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sarahjeanne17

To My Father

I got the call yesterday. That there had been an ambulance call out to your house. Your house that was only minutes from mine. The one I live in with mom and my stepdad. An ambulance call to the house that we grew up in. To the house that we hadn’t been to in 10 years. I didn’t know what to feel or say. All I felt was numbness. Nothing. Shock. Did that make me a horrible person? That I didn’t rush to you? That I didn’t feel anything? I don’t know. A part of me felt that you would be fine and life would continue on as it had for the past ten years. With us not talking and acting as though the other wasn’t there when we lived in the same town. I tried to go about my day as normal, but all I could think about was the man you used to be. The father you used to be. I remember being so close to you, going everywhere with you and having our inside jokes. Basically being attached at the hip. But I also had to think about the fact that all I wanted was you to love me and accept me. You threw me away. You threw Liz away. You threw mom away. You chose to drink booze instead of love your family and I couldn’t change your mind. You became so cruel with your hateful words and jabs at your children. Mom couldn’t deal with the mistreatment anymore and made the decision that it was best for us to leave. She made sure we had the decision to leave as well and we both knew that it was for the best. It was the best for all of us. Including you. You were such a hateful and bitter and angry man. You hated the world and felt it owed you a favor at the same time. I’m sorry you had horrible parents. I’m sorry you lost your brother before you really got the chance to know him. I’m sorry you never learned how to be a parent because yours never showed you. I’m sorry that life was so hard for you. But we were there. We were offering you the family you always wanted on a silver platter. And you chose to drink your life away. So we left. I tried to reach out to you. The cat we had shared as a family had to be put down and I felt you should know. So I asked mom to take me to you, not realizing at the time that it was a year to the day after we had moved out. You were outside and turned as you heard us pulling in. You looked shocked. Shocked to see one of your children. I felt like there was a heavy weight inside of me as I told you Theo had passed. You nodded and told me you weren’t surprised. There was an awkward silence between us. An awkward silence between a father and daughter that used to be so close. That made me angry. That you could throw us away. That you could throw ME away. All I could think about was the year before when you had told me to pick between you and mom. How angry I was because she hadn’t asked us to do that so how could you? Asking had made the decision for me and I told you as much. I will never forget you brushing your hands together and saying fine and that you were washing your hands of us and that you didn’t have daughters. Well that was fine because we hadn’t had a father in a long time. I was brought out of those thoughts when you asked if you could have a hug. That made me angrier and I asked you if you truly felt you deserved one. You said probably not but asked of you could have one anyway. The fact that you realized you didn’t deserve it. The fact that you still wanted that made me feel the smallest bit better. So I hugged you. It was actually nice. You said I love you kid. That took me back. In that moment I wasn’t sure what to say. So I didn’t say anything at all. I pulled away and said goodbye and we left. So I got the call. The call that you had died. There were so many emotions that I felt like I had a tornado of them inside of me. Anger. Hurt. Sadness. How dare you get to just be gone? How dare you not have to continue on living with your choices and actions? Why couldn’t you just get over yourself and be someone to your kids? But that isn’t right. You were a very depressed and messed up person. You didn’t want to be fixed and you didn’t want to admit you had a problem. So I hope that you are at peace with yourself. You don’t have to be ashamed anymore. You don’t have to be angry anymore, or depressed, or bitter, or any of that. You can be at peace and you can be with your family wherever you are. The truth is, I lost you a long time ago. I grieved when we moved out and you didn’t care. Mom made sure we knew you were a different man. You weren’t the man she married and you weren’t the man that was our father anymore. So that is when we grieved. We had almost 10 years to grieve you. A man came into our lives during that time and made it easier to accept that you were gone to us. He came in and he made mom happy. Happier than I could EVER remember seeing her. And that in itself is sad. Sad that she allowed herself to live in that sadness so that her kids could have both parents. She tried everything. That woman is a warrior. She hid all of your wrongdoings from us for so long. She played the part of both parents but never took any of the credit because she wanted us to have you too. My mother was and is the fiercest protector. Everything she did, she did for us. I think a part of you always knew how far she went for us and maybe that made you feel worse. But that I won’t be sorry for. She is my best friend and the first person I want in my corner. I think you wanted her there too. I think you felt so betrayed that she left you. That we left you. I think you still loved her and us all the way up to the end. And I’m going to continue thinking that of you. Giving you that small benefit. But I want you to know that I didn’t miss out on having a dad. Because that’s who that man in our lives came to be to me. He was there in all the ways you couldn’t be. Helping to fill that void. Showing me what a dad is supposed to be. He was there for my high school graduation and my first car. My first car accident. My first boyfriend. My first broken heart. He hugged me and loved me and talked with me about things to make me feel better. Like a dad should. I will always hold a place for you in my heart. A place for that man that you were all that time ago. I’m going to let go of all the other things. I’m going to forgive all the things you said and did. I’m going to hold on to those good memories even if it takes a magnifying glass to see them. I’m going to let you go. I’m going to use this sad time to get closer to my sister and hang onto her and my nephew and my brother in law a little tighter. I’m going to hold onto mom and dad a little tighter. I’m going to appreciate what I have all the more now than I do already. So be at peace. I forgive you. I forgive you. Rest knowing that we are going to be okay. Rest knowing that I never stopped loving you and I will never stop loving you for who you were and the times we had. Good bye. Your Daughter

