this is pretty much my filthy diary

[sarascamander]

Rating Merlin's ship part 2

1. Leon x Morgana - 5/10

There's always some fic mentioning Leon's crush on Morgana when they were kids and honestly it's cute. I like the idea of the potential yearning but I don't see the ship sailing.

2. Leon x Gwen - 8.5/10

I actually LOVE this ship but only if it happened post-Arthur's death. The knight x queen dynamic would be amazing and I also love the headcanon that Leon knew Gwen since childhood and is always protective of her esp since she become queen. I would love it if they got married even if they don't completely love each other — but just to have each other as a support and to mourn together. Actually the more I write this the more I like them lol, I think I've read one fic like this but I can't remember which fic that sold me the idea.

3. Leon x Merlin - 2/10

Suprisingly I've seen a lot of this tag in ao3. I'm not judging but it's not my cup of tea. Them as siblings dynamic though? Love it!

4. Gwaine x Morgana - 4/10

Hmmm... I can see how they complement each other. They would either each others worst enemies or worst headache to everyone. I can only imagine them in modern AU, toxic off and on couple that drives their friend group crazy.

5. Arthur x Lancelot - 2.5/10

This is my honest opinion, idk why but I really can't ship Arthur with anyone. The only one I can imagine is Gwen and Merlin but even with them I'm not crazy about it. Which is insane cause Arthur is drop dead gorgeous and he have such good chemistry with everyone. Maybe the true ship I've been looking for is Arthur x Happiness....

But he and Lancelot is a nice pair theoretically and I still giggle at Bradley's theory "Lancelot is in love with Arthur and but he can't have him so that's why he went to Guinevere" Or smthng like that lol.

6. Mordred x Daegal - 10/10

This is the kind of crackship im talking about y'all. They have like what? 3 fanfics in ao3? But good god the POTENTIAL. Mordred being infuriated that Daegal got Merlin's care and trust me a whole Emrys freaking hate him while Daegal was just happy to be there. He's such a sweet boy.

7. Mordred x Kara - 2/10

Rushed, out of the blue. Couldn't invest into it knowing Kara was more of a plot device for Mordred.

Thats it for now! Bye!

[sarascamander]

Destiny's Path by MonJoh on ao3 is my most favorite Mergana fanfic ever. Its one am and I just finished rereading it and godddd I love it. It's more than just romance and their relationship wasn't a grand romantic thing but a slow, quite progress. The fic bared the soul of both Morgana and Merlin, their flaws and mistakes, differences and similarity. And the thing I love the most about it is that it bring us to the journey of other magical people. The scenes where Merlin and Morgana met and interact with other magical people are my absolute favorite 😭. Oh and don't forget Aithusa is adorable af.

I love the ending. I love how it turned out with Morgana and she finally find a place where she belongs. I love her characterization, a perfect blend of her in the earlier season (kind, gentle) and her in the later (ruthless, jaded). I love Merlin wholeheartedly in this, he was just tired but relentlessly optimistic.

Mostly I adore the magical society in this fic so much and how it was explored. I wish the fic is one billion words because i could read about what happened after forever.

In conclusion, thank you so much to the author for writing this beautiful fic, the talent and nuance you have is amazing and I wish you all the best ❤

[sarascamander]

Genre: servants that always ✨ serve ✨

[sarascamander]

I want Merlin to collect magical people/creature like he did the knights (Gwaine, Lancelot) . In a way that they stayed around yk. There's kilgrarrah and in more subtle way Freya ig but I need moreeee.

Tbf, Merlin DID do this but they just kept dying.

Nimueh, Morgana, Mordred, Ballinor, Gilli, Daegal, Finna, Alator, that key of all knowledge, Iseldir, hell even Morgause, and etc, etc.

Instead of them dying or we just seeing them in one episode only, I think it would be so cool for them to just befriend Merlin one way or another and linger around. It'll show that magic is getting stronger and Merlin wouldn't be so lonely.

Mostly I think it'll be chaotic af lol.

[sarascamander]

Need more fic of a square triangle between Merlin and Arthur-Gwaine-Lancelot. I've found about 2 fics like this (and it's not really fighting for love in the romance cliche way but in a yearning the impossible way) and the angst is so delicious.

[sarascamander]

I just need a fic where Merlin and Morgana were at their absolute rock bottom and they just scream and throw things at each other until everything is off their chest and they get tired and cried together for every thing they lost. They hated each others gut and they blamed each other for everything that happens. They also happen to hate themselves and how they turned out but it was too late to go back. They stayed together because despite everything they were the only one who can understand each other.

