Summary: You've spent the last 6 years countries away from your family earning your master's degree, and becoming an accomplished architect. On a whim (and Shisui's request) you decide to move back home. Things are different now, but also almost just as you had left them. Though there is one thing that is completely different, and that's the bond you know share with Kakashi. Though while this is so evident, can you bring yourself to be as part of another when you're still struggling to be your own person.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Part 11
A/N: Tbh, I started this story when I was literally having an identity crisis, and so that theme of identity and refusing to be seen only as an accessory to someone else is very strong in this story. Also, I'm currently editing some original parts of it to better flow, so yes. I kinda like this story now that I've kinda healed from it all.
Does anyone have that one fic that you created literal YEARS ago, and it's written and done, but also not done, and won't leave you alone?
Like you created it when you were 13/14 ish and now you're a full adult, but this fic and the characters you created years ago still take up a considerable part of your creative process?
I've had these characters in my mind for the last 8 years, and they've grown and developed into so much more than what my 13 y/o self could ever even imagine, but they're also frozen in the eyes of anyone who read that fic when it first came out.
Hello! I know itâs been a few months since you last posted a chapter for your tobirama story, and I just wanted to say that Iâve really enjoyed it so far and I hope youâll finish it! <3
Summary: Basically an arranged marriage between Tobirama and an Uchiha. Thereâs tension sometimes, but at their foundation, they have the same goals. Both want their country to succeed. And also refuse to fail- they know others think that is marriage is set up to fail, but they both refuse to be seen as failures- they have too much to protect to be seen as weak.
Obviously they fall in love bc this is a fic, but its slow and unsuspecting. There is angst at the end, so beware.
Part 1Â |Â Part 2Â |Â Part 3Â |Â Part 4Â |Â Part 5Â |Â Part 6Â |Â Part 7Â |Â Part 8Â |Â Part 9Â |Part 10Â |Â Part 11Â |Â Part 12|Â Part 13|Â Part 14| Part 15 (Epilogue)
Word Count: 1.8k
Summary: While most things were done for the country, there were a few things Tobirama did for her.
A/N: I cannot believe this is the end. Thank you to everyone who read this.
Kagami had never had to tell someone that their loved one was dead. Somehow he had made it this far in his life without having to deliver that life altering news. It was one of the aspects where he knew he had been sheltered. He had always been protected from unnecessary harm, and now as he stood in the doorway of his sisterâs home, looking into eyes that already knew, he became aware of why he had been protected from things like this.Â
He remembered her talking about death early on in his training. It was one of the weekends where he had been staying over at her house, because their parents had left for a mission, and he had yet reached a point where they would leave him completely alone. Till this day, he didnât know if she planned it this way, or not, but instead of making him do an intensive, which is what everyone else would have done, she let him rest. She allowed him just to exist without strict schedules or objectives.Â
That weekend, he didnât have to train a single moment, but the words she gave were honestly harder to bear than most training regimens.Â
He remembered her baking for him and giving him sweets that he knew his parents would have normally never given him. Reflecting back on it now, he fully realized it was another way she was preparing to mitigate pain for him. He remembered her leaning back against the counter, cupping her tea, and offering a small, slightly sorrowful smile as she began to give the reality of what he would eventually face.Â
Before this conversation, it hadnât dawned on him that she had seen more death than probably anyone he knew. He knew that as a medic, she had seen people die. She grew up in the war, it was expected. He knew that she had been there when their older brother died. He knew these things, but he had never fully processed what they meant.Â
As she spoke, her words were soft, almost comforting. She didnât speak about any of the philosophical stuff that everyone else tried to instill. She was logical about it. He could still remember the gentle, but warning tone of her voice as she told him that in the field, you canât think about it as anything else other than a fact. When you thought of it as a fact, it was easier to deal with and you could keep working. You donât think of anything past the fact that there has been a death.Â
She said that the one time she got caught up in the thoughts that always sneak in just as death does, she nearly lost her own life. She insisted that when it happens, and you're caught out in the field, you have to push through, regardless of who it is.   Â
You donât think that the last joke they ever made was unknowingly to you. You donât think of the words that naturally come out of your mouth as they pass. You donât think of the pets that are patiently waiting by the door for their return. You donât think of the faces of the family that youâre going to have to deliver the news to. There was so much that you couldnât think about until you were safe, and by then, it all came crashing down around you.Â
And thatâs what happened to Kagami as he stood at his sisterâs door. His eyes locked with all knowing ones that feigned ignorance, and he froze. His words were stolen away from him, as he felt nothing but guilt and failure. He was about to deliver nothing, but pain to the one person who had always fought to protect him, and he couldnât do it. At least not yet.Â
And she knew that. So without a word, she welcomed him into a home that was now only occupied by one, though the remnants of the other were still evident. Gazing up at him with eyes that were quickly becoming glossed over, she faked normalcy. âWould you like some tea?â
 âY/nâŠâ he muttered. He had failed⊠He had failed the two people who had never failed himâŠ
âYes, Kagami?âÂ
He held his breath, trying to will words into his mouth. âY/nâŠ.âÂ
Trying a smile in a desperate attempt to hide the pain that was begging to infiltrate, she shook her head, tears beginning to fall. âI knowâŠâ she whispered. âYou donât have to say it; I knowâŠâ she repeated, breaking her eye contact with him and beginning to make her way further into the home, unable to hold up a front.Â
Kagami felt paralyzed as he watched his sister turn away from him, wiping away tears that seldom made public appearances. This was almost worse than when Tobirama ordered that he and the rest of the team make their escape while he took the fall, alone. Then he was given direct orders that he could not go against, but now, he was at his own free will and still didnât feel ready to face it. He was absolutely helpless against the power that the two of them held and the circumstances that surrounded them, and it was crushing.
He remembered years ago, before he even graduated the Academy, Madara muttering things about his sister and her marriage. At the time, Kagami didnât understand the harsh remarks, and even over a decade later, he still wasnât sure if Madara told him these things for a reason, or just because he was a child who was easy to release bitter musing upon. They were attacks filled with claims that were never verified. He would insist that Tobirama would be nothing, but a poison to his sister and detach her from the clan. Heâd also reveal that his sister would never care for Tobirama and she only acted the way she did to keep the peace, that when Tobirama died, she would be free from the burden.
He remembered the claims vividly as he had always tried to make sense of them, but as he had reached maturity, he had become well aware that they were nothing more than a false narrative.
Without Tobirama, his sister would have never been able to save the Uchiha from Madaraâs desire for power. She would have never been able to even reach for the potential she had attained. She simply would have just been another ninja lost in the shuffle of clan vs village. And without her, Tobirama would have never been able to lead a village. He would have never been able to overcome the distrust and grudges rooted in him from another time. He would have never reached a point where he would willingly sacrifice himself for the greater good with the faith that those left behind could lead.Â
Madara had been wrong; wrong about both of them. Throughout the years Kagami spent with them, they had protected him without a single thought. They built him up, without destroying him in the process. He knew he was lucky to be a child of a village, but he was even luckier to be one who fell under their care. Tobirama and y/n protected him when Kagami couldnât say that about anyone else...Â
But they would have done that for anyone in the village, because thatâs who they wereâŠÂ
Thatâs who they were, but now half that union was gone, and the other half was just barely hanging on.Â
Following her, Kagami reached out for her arm in an attempt to face her, gain the slightest bit of control and ease the suffering. Though, the moment he reached for her, he was immediately met with eyes that were now illuminated with a dark red glow. Yet there was no anger behind them, just tears sharply contrasting them. He knew she didnât activate them because of him, moreso for the aftermath that was surely coming her way, but it made the consequences of it all stand out. âIâm sorry⊠HeâŠâ he trailed, still trying to place everything that had happened over the last few days.Â
Putting a hand up to his face, she frowned as she bypassed his words. âYour eyesâŠâ she murmured, swiping away a small speck of dried blood from the corner.