10 Year Journey

I’m turning 26. 26. It’s hard to believe. And I’m at a point in my life that I feel I’ve just had a really crucial last ten years. At 16, my mom was coming out of a nasty divorce with my father. I was placed in an unfamiliar high school. We moved. I got a license. I got a car. We moved again. Along the way, I picked up a dad. My mom made our family feel happier than ever at the cost of her own happiness. But when she met my dad, that was her turn for happiness. I graduated high school. I attempted college. I didn’t enjoy it and didn’t do the greatest, so into the workforce I went. These are changes, but they aren’t all extremely life altering. But they helped me on my journey to discovering myself.

These last two years though? Whoa. I really feel like I have found myself. Sure, that’s super corny. But it’s the truth. I work two full time jobs. Not because I have to. I want to. I enjoy them and that’s the truth. I help kids and that makes me feel incredible. Writing is a passion and I do it in bulk. I write for multiple companies. I love it. Even when it’s hard.

I lost the man who ten years ago was supposed to be my father. That was hard. Possibly life altering. But I used it to my advantage. He lived a hard life. Alcohol was his drug of choice and he held onto it tighter than he held on to anything else. So I took that hard time and turned it into an endeavor. I found my way to Southern New Hampshire University. To a long journey toward my Bachelor Degree in Substance Abuse Counseling. I’ve been able to achieve the President’s List every semester so far. It isn’t easy by any means. Especially with a busy life. But it all makes me who I am.

So these past few years? Yeah, they’ve helped me figure myself out. I’ve been in and out of relationships. I’ve loved and lost and all the other cliched crap that every human goes through. I gained weight. More than I like. Sure, I can sit and bitch and gripe about it. But instead, I’m doing something about it. Work out. Work hard. Eat better. Eat healthier. And that isn’t something being done for anyone else. That’s being done for me.

I’ve made friends that are lifelong. I’ve gotten closer than ever to family members. I’ve met some incredible people along my journey. I’ve learned how supportive a group of people can be. I’m in the process of learning how to take a compliment without arguing until you take it back. I think I’m actually evolving. It’s a work in progress, but I think it always will be.

I guess the point of this whole long rant is that we all go through similar experiences. We all have ups, downs, and everything in between. But it will help you find yourself. Who you are, what you want for yourself and out of your life. Who you want to be. Your real hopes and dreams and how to achieve them. I think I’ve finally learned that. And along the way, I’m learning to love myself. And really, that’s the most important thing of all. It’s okay to love yourself. You should. You can’t expect anyone else to love you if you don’t.

So set goals. Work to achieve them and then blow them right out of the water. Exceed them. Make new ones and do it again. You can. If I can do it, anyone can do it. Even if you think now isn’t your time. Make it your time. Because it’s damn well my time. So let’s do what everyone else ISN’T doing. Support each other. Build each other up. Stand beside one another. Encourage. Respect. Applaud. Be.

