowadays started small, such as SM. For sure, a good soul from the past helped and supported Henry Sy to get where his business is at present time, and we owe it to whoever that person is for contributing to the success of the said business. In hindsight, I think my binhi experience was a humbling one. I also got to determine the habitus of the foster nanay that catered us :

What is their habitus? - They are accustomed to speaking in Tagalog, wherein speaking English is somehow spoken by them in a “joking” manner. When they heard me and my binhi partner speaking silently in English, I heard them say “o ayan nag i-ingles na sila” and “nosebleed"

What is your habitus? - I am more accustomed to speaking in English with mixed Tagalog. I naturally converse in this language.

Compare and contrast these two different Habitus.  - Our habitus with them are similar in terms of the self-direction that they posess, since they run their own business too despite living in an urban poor community. In comparison, I think if you were raised in two very different environments you tend to have varying speaking styles, especially in terms of language.

[santamonaica]

My place in society and how I can fight for injustice, supported by the concepts in SocSc11 that gave me deeper understanding as to why I’m in this stand.

- As of speaking, I am an 18-year-old college student, and my way of fighting for injustice can be in the form of speaking for what I truly believe in and what I firmly stand for. This can be translated to action in small ways, such as setting a good example of change to your friends, family, and even classmates. Fighting for injustice can also be in the form student activism, such as those that protest and cry against social issues and injustices. Standing up to the things that I deem to be wrong is my small way of fighting against injustice. As thought to me in SocSc11, we learn these ideologies growing up. We adapt to them, and through the years we tend to go on our own by creating our separate self. Growing up, my parents were scared that one day they’d see me on TV as an “activist”, protesting on some social issue. Now that I realize it, why would they get scared if I am going to do it to stand up for something that is right? 

[santamonaica]

Blog Post #8

For my offline identity:

I think i am perceived as the “baby girl” or the childish one among my siblings & I. That’s why I placed a teddy bear, a lollipop, and a cupcake on the photo attached above. But whenever I am at a night out with friends, I can either be a big spender, or a “lola” who takes care of my friends. At school, I am a studious girl who makes sure that I do not take my academics for granted — I make sure that I make it a priority to always do good in class, thus there are books on my meme.

For my online identity:

I make sure to post only motivational stuff on my facebook timeline, because I know a big audience is going to see it. The audience ranges from my family members, to my schoolmates and classmates, and even to some of my teachers. On Instagram, I post travel photos and photography-related posts. While on messenger, I am very talkative to my chatmates , especially to my close friends and group chats.

[santamonaica]

Blog Post #7

10/23/19

Reflection: 

I have chosen my older sister as the person I’m closest with, since I share mostly everything in my life with her. For this activity, she used the word “versatile” to describe me. Honestly, I was surprised when I read about what she’s written, this is probably because I expected some funny or sarcastic description, such as “maarte”, “matakaw”, “fuzzy when hungry”, and all that. I was touched when I realised that she sees me as someone versatile, coming from someone who knows me the most. I have written on my own paper that hopefully she’d find me as someone who is inspiring, despite me being younger than her. I hoped that she would notice how I am trying my best to be at par with her, or trying to do what she is doing in college, especially that she is a Dean’s Lister during their last term. Comparing and contrasting what my sister and I have written, I can say that there are still similar descriptions since we know each other too well that we I would already assume what she’d be writing down. All I can say is that I would not know that she has been admiring my work ethics and perseverance in the craft that I got myself to do, namely in music, in photography, and especially in academics. According to our discussion, we have our own “back stage”. Whenever i’m at home with my family, I can say that that is my back stage, and my family members see me as i am.

I can relate this activity to the formation of an efficacy-based self esteem, since my sister’s insights about me all relate to what I am capable of doing. Just like “the looking glass self,” I am what I am today because i have been trying to make my sister notice the characteristics that our parents “want” us to possess, which she lacks, hence I try to act that way so that she’d perceive it positively. Because of that, I am more motivated to do better in life to also inspire her and make her proud of me, her own little sister. 

[santamonaica]

Blog Post #6

10/22/2019

Beyond the Looking Glass Self

Social structures, such as the school I study in, increase my sense of agency in terms of influencing me to do the right action, that would not only benefit me but the people, such as my classmates, schoolmates, and even the name of the school itself. I grew in a relatively smaller school (in GenSan) than here in Ateneo. I have more control over my actions and their consequences, regardless if you’re in a small or big school, you will realize that every action has its own consequence. As a student, I have control to initiate conversations with my mentors especially when I am having trouble in understanding the lesson. As a classmate, I also have control in choosing what action to do most especially during tests. The most common question would be, “should I cheat or answer honestly”, most especially in times of desperation.