Feeling his heart drop, he knew that she knew. He wasnât going to be able to keep it a secret anyway, but he didnât even have to tell her. Biting down, guilt began to overcome him. âIâm sorry, Iâm so sorry, I made a mistake out in the field, and we were outnumbered, and Tobirama saved us, but it was-âÂ
âBreathe,â she whispered, stopping him from rambling.Â
Following her direction, he shook his head. âItâs my fault⊠He took my spot⊠Iâm the reason heâs deadâŠâ Kagami admitted, suffocating.Â
She felt another sharp pain radiate through her. She has suspicions, but this confirmed it. In some aspects it was like looking into a mirror, and so she was gentle, but firm. âItâs not your fault-â
âIt is, I should have been the one to die-âÂ
âItâs not. I know you feel like it is, and you may always feel this way, but I can guarantee you, he was the one who made the choice to take your spot. You did not force him to die. He made that decision âŠâ she reaffirmed, her voice waning. She would never tell him about the bargain that her husband and her agreed on years ago. He didnât need to know, because bargain or not, she knew that Tobirama would have done this anyway. âItâs not your faultâŠâ she whispered, knowing if anything, it was hers.Â
âIâm sorry-â
âDonât be sorry, Kagami. Go rest.â
âY/nâŠâ he murmured. She was being too kind, and he didnât deserve it.Â
âGo rest; thatâs an orderâŠâ she restated, wanting a few moments by herself before the village around her would fall to pieces. âIâll come find you, and weâll figure it out, but I need to get things ready nowâŠâ She followed up before exiting the room before the tears became limitless.
And in the moments that followed, she was overcome with grief. In his final moments, Tobirama served more than just the country; he had acted for her. And so now, she would face tomorrow and all the days that followed, not only for the country she served, but for him, and everything he had done for her.
Summary: The war's worse than they thought. Tobirama's preparing to send his team out to battle without a medic. MC tries to persuade him to, but it's inevitable. This one hurt to write.
The war was not kind to Konoha.
As the days turned to weeks, which turned to months, and the strain that it placed upon its residents began to wear them to the point of exhaustion, the leaders of the nation were at a crossroads. Even with the whole Fire Country doing everything they could to protect their home, it still wasnât enough, and the losses were beginning to become insurmountable. It was a foolish thought to believe that they would never experience the terror that they had as children, but deep down, they wished it to be true. Yes, they were better equipped this time, with more knowledge and power that they could have ever thought to have in the past war, but they were still merely victims to the senseless violence that dominated the world yet again.
And as they were reaching a point of complete depletion, they really were no better than the teenagers they were all those years ago, soaked in blood and fighting just to make it to the morning. Â
These were the thoughts that were consuming the woman who was standing in the Hokageâs office, the exhaustion of the past months evident in her demeanor. She couldnât hide the dark rings under her eyes. It was futile to even try as the long and endless shifts in the emergency room never seemed to stop. The smell of iron still faintly hung around her, her last patient having made it all the way back from the field only to bleed out on the table. She had learned very quickly that pronouncing death was much worse when they made it back to the hospital instead of just dying in the field. It gave a false sense of hope, and she felt truly guilty for all those who had to suffer because of that.Â
She lost count of how many she pronounced dead within the last few weeks. They were overwhelmed, the injuries were always traumatic, and everyone was at the end of their ability. That was something she always hated about medicine; that no matter how hard you try, there were patients who were not destined to survive. It was a cruel reality, but it was undeniable and definite. Though she promised herself years ago, she would always attempt revival, even in the most dismal cases, and truthfully she wouldnât have left the hospital if it hadnât been to plead with the man in front of her.Â
âIf you wait just a few more days, I can send one of mine out with you all.â she nearly begged, her voice beginning to weaken from the hours spent on trying to come up with a plan that wouldnât end in mass casualties. No matter how many times she thought through the upcoming battle plans, they never ended without extreme loss. If she was given time, she could send medics out with the teams, and while they didnât completely eliminate casualties, they did lower them.Â
Hand to his temple trying to alleviate the pounding headache, he shook his head. âNo, we donât have time and itâs not necessary.â Tobirama was curt, his tone not inviting any defiance.Â
Tightening her jaw, she knew why he didnât think it was a necessity and it made her blood boil. âItâs a war, Tobirama. Every team should have a medical nin, no matter how advanced. Iâm not approving this team without a medic on board.â she insisted, her voice finding a bit of its strength.Â
Looking up from the papers on his desk and meeting her gaze, he took note of the dark glow to it. Exhaling, Tobirama remained unwavering. âWe donât have enough medics to support everyone. At this point, we need to send our medics out with the proper teams, so that we utilize them effectively. My team doesnât need a medic.â he insisted. âI will override your disapproval. I have that power.âÂ
Sharpening her gaze, she continued her argument. âDo not pretend you all are so mighty that you donât need one. We donât know whatâs going to happen on the battlefield. Having a medic gives you a better chance at survival.â she tried.Â
âIâm not having this conversation. This team will be deployed tomorrow.â Tobirama ordered as he went back to reviewing the materials.Â
Stepping further into the office, she closed the door and kept trying. Reaching his desk, she slowly closed the book he was reading and kept her hand on the cover, silently demanding his attention. Meeting his gaze, she tried another approach. âIf you are so insistent on sending this team out, then let me go instead. Iâve subbed in with your team before. You stay in the village, and Iâll-â she offered.
âNo. Absolutely not,â he refuted, immediately shutting the idea down.Â
âWhy not!?â she snapped out.Â
Standing from his desk, he stared her down. âYou are staying in the village. That is final.â he demanded.Â
She could feel a fury beginning to build in her. âTobirama, I am a medical ninja. Do not forget I was forged in the war. My roots are in trauma. If thereâs any medic that you send out, it should be me.â she said sternly, giving the reminder that she too was one of the few souls that was able to survive the previous battlefields and that there was a reason for that.Â
âNo,â Tobirama reamined firm as he walked to the other side of the desk so that he was on the same side as her. âI am not willing to send you out there with the rate of casualties right now,â he expanded.Â
Giving a look of exacerbation, she crossed her arms. âThis is a great time for you to decide that my safety is more important than the village,â she started, her words almost venomous. âTruly, as we are about to buckle from the strain of this war, you decided- wholly by yourself I might add- that I am not allowed to go out into the field because of safety. Itâs a war, Tobirama; what are you expecting-â she snapped out.
Interrupting her tirade, Tobiramaâs voice was cold and unwavering, a far opposite from the fire in hers. âYou are not expendable.â
âAnd you are?!â
Tobirama paused for a moment, careful to curate his next phrase. âMore so than you.â
Feeling her heart drop, she knew at that moment she wasnât going to win this argument. Though even with that notion, she couldnât offer a surrender just yet.Â
Taking a breath, Tobirama offered expansion. âYou are not going, because if we lost you there would be a bigger detriment to the village than if the village lost me.âÂ
Shaking her head, she was in denial. âYouâre the Hokage, you literally are the strongest shinobi we have. I am a medic; nothing more.â she stated.Â
âAnd I can be replaced.â Tobirama was stern. âHokages will always be replaced. You cannot be replaced. You are too interconnected with too many things to risk it.â he said.Â
âTobirama-â
âNo,â he interrupted. âThink. Youâre not just a medic. You run the entire emergency and field departments of the hospital. You train some of the strongest medics we have. You lead one of the strongest clans our village has. You have some of the most political sway in the nation. These areas are not prepared to lose you. They would fall apart, leaving us weak and even more vulnerable.â he asserted.Â
Biting down, she hated where this was all going. âI think youâre overvaluing me; these things would be fine-â
âLook me in the eye and tell me Kagami could lead the Uchiha if you were killed.â he snapped.Â
Caught off guard, the Uchiha blinked a few times, unable to answer.Â
âExactly.â Tobirama continued, knowing that he had solidified his point. âItâs not just a protection measure for you. Itâs for this entire country.â
Breaking her gaze with her husband, the medic looked out the window to the rain that was pouring outside. There was no point in arguing with him. He made his decision too logical to object too. At the very beginning of their union, they agreed they would do what was needed for the country, and this was it. She just hated that it was that way.
