Sara_tonin

*Original work unless noted otherwise xo Sara

[sarajoel]

When Angry Loved Sad

Please just let me love you

We both have no say

Let it be tried-and-true

While you live, while you fade 

Running like my mouth

I know you find me silly

Spare me my ego

Save me your pity

Living in your mouth

You swallowed me like death

Everything I claimed

You took from me like breaths

Spit

And forget the taste

Inhale a bit

And exhale the moments when I truly loved you

[sarajoel]

I think the problem is we all think we’re SUPPOSED to be happy, and if we just keep living and going through the motions than one day it will just HAPPEN. But it doesn’t just happen.

[saradipitysaratonin]

Oscer

whats your name, whats your pronoun are you having a good time i think we should get together maybe you could drop a line

cause when I'm looking through my sock drawer my heart drips though the floorboards

I always find his socks never matching none of mine and I wish we'd had stuck together i wish he'd stayed on the line

Maybe its my fault maybe its over the other day my best friend found us both a four leaf clover i think we look good together but I don't like to share and when we face the facts you know you always go there

i think we should get together maybe you could drop a line cause ive been looking for you baby lets have a good time.

[sarajoel]

Its only a matter of time before he carves out and eats the last bits of my heart. I feel so empty at times I even miss the presence of the knife and fork.

[saradipitysaratonin]

Own up to the dirt before you wash your hands

[saradipitysaratonin]

I want to die. So do you.

[sarajoel]

Never trust anyone. They just want to use and exploit you. If you think they don’t they’re about to do it the most unsettling and unexpected way. And that’s what you get for relying on anyone ever.

[sarajoel]

It sucks to be someone’s 3rd 4th or 5th priority when they’re always your top.

[sarajoel]

I dont need you to be happy. I want you to be happy.

[sarajoel]

I wish I was dead

I wish I was dead

I wish I was dead

always repeats in my head

As I wonder why

,with continued dread,

am I not good enough for you?

I wish I was dead

[sarajoel]

He is here

He is here

To remind me

I am not alone

He is here

To remind me

I want only for love

He is here

To remind me

To fill myself with him

He is here

To remind me

To remember him

He is here

To remind me

To forget who I am

Who am I?

I am here needing

to know I am not in need

I am here loving

Giving what is not received

I am fulfilling myself

With dedicated moves

I am willing myself

To remember me

Who

is

he?

[sarajoel]

I do not want to feel anymore

I want to peel back my skin

it was never tough enough anyway

its ok if it can not be like before

my skin frail and thin

feeling every sweet warm breath

and the murmur of your chest

now I must go to the bone

I want to dawn the sheets of death

like a ghoul cold and white be laid to rest

picked bare my bones laid all alone

In death’s disguise I have my home

[sarajoel]

At supper, we ate.

He invited me by for supper,

That night when we first met.

We sliced the meat, peeled the vegetables, boiled the pasta, and ground the herbs.

After

I gave him my memoirs and he read the front and back covers seeming to have had his fill.

This became custom

Each evening we ate, and each evening I’d bring another piece of me for him to swallow with dessert

I would bring him only my best wanting him to be full to the brim with me

My mothers first kisses, my grandmothers worn hands, my sisters strength, my most vehement desires

He would consume the bits slowly, gnashing them away into confines of his keeping

Until he became my hope chest

Fat and disheveled

One dream tangled into the next like hair in a shower drain

Greedily and tired of my shrill voice he disappeared with all of my best fragments:

My father’s security, my grandpas strong back, my uncles wise eyes, generations of independence

Left on the table now:

Flies hovering over the smell of rotting fruit. A mess of sticky apricots, dry meat, stale bread and pasta. The noodles, still being sucked down by you - like hair down a drain.

I stay seated at the table.

Dressed in nightmares and holding my eulogy I wait

for him to be hungry for the leftovers.

[purplebuddhaproject]

“Thinking is difficult; that’s why most people judge.”

—

Carl Jung

(via purplebuddhaquotes)

[saradipitysaratonin]

Green Rag, Beta Fish

They covered my mouth with a green rag when I would throw tantrums. I was about 3 years old. It’s not a big deal really. I mean yea its totally fucked up, but the most hilarious stories always are. And honestly, I was a terror. A really cantankerous, Barney loving, insect that once pet her sister’s beta fish to death with a pencil. It was an accident, really. 

[sarajoel]

🦇Man is born, man lives, man dies And it’s all vanity🦇 https://www.instagram.com/p/BpoPh43Bh24/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=17w2e2krapbwx

[saradipitysaratonin]

Looked this up from a dream I had last night: "If the mirror breaking is intentional in the dream, it signifies your willingness and motivation to break away from your past habits. You are not happy with how your habits are defining your identity and you are changing it by force. Seeing no reflection in a dream mirror implies that you have lost your self-identity."