Crapbaskets...

Geek/Nerd, Heathen, Caffiene addict, Hardcore Whovian and Stargate fan. Not an actual fuck-boy. Sarcasm is my secondary language.

[parkchanwoohoo]

"Capitalism is a PERFECT system. The problem is that humans are imperfect"

Are you stupid. Are you dumb. What the fuck are you on about. What fucking use is a perfect system that falls apart any time it is applied to the people it was designed for.

[parkchanwoohoo]

Also, what an utter non-statement. What an idea completely devoid of meaning. What the fuck did you contribute with this. It's like if I were like "This is the perfect boat, but the problem is when you try to put it on the water" like cool thanks that really makes me think

[sarcasticfuqboi]

Five Kingdoms epilogue

 Hydell had just finished stocking his well and reach-in cooler when he realized what time it was. He had turned around to the digital register to see the clock on the screensaver read “00:00.”

 “Last call,” he announced. There were only four patrons in his pub, and it was time to start closing up. He’d need to turn up the interior lighting, extinguish the neon “open” sign, count the till, deposit the money into the safe, and clean the bar. With as slow as it was tonight, he’d be able to do it all within the thirty minutes he usually gives his customers to finish their drinks. He’d start with wiping down the bar and tables.  “I’ll take one more glass of red, please,” slurred a man nearest the till. Hydell looked up to see one of his newest regulars, rose-faced, and clearly intoxicated. Thankfully, the man was a docile drunk.   “Yeshuah, I cut you off an hour ago,” Hydell responded sternly, with a hint of surprise. “How are you far more pissed than you were then? You’ve been drinking nothing but water since!”  “It’s a neat trick of mine,” Yeshuah admitted mirthfully. “I’ll take another water and show you.”  Hydell had his reservations, but decided to indulge the man. Sure, he had spent the last month or so publicly lamenting his “failed mission,” and drunkenly saying how his father loved everyone despite their faith in false deities (which seemed to irk a few patrons, but not too much that they didn’t return the next night—they just steered clear of the man). On the other hand, he somehow helped a local veteran walk properly again: Lugh was another regular who walked with a bad limp, until he met Yeshuah. Once this occurred, Lugh was able to go find work as a construction laborer, and was only seen in the pub on weekends anymore. There was no explanation for that miracle.  So Hydell grabbed another pint glass and filled it with water from the tap, carefully placing it on the coaster napkin in front of Yeshuah.  “I’ve been doing this whilst you weren’t looking,” he confessed. Yeshuah swiftly waved his hand over the pint, and to Hydell’s surprise, the water quickly turned from clear, to a rosé-like light pink, then finally a dark red. Were he not watching, Hydell might have mistook it for amazing slight-of-hand.  “What in Danu’s name…?” Hydell remarked with astonishment. He turned to grab another pint and filled it with water, placing it in front of Yeshuah next to the pint of red wine. “Do that again.”  Yeshuah nodded, and waved his hand over the new pint of water. It too turned from clear, to pink, then red. This caught the attention of the other three patrons in the pub. Hydell was suspicious, and reached for the pint. Perhaps it was slight-of-hand, and Yeshuah was secretly dropping heavy coloring into the glass. As he took a sip, Hydell was astonished to find that it was indeed a semi-sweet red wine. He inspected the beverage, then stared at Yeshuah for a moment, who seemed to be amused by Hydell’s revelation.  Hydell set the pint down and grabbed a new glass, instructing the nearest patron to get out her mobile and begin recording immediately. As she recorded, Hydell filled the third pint with water, and carefully placed it before Yeshuah.  “Right, then,” Hydell said anxiously. “One more time

[sarcasticfuqboi]

When you both put in your profiles that you're socially awkward...

[sarcasticfuqboi]

You know you're a nerd when...

[sarcasticfuqboi]

I'm pretty sure this is a really stupid feature.

[sarcasticfuqboi]

It really hurts to pour your heart out to someone the best you can, only to have them tell you they want no part of you. I didn't think I had any more heart left to break.

[sarcasticfuqboi]

We interrupt this broadcast for a special news bulletin!

JENSEN ACKLES OF "SUPERNATURAL" HAS HIS OWN BREWERY!!!

You read that right. Dean Winchester has a beer company. And what did he name it?!

"Family Business Beer Co."

That's right. When Jenson Ackles isn't partaking in one "Family Business" onscreen as Dean Winchester, he, his wife, and her parents are operating their own family business in Austin, Texas.

I feel jealous of anyone within driving distance of Austin, Texas. They have been blessed with an amazing business.

[sarcasticfuqboi]

This girl just beat Tinder at its own game. It's so clever, I'm jealous I didn't think to do this lol. I hope she swipes right.

[sarcasticfuqboi]

What the fuck?!?

[sarcasticfuqboi]

There's nothing more disappointing than someone lying to you about what they want, just because they're too timid to be honest with you and say they're not interested in going beyond the first date.

[sarcasticfuqboi]

Those awkward endings to good dates...

Last night was a good one. It wasn't fall-in-love good, but it wasn't a bland, no-chemistry date. I think from now on I'm going to start using a point system. The higher the points, the better the date.

It started out with coffee at Starbucks. Typical, right?

Anyways... Her name was Katie, and once we got chatting, we found out we're both Whovians and geeks. Even more importantly; SHE'S A FELLOW #STARGATE GEEK!!! OMFG, I may finally have someone to cuddle and watch Stargate marathons with!! It was a great start to the evening. +5 for being a Gate Fan.