Silence filled the room for an arbitrary amount of time, allowing the two leaders to come to terms with what tomorrow would hold. It wasnât until she bent to the silence that the underlying worries became known.Â
âTobiramaâŠâ she trailed, the fire in her voice now extinguished.Â
âYes?âÂ
Looking at him, the glow of her eye was replaced by obvious vulnerability, âPlease, be careful. If I were to lose both you and KagamiâŠâ she trailed, too fearful to even put words into existence.Â
Exhaling, he closed the space in between them and took a hold of her face, wiping the tears away before they even fell. âStop crying,â he demanded. âI plan on keeping the promise I made to you all those years ago when you agreed to let me train him.â he reassured her.Â
She gave a small nod, and tried to hold back tears as the situation began to suffocate her. Pulling herself into him, she buried her face in his chest, hiding the tears that wouldnât stop, the silent sob that came with the realization that this may very well be one of the last memories she had with her husband. Balling the back on his shirt in her fists as if she were going to lose him, she whispered out something that nearly broke both of them. âThank you⊠for everythingâŠâÂ
And Tobirama didnât say anything back, just kissed the top of her head, knowing that in a few moments heâd have to return to his desk and her to the hospital, and that in the morning heâd get ready for the mission just as he had every missionâŠ
But this would be the mission that Tobirama never came home from, selflessly sacrificing himself for his teamâŠÂ Â
Hi! I donât know if youâll see this, but I left tumblr for a while and I just returned with the hopes of getting to see an update of Lifeâs different now and Iâm so incredibly happy about you continuing the story! I couldnât stop thinking about it every now and then, i love it. Please keep going, itâs beautiful and Iâve been obsessed with it for years haha
My heart... this made my whole day.
Girlie, you have no idea how close I am to finishing it. The outline is finished and there's like 50% of the fluff added to it; we are so close.
For a while I hated this story, but now it's grown on me and I want to finish it the right way (and maybe patch up some previous details from way back when).
This story will be finished; and hopefully soon. :)
Summary: Political moves. Tobirama's lowkey a simp for this girlie, but won't outright admit it. War's coming in. We love a power couple.
âIâm shocked,â an emissary hummed, his gaze locked across the room, bypassing the various feudal lords and other diplomats. As he leaned against the counter, cup in hand, there was a small smirk across his demeanor, something that happened to be a trend when outsiders got to witness the two leaders of Konoha. âUtterly shocked that not only were you able to convince her to marry someone like you, but that sheâs stayed, and actually looks happy,â he teased as he watched the woman charm guests and secretly secure allies for a war that was soon to come.Â
Tobirama gave a quick glance to his wife, and couldnât help but agree with the latter portion of the previous statement. In comparison to all the stiff and dusty politicians, she radiated an aura that no one else in that room, himself included, could even aim for. The sun kissed skin, the welcoming stature, the voice that made you feel like the sun would always rise and it would be a better day; everything she was now was in spite of the mold that the past had placed many like her in.Â
Historically, someone like her would have not been expected in gatherings like this. Those who held the future in their hands previously had been hardened by the past and it was evident in their being, but the future was different now. And whenever Tobirama thought of the future, it was always her. Â
âYouâd think that she had been handling politics since the day she was born with the way she makes all these diplomats fold.â the emissary continued, shifting his gaze to her counterpart.Â
ââIâm certain she was.â Tobirama offered before bringing up his own cup.
Letting his head fall back, he looked up as if he were remembering. âRight, right. I suppose you donât learn how to deal with politics like that overnight,â he muttered. âMust have been all those years of being Madaraâs protege then?â he instigated.Â
Though Tobirama had reached a point in his life where snark comments, particularly relating to the previous leader of his wifeâs clan, were ones that he did not answer to anymore. At least not when they came from someone like the one currently keeping him company.Â
Quickly noting that the lack of response could easily get him removed from the next gathering, the emissary chose to pivot. âRumor has it her brother is on your team? Rather capable shinobi at it too?âÂ
âCorrect.â
Letting out a smug laugh, the emissary continued his banter. âHow is it that you ended up married to the current leader and trained the future leader of the very clan that you wanted dead all those years ago?âÂ
Tobirama paused. It was a question that he had asked himself time and time again, and the answer was always the same. âThank her. None of this would have happened without her.âÂ
Raising an eyebrow, the emissary looked uncertain, âI think youâre giving her too much credit.âÂ
Sharpening his gaze, Tobirama frowned. âWholly not enough.â he reaffirmed, before giving an order. âYou may go now. Iâm sure there are otherâs you need to badger.âÂ
Sheepishly standing up, the emissary nodded a farewell and in process, ended up passing the very woman he had just chosen not to give credit, a quick look of embarrassment drawn across his face.Â
Meeting her husband, the Uchiha quickly gave a onceover to the man she just passed before looking back to Tobirama with a small expression of confusion. âWhat did you tell him?â
âNothing but the truth.â
Letting out a small laugh, she shook her head. âIf you insist.âÂ
âI do,â he nodded as he gave his attention fully to her. âYour thoughts on all of this?â he asked.
âThe entire country is in support and secured at the current moment. We can band with the feudal lords and their armies when the time comes as well as the other mercenaries. They are already prepared for when the war bleeds into our territory, but for now I suppose itâs best to hold off involvement until necessary. From the looks of it, itâs nearly as bad as the previous wars.â she offered, a small frown appearing towards the latter portion of the statement.Â
Tobirama nodded. A few more months of peace; thatâs all they had left. The other nations had been fighting for at least half a year at this point, but until recently it hadnât even remotely reached their country. Contingency plans were created and ready for when the country was eventually hit, but until then, theyâd remain impartial, savoring the last moments of peace.
It was almost surreal to Tobirama. The last time he had been at war was before Konoha was even formed. He was barely out of his teenage years back then, and sure as hell wasnât anywhere to the standard he was today. Now, there was barely anything that remained the same. The circumstances surrounding him were so different. The people surrounding him during it were different as well. Before, if he died, then he died; just another kid lost to the fighting. Now, if he died, heâd be leaving everything to strief. There was more tying him to life now, making the reality of death and its consequences more severe. Â
Gingerly grabbing his arm, pulling him out of his thoughts, the Uchiha gave a comforting look. âDonât overthink it right now.â she insisted. âWe are secure. The countryâs safe.â
âAnd in a year?âÂ
âWeâll salvage the wreckage.â she stated, her voice almost all knowing of the devastation that would ensue. âOur people will be protected and will heal. Weâve done it before. Weâll do it again.âÂ
They had done it before. They did it alone back then, but now they were together and stronger, and maybe that would be their saving grace when the bloodshed finally came knocking on their doorstep.Â
Pushing away the impending compulsive thoughts of war, Tobirama gave his full attention to the woman in front of him. Giving her a small smirk, he raised an eyebrow, âYouâll have to detail how you got the southern feudal lord to stop talking long enough for you to secure him as an ally.â Â
Letting out a laugh, she gladly took the segway to lighter topics. âYou just have to make sure that they know youâre the one with the more interesting information. Talk just enough to get them hooked and then they're yours. Itâs not that hard. Just keep me around, and youâll have the whole nation and maybe then some.â she offered, a witty smile making a quick appearance.Â
Helpless against copying her smile, Tobirama offered up a quick comment. âThis is one of your traits that we donât talk about enough,â he said. âAt what point do you lose this ability to talk your way into people trusting you?âÂ
She gave a small shrug, âI donât know. I got you to love me, and I think thatâs the biggest feat Iâve ever accomplished in that aspect.âÂ
And she was completely right. She had managed to cause him to fall in love with her, not that he would outright admit to such things, but it was the silent truth. Raising an eyebrow, he nodded. âYou truly are one of the most exceptional people here,â he offered. âI suppose I should know that though, because you did snap at me the second time we met, saying that the Elderâs had a choice with you, but not with me. You made that very well known.â he said, nearing a joke.
Laughing, she gave another one of her all knowing looks, though this one held more joy than the other previously had.Â
âAt least, I have the privilege of saying that one of the most exceptional people here is my wife. None of these people could even compare.âÂ
âBe careful, pride is very fitting on you.â she smirked.
Placing a hand on her back, Tobirama motioned to the exit. âLetâs go. If war is truly at our heels, Iâd rather spend my last moments of peace solely with youâŠâ
Summary: MC admits everything to Itachi. Basically therapy session for MC. DECISIONS ARE MADE.
