What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger

Dani Harper. 22. Musician. Taken. Yes, I am that Dani Harper. Don't call me Danielle, I fucking hate that. You know who I am, you know who my parents are, but I'm not here for them. I'm here for me and only me. You wanna talk about me? Shoot me an ask. I'll answer anything and everything, as long as it's not too personal or about my parents. I'm entitled to some privacy, damn it.

[pezalexa-blog]

I WISH I COULD MEAN THIS ➝ HARPEZ.

TAGGING ➝ Danielle Harper, Alexa Lopez.

LOCATION ➝ Harpez household; Alexa’s room.

TIME FRAME ➝ 4/18, evening.

WARNINGS ➝ Does puke count?

NOTES ➝ Alexa doesn’t feel well and Dani can tell something’s up.

Keep reading

[pezalexa-blog]

DIRTY LITTLE SECRET ➝ HARPEZ.

[sapphicdaniharper]

TAGGING ➝ Danielle Harper, Alexa Lopez.

LOCATION ➝ Harpez household; Dani’s room.

TIME FRAME ➝ 3/31, very early morning.

WARNINGS ➝ Implied sexual assault.

NOTES ➝ Alexa crawls into bed with Dani after an escort date gone very wrong.

ALEXA LOPEZ

With no idea of how to act or feel, Alexa was completely on edge. This wasn’t something she’d ever been prepared for. People forcing other people into sex wasn’t unheard of. In fact, it was a huge, global problem, one that wasn’t taken as seriously as it should’ve been, and it was evident now that Lexi hadn’t taken it seriously enough before now, either. If she did, maybe it wouldn’t have put her in the state of shock she was currently in. It was just something she’d never expected to have experienced, and she didn’t know where to go from here. She felt like a different person, in the absolute worst way. Lexi had lived alone before Dani had moved in with her, and she’d never hated it. She actually used to enjoy it. Now, though, even being in the shower alone was scaring her. Her girlfriend was only across the hall, but Alexa didn’t feel safe. She hated that. She hated how pathetic she felt. She hated how not herself she felt.

Even after she’d climbed into the other girl’s bed, she didn’t really feel any better. She felt like someone was watching her. She felt like the same someone who had taken everything from her tonight was watching her. It wasn’t like she feared for her life or anything; he had no idea where she lived. Even if he had, she was sure suddenly torturing her wasn’t his angle. He’d wanted to get off, and he’d gotten what he wanted. Alexa didn’t think she’d be seeing him again, but that wasn’t the point. She could still feel his hands on her, she could taste that disgusting stale cigarette taste on her lips still, despite having showered and thoroughly brushed her teeth. She knew she was just imagining it, but in some ways that was almost worse. Lexi was terrified that she’d never be able to forget.

It wasn’t like Dani had crept into her room in the middle of the night; it’d been the other way around, but even as the other girl moved to turn over, Lexi jumped a little. This was so stupid. Even more so when Dani’s hand rested on her cheek and Alexa felt like she was ready to throw up. This was her girlfriend, it was her familiar, comforting touch, but all Lexi could imagine was the way he’d grabbed her face earlier, his rough hands against her cheeks. Nothing like Dani’s. Alexa just couldn’t get the thought out of her head, though. She closed her eyes, as if that would somehow make it go away, but it only made it worse. It made her see everything in her mind more clearly, and that was the exact opposite of what she wanted.

Opening her eyes, Lexi looked at her girlfriend through her wet lashes, wanting to answer her question. She wanted to answer her with honesty, but she couldn’t. For starters, Dani didn’t know about her second job. No one did, in fact. She was in too deep of a lie with it by now that telling her about it would’ve fucked everything up between them, she was sure of it. More than that, though, she couldn’t even bring herself to admit aloud what’d happened. That would make it even more real. She forced a smile to her lips that mirrored her girlfriend’s, but tears continued to roll down her cheeks. “I just don’t like fighting with you,” she lied in a soft, sad voice. As much as it scared her to press up closely to another person right now, this was Dani. Lexi loved her. She needed her. So, she moved closer, into her girlfriend’s arms. Turning her head away from Dani’s hand, she nuzzled her face into the side of her neck, instead. “I love you,” she whispered again, her eyes closing to keep herself from crying, “I love you.”