~Sarah~

kagohme

you hear that? it’s the sound of seth gecko’s heart breaking twice.

deactivated-blog

"I do think Mon-El was worried about Imra, but as a friend and fellow Legionnaire, not like a husband (he didn’t even stay at her side like he did with Kara in the musical crossover… just saying…)." I agree. Showy and over-the-top kiss aside, Mon-El's behavior towards Irma is strangely not very spouse or significant other-like on a general level and for him specifically. We've seen what he is like when in a relationship, after all.

Yep, and there’re even a few gifsets proving that; @emarasmoak compiled them in this post.

Also, when he saw that Imra was okay, he didn’t fully hug her tightly like he did with Kara both in 2x17 (“You came after me”/“Every time”) and 2x22 (“You okay?”/“I’m so much better now”). Given the circumstances, I think a tight, full-body hug would be much more meaningful than just a quick peck on the lips with minimum physical contact.

emarasmoak

I’m quite sure that Tumblr and Twitter had this theory before Reddit did, but it’s nice that ComicBook is acknowledging that our theory makes sense and there is evidence behind it.

“Before Kara and Alex ended up fighting Nazi’s on both Earth-1 and Earth-X in the “Crisis on Earth-X” crossover, Mon-El returned to National City. But it wasn’t the reunion fans of the “Karamel” pairing had hoped for. Mon-El revealed that he had not only been gone for seven years but was married now, too. While many fans can’t believe that Mon-El would ever marry anyone but Kara, there’s a fan theory that thinks that marriage might just be a sham.

In the Supergirl episode “Wake Up,” Kara Danvers/Supergirl (Melissa Benoist) discovers that Mon-El (Chris Wood) is alive and well, finding him in the mysterious space ship in the National City waterfront. But Mon-El is not quite himself and as the episode closes out we see why: one of the other people in the ship’s life support pods turns out to be a woman named Imra Ardeen (Amy Jackson) and Mon-El reveals that she is his wife. Naturally, Kara is shocked and heartbroken, but a fan theory that has shown up on Reddit and other places thinks that things might not be quite what they appear, claiming that Imra may be manipulating Mon-El’s mind to believe that he is married to her.

The theory has some surprisingly convincing evidence for why this marriage could all be fiction. First, Amy Jackson herself has made some comments on social media that indicate there is a lot more to the Mon-El/Imra story than it looked like at the end of “Wake Up.” Specifically, Jackson replied to various fans upset about the marriage reveal with comments telling them things get better. She specifically told one upset fan that there was more to the story. The responses were made to fans of “Karamel” and not just generally, leading some to believe that the marriage storyline will correct itself soon.

How it would correct itself is something that fans had further speculation on. In comics, Imra Ardeen is Saturn Girl, the leader of the Legion of Super-Heroes. She also has immense psychic and telepathic powers and in comics she has used them on her own team before. Following the Blight invasion, Saturn Girl and several other Legionnaires were lost in a galaxy not their own. In attempt to keep the team calm and focused, Saturn Girl created a telepathic illusion of Ultra Boy’s wife, Apparition, making it appear that she was there with the team. When Saturn Girl put under for medical attention, the team realized that she had been manipulating them.

This history of manipulation – specifically that Saturn Girl manipulated Ultra Boy to believe his wife was there when it was really Saturn Girl – might be how Mon-El is “married” on Supergirl. While the theory didn’t explain what Imra’s motive would be, if she has the same powers as she does in comics, she would certainly be able to trick Mon-El into a relationship by using said powers. The theory points out that in comics, Saturn Girl is a huge fan of Superman so if they transfer that idolization to Supergirl on the show, Imra may have seen marrying Mon-El as the closest thing she could get to knowing her hero. The theory also says that Mon-El still wearing Kara’s necklace is proof or at least foreshadowing that something isn’t right with the marriage to Imra, possibly something in his subconscious that won’t let him take it off.

Whether or not Mon-El’s marriage is the real deal and what, if anything Imra is up to, fans will just have to keep tuning in to Supergirl to find out.“

dailydcheroes

Almost every superhero in the DC universe.

skcolicity

“Can we take two minutes and talk about this?”