Leaning back against the counter, you waited for your phone to come alive again, moments of under stimulation feeling as if they were an eternity. Across the house, you could hear Itachi answering a call, the initial part of the conversation completely indistinguishable. The sounds slightly echoed throughout the rented house, all too quiet and all too unfamiliar to be that of a true home.Â
Entering the kitchen, Itachi joined you as he tried to finish up the conversation he was having on the line. âThereâs a ride coming for you. Just stay there.â he spoke, taking off his coat and placing it on the kitchen chairs. âOkay- donât do that. Just stay. Youâll be picked up so enough.â he tried to settle who was ever on the other side of the phone. Glancing across the island towards you, the silent expression of exacerbation was evident across his face. âShisui- heâs an old man with terrible eyesight. You can hide anywhere. Iâll talk to you soon.âÂ
You gave a questioning look, but he simply shook his head and ended the call. âHeâll be fine. The carâs only 10 minutes away.â
âIâll send you the money to cover his ride.âÂ
âNo, I can cover it.â
âItachi-â
âI wanted to leave too,â he insisted. âYou just gave me a way out.âÂ
Knowing it was a lie, one that was for your sake, you gave a small smile and shook your head. He was being entirely too kind, and for a moment, you thought that it was for your mercy. Yet, mercy didnât make you face reality.Â
Itachi was kind to you, but he was not known for being merciful. âWhat happened?â he asked, the faux excuses vanished.Â
âHuh?â you frowned, looking up with confusion purposely laced through your expression.Â
Leaning forward on the kitchen island, Itachi repeated himself. âWhat happened to you back there?âÂ
âI donât understand?â you lied, evading the confrontation. Â
Inhaling, immediately identifying the defense mechanism, he was direct. âI think this is the first time Iâve seen you slow down since youâve come back, and you look absolutely miserable. Something happened back there, and youâre choosing to ignore it.âÂ
You crossed your arms, and gave a serious look. âIâm not miserable, just tired. I promise.â
And he paused for a moment, letting your words fill their space, before giving you a shrug. âOkay, I beg to differ, but Iâm not going to push you.â
And for a moment, there was just silence, a silence that echoed even louder through the foreign home. The silence was almost jarring, not allowing any distraction to steal away the pain that quickly crept in when there was nothing else to fill the space. This was one of Itachiâs specialties. Called it therapeutic silence and it was absolutely crushing. There was something about another person finally confronting you. Admitting to you that they saw something wrong, and that you werenât doing enough to hide it from everyone anymore.Â
Biting down on your lip, you shook your head âItachiâŠâ you trailed, your words bitter in your mouth. âPromise you wonât be a social worker for a minute and not psychoanalyze me?âÂ
He gave a small nod.
Inhaling, you looked up to the ceiling as if it offered a way to articulate your thoughts. Though, a ceiling is just a ceiling. âI justâŠâ you kept shaking your head as if it helped. âI feel like fucking wreck and so lost and confused, and it doesnât make any sense.â
âWhy doesnât it make sense?â
Lowering your gaze back to him, you crossed your arms and leaned back against the counter. âBecause, in theory, I have my shit together. I am successful; I have a strong support system; Iâve done absolutely everything to make myself into someone who is successful, but none of it matters if I donât have an individual identity. â
He paused for a second, taking in the initial statement before offering a follow up. âYou donât have an individual identity?âÂ
âNo, I donât,â you let out an nearly exacerbated sigh.Â
If you didnât know Itachi, you would have just met with eyes that seemed as if they were just listening to you, and nothing more. But, you did know Itachi. And you knew those steadfast dark eyes gazing at you were buying him time as he was trying to process your statement and link it back to your behavior. âHow long have you felt like this?âÂ
You thought for a second about lying, but quickly remembered that it got you nowhere with him. âSince DecemberâŠâ you admitted, knowing that he was immediately going to connect the dots.Â
âIt coincides with you being home.â
âYes, because Iâm not a person here!â you snapped, the harsh reality coming to terms.Â
He blinked a few times in confusion, both at the statement and the sharpness of your reply.Â
âIâm not a person hereâŠ.â you repeated, this time saturated with more pain. Looking away, bitterness was beginning to be overtaken by guilt. âThatâs why I leftâŠâ you murmured.Â
He looked like he wanted to say something. It was easy to play this role when working with strangers, but he was a part of this story, and the difference that made was insurmountable. Though, he would remain waiting on you to say more, trying to gain the whole story before making comments.
Fixing your gaze on the terrible fake granite countertops of the island, you offered more. âI tried so hard to be seen as an individual. I moved thousands of miles away just so I could be an individual, and⊠and Iâm still not seen as my own person.â you muttered, eyes becoming glossy. âI moved away from all people I loved because I was scared that I was never going to be enough to be counted as my own personâŠâ Â
âI sacrificed so much- things that werenât even mine to sacrifice- in an attempt to find an identity. I missed so many birthdays, graduations, anniversaires⊠I should have been here when you got sick, and I shouldnât have sacrificed you all for my own attempt to be different. And I felt so guilty for all thatâŠâ you said, your voice beginning to give way as you met his eyes.Â
Inhaling, you gave a hopeless shrugged, âBut even now, even though thereâs all this guilt that I missed so much; I cannot bear the thought of just being seen as an Uchiha kid. Which is insane, because thereâs nothing wrong with being associated with you or Shisui or Obito or anyone, but I need to also be me, and I donât think a lot of them see us as individualsâŠâ you admitted.Â
Itachi frowned, gaining a better perspective of your pain. âI donât think you're wrong.âÂ
Clutching your arm as if you were in pain, you continued. âHearing your mom say that it looked like nothing had changed⊠It made me want to run away againâŠâ you muttered.Â
âIâm sorry.â
âItâs not your faultâŠâ you said. âIâm literally not going to be seen as an individual to some of those people. Ever. And thatâs devastating, because it devalues everything that Iâve done, and who I am, andâŠâ you faltered, tears beginning their way down your cheek.Â
He paused for a bit, trying to compute the statements you spoke. âDo you want my opinion on it?â he asked.Â
âPlease. Let me know if Iâve just completely lost it.â you replied, swiping the tears away.Â
âYou havenât.â he validated, before continuing. âNone of us are going to be seen as individuals; besides the one determining characteristic we all have. Shisuiâs the one who continued the family success; Iâm the one who caused the split in the family; youâre the one who moved out of the country. Thatâs really all they see us as. Itâs not on you to try and change their description of your character.âÂ
You couldnât find the words to reply. It was defeating. It was the only thing you wanted, and it was very much something that would never happen.Â
âAnd, you donât need to feel guilty about leaving.â
âI missed so many of your accomplishments-â you tried to refute, but were quickly interrupted.Â
âDo you realize how much those in our generation look up to you?â he asked, narrowing his eyes as he fully began to realize the lack of understanding of your own character.Â
âI havenât done anything special-âÂ
âYou threatened to sue my father for negligence in front of Madara, with lawful documentation already written up. You gave Obito the advice that saved his relationship with Rin. Without you, this wedding probably wouldnât be happening. I know you were the one who gave Sasuke the money that he used to leave home and get away from that toxic environment; I know you offered to fly him out of the country and house him until he figured out his way. You were barely making ends meet, and you still offered help. And youâve covered Shisui so many times, I canât even count.â
Choking back more tears, you couldnât find your words.Â
âWe all see you. Obito, Shisui, Sasuke, and I; we all see you as you. Youâre the glue. Youâve always been the glue.â Itachi reaffirmed, his voice softer this time as if was hitting a more sensitive subject.Â
Silence filled the room again.Â
âIâm sorry we didnât make it known better.â
And all of sudden, it made sense. Your role made sense. You made sense. You had been trying to gain the approval and validation from those who were unchanging. You tasked yourself with an impossible goal, and so it made sense why you had been failing so terribly despite every effort. There was logic now, which brought relief, but there was also frustration as you began to realize that those who actually mattered had already seen you as everything you were. You were both a part of them, but also your own identity, two things that could in fact exist simultaneously.Â
Leaning forward and placing your elbows on the island, you held your head. âIâm fucking idiotâŠâ you muttered.Â
âI wouldnât go that far.â
Raising your head, you gave a frown. âNo, thereâs even more to this fucking problem thatâs not even problem, but just inside my dumb head.â you sighed. âIâm a complete idiot and I was scared. I was scared that I was just going to be seen as another accessory. But I guess if everyone who mattered already saw me as me and not just part of a group, then he does too and if I had said yes to him, then I would have still been seen as me, and Iâm so dumb. He literally told me multiple times, but I guess Iâm too dense to listen, but I was also scared if I did get with him, that I would just be seen as his girlfriend or whatever and not me, but I guess not. â you began to ramble.Â
âFirst, stop calling yourself stupid, because you know youâre not.â Itachi was firm. âSecond, Iâm not following right now, but if you go back and tell me, Iâll listenâŠâ
Sighing again, you knew you were going to have to come clean about everything. And you told him everything about how you completely messed up any chance you had with Kakashi. The things that happened when you first met, when he came to visit, and all of the small things that had happened over the last year. You offered everything and he listened.Â
Biting down, you werenât even sure how much time you had spent explaining the second part of your predicament as you finished. âBut Iâve literally left this man hanging in limbo, because I didnât have the confidence that I was enough. He literally told me that he saw me as an individual, and IâŠâ you trailed.Â
âYou didnât know then. You were very still stuck in the mindset that you were just a piece, not a whole.â
âBut I know now.â
âOkay, and so what are you going to do?â
You paused. âI donât knowâŠâÂ
âWhatâs stopping you?âÂ
âI donât knowâŠâ you muttered. âI gave him up. I gave him up multiple timesâŠâ
Leaning back against the chair that he had now been sitting in for a while, Itachi shrugged, âKakashiâs more patient than youâd think. Especially towards you.âÂ
Pursing your lips, you gave a look, but before you could say anything, you were distracted by a third presence making themselves known. âShisui-â
He looked slightly pained as he crossed the room and pulled you into a hug, not quite speaking of the elephant. Cradling your head, he continued to let the silence speak.
