Vivant Cadavre @sapvenus - Tumblr Blog

I don’t think I have the best luck with romantic interests…

Goodbye

I feel indifferent. Somewhat a knot in my stomach. Maybe a little uneasy that this has seemed easy for you and so hard for me. It’s been awhile and i feel comfortable over the situation but in reality I’m actually not. I still think about it from time to time. The hope and hate battle inside me. I want to give tears at times but i know it’s not worth it. It’s not worth the energy. I look back and I’m confused. Did i ever have a relationship with you. A real relationship. I don’t know if i did. Maybe. It hurt at first to know that you seem fine, that this isn’t really hard for you, that me leaving your life didn’t really leave a gap or emptiness. That you’re able to function how you did before without skipping a beat or thought. I guess that’s how it should be, but a selfish part about me wishes that you seemed to care that I’m not there anymore. That i added value to your life and the value meant a lot to you. I have to admit that’s really hard to witness. I try my hardest to ignore it and if I’m honest with myself I’m pretty bad at it. Yeah there’s hours and hours where i don’t think about it but inevitably i watch, i look, i wonder. I stop myself though now. I don’t indulge. I try not to indulge. I watched every video on how to get over this. and they’ve helped. They’ve also not helped. I always know I’ll be okay but i guess it’s a frustrating thing to accept that this is who you are and this is what you chose

onlinecounsellingcollege

“I need to stop fantasizing about running away to some other life, and start figuring out the one I have.”

— Holly Black

Keto Update

So I’m officially off the keto diet and have been for the week. I did a strict one and lost 18lbs in a month with a week of cheating.

I miss being on it already lol and I was gonna wait till either March or May to start again but I think I’ll go back next week.

Hopefully my immune system will be good so I can add the gym back on schedule as well.

Eek 😬

queengreendown

Why do I routinely hurt my own feelings…

I’m sick again and I’m over it. I feel so out of whack and I’ve been lowkey crying most of the night.

realdreamers

girlrose

do you ever think about the intentions of men and feel sick

victormosquera

wewanthappinessback-deactivated

👿

Unfortunately I cheated on my diet this entire weekend and gained 4lbs as a result of it. I don’t fully regret it lol but it’s crazy how easy it was to put back those pounds.

Getting off the keto diet and back to my regular but modified diet will be an interesting one.

Also slight confession, being back at the gym today was a little tough. When I first started I was pumped up and ready to go but as it dwindled down I didn’t want to do anything or lift anything or be in the gym. So 10 minutes before I was supposed to leave, I left. I feel sad and a little discouraged about it but we’ll see.

Health 2/11/19

Had to take a break from the gym, cuz sick, but I’m good and back at it.

Health 2/6/19

I haven’t been feeling that great this week. Yesterday I barely ate anything and went to the gym only to turn back around because I nearly passed out.

So I’m taking it slow this week till I’m back in shape.

This is what I did today