satanscousin

[satanscousin]

I’m sorry, but someone could call me the most vulgar names in the book and I’d barely flinch.

If someone said I’m the type of person to pour milk milk before cereal then you’ll never see a more offended person.

[satanscousin]

You don’t know a hauntingly beautiful sound until you’re walking to a dining hall at 7 on the dot and as you’re walking by your dorm building you hear several dozen phone alarms going off throughout the building.

[satanscousin]

Reasons I’d be a Great Time Traveler:

I’d spend several years training under the world’s greatest masters until I’m the most skilled fighter no matter the era.

Because I’m going to the past technically I’m not born yet so in my mind I won’t age so people will write about this weird ass lady that popped up out of nowhere, but was super chill so they let her stick around for forty years without batting an eye when she didn’t age.

I’m willing to learn new languages so I don’t have to mime everything I do to this emperor that is staring down from his thrown wondering how the fuck this clearly not native person to their country got into their royal kitchen.

History is the shit so I’ll get to see everything that’s interested me. I’ll also get to prove all the historians wrong that say two people were “good friends.” They were lovers, Steve, everyone knows that. I even pointed out to you and you just shrugged like I was a child that said there is a monster under my bed.

I’d go to historical events, point out every flaw in their systems, and give them suggestions. In doing this I’d probably out myself as a time traveler to some higher up so they know I know what I’m talking about. Washington being like “Yeah this isn’t going to work. Like literally a year after this signing everything goes down hill REAL fast. Also Hamilton, meet my friend, she wants you to sing something and talk to you about Laurens.”

I’d FUCK with so many conspiracy theorists by being in historical paintings. Imagine some crazy guy hyperventilating about how this clearly is the same girl appearing in a painting with the Founding Fathers with her legs crossed as she sits on a table and in this mural clearly kicking Caesar’s ass. I’d also create some random symbol to persuade painters, historians, and photographers to talk/add into their works.

Would use my knowledge of modern things to clear shit up. No this person isn’t controlled by a demon, it’s a very curable disease with this medicine. No this person isn’t lesser than you because of their color, go spend a year with them in their native country and see who’s doing better off. No liking this gender isn’t bad, if you think it is I’ll roundhouse kick you.

I’d befriend a modern doctor that I can take with me throughout time to explain disease to people professionally. Dr. Meadows isn’t a witch, please don’t kill him or I will kill you. :)

I’ll also need a custom designer. You know who you are Felicia, I still need that peasant outfit so I can go check out French Revolution.

Finally—I’m pan. I would like to seduce or be seduced by every bi, lesbian, pan, etc. women throughout history that modern women fawn over so I can at least say I’ve shared a kiss with them and y’all haven’t.

And that’s why I’d be a great time traveler.