Feeling the same weight come upon you like it did when you first admitted everything to Itachi, you could feel your eyes being to well again. âHow much did you hear?â you whispered.Â
âHm?â
âShisui.â you demanded.
âShh,â he instructed, pulling you in tighter. âIâm sorry itâs been hard being backâŠâ he said, feeling partially at fault, because he was the one who dragged you back. âI should have paid more attention,â he offered.Â
âItâs okayâŠâ you whispered.Â
Pulling back but keeping both his hands on your shoulders, he gave you a serious look. âYou and Kakashi though? Great job, but Obitoâs going to be so pissed you both lied to him thoughâŠâ he laughed.Â
Summary: You two are so close to being together, but thereâs one issue and thatâs because he still belongs to another.
Guiltâs easy to hide from when you learn to keep yourself occupied.
Thatâs why you were taking your time to wash and slice the strawberries that could have very well been just eaten straight from the container. Holding the delicate fruit under the running water, you made sure to thoroughly scrub it before taking the leaves off, one by one before thinly slicing the fruit.
You really were trying to occupy your mind at that moment, but how could you not? How could you not try to escape the guilt of another soulâs lover fast asleep in your back room, finding solace in your presence rather than theirs?
It felt wrong; it was wrong. At one point, youâd run out strawberries to tend to, and then what? What would allow you to hide from that all consuming guilt?
Though you were never allowed to reach this point of contention.
Feeling a cold hand snake around your waist and pull you back into him, a small gasp escaped you and you felt the previously sleeping soul nuzzle his face in the crook of your neck. Slightly startling against him, you dropped the strawberry in your hand, ââTsumuâŠâ
He gave a muffled laugh at your reaction. ââSorry, I didnât mean to scare ya,â he murmured, his breath warm against your bare skin. Letting his head fall against yours, he seemed to be at peace as he held you, a far opposite from you. âWhatcha making?â he offered, well aware that you already seemed to be caught up in your thoughts.
Even he couldnât mitigate the guilt. âJust strawberries.â you hummed.
âThatâs a lot of work for just strawberries?â
âJust strawberries, âTsumu.â you repeated.
Letting go of a small sigh, he knew there was something on your mind. Atsumu gave you a small squeeze before placing a kiss on your cheek, âBaby, whatâs wrong?â he asked.
No, he didnât mitigate the guilt at all; he made it worse. Squirming out of his grasp and turning so that you were facing him, you frowned as you looked to him. âAtsumu.â you said, hoping he would get what you were trying to say without having to actually say it.
âWhat?â he asked, shaking his head in confusion, âYa gotta give me more than just saying my name?â
Diverting your gaze, your frown only grew. You were both terrible. You were terrible for everything that had happened and you were terrible for still wanting him. Swallowing your pride, you spoke words that you wish you didnât have. âWe canât- thisâŠâ you muttered as you pointed to the pair of you. âWe canât. Itâs not right.â
He sighed, your behavior now making sense. Bringing a hand to the back of his neck, he shrugged. âItâs not like Iâve actually cheated on her with you-â
âAtsumu!â you snapped. âYou might as well haveâŠâ you muttered.
Muttering your name, he shook his head. âWe havenât done anything wrong,â he lied. âYou just helped me make sense of it all and I just donâtâŠâ he trailed. âI just donât love her like I used toâŠ.â he admitted as he reached for your hand.
Pulling your hand away, you held it close to yourself, rejecting his advance. âBut you still belong to herâŠâ you whispered out, âAnd⊠until you donât, we canâtâŠâ
I recognize that tumblr has been dying, and I also recognize that I literally have not actually taken in any canon information from this series since maybe 2016/2017? My apologies, if the characters have changed for the last few years; their characteristics from 2016 are still frozen in my mind.
How are we doing out there?
Do you all enjoy reading these stories anymore? I miss interacting with everyone; I saw a post recently that spoke about how interaction has really gone down across the board, and it made me think of you all.
Truthfully, my current goals are to finish Life's Different Now and For the Country, which both are ~75% done. I would love to hear your feedback, or if there's anything you'd like to see.
I could just be typing all this into the abyss, which is fine.
Summary: Back in the present day. Obito/Rin's rehersal dinner. Dealing with bottled up emotions. Some cute whips. Girly lowkey building up to have a breakdown bc she can't handle feelings. Itachi and Shisui are golden.
Summer came, and with that came construction on the college. Your time at the campus was beginning to wane, and so did your presence. Daily meetings became weekly visits; hours long conversations were now just quick check-ins. It was a standard progression for a site. It was not like you were actively trying to limit your time there. You had other clients, projects, and expectations that needed to be met that revolved outside of the college, and they needed you more than the college did. Yet even if that rationalization hadnât been available as a viable excuse; it didnât matter, because he wasnât even there.
Kakashi didnât teach the summer semester. He could have stayed to help mentor the graduate students who worked in his lab, but he hadnât. Mostly spent the warmer months traveling to various conferences and seminars scattered throughout the world, escaping everything that the last semester had brought. He left a few weeks into the summer, and would sporadically come back into town when there was enough of a break between conferences, but other than that, he was a ghost youâd be counted as lucky to see in passing.
You still kept contact, but it had shifted, and maybe you were grateful for that.
Neither approached the subject again after that night. Both of you pretended that it never happened, just as you had previously. Youâd see a message, send one back, and try to not think any deeper than you had to. It wasnât terribly hard to do when you nearly drowned yourself in other things. This cycle had gone on for over a year previously, and so the summer months that followed were nothing. It was easier to throw yourself into work than to rest for more than a moment and allow your mind to wander into that territory. Though as summer began to turn toward fall, and construction on site closed, your work completed, you did begin to wonder what would happen next, if anything at all.
Truly, you tried to busy yourself, but unfortunately your plan seemed to unravel mercilessly. Just as you finished the campus, you had finished Shisuiâs home, and then without even registering how much time had passed, were finally forced to slow down for Obitoâs wedding. You had previously thought that it would also keep you busy as you were one of the people openly available to tie up loose strings, but when the time came, you were undeniably wrong.
It was unbelievable how everything in their wedding was actually planned out to a point where people could just enjoy themselves. There was no rushing, no last minute details, nothing, but the opportunity to relax. Youâd have to let Rin know how impressed you were later, but as you stood in a large home trying to preoccupy yourself at their rehearsal dinner, you were finding the moments of peace to be unnerving.
It was lovely, truly. Rinâs family was hosting, and it was beautiful and warm. Everything you would expect from her and Obito. Yet as you sat chatting with various members of both her family and your own, you were struggling to occupy your mind enough for it not to wander. You had taken time off of work, and were far enough from your home for the wedding that you ended up splitting an AirBnB with Shisui and Itachi, so there really was nothing else to focus on except their wedding and having a good time.
But you did try. The sun had set and you were giving all of the embarrassing stories about Obito you could think of to some of Rinâs cousins, making sure they felt warmth from your side of the family. You connected with each of them, ensuring that they did know there were sane individuals on Obitoâs side. It was through their giggles that you caught eye of Rin from across the room, standing between Kakashi and someone you hadnât met. Must have been an introduction, the handshakes and the polite laughs, making you want to recoil.
You tried to refocus, knowing you had no right. You gave him up multiple times; it was your decision. You had no right to feel envious towards someone else over him. Though, the feeling lingered, and you had to keep repeating that to yourself.
