I've realised it's not because I "want to get skinny." Sure there's that there as well, but it's not the underlying reason. This isn't just some thing I do when I start feeling terrible about myself and want to lose weight. And it is no less valid when I don't do it for months then pick up the behaviours, thoughts, and feelings again. I have not been diagnosed with any type of eating disorder, and I will never say that I have one as I feel that invalidates those who do have one, but I know that these thoughts, feelings, and behaviours that I have been experiencing on and off for the past 5 years are not healthy. I believe that in my case it is a coping mechanism and I can't just keep letting this cycle get to me when I feel that I need it. This ruins your body. I really don't think any of you realise this. Be smart and rational, I know you all can. The reasons for you doing this behaviour are dangerous and you need to get help. Perhaps it is a coping mechanism, perhaps you do want to lose weight but you're too impatient, perhaps you have a pathological need/desire to be like this, perhaps this is a form of self harm or punishment. Whatever the reason, it can be helped. I'm almost 21 now and I've been doing this since I was almost 16. In total I have lost almost 100 hundred kilos, but my highest body weight was only 86kg. How? Because this stupid cycle we are caught in makes us starve, restrict, purge. Then we binge for a while or try to be normal, or feel that we can be normal. So we don't care and maybe put on some weight. But then the feelings and the thoughts and the behaviours, and the need for them, come back. And it's a cycle of gaining and losing weight. If you've been doing these behaviours day in day out for the past 6-12 months then I'll guarantee your brain is now out of whack and it is going to be harder to deal with the underlying issue, whether it be from trauma or a brain defect/chemical imbalance. But if you really find this all happens for a couple of months then you're "fine" for a bit, it's so much easier to seek help. I'll GUARANTEE you could all be losing weight SO MUCH FASTER if you just did it all normally because it won't be draining and you can actually maintain that lifestyle. That's why you either get so skinny and almost die or you just bounce around with your weight. It's pathalogical or it's another reason and because this reason isn't as strong as a pathological desire, you simply CANNOT maintain these behaviours. You may still have the thoughts and feelings but your body isn't fucking stupid and it doesn't want to die. We all need to grow the fuck up and speak to someone. I know it's hard and I know you need to be in a place where you can but if it is possible for you to reach out then please do it. It's only pain you will be dishing out and receiving if you don't. With the number of people I know that have an eating disorder, no one wants it. Nobody wants to be like this and I know none of you do either. I'm just another person in a sea of others telling you to stop and get help but it's your choice to listen. Break free from your ILLOGICAL thoughts and get help if you can. You're all hurting. You're all worth getting better and having a wonderful life. Maybe only time will help, as it has for me. I sincerely hope that if you are young right now and refuse help that your brain will begin to mature and you will realise you need to fix this. And if you have anxiety like me, I hope you have the strength to overcome that and seek the help you deserve. I'm trying my hardest because I know that a life of suffering is not worth living, but I can end this suffering. Don't just shrug off this advice, this plea for you to get better. Don't shrug off any of them.
I sincerely hope some of you have read this and take what I have said on board, even if only a little bit. I would also love to know how many of you experience these behaviours and thoughts like I do. It comes for a couple of weeks/months then you go back to "normal". I am by no means an unhealthy person. I just sometimes feel that because I go back to being healthy after a while that when I do go bad it's invalid and doesn't matter, even though it does. Please reply or send me a message if you can relate because I truly NEED the assurance that it's not just all in my head because that's what my anxiety does. It makes all my issues seem stupid and not real. I want to get help. I need to get help. But my mind is a constant war zone and I need other people to relate so I know I'm not just faking all of this and so my stupid anxious thoughts can go away.
P.S. read my original tags because most people who say they aren't proana actually are. Stop spreading tips and tricks and thinspo WITH THE TAGS. I don't care if you share it on your blog, that's your space. I care when you start sharing a text post with a bunch of tips of starving yourself or restricting or purging and adding the tags "thinspo", "ana", "mia", "anorexia", "thin", etc. Same goes for meanspo and sweetspo in general and sharing pictures of thin/skinny people with these tags. You are a part of the problem. This isn't just some fucking game. Use your blog for yourself and to reach other people, but don't use those tags on OBVIOUSLY unhealthy posts. Use them if you're posting a thought or feeling and want to find others who relate.
