Carter at college
I've never slept in a room that didn't smell like pack. Before they leave my parents spend time touching every bit of the room, casually rubbing their hands over the surfaces to make it smell like them. Like us. Like home.
My alpha and he takes me in his arms, without thinking I put my face into his neck and breathe deep. This is it, they're going, and afterwards I'll be alone. There is excitement tinged with fear within me.
I'm not just stuck with the girls in Green Creek, out here in the wide world there are so many people. Maybe more people than I've ever seen before in one place. There are new names and new faces and--
My mother says, "Be good, Carter."
My father just reaches out for a final embrace.
Fear and excitement.
--
It feels a little too easy, like it had in Green Creek after we first left Caswell. I can smell the arousal on people, I know if my advances will be welcomed before I even try. There's a pretty woman with brown hair and legs that go on for miles. She smiles at me, says her name in Katie.
Her bed smells stale, hints of all the other people who have been here, fresh bedding doesn't cover it, but the smell of Katie is enough to distract me from it for a little while. Those long legs wrap around my shoulders as I drown in the taste of her.
Afterwards the fear lessens, excitement of all the other experiences to come.
--
Get us in, Carter, my dorm mates plead, you know the bouncers like you. You're easy on the eye, so they say, tall enough to look old enough, you don't get messy drunk, don't cause a fuss, and you've helped the bouncers kick out trouble makers more than once.
I like the taste of alcohol, the smells of the club -- the arousal, the trepidation, the giddy joy. Another girl presses up against me, breasts pushing against my back, I can smell how much she wants me, the feeling is more intoxicating than any alcohol could ever be.
We find a dark corner -- I can't stand the smell of the toilets -- she drops to her knees and afterwards I drop to mine.
That night I collapse into bed, fall asleep to the sounds of my dorm mates snoring and fucking. Late night whispered conversations. I miss my friends, my family, my pack.
The fear is gone, but in its place is loneliness.
These aren't my people, they never will be.
--
Ox visits, my first smell of home in weeks. I hadn't realised how much the scent had faded. He's not a wolf, he can't smell all the people who have been back here, the heady mix of the loneliness.
We don't go out at first, we just sit together. I'd missed my friend, I don't tell him about it here, neither of us care, I ask for news of home. What's Joe been doing? Is Kelly ok without me in school with him? What's my mother painting? I'm eager for all updates, for the senses that come with them. You can't smell the emotions that come with the stories over the phone.
He tells me some story about Joe and the contentment pours off of him in waves. I wonder when he'll realise, that's Joe's his, always has been.
He tells me about Kelly and an ill-fated date. Kelly asking Ox if it's weird that he doesn't want to take people out, doesn't spend half the time we do thinking about sex. I long to hold him, to tell him he's perfect, to tell the world to fuck off. That's my brother. They're my brothers.
I turn my head and inhale deeply. "You smell like home," I say to him.
Ox smiles and doesn't say anything. That's Ox.
--
We go out to a club, I've got a girl pressed against the wall as she kisses down my neck when I hear it. Over the din of the club, carter carter carter.
I'm there in an instant. Ox looks dazed, reeks of spunk.
After I confirm it was consensual I throw my arm around his shoulder, press my sweaty forehead into his hair.
"You dog," I say, grinning. My brother, all grown up.
The girl from earlier is forgotten, but there'll be others.
I'm giddy with the night, with the joy of having my friend here. I laugh and can't stop, Ox looks at me and I just laugh more. For the loneliness won't last, but I hope the joy will.
We're ready to take on the world, we're invincible. We're Bennetts.