Excusing yourself after a few more anecdotes, you made your way over to the bar to try and calm your nerves, maybe blur your surroundings if the situation really called for it. Approaching the table, you gathered a small cup and a few ingredients and began to pour a drink. Youâd make a drink and then go bother either Shisui or Itachi; that was a safe enough plan for your predicament. Though, for a plan to go completely unhitched was something you had yet to experience, and you should have known better.
âYouâve never mentioned where you learned to mix drinks?â Kakashi commented as he approached you, hands in pockets.
Gazing up from the cup to him, you gave a small smile, masking everything else that was blazing through you at the moment. âMarco taught me when I first moved. Figured if we were going to drink our sorrows, might as well make sure they didnât taste like shit.â you offered as you threw an orange peel into the glass.
A small laugh escaped him as you passed him the drink you had originally been making.
Beginning to mix another, you raised an eyebrow as you paid more attention to the liquor, âMaking friends?â
âA nurse, works with Rin.â
Glancing up to him and making a quick dart at the girl, you tried a smile, âSheâs cute.â
A reply didnât follow, just a small nod as he took a sip.
Finishing your drink, you raised an eyebrow as you copied his sip and leaned against the bar, waiting for something more.
It must not have been something he wanted to continue though, because he chose to pivot the conversation. âI saw they finished up construction,â he commented.
Crossing your arms, you nodded. âYeah, we closed completely a few weeks ago. Itâs done; we made it through.â
There was a pause for a moment, silence filling the space. âThank you, again,â he told you, trying to get his point through without fully saying it.
Knowing it was about the major reconstruction of all of the labs, you gave him a small shrug. âIt was really nothing.â you lied. Truth be told, redoing all of the chemistry labs was probably the hardest part of the whole project, but it was needed. It was deserved.
Inhaling, he continued to try, âWhat are you onto next?â
âThat is something that is waiting for me when I come back after this weekend.â you offered, with a small laugh. âI have been instructed that I need to be fully present for this entire trip.â
âYou got that talking too?â he mused, a smirk across his face.
You rolled your eyes, âYou better get back to entertaining everyone Mr. Best Man.â you laughed as you stood up, and nodded. âIâll see you around.â
The night continued to pass and you found yourself sitting on an indoor porch with Shisui and Itachi, each giving a perspective of the night. It was a needed retreat, relieving some of the formalities that all three of you had to uphold when in the presence of the whole family. Taking a sip of coffee, you kept your voice quiet as you delivered information, âIf you look behind you, which please donât because it will completely give us away, but if you were, you would see Mom, Dad, Mikoto, Madara, and Izuna all together looking directly at us chatting.â you informed the two, holding the cup in front of your face so that there wasnât any chance they could see you telling the boys.
âProbably trying to decide which one of us is next. You know Madara is always focused on whatâs going to happen, not what's currently happening.â Shisui offered, propping his head up against his hand.
âItâs you, you know.â Itachi said, looking over at Shisui.
Scrunching his face together in disbelief, Shisui shook his head, âNo, no. Itâs not. I can guarantee you that.â
âNo, Itachiâs right,â you agreed, a faint smile present as you watched him squirm. âShisui, itâs from their perspective; obviously youâre the most available one.â
âYou two have completely lost it.â
âShisui, Shisui,â you leaned forward and placed your hand on his, âListen.â
Raising an eyebrow at you, he entertained your plea. âYes, dearest sister.â
âWhile Itachi and I know you are not marriage material,â you started, âUnfortunately, the rest of the family does not know youâre a hoe.â you snickered.
Throwing his head back in laughter, Shisui shook his head while Itachi nearly choked on his drink. There were a few moments where the three of you just laughed, the weight of the conversation that was happening across the house not that affecting your trio. Gaining a bit of his composure, Shisui kept shaking his head but looked at you. âFirst off, weâre going to make sure that they never know that.â he started, a final chuckle coming out before he offered his insight. âSecond, I think they want it to be you.â he said.
Rolling your eyes, you tried to interject, but he kept talking.
âThink about it, they know Itachiâs going to be a solid middle choice in the line up, and if thereâs any one out of the three of us that they actually want to be next, itâs you. A ploy to ensure that you donât run off again.â Shisui said. âIâm sure Obito mentioned something about trying to set you up here. He put that little seed in their minds, and so now theyâre going to be paying attention to you.â
Sinking into your chair, you muttered, âRemind me to get revenge on Obito one of these days for unintentionally trying to spill my entire personal life to the family.â you murmured. Glancing over to Itachi, you lifted an eyebrow, âYou gotta cause more drama in this family, let me lay low.â you halfway joked.
Letting out a chuckle, he shook his head, âI already caused drama years ago. I did my time. Itâs your turn.â
âUgh, câmon, Itachi,â you gave a small pout, already knowing that it was useless. Well thenâŠâ you grumbled standing up. âIâm going to get another coffee to help me cope with the knowledge that after this weekend, Iâm going to be the prime target for all the older generations,â you murmured as you began to make your way to the door. âAre you sure Sasuke canât-â you began to ask.
âYes. He has the emotional intelligence of a rock, unfortunately.â Itachi offered.
Letting out a dramatic sign, you shook your head, âDamn it.â
Winding your way through the various guests, you made your way up until you hear someone call out to you.
âY/N!â Mikoto gleaned at you as she placed a hand on your back. âIâm so sorry Iâve missed every chance to see you since you got back,â she apologized as she brought you into a hug.
Returning the gesture, you offered up a small smile, âWell, Iâm equally to blame for that too,â you laughed. âHow have you been?â you asked kindly.
Shaking her head, she gave you a look. âThe real question is how have you been? Youâre completely grown now; absolutely stunning.â
âOh, thank you,â you let out a bashful chuckle.
Holding onto your hands, she nodded over to the porch where you had just been sitting. âItâs so wonderful to see you home. Watching you and the boys makes it seem like nothingâs changed at all.â Mikoto smiled, her sweet words unknowingly striking you like a dagger.
It was as if someone had stabbed you in the chest; the immediate pain that came with the realization that in their eyes nothing had changed at all. In their eyes you hadnât been gone for years. You hadnât struggled and fought and became someone. That there had been absolutely no growth in your character since you left. That you were very much still only a third of an identity.
You knew she didnât mean to hurt you, but it left such a bitter taste in your mouth. It was that phrase that was beginning to break down the front you had been putting up and was going to force you to sit and handle all of the thoughts that had been accumulating for who knows how long. Just in the seconds that it had been spoken, it was already starting its destruction, and you knew that it was time to leave.
Holding your smile, you nodded. âYes, thank you. Itâs great to be close enough to badger them like I used to,â you joked. âIf I may, can I excuse myself?â
âOh, of course,â she nodded. âWeâll talk tomorrow,â she assured you.
Thanking her, you forwent your drink and returned to the porch where Shisui had gone missing but Itachi was still sitting, scrolling through some feed. Squatting down next to his chair, you rested your chin on the arm, and frowned at him, not quite sure what to say.
Immediately knowing something had happened just by your expression, he sat forward. âWhatâs going on?â
You shook your head, âNothing, Iâm going to Uber to the AirBnb. I just wanted to let you know so you werenât looking for me.â you offered up, trying to keep your expression light so he wouldnât go digging.
âAre you sure you want to leave?â
Standing up, you put your hands in your pockets and looked down towards your feet. âUh, yeah.â you said. âI donât feel well, I think Iâm just going to try and sleep it off before tomorrow.â you lied.
And it was almost as he saw directly through you. Truly, why did you think you could lie to this man? Standing up, Itachi grabbed his keys, âIâll drive you back. Donât get an Uber.â
Frowning, you gave a disapproving look. âItachi, stay with Shisui. Iâm the one going against what we originally planned.â
âIâm ready to go too. Iâll just tell Shisui to Uber. Who knows when heâll want to leave.â he replied, giving a shrug.
âAre you sure?â
âYes, letâs go before anyone else notices us.â
Summary: Feelings are spilt. Good shit. Still a part of the memory from last chapter.
