I've had some incredible conversations this week with friends who are patient, understanding and encouraging. It would be insane to think we all know how things work inside of us from the moment we're born. We have to learn, and grow -- but we also have to participate in that growth. We can't just expect it to happen; we have to do the work. And when we finally have that wake-up call ("wow, I need to fix this") is when we will become active.
I'm seeing how much I need to work on learning to speak up when I'm suffering. I can't hide things to avoid seeming "difficult" or "too much." I need to learn that the more I suppress, the harder it will be later to dig it all out. The harder it will be to explain what's been bottled up. And if I care about the relationship, I should want to communicate what's going on -- and trust that what I share will be met with respect.
Things came to light when I realized I was in jeopardy of losing a friendship I cherish. There's no other way to describe how I feel about it. It's just very special to me. One that I don't want to lose and I know that my inability to share how I feel has caused a significant shift. That's hard to sit with. But, I'm fully awake to it now. If I'm anything, it's proactive. I don't have the magical solution to the problem, but I feel the repercussions in a very deep way.
So, through the conversations, I've had this week I've been able to gain a lot of perspectives. It's been interesting to see that the more I talk about what's going on (even just in general terms) how much clarity comes to the situation. Anway, I'm trying to be more open, so there it is. I've always found writing down this sort of thing is the best way for me to clear my thoughts. And if you've made it down this far... hello. Maybe you can relate to all of this, and perhaps it's something we're both working on.