DANIELLE HARPER

Despite the fact that she blamed herself for most of them, Dani couldn't stand it when they fought. There was no doubt that she always just said things without even thinking. It no way excused her behavior, so she wasn't using that as a way to justify the stupid things she said. If she was being honest, she thought that she would have learned that by now. Her big mouth was always pissing off someone, and she usually didn't care, but of course she would care when that someone is her girlfriend. There were some days where she didn't know why she said some of the things she said. It made her wonder why Lexi was with her in the first place. Even when she didn't mean something, it never stopped her from saying it. A part of her was afraid that it was a bigger issue than she chose to believe. Meaning, the reason she was saying things was because she was so on edge lately. That wasn't fair to Lexi. She didn't have to deal with that. Yet, there she was, dealing with the kind of crap Dani never wanted her to deal with.

As the two of them laid there, she wanted to explain it all to Lexi. Why she was saying these things and how she was feeling lately. Only, she couldn't bring herself to do that. She couldn't blame her addiction on the things that she said. Even if that had been the case at times, how could she say that was what caused her to ask about her job? It wasn't and she knew that it wasn't, because that was her opinion way before they had this fight. She felt terrible for feeling that way, since this was her girlfriend's job she was thinking about, but she couldn't help it. That was just her opinion. Not that she even considered telling her that before. She knew that Lexi was going to keep doing it no matter what, so she had gotten really good at keeping her opinion to herself. She wasn't even sure why she had said it in the first place. Probably because she had really liked the idea of Lexi quitting. It was usually something they joked about, but part of her had been completely serious about it. Lexi probably figured that out by now. Which was why she couldn't blame it on anything or anyone other than herself. She may not have meant to say what she did, but that didn't mean that what she said was untrue.

Instead of explaining any of that to her girlfriend, she decided it might be best if she didn't bring that up now. She had no idea why, but Lexi felt much more upset than she had expected. She had been bummed out, too, just not to the point of her worrying so much. Was Lexi still mad at her? She wouldn't blame her if that were the case. She doubted that, though, since she had came in here and said sorry. Would she say sorry if she wasn't? Dani would hope not. That didn't sound like a healthy way to handle their fight. But then again, why would she even do that? This wasn't a bad fight. At least, Dani didn't think that it was. They would have worked it out without Lexi apologizing. Dani was ready to say sorry when her girlfriend got home, so really, there was no reason to pretend. 

Maybe she was overthinking this. She hated fighting with Lexi, too, so it made sense that she would be upset. Not as upset as she seemed right now.... Again, that was probably Dani overthinking things. "I don't like fighting with you, either." She said softly, wrapping her arms around her and holding her close. "I love you." She mumbled, kissing the top of her head. "Babe..." She trailed off, chewing on her bottom lip. She wanted to ask her something. Anything that could explain why she was upset, but she didn't want it to seem like she was accusing her of lying. They had just gotten over a fight, she didn't want to start another. Instead of asking, she kept her mouth shut. Something seemed weird. She just didn't know why.

[pezalexa-blog]

DIRTY LITTLE SECRET ➝ HARPEZ.

[sapphicdaniharper]

TAGGING ➝ Danielle Harper, Alexa Lopez.

LOCATION ➝ Harpez household; Dani’s room.

TIME FRAME ➝ 3/31, very early morning.

WARNINGS ➝ Implied sexual assault.

NOTES ➝ Alexa crawls into bed with Dani after an escort date gone very wrong.

ALEXA LOPEZ

Alexa really would consider herself a strong person, but even the strongest of people weren’t built to withstand the kind of thing she’d gone through tonight. A part of her still wondered if it had been a dream, even after she’d crept into the house in the same clothes she’d been wearing for her escort date. Usually, she was more careful, and made sure to change before she’d gotten home, but not tonight. She was still shaking; she could still feel his hands on her. All she wanted to do was hide out inside of her home, lock the door and curl up into her girlfriend’s arms. What had happened between the time she’d stopped texting Dani and now just made their entire fight seem so insignificant. Lexi hadn’t felt like she’d been in the wrong, but she truly didn’t care anymore. She’d get on her knees and beg for forgiveness if that was what it took; she just needed Dani. She needed that protection.