âHere are the things you need to know,â you said, locking eyes with Kakashi as you finished tying your boots. âMost of the people here are from my cohort, but itâs after 7pm on the weekend and they all probably got slaughtered during their critiques earlier today, so I would place money that 95% of them are completely drunk at this point.â you began. âAnd honestly, thatâs probably all you need to know right now,â you laughed as you stood up. âItâs relatively small, and I know everyone, so youâll be fine. Just, if for some reason, they start speaking to you in another language you donât know, come find me.â you murmured and nodded towards the door. âCanât have you agreeing to some of the things they ask. Some of them are unhinged; lovely, but unhinged.â
âWill doâŠâ he lightly laughed as he followed you out.
Walking across the hall, you didnât even knock as you made it into your neighbor's apartment. Instantly seeing the surprise in the lack of formality come across Kakashiâs face, you offered context. âWeâve been friends for years. Accidentally put a hole through my door when he was moving in. Thatâs how I made my first friend here. I water his plants and feed his cats when he disappears for days.â you shrugged. âI also stole a container of muffins last week and he didnât even notice,â you informed, mischief painted across your smile.
And before Kakashi could even repay the smile, a shout was thrown through the air.
âYou actually came?!â a loud voice made itself known, powering over the background music in the apartment. Laughing in disbelief as he came over to you, the man instantly held your face and kissed your forehead. âI thought you werenât coming tonight? Something⊠uh⊠I donât remember what but something important was happening tonightâŠâ he narrowed his eyes as he pointed to you.
You copied his laugh, âHi, Marco,â you greeted. âHow have you been today?â you questioned with a smirk, already knowing the answer.
Still pointing he nodded, âOh great, ya know, I have to tell you later how I got called a dumbass not once, but 5 times today, but not tonight,â he offered before shifting his finger from you to Kakashi, a different thought in his head now that he had to get out before it disappeared. âIt was you! You were the important thing she was doing tonight- uh no, that sounded... Uh not greatâŠâ he gritted his teeth. âSorry.â
You raised an eyebrow at him, though your smile remained.
Setting his cup down on the side table, he stuck out his hand to Kakashi, âLet me start again,â he gave his most sober smile, âHi, you must beâŠâ he paused, trying to rack his head for the name that you most certainly had told him. Covering his mouth, he shook his head, âI am so sorry, Iâm uhâŠ.â he trailed off.
This time you forwent the pleasantries and you rolled your eyes.âItâs 7:30 and youâre already wasted.â you murmured with a small smirk on your lips, only slightly disappointed in him.
âI beg you. Please help meâŠâ
You let out a hopeless chuckle. âThis is Kakashi.â you told him, placing your hand on his arm. âHeâs a friend from back home.â you glanced up with a warm smile. âHeâs giving a big research presentation over at the med center tomorrow. Super accomplished; I donât know why he decided to be around with me,â you joked as you allowed your arm to fall from his.
Marco raised an eyebrow at your comment, âHm, real mystery, Y/N. Something we will also have to talk about later, but not now.â he added onto the topics that were going to have to happen at the next brunch meetup. âYou know, I always forget that you had a life before us,â he murmured before sticking a hand out to Kakashi again. âMarco, Iâve been Y/Nâs neighbor since⊠sheâs been here?â he tried to recall. âUh anyways, same program, but uh, sheâs way better than me, so yeah, you got the queen bee right here.â
âI can imagine.â Kakashi affirmed.
Letting go and grabbing his cup again, Marco nodded, âWell, there are plenty of drinks in the kitchen, please take as much as you like. I already owe Y/N too much and we love to celebrate smart young people here, through failure and success, so itâs all yours Kakashi.â he smiled at the pair of you before returning to whatever he was doing previously.
Nodding for Kakashi to follow, you made your way into the home. âLove him, but heâs a wreck.â you tried to fill in the gaps. âReminds you a bit of Obito, doesnât he?â you commented as you began to mix up two drinks.
Kakashi glanced over his shoulder back toward your neighbor, âIf Obito was a ginger, the resemblance would be concerning.â he gave a small smirk.
Helplessly, you copied that smirk. âWhen I first moved here, he was someone that made me feel like there was an actual possibility that I could have a home here, and it was really comforting when I was by myself. Heâd let me come over to this apartment and just be. Canât count the number of times he saved me from calling Shisui in the middle of the night in tears just from being homesick.â you admitted, handing a cup over. âEveryone glosses over the part of being painfully lonely when you move worlds away from everything you once knew.â you said, your tone not matching up with the weight of your words.
It felt odd hearing you retell memories from your beginnings here. From his perspective, you seemed so at home here- you made him feel as if his home were here too. Did it make logical sense that you went through a period for being homesick, of course. But it did feel off setting to hear that it actually happened to you in a space that you fit perfectly into.
Grabbing his arm, you gave him a gentle pull, âCâmon, I want you to meet some others.â
And as the night went on, Kakashiâs belief that you were a perfect piece in the puzzle of the friend group was only strengthened. It was obvious that you were a pillar to the social structure here as he was told story after story of you and your time here, each person giving a different anecdote. They were stories he had never heard before, but were so fitting to your personality. Your character was much more fleshed out here than it had been back home, and it was the character that he had only begun to see a year or so ago.
âIâm just saying-'' Marco nearly shouted as he and a few others around the table were arguing about something. It had reached that point in the night where about Ÿ of the people had left, and the few that remained were starting to come down from their buzz. Kakashi wasnât quite sure what was even being argued, and truthfully, he wasnât sure if the participants in the argument knew either. Words were just being thrown out across the coffee table, at least three different languages being slurred together.
It was as this was happening that you joined the discourse and sat down on the arm of the couch next to Kakashi. He shifted his view from the few bickering friends to you, gray eyes looking as tired and lost as they did earlier in the morning. Offering a quick smile, you tried your best to analyze what was going to happen next and how you would best plan your escape.
Placing your arm on Kakashiâs shoulder and leaning in, your voice was soft. âWe should get going, those two are known friends with benefits, and it might be a benefits night. Always starts with an argument.â you whispered.
âY/N-â one of your friends interrupted your quiet communication, âIs there something youâd like to share?â he incited, only half way joking.
Raising your head, but leaving your arm draped around Kakashi, making it almost as if you were leaning on him, you gave a small smile. âI think weâre going home. Itâs late and Iâve been awake since 3am.â you offered.
âNo, Y/n. Youâre taking our guest. At least, leave him.â they teased.
Rolling your eyes, you stood and grabbed Kakashiâs hand to pull him up from the seat. âI have yet to be that bad of a hostess, and I will not start now,â you teased back. âAnd we will be here all week, but for now weâre going home before he has to carry my sleep deprived body back.â you stated, not letting go of his hand as you made your way to the door. âAs always, thank you letting us share your home, Marcoâ
âMuffins in the morning?â he called out before your exit.
âMuffins in the morning.â you affirmed before shutting the door and locking it with a spare key. Turning to face Kakashi in the hall, you let your back against the door, a small laugh escaping you. âI am so sorry- they are-â
âThey adore you.â he finished. âDonât be sorry.â
A small blush came across your cheeks. If you were lucky, you could lie and say it was from the alcohol that still raced through your system, but only if he was also still tipsy enough that his analytics were off. âUh, right, right.â you nodded as you began your walk back to your own apartment. âSo, you ready?â you tried to refocus.
He stitched his eyebrows together, âFor what?â
âTomorrow! Are you ready to present to some of the most intelligent, but probably boring people in the region?â you asked, allowing him into the messy one bedroom apartment.
âOh,â he nodded, catching up to your thinking process. âuh, I mean, Iâll just go for it? Iâll be fine.â
âKakashi!â you exclaimed, âThese are important people, especially if you ever want to come over here for work. You have to at least practice it once. Câmon, I can pretend to be some stingy old guy who does nothing but whatever the hell it is you all do.â you halfway laughed.
âY/n-â
âCâmon, câmon. I house you and I donât even get to hear the speech?â you whined.
He rolled his eyes. âOnly if you have the alcohol required to get through it.â
âKakashi, have you forgotten who I am?â you snickered. âIâm an Uchiha- of course I have alcohol,â you affirmed as you went into your small kitchen to pour one final drink for the night.
Following you, he gave a small shake of his head, âIâll make sure to let your family know thatâs their defining characteristic when I get back.â
âPlease do,â you laughed as you handed him a glass. Leaning across the island that separated the two of you, you placed your chin in your hand and nodded, âOk, Iâm listening.â
There was a heavy sigh before he took a sip and began. âGood Afternoon, I am Dr. Kakashi Hatake, and-â
âOh no-â you muttered, interrupting his starting line.