I am a Roman Catholic, and supporting the LGBTQ+ community is still a sensitive issue upto this date. Although I think we are living in a progressive world, there are still people in my religion who are not open to this idea. I am an ally of the rainbow community, and I also have friends and loved ones who are part of that community, therefore my sense of agency in terms of being agent with this idea is being constrained somehow by the religion that I am in. However, slowly but surely, I think I am convincing my parents to support and respect what I believe in.

As of now, I think I lack the skill of being authoritative, which is said to be caused by my “gentle/soft demeanour.”

I can acquire the skill of leadership & authoritativeness by surrounding myself with people who support me to be such, preferably if they themselves are also great leaders in their own way. Being in activities and leadership workshops can also be great ways to acquire the resources that I wish to achieve to increase my self-esteem and sense of agency, most especially if it’s aligned with my chosen career path in the business industry.

My keen interest in learning new things and opening myself to discoveries every day are part of the main resources that allow me to increase my self esteem. Through the years, I learned how to boost my self-acceptance and self-love the hard way. This led me to become the self-motivated person that I am now. I also have many aspirations that I won’t let go of until I achieve them. I don’t allow myself to settle for mediocrity, but I also know my limits and boundaries. I choose my battles wisely now, compared to before. Now, I manage my time wisely too. I choose to spend time with supportive and motivational people, such as my friends and family members. I can say that these resources, whether big or small, increase my self esteem.

[santamonaica]

Blog Post #5

A)

1. Describe the situation:

I am hungry, and I’m having a dilemma on whether I should save my remaining money, or satisfy my hunger.

2. Dialogue & Drawing

3. Which one prevailed, explain

The ego prevailed, because I came to the decision that I can eat now, and I will just adjust my remaining budget allotted for food.

[santamonaica]

Blog Post #4

Caring for the Self activity reflection:

My group’s “increasing positive affect” activity is entitled SHAREades. Basically, this activity urged us to gather some of our friends from around the campus who would be willing to participate in the traditional game of “charades” but with a twist. I felt lighthearted at the end of the activity, since I felt that our group fulfilled the goal of “Be(ing) Social” in a way that we got to gather people and extract positivity from them without them even noticing. This activity extracted interaction among the participants. I felt good knowing that the people we’ve gathered for this activity started to talk to one another, asking for each other’s social media accounts. Through this activity, I felt that our group has bridged new acquaintances and connections. And that alone makes me feel fulfilled already.

[santamonaica]

Blog Post #2

Understanding the Self // Social Sciences

[santamonaica]

Blog Post #3 | Understanding the Self

Date: September 26, 2019

[santamonaica]

Hybrid Identities

Blog Post #1

I am a Filipino. But I think that’s not enough to describe me as a whole. I often get mistaken as a Chinese girl, probably because of my chinky eyes and fair skin. I am a Kapampangan, who is born and raised in General Santos City. As a Kapampangan, I am expected to be very good in cooking. And as someone who is from the small town of General Santos, I am expected to speak fluent Bisaya. But that’s the catch, I have a very hybrid cultural background that I can’t give people a direct answer whenever they ask where I came from and what am I. I’ve lived very comfortably in GenSan for 18 years. It was less of a rush there, less chaotic, less drama, but most of all, I had fun living the slow-paced life. I have always thought of GenSan as a provincial place – but Pampanga, where my mother is from, is not one for sure. However, I did always know that Manila‘s the legit big city in our country. But as I first stepped into Metro Manila, realizing that i’ll be here for the next 4 years, I felt a little worried and lost. It was just too overwhelming. I am used to being a normal “probinsyana” but now, I have to open myself a little more to the fact that I should get used to this fast-paced city. One identity of mine is that I’m an ambivert, I don’t conform to either being an introvert or an extrovert. Instead, i’m right there in the middle. That identity became coherent in me especially these early few weeks of freshman year. As someone from a small city and also someone who frequently visits my mother’s hometown, I feel lucky that I got exposed to big cities early, just to avoid culture shock & identity confusion. As of now, I’m pretty proud of myself for still being grounded on my small-town girl principles.