Craving a normal routine but nothing is normal anymore and the future is uncertain so how do you prepare for a threat you have absolutely no control over when and where it will stick its claws directly into your spine and it also costs money to take the claws out AND leave them in so there’s no actual logic to follow to get to the correct solution on how to prepare for the beast that waits for you in every single social interaction and all four corners of your peripherals and in every attempt to escape you feel guilty for not putting energy into finding the beast and finding its weaknesses but you’re so TIRED of fight/flight that you want nothing more than to forget about the beast for a few hours-minutes even and is that when it’s going to strike?? Is it waiting for you to become tired like a hyena stalking its prey with the prey knowing the beast is waiting for it to become tired and seek a small tiny innocent few hours-minutes even, or is it more like a monitor lizard that has managed to get close enough to you to graze a small portion of your elbow (in which you cannot even see) and the poison has finally crossed the blood brain barrier creating a beast in its self that is paranoid of an entity that to its own knowledge doesn’t even exist potentially and you’re so hell bent on finding it that you do, and now it can eat your flesh in peace because your biggest fear has come true and you’re just glad that you weren’t crazy, the threat was real this whole time and all the times you cried out that something had poisoned you and your friends and family laughed and ostracized you for your irrational fears