Then we went across the lot for dinner. Sadly, she ate before we met up, but opted to pick at some fries or dessert to make it less awkward. +1 for consideration regarding my social awkwardness. We ate, and chatted some more, and discovered we get along well enough. Eventually, she was eager to go. She claimed she was antsy because her Aunt was in town and staying with her at her mom's, and her puppers doesn't like Auntie... Is it the truth? Maybe. She already said she's honest; if she wanted to go for social reasons, she'd tell me. Cool. +2 for claim to honesty!

So we left, and instead of walking her to her car like I was anticipating, we found ourselves wandering back towards Target/Starbucks.

"Which car is yours?" I asked.

"Oh, I thought we were just wandering," Katie replied listlessly.

"Well, what do you want to do now?" I inquired. "I can walk you to your car, since I know you want to go home and check on doggo. Or, we can continue on our adventure. Which would you prefer?"

"We can keep wandering around," she opined, sounding as if she wasn't sure of what she wanted. "Let's go wander around Target a bit."

Lovely. A slightly classier version of what poor college/high school kids do on sleepless nights. I would have deducted a point here, but the potential for further romantic encounters negates the turnoff factor.

So, wander we did, and learned a little more about one another in the process. At the conclusion, we went to leave, and I felt self-conscious about leaving a store without buying anything. I confessed this, and immediately began to look at surroundings for something worth purchasing.

"Do you really need anything here? And do you really want to stand in those horrible lines for one item?!" Katie pointed to the two long lines of rabbid late Christmas shoppers, and I immediately reconsidered my existence within that store. +5 for logic, deduction, rationality, and paying attention to one's surroundings.

Cue walking to the car. As we did, we walked out behind a man with funny hair. It was either a terrible haircut, or he neglected to tame it before leaving the house. Either way, we both pointed and giggled, while agreeing in hushed voices that we're probably going to Hell. +2 for like-mindedness.

We get to the car, and we chat some more. Meanwhile, I'm figuring out how to close the 3ft gap between us so I can plant a goodnight kiss, and maybe place my hands on her curvaceous hips. Like any other bitch-ass, I failed to do so, resulting in longer minutes in the cold, conversing.

Eventually, we just awkwardly hug, and part ways, telling one another to text the other when they get home. +3 for being that kind of person.

Such concludes the date, and Katie received an overall score of 18. It wasn't a hormonally charged date where we couldn't keep our hands (and lips) off each other, but it wasn't bland and lame. It was a comfortable middle ground filled with good dialogues. I was pleased.

The fun didn't stop there.

I called for a Lyft using the Lyft app, and set a course for home. The closest driver was blocks away, so she got there quick enough. Brittney was the driver's name. She wasn't attractive, but I guess she was cute in her own way. A mediocre woman, really; especially in comparison to the date I just had. I approached the back seat to find a baby seat on the passenger side. Okay. She's a mom. That's quite respectable.

Went around to the other side, and upon opening the door, the driver Brittney says "You can come sit up front!"

Okay. I guess it makes it feel less like a cab ride, and more like a lift from a friend. I'm not going to argue.

So I get in, and she's listening to Alternative Heavy Metal. Cool. At this point, I'm expecting a good ride; good music, a nice driver, and if I'm lucky, I'll get to tell her about my date.

That.did.not.happen!

The entire time, she yammered away. Half of that time was spent trying to make eye contact with me, WHILE SHE'S DRIVING. Also, she was clearly slurring her speech. MY LYFT DRIVER WAS DRUNK DRIVING. This required me to keep a 360° eye on the road, since I couldn't trust this Brittney to do so, all the while entertaining her monologue, and praying to my Heathen Gods that I make it home in one piece!!

So, she's going on about her problems. Okay, I understand everyone needs to vent, but you're a Lyft driver. I'm your patron; not your therapist.

We finally get a block from home, and she asks what my favorite band is: Blüe Öyster Cult. While technically it's not a lie, BOC is one of my top 5 favorite bands, I'm glad I didn't say Linkin Park. She would have made it worse for me.

So as we're pulling up, she insist I wait a moment while she pulls up her favorite BOC song on YouTube, "Godzilla."

Okay. It's getting even more awkward now.

Halfway into the forest verse, she pulls up her all-time favorite music video, that has this ridiculously long plot about a Cuban homebody, who--according to her sister--needs to get some.

Right. No subcontext here.

So I politely sit through this grueling video to which I cannot relate.

Meanwhile, MY LYFT DRIVER IS MAKING KISSY EYES AT ME.

Fucking. Awkward.

Needless to say, once that video was over, I bolted.

I had posted about it on Facebook when I got in the door, and my friend Margery from Tennessee proposed that she might have been lonely and thought I was cute. So why not just say "Hey, you're kinda cute and seem like a nice guy. Want to hang out sometime?" It's not that fucking hard.

Take my advice; don't be a Brittney.

[sarcasticfuqboi]

Dating Pro Tip

Always masturbate before a date. It minimizes your chances of falling in lust, and you'll be able to tell more easily if there's a real connection.

[thepersonalquotes]

[sarcasticfuqboi]

Now we're asking the *real* questions.

[sarcasticfuqboi]

5 days until Christmas, and this is what comes up on Tinder. #WTF

[thoughtkick]

My weakness is that I care too much.

Papa Roach, “Scars” (via thoughtkick)

And our scars remind us that the past is real. I tear my heart open just to feel.

[poems-and-word]

[poemswords]