Character growth, thy name is Oliver Queen

misskamala

i’m not crying, you’re crying

tinaday3w

I love how Digg just throws his hands up. Yeah, man.

kagohme

#the only glo-up that matters

felicitys-archived

#losing? never felt that emotion!

For My Mom On Her Birthday

Even just beginning to write this, thinking about what to say, makes me emotional. There are just so many things that you have done for me, that you do for me, and I am sure you will do for me, that make me really think. You have always been my rock and the glue that holds us all together. Even when we didn’t know it. You were never ever the typical mom, always going above and beyond for us, knowing when to be a friend and when to step into mom mode, and we always knew the difference. You were really good at being both mom and dad, and we never knew the difference. You were good at keeping that one locked away. You went to every game, every musical, every meeting, almost every field trip and always picked us up from school immediately if we were sick. Always. And then I got really sick. And you were so strong. You did it alone, fighting for me when I couldn’t fight for myself and being strong for me when I couldn’t be. You never wanted me to know how bad it was, or how close I came to being lost. But I knew. And there were nights when I went to sleep, scared it would be the last time and that I wouldn’t wake up. That I hid from you. I pushed it down and away because you were fighting so hard and being so strong that I knew I needed to as well. And we did it. Together. We overcame it. All the things you did, the appointments and the charts and the medications and the sleepless nights and messes you had to clean up. Not one time did you let it bog you down. Not one time did you complain. I felt closer to you then than ever. And then you got divorced and once again you displayed the most strength and courage I had ever seen in anyone before. Once again you were strong for your kids when we needed somewhere soft to land. When we needed that shoulder to lean and cry on. Once again, we got through it together. You said that’s how it had always been and how it would always be, and it hasn’t changed yet. I know it never will. You and I have always been honest and up front with each other and have never been lacking for good times. There will never be enough words in the world to express what you truly are to me. What you mean to me. You are my fiercest warrior (even when sometimes I think I need to handle it myself). My right hand (because, you know, I use my left). My best friend and confidante (even for super embarrassing times). My biggest supporter and fan (especially when I didn’t feel I had any). You are so beautiful inside and out, and you don’t even see it (Seriously. Legs for miiiiiilllles). You are smarter than you realize (especially about cars). You say Liz didn’t get her brains from you, but I think she did (I like to think I got the leftovers). You know a lot about just about everything (and you aren’t even annoying about it! Know it all. Just kidding). You are funny and always know how to laugh at yourself (like when it’s “chilly billy out here” ). You are fun (like during the ice storm of ‘98 when we played games and you told us all the stories of you growing up). I have more fun on a day of just hanging out with you than ten friends anywhere else (except for the shopping days. I can’t handle those with you). The face you make when you clean will forever be branded in my head (along with how you used to angry clean and everyone just started finding other places to be on Sundays). All of our moments are memorable. Writing this is like going through a huge scrapbook in my head. Little snapshots with their bursts of memories. Moments that seemed small but were actually defining and monumental. You shaped me into who I am. You have taught me to be strong like you. If I become even half the woman that you are, I will be more than complete. So when I bring you home things I know you won’t buy yourself, just because, and you put your hands on your hips and give me that look and tell me I’m in trouble and I just laugh. I get that ornery attitude from you. When I ask you to come to Disney World and you say no and I come the next day and tell you that you have to come and don’t have a choice because I’ve already paid. I get that stubbornness from you. When I send you flowers on every possible excuse of an occasion and come up with some random reason (that sounds really good in my head). That’s my love for you. Love that I learned and have gotten from you my whole life. So just take them and understand that it’s all I can think of in this world to give back to you SOMEHOW for everything you do. If I could offer you just one thing. Any thing. In this whole world. It would be for you to see yourself through my eyes. Only then would you truly understand what you mean to me. So Happy Birthday Mom. I love you more than I have ever found a way to say. I love you more than coffee (but please don’t make me prove it). I love you more than naps (and gosh do you know how much I freakin’ love naps). I could write about you all day and all night and still have a million more things to say. Have an amazing day and I hope you like your delivery ;)