Just the thought of her girlfriend made Alexa’s eyes fill up with salty tears all over again. She hadn’t cried, not really. She’d been on the verge of it, but she was still too numb to really let herself feel anything. Fortunately for her, it was too late for any of the dogs to care about flipping out like they usually did when she opened the door, and for Dani to be up. Whether she was awake or not was a whole different story, but regardless, Alexa was able to make her way quietly to her room, and then to lock herself in her bathroom without Dani seeing her attire. It was a cocktail dress; something she wouldn’t have been able to explain if she’d been caught. It was after she’d taken it off and climbed into the shower that she’d really let herself break down. No one was supposed to touch her. No one but Dani. Even though what’d happened had been completely against her will, Alexa felt like she’d done something she shouldn’t have. She felt like she’d betrayed her girlfriend, and she felt dirty. No amount of standing under the hot water could make her feel any cleaner.

She was a stripper,  so she’d never been ashamed of her body, but as Alexa climbed out of the shower and caught sight of herself in the mirror, she felt sick. She felt violated, and like her body wasn’t hers anymore. She couldn’t continue to look at herself, so quickly tore her gaze away, and headed back out into her room, tossing everything she’d been wearing into the trashcan. She didn’t want to keep anything he’d touched. In fact, she planned to burn it, but not tonight. Tonight, all she could really manage was to pull on a pair of pajamas and to towel dry some of the water droplets from her hair, then she was done. That was her limit for tonight. That numb feeling came back to her as she quietly left her room, closing the door behind her, then headed for Dani’s instead. Softly, she pushed open the door, tiptoeing inside and ignoring the way her eyes filled up again when she saw her girlfriend. Biting her lip, she walked over to the bed, climbing under the covers and moving closer to her girlfriend.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice shaky. At least her wet hair would mask the fact that a tear had finally rolled down her cheek as she pressed her lips to the other girl’s shoulder. Their fight also made it easier for her to apologize, because at least that looked like what she was apologizing for. “I love you. I’m sorry.”

DANIELLE HARPER

Dani was no stranger to being home alone. Well, not completely alone, since she had the dogs, but she was used to being without her girlfriend. It wasn't like she didn't understand that she had work. That was something Alexa did even before they were together and it had never been a problem. Dani didn't need to have her at home. In fact, despite feeling clingy at time, she managed just fine on her own. This would usually be the time where she would work on her music, since she often got distracted when she was with Lexi. In the best way possible, of course. Tonight should have been like any other. She would play her guitar, maybe even take out her keyboard, and try to write some music to go with her lyrics. It was actually the most inspired she had felt in awhile, so she had planned on taking full advantage of it. Then she started texting her girlfriend. Okay, so she got distracted when it came to Lexi. Could anyone blame her? She had an amazing girlfriend, so it was no surprise that she took a break to lay on her bed and talk to her. Again, it should have been like any other night. They would say they missed each other, joke about Lexi quitting her job, then maybe something dirty; since both of their minds usually went to that play. Unfortunately, that hadn't been the case this time. Now Dani was paying for it.

She didn't know how them texting had turned into an argument. Well, okay, maybe she shouldn't have said something stupid; like asking Lexi if stripping could be taken as serious dancing. She wasn't trying to upset her when she asked, but she should have considered that before she said it. That was something Dani struggled with all the time. More often than not, she just said whatever she was thinking. And if she was being completely honest, she didn't take Lexi's job seriously. She didn't take it seriously when Cassie did it, either. It was just something they did and she had to accept that. When her sister quit, it had been a huge relief. One less thing for her to worry about. It still bothered her that Lexi was doing it, especially after what happened to Cassie, but she was never going to tell her not to. It didn't matter if she didn't like it, or if she didn't take it seriously, because it was up to Lexi if she kept her job or not. Dani couldn't control that and she wasn't trying to.

