vent blog @satans-evil-thoughts - Tumblr Blog

Not really expecting interaction on here (given this is a hidden vent blog), but

Call me Gin! I am some kind of guy-

18+ (24), he/him

My blog theming is around that one line up there! I think it's funny-

(If you ask me, I stan Leviathan. However, as you'll see, I am exploring other characters' paths(???), and I like all of the cast a fair amount.)

#gin.txt

I am surrounded by idiots

#gin.txt #my sibling causing shit. my mother trying to nap in the living room where there's a bunch of activity going on #my parents now napping and sleeping during times they're active normally #dealing with these people is tiring. I eagerly await the day that I leave here

satans-evil-thoughts

Being forced to disown your own emotions fucking suck ass

#gin.txt #I get told to fucking take medication when I get mad #that's how little they think of me-#...not to switch to something inappropriate but this may relate to some of my preferences-

Being forced to disown your own emotions fucking suck ass

#gin.txt #I have a Lot of Feelings #the thing is is that I do have a bad temper #I hide it though. for altruistic reasons and because I've been shown on all levels that my anger is nevr okay #my parents slap the label of 'attitude' on even the most justified displays of anger or irritation #and they wonder why I never stand up for myself. or why I got chest pains from restraining myself so hard to prevent a meltdown at work #my parents in Christ you taught me that I'm a monster for being angry

Time's not even a flat circle rn

It's a sphere

#gin.txt #the driver's license.#I am very happy for my partner don't get me wrong #however. the last time someone got a license ahead of me they tried to push me and they wothdrew when I refused #I have told him about this so he knows #and I don't blame him for the trauma either #but holy shit am I Scared #what if he tries to push me for it too?? and what if he withdraws if I say no?#ohhhh my god. I need to do Something #not sure but I don't know whether to withdraw/communicate/one-up him #I'll. probably end up talking about it at some point down the road #but still-

satans-evil-thoughts

Hi. What the fuck

satans-evil-thoughts

I wish I was nuclear hot

#gin.txt #like. I wanna be hot enough to start a war a la Helen of Troy #I mean I am technically already hot. but #mmm. I am so egotistical. I should stop-

Hi. What the fuck

#gin.txt #nnnnggHHHH #I'm having a Time #period is beating me to death #did a Big Thing recently and the prdie of it faded into anxiety #partner is acting a little weird #all this combines into. Something #I am Big Tired rn #all I know is that I sent an email and I hope it gets acknowledged #scared I fucked up #aauaugauugh

"I'm not accusing anyone of anything-"

I know you deeper than you know yourself.

#gin.txt #it does not matter how many times you sa it or how much you mean it sincerely #you did accuse someone in the past and suspicious denial is a thing #context: Dad asked about my mom doing overtime and it landing on a specific night #like??? it could just be that that noght is consistently short-staffed #dear lord. I hate when he tries to talk to me about Mom #he uses me as a marriage counselor constantly (using my degree as 'proof')#dude. shut up and ACTUALLY go talk to your wife #sad thing is is it seems like that's impossible for him to grasp #my parents' marriage is so fucking shitty due to communication issues/mistreatment and trauma/their own dysfunctions #my dad. so fucking irritating

It hurts

#gin.txt #caught between silence and openness at thebprice of peace #what the fuck am I gonna do??#I don't want to leave #I don't want to be hurt again #but I don't want to hurt him either #i just. sigh

satans-evil-thoughts

I debated bringing it up in a phone call

But, the wheel of fate (a random wheel generator that I usually use for mundane decisions) has told me I should let the issue go

I think I can do that

satans-evil-thoughts

[Notices a pattern that occurred the last time]

Ghhh

#gin.txt #part of this debate is over me getting something #the issue is is that was what happened last time #do not tell me things will be the same as last time-#I still gotta decide if this is worth bringing up-

satans-evil-thoughts

I debated bringing it up in a phone call

But, the wheel of fate (a random wheel generator that I usually use for mundane decisions) has told me I should let the issue go

I think I can do that

satans-evil-thoughts

I realize the wheel generator is stupid, but

I just really like it, for some reason

Poor Man's Magic 8 Ball

#gin.txt

I debated bringing it up in a phone call

But, the wheel of fate (a random wheel generator that I usually use for mundane decisions) has told me I should let the issue go

I think I can do that

#gin.txt #...I invited him to a phone-call with partial intent to confront him #but after an exhausting shift from work I'm rethinking the importance of it #do I really want to repeatedly push and have him explode? or clam up harder?#not to mention part of life and relationships is going through rough patches together #I'll get pissy if he doesn't change in a month or something #otherwise for right now it'll be dropped entirely #it's whatever man

Shit, dude

#gin.txt #so. what you're telling me. is that my partner's just. gonna roll over the note I sent #and pretend that he's chill?#...of fucking course. I should've expected that-#I should just. give up entirely #they don't want to communicate with me and tell me what's on his mind that's FINE #fuck it. I'll reveal his pronouns #he won't hear about me either. since he wants to be silent about it-

NEVER KILL YOURSELF

#gin.txt #happy clam momence #I previously worked a fast-food job and I reapplied there #I originally left due to social complications but that job gave me great hours #I got called and was told I could come back!!!

(￢_￢)

#gin.txt #noticed another instance of hypocrisy from Dad #my parents have a real hypocrisy problem don't they?

satans-evil-thoughts

I FUCKED UP BADDDD

satans-evil-thoughts

Well, it was a notification thing (which does happen)

But I still have The Anxiety

#gin.txt #seriously. this shit's fucking me up #almost bad-mouthed ny partner in the tags....#I should have a conversation with them eventually. not rn though.#we're hanging on strings as-is #edit: called me one of the special endearments and now I'm conflicted. ooouuuuuu

I FUCKED UP BADDDD

#gin.txt #nghh.#fuck. I managed it. I actually managed to make them lose interest in me. very cool!!!#/s #god. I wish I could shut up. and say sorry.#just. something to keep them #fuck me running. pretty sure I fucked up the best relationship I'vd had #oh well. did it to myself!

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