[sarascamander]

Rewatch The Last Dragonlord and I'm CRYING. Ballinor is so underrated omg we need more fix portraying him because GODDAMN. him and Merlin is the grumpy-sunshine father and son duo we all need. I need more of Hunith and Ballinor lore cause those two love each other sm 😭😭.

Merlin was so stressed this episode, he have tears in his eyes most of the time and Arthur kept interrupting him trying to tell this man that he's his son omg 💀. But I love how Ballinor soften up to Merlin even before he found out his he's son (Merlin just have that charm with anyone I swear).

BUT WHEN HE FOUND OUT???? HE WAS SO SOFT AND TENDER OMG. HIS EYES, THEY MELTED WITH AFFECTION. He spoke softer, he try his best to make Merlin feels comfortable, he's so jaded and rough round the edges but he's just so unbelievably soft with Merlin I CANNOT. The "goodnight son" And Merlin STUPIDLY HAPPY SMILE AND HIS SMALL "Goodnight father, " OH I AM SO SICK.

I find it interesting that this is the second time (as far as I remember, the first one with Freya) in season 2 that Merlin fantasize leaving Camelot. He WISHED Ballinor would've taken Hunith when he ran away, he WANTED to grow up with his father even if it meant away from Camelot and I feel like its a good contrast, where Merlin is still trying to find his footing and where he belongs and his yearning to find something more than destiny in the earlier season compared to the later seasons. "We could've been... Happy" THIS BOY IS SO SIMPLE HE JUST WANT HIS FAMILY GODDAMN.

Ballinor carving that dragon statue for him 😭😭. He really ask no question, he be like, im a father now. I'mma take responsibility.

Merlin is so happy and his smile is literally the purest omg. THEY WERE SO HAPPY FOR A SECOND THERE. I feel like Ballinor finally found a new reason to love and survive and Merlin find a new kin, a father.

Of course it didn't last long. GIRL HE CAN'T EVEN MOURN OPENLY. *scream into a void*.

I just have a newfound love for Ballinor. I always know he's awesome but upon rewatching he's just the best father ever. HE DESERVES MORE. I WANT MORE FIC OF WHAT MERLIN LITTLE FAMILY COULD BE.

[sarascamander]

I'm just gonna leave this here

[sarascamander]

I find it so unfair for magic the universe or any one to put such a heavy burden of getting rid of entire system of prejudice on the shoulder of a literal boy when the said boy himself is literally clueless about everything.

One moment I was angry at Merlin because of the way he prioritized Arthur more than his own people and magic but after thinking for a while it really got you wondering, why shouldn't he? Everyone was depending on Merlin to fix everything Uther broke but he's literally one man who was isolated from his own "people"/root.

Merlin didn't grow up with other magic users, he didn't grow up with the Druids and the only time he ever interact with these people is either when they were trying to kill Arthur or they die immediately after or when they needed his help or try to help him by ambigously give him more prophecy he honestly could live better without. Conversely, he spent most of his adolescent and adulthood in Camelot. His family was there, and Arthur, Gaius, Gwen, Lancelot, Gwaine, etc these are his family, the one he's trying to protect bevause he knew them, because they loved him as much as he loved them.

The magic users barely know Merlin. The Druids idolize him more than they care about him and in return Merlin barely knew them. Hell, even Morgana have more connection to the Druids and the magical world than Merlin do. She knew more about history of magic, the nuanced and how things were back then because someone actually took initiative to teach her. I think Morgana deserve her high priestess status because she truly embraced the old religion and her magic and it's culture, etc. Although Merlin have Gaius, I don't think Gaius would be the one to randomly teach Merlin about magic unless the situation call for it.

Sure Merlin felt a sense of obligation to the magic users and sure he know that legalizing magic is the right thing to do. He relate to them in that way and he wanted to help if only to allow himself to be free. But I don't think Arthur's live is the price he ever willing to pay. I don't think he would ever put anything else above Arthur and maybe that's his fatal flaw, his selfishness and he certainly pay for it but at the same time if you look at it i think Merlin is so disconnected from the magical community that he didn't feel the consequences beyond himself.

So yeah it's frustrating but it make sense either. One of the thing I like about Merlin is that he have his flaws and he was never perfect. Maybe he was a bit Gary Stu with his power but it balanced with his personality, his choices and you don't feel like he's overpowered because what is even the point of having all that power if he can't even be free, if all his friends die, if he have to be alone for eternity?