When Lexi stopped texting her, Dani couldn't stop thinking about their fight. Mostly because it shouldn't have happened. Just like most of their fights, she felt like the blame was all on her. What else was new, right? She probably wouldn't change her opinion and she wasn't going to try, but the least she could do was consider what dancing meant to Lexi. It meant as much to her as singing did to Dani. If anyone had tried to talk shit about what she loved, she would probably punch them in the mouth. Knowing that made her feel like crap. Lexi had always been supportive of Dani, even when she didn't feel so confident. That's when Lexi supported her the most. No matter what choice she made, Lexi supported it without question. This is why being alone with her thoughts was both good and bad. Why did it always take her so long to realize when she fucked up? One thing was for sure, she probably wasn't getting any sleep tonight. Not when she was feeling as shitty as she had been. She thought about texting Lexi to apologize, but she decided that maybe waiting for her to come back would be better. She could tell her when she got home.

It felt like forever before she heard her girlfriend arrive, but when she finally had, Dani sighed when she heard her come through the door. She was exhausted, but she wasn't gonna be able to sleep until she talked to Lexi. Even if all she did was apologize then crash out, because she wanted her girlfriend to know that she was sorry for being an ass. That wasn't going to happen right away, since she could hear her getting in the shower. The only sound that could be heard in the house was the water turning on. Dani groaned into her pillow, figuring that her girlfriend might take awhile. She laid on her side and grabbed her phone to keep herself distracted as she waited. She was actually kind of annoyed, but that wasn't Lexi's fault. It was because she was impatient and wanted to talk to her. Finally, she heard her girlfriend coming to her room. She sighed in relief, since she wasn't even sure if Lexi wanted to see her. She placed her phone back on her nightstand as she felt her getting into her bed.

Before she could even say she was sorry, Lexi was already saying it. She sounded really upset and that made Dani feel even worse. Their fight hadn't been that serious.... Had it? If that was the case then she wasn't sure why Lexi had been apologizing. After reading the texts over and over, it was actually Dani who started the fight. Even if she had blamed her girlfriend for doing so before. She turned over slowly and mover closer, cupping her cheek and smiling softly. "Hey, it's okay. Why are you so upset? I'm the one who did something stupid. You can't be that surprised, right?" She laughed tiredly, hoping to get at least a smile from the other girl. "I love you, too. I'm so sorry for being an idiot."

[sapphicdaniharper]

TEXT 📩 DASSIE 🎸🎧

CASSIE: LOL yep, that's it. I guess I'm just a little boring lately. Still coming down from the high that was Spring Break. I'll be back to making you tear your hair out worrying about me in no time, don't worry.

DANI: I guess I can handle boring more than you doing something that has me flying to another country, so there is no rush. Really.

[sapphicdaniharper]

TEXT 💌 HARPEZ 💕

LEXI: You didn't have to say it.

LEXI: Whatever, anyway. I'm busy. Gotta go sell myself short some more.

DANI: Alright, then. Have fun?

[sapphicdaniharper]

TEXT 📩 DASSIE 🎸🎧

CASSIE: Yeah, it was just about a shoot I'd been offered and whether I should do it or not. I figured it out, anyway.

DANI: That's it? Well I'm glad you figured it out, but I was expecting something a little more interesting. No offense!

[sapphicdaniharper]

TEXT 💌 HARPEZ 💕

LEXI: Yeah, actually, taking off my clothes is just part of the job. You think I enjoy it?

LEXI: So I'm selling myself short. Got it.

LEXI: Have a good night, Dani. My bad for even bothering to text you.

DANI: You do it a lot for someone who doesn't enjoy it.

DANI: That's not exactly what I said...

DANI: Whatever. I guess it was my fucking bad for asking a question.

[sapphicdaniharper]

TEXT 📩 DASSIE 🎸🎧

CASSIE: [unsent] I think I have feelings for my best friend.

CASSIE: Actually, it's not important.

DANI: Are you sure? It seemed important enough for you to want to tell me.

[sapphicdaniharper]

TEXT 📩 DASSIE 🎸🎧

CASSIE: I know. Thank you.

CASSIE: Can I talk to you about something?

DANI: Of course.

[sapphicdaniharper]

TEXT 💌 HARPEZ 💕

LEXI: Awesome. No sarcasm at all there, huh?

LEXI: I don't work at the club to strip. I work there to dance.

LEXI: You don't get it. Dancing isn't like singing. You can write a song and you can show it to the world. I can't come up with some new dance routine and have anybody care about it. It doesn't work like that. This is all I can do for now.

DANI: You've got me all figured out.

DANI: And taking your clothes off is what? Just part of the job?

DANI: I know that I could have had a record deal if I wanted, but only if I sang someone else's songs and that wasn't good enough. I wasn't willing to settle for just anything. I guess we're just different that way.

[sapphicdaniharper]

TEXT 📩 DASSIE 🎸🎧

CASSIE: I appreciate you coming to Italy. You didn't have to do that, and I'm still mad that you did, but that doesn't make me appreciate it any less.

CASSIE: That break down was probably going to happen whether you were there or not, and as much as it sucks that you had to see it, I'm glad I wasn't alone.

CASSIE: So like, yeah, thanks. I love you.

DANI: I knew that you would be mad, so that's okay. I would have showed up there no matter how you felt or what you said.

DANI: That's what I'm here for. I'm never going to let you be alone.

DANI: Well, you're welcome. Love you, too.

[sapphicdaniharper]

TEXT 💌 HARPEZ 💕

LEXI: Alright, well if you don't like it to the point of wanting me to quit, then tell me. If you just think it's stupid and "not serious" then I guess keep that to yourself.

LEXI: Not that it matters, since I know now that you're thinking it already.

DANI: I'm not gonna ask you to quit your fucking job. I don't like you dancing and taking your clothes off for other people. I can't imagine anyone being cool with their girlfriend doing that, but what I said was just a dumb question. I'm sure stripping is totally serious.

[sapphicdaniharper]

TEXT 💌 HARPEZ 💕

LEXI: I'm not starting a fight.

LEXI: You're my girlfriend, of course how you feel about my job matters.

DANI: If you say so.

DANI: You know I don't like it, which is all you need to know, so I think talking about it is stupid.

[sapphicdaniharper]

TEXT 💌 HARPEZ 💕

LEXI: Seriously? Look, I'm not trying to fight here, but you just kind of crapped all over my job, then when I want to talk it out, you're going to close off? How is that fair?

DANI: People say "I'm not trying to fight'' right before starting a fight, so I don't see the point in you even saying that.

DANI: How I feel about your job shouldn't matter, anyway, so what's the big deal here?

[sapphicdaniharper]

TEXT 💌 HARPEZ 💕

LEXI: Do you think my work is dumb, Dani?

LEXI: I'm working, but I can still talk to you. I just might be slow, that's all. I wouldn't have texted you if not.

DANI: I don't really feel like talking about your job again. It's always a lose-lose situation for me.

DANI: Okay.

[sapphicdaniharper]

TEXT 💌 HARPEZ 💕

LEXI: I wonder if you meant that to make me feel as crappy as it did...

LEXI: Oh. My bad, I meant you. I was talking and texting.

DANI: What? No, of course not! I just... I don't know. It was only a question. We can ignore it.

DANI: I knew what you meant, but I couldn't help being an ass. I didn't realize you were talking to anyone, though. Are you busy right now?

[sapphicdaniharper]

TEXT 💌 HARPEZ 💕

LEXI: Because I'm an idiot, duh. Honestly, if I could quit, I would. I just wouldn't really have any way to seriously dance, you know? Not until someone decides to throw me into a music video or take me on tour to backup dance for them.

LEXI: I really wish I was laying on your bed with you, babe. Or on top of her. You get clingy, too? I refuse to believe that.

DANI: Okay, but.... Is stripping even considered seriously dancing?

DANI: On top of her, babe? I better be the her you are referring to. 😜

DANI: I mean, yeah, sometimes. I'm used to having you around, how else am I gonna feel when you're not around?