I just really would love it if someone jsut educated Merlin and try to draw him in more into the magical folds. I want to see him trying to connect with the Druids and learn more about magic as a culture, history, etc. I want him to connect with his magic and nature more because obviously through the show we see how much the nature connected with him. "You are son of the earth, the sea, the sky. Magic is the fabric of this world, and you were born of that magic." Come on! This quote is everything.

Maybe instead of every episode being Merlin saving Arthur from a villian, it could be Merlin discovering more about his people and who he is (which I also think, he BARELY know or understand even until season 5). I think if someone really teach about all these then his focus wouldn't be so fixed on Arthur (and I know technically Arthur is the one who is going to bring magic back, etc but you can't deny Merlin chose Arthur over magic any time any day).

Imagine instead of killing Nimueh, she become like his teacher or something or magical advisor who teaches him more magic and try to figure out what the hell is he (like a specimen she's experimenting on lol) . I would love to see her and Kilgharar fighting to see which opinion Merlin would follow lol (of course, she would have her own motive but Merlin would remind her of the prophecy and she reluctantly help while suggesting twenty ways to kill Uther and Arthur and Merlin would be like no—).

Okay that's the rambling. I realize I've repeated many points lol but bear with me. Also it's been years since I watched Merlin so I might get some detail wrong but my points stand.

[sarascamander]

The slow burn romance between me and syntax, because why am I starting to like it?

[sarascamander]

It's not my life if everything I do didn't go tragically awry honestly.

But going through this rites of humiliation is just a bit too much for this one.

[sarascamander]

Rebirth of a Canon Fodder in a Novel major spoilers!

I picked this up because I was in a reading slump and was skimming through MANY MANY books jsut to try to get out of it.

And this one is the only one that got me. It's because the side characters are so infuriating, ragebaiting, unrational pieces of shits that I just HAVE to see Mo Di beat them one by one. I finished this book purely out of interest to see each of those characters suffer in the end, I kid you not.

Apparently this is how you got out of a slump.

I like Mo Di as a character and I love how ruthless and manipulative he is so there's that. But I don't like the romance lol, at least I'm not invested in it. I think the ml is a bit of a creep ngl but he's so helpful and without him ebeyrthugn wouldn't go well so, gotta give him credit for that. But I don't care about his character or their romance beyond what it serves the plot unfortunately. But ngl I think its also so cute how in both lifetimes even when the first one is nearly impossible, they still fell in love with each other and the worse part is that Mo Di didn't even KNOW or remember because he was in so much pain already 😭. The ml also didn't remember until the 3/4. This is another plot twist I didn't expect lol, my jaw was on the floor.

Mainly I just want to see the Mo's family suffer lol. And I DID. AND IT WAS GOOD. I've never been more satisfied reading a revenge book lol.

But that PLOT TWIST. OMG. I mean we all know it's a book but the fact that the og book was the story of Mo Di?????? Mo Liu Gui was a transmigrator and she distorted the story so SHE'S the MC????? Everyone was basically under the spell of her halo??? I did not expect that omg.

I think the most poetically beautiful concept in this book and every book ever is that despite the distorted book that MLG manipulated, the readers still sympathize and love Mo Di and that he got a second life because there's so many fan fiction literally breathing life into him???? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? as a reader and a fanfic reader I'm literally so touched by this concept lol.

[sarascamander]

Had a reading slump. Pick out a book with characters that ragebaits the hell out of me and immediately get out of the slump because I need to see where these bitches end up.

[sarascamander]

I'm watching the new shark movie in Netflix and it's so funny to see that the whole town is flooded like it's the end of the world (I know there's shark, which is fair) and someone said "evrrything is flooded. I've never seen something like this."

Meanwhile for me that is a normal December in Malaysia especially in Kelantan where they would literally be flooded to their knees and above for weeks. And mostly people would literally treat it like a free water park 😭. Mostly you'd see "Malaysia flood core" every year in tiktok and it's the most insane batshit shenanigans people do in the water lol.

[sarascamander]

Starting the Jade City and I'm so glad I got into this with zero expectation of romance because I was mortified and suprised by how much for a whore some of them are lmao.

[sarascamander]

God, keep those sexist man AWAY from me. Thank you.

[sarascamander]

Why don't I see anyone talk about how Wu Shihuang literally cut off his hand and foot jsut so he could crawl tu Wu Wangyan AND try to warm her hand even though he too was ducking freezing.

I see people raving about bare minimum scenes but this????? I WAS CRYING.