âWhat- I havenât even said anything-â
Standing up, you shook your head. You may not have had any idea what he was supposed to be talking about, but you knew how to present, âItâs not what you said, itâs your presence. You gotta act like you know your shit. I know you do, but you need to act like it too.â you muttered as you approached him. âYou got one thing on all those people, and itâs that you look good, so make sure they know that. Push your shoulders back, raise your chin just a little, keep your chest strong,â you instructed, fixing his posture yourself, leaving a hand on his chest.
Keeping eye contact for what felt like much longer than it was, Kakashi tried to continue, âY/n-â
Quickly pulling your hand back, realizing that you left it there just a little too long, you tried to ignore the sudden warmth around you. âWeâll, uh, have to deal with your hair in the morning, but you know, I used to have to make the boys look acceptable all the time, so I think I can do yours.â you spoke, more to yourself than him.
It was as if your stomach was in knots; you couldnât even remember the last time you were nervous, so why the hell did you feel like your heart was about the beat right out of your chest in the middle of your kitchen. Nothing was even happening. He was just looking down at you, gray eyes that were normally calm seemingly to cause you even more distress as they just remained marking you. You bit down, trying to ground yourself in logic. He was just a friend from back home. You were just his connection while over here. Nothing more.
âY/nâŠâ he repeated, snapping you back into the reality of the moment.
âHm?â you answered, willing the universe to hide your feelings while in front of him.
But even a divine intervention wouldnât be able to hide the color painted across your face when you were standing that close to him. âAny other critiques?â he offered, a small shift in his tone.
âYeah,â you whispered, words coming out on their own. âDonât look at people like youâre going to kiss them when youâre not; it gives false hopeâŠâ
He blinked a few times in surprise, your bluntness catching him off guard.
Realizing what had just slipped out, you could feel your cheeks burning, the alcohol no longer the only contributor. âI um, Iâm sorry, I shouldnât, I donât, I uh,â you stammered out, struggling to find your bearing throughout this situation. Standing up straighter as you took a step back, you shook your head, âI am so sorry, I misspoke, and I am just a teensy bit tipsy, and uh, that doesnât help my inability to navigate feelings wellâŠâ you admitted holding a hand up almost as if it were a sign of surrender.
Kakashi paused for a moment, silently gaining the courage to speak as he went to grab your wrist. âY/N,â he repeated, taking a step closer to you again to close the space you just made.
Your heart rate accelerated again, both from the proximity and the embarrassment. And he wasn't helping any of it, because it was as if the only thing he could say was your name. Leaning back against your kitchen island so that you had more room to breathe, you immediately went onto damage control. âLook, I am so sorry. It just slipped out; I donât know what I was thinking; I just-â you kept rambling, âI just read this wrong.â
âNo, you didnâtâŠâ he corrected, bringing his other hand up to your face so that he could bring you closer to him. âIs it ok if I look at people like this if I am going to kiss them?â he asked, already knowing your answer.
âOnly if it's me and not someone at the conferenceâŠâ
He let out a small laugh before he gingerly tilted your chin up and brought his lips to yours. Feeling the warmth that radiated off from you, he pulled you away from the counter and towards him, wanting you closer as you leaned into the kiss. While hesitation lingered for a small moment, relief and longing quickly replaced it, overpowering the previous moments of insecurity. And as he kissed you in the middle of your small, worn down kitchen, there was a sense of peace.
For a moment, there was the knowledge that while this seemed to be a longshot, it also felt as if it fit perfectly right. Though alongside it was also a realization that while it may have belonged, it was entirely unattainable.
Breaking apart, that thought hadn't quite hit you yet as you looked up at him wide eyed. âI didnât think you thought of me like thatâŠâ you whispered.
âWhat? Why?â he asked.
Biting down, you tried to offer a realistic answer. âI just⊠I donât know? I didnât think you thought of me as any more than your friendâs little cousinâŠ?â you admitted, looking away for a brief moment.
âThat was true when I first met you,â he offered. âBut when you came home, and I actually got to know who you were, how could I not see you as you, and not just an accessory of your family?â he asked.
A moment of silence followed, a pang pain being shot right through your chest at that last statement. You couldnât think of anyone back home who did that, and how desperately it was something you needed.
âThe day I picked you up at the airport, I was shocked at everything you were doing. You proved so much of who you were that day, and I couldnât stop thinking about it. I saw you in one of the worst moments, but you were still keeping everything going with yourself and those around you. I was just lucky enough that you kept talking to me after all of that and I got to know you outside of a tragedy. You didnât owe me anything. And then seeing you now, and how you are... I justâŠâ
âStop- I-â you whispered, his words cutting deeper as the realization of this whole thing began to hit you.
âWhat youâve built here; your friends, your career, everything. Hearing your friends tell stories about you; youâve created a life out of nothing. You were alone over here, and have so much to show for it, but you also maintained your relationships back home. You made sure that no one ever felt forgotten. And itâs so impressive to me. How could I not adore you like they do?â
With a shake of your head, your voice was weak. âYou canât say things like that to me.â
âWhy not?â
âBecauseâŠâ you whispered, scared to address the weight that was looming over the pair of you. Just for a second, you bit your lip and contemplated even bringing the reality of the situation. â Because, Iâm not a real option here- weâre not a real option; no matter how much either of us wants it to be.â you frowned, no longer making eye contact. âAt least not now...â you sighed. âRight now, my life is here and your life is there, and neither should compromise.â you murmured, your heart sinking with each word.
There was quietness that followed. A silence that couldnât help but agree with the rationale, but so desperately wanted for it to have never been said.
Summary: Obito questions Kakashi about why he was out with his cousin at an unholy hour in the morning. Kakashi's being vauge as always. flashback to Kakashi flying out to MC's place when she lived overseas bc he has a conference. Feelings exist. Feelings will be spilt in the next chapter.
âYou and my cousinâŠâ Obito began, leaning his head back against the couch, trying to ease the headache that was causing him to squint in pain. By now, he should have learned that he was no longer capable of drinking multiple nights in a row without having to handle repercussions that made him suffer without mercy. Unfortunately, that was a lesson he was forcing himself to learn the hard way, and it was not benefiting him now as he tried to muddle through what he had seen last night. âWhatâs-whatâs going on there?â he asked, placing his hands over his eyes to better filter out the light.
âWhich cousin?â Kakashi murmured, not taking the moment to look up from his laptop- desperately trying to enter grades that were due at the end of the night.
If Obito hadnât already been squinting in pain, he would have at that instance in pure annoyance. âYou know which one- the one you were with at 3 in the morning.â
âYou have to be more specific.â
âY/N. I mean Y/N.â
Now regretting allowing Obito over to his apartment while he was grading, Kakashi was vague. âI donât know what you mean. Have you asked her?â he avoided any opportunity to continue this conversation. âShe is your cousin.â
Obito pulled his head forward to look at Kakashi from across the room. âYou think we havenât? She wonât even talk to Itachi about it. Iâve already asked if he knows anything, and he said âno,â and if he canât get it out of her, then thereâs no way Iâm getting information out of her.â Obito admitted, detailing how the information flow worked in the family.
âWhat if you try harder?â he mused. âOr, you know, not try to pry into her personal life that sheâs obviously keeping from you and the others?â
âKakashi.â Obito rolled his eyes. âItâs Y/N. Weâll all find out eventually, but sheâs terrible at being honest with whatâs going on up in the moment.â he muttered, thinking of all the impulsivity that seemingly raged through you. âEspecially when itâs about her personal life.â
âHm.â
Hearing the slightest tone shift, Obito shot his last shot. âSo whatâs going on with you and her? I wonât tell anyone- I promise.â
âTheoretically if there was anything, youâd tell Rin.â
âSo there is something going on? There has to be a reason she said âno,â to me setting her up.â
Kakashi sighed. Obito was exhausting some days. Closing his laptop, Kakashi frowned. âThereâs nothing going on between me and her.â he started off with a lie. âBesides, you know sheâs still trying to adjust to being back; not surprising she shut down your plea to set her up.â
Letting his head fall back against the couch, Obito grumbled. âMan, I thought sheâd be back to normal by now. Itâs been like half a year.â
There was a moment of silence that followed, one that Kakshi could have filled with details that would have brought light to the circumstances. Though, he chose against it, letting the quietness reflect back.
Realizing the implications of his previous statement, Obito tried to shift his tone away from critical. âFuck, I made it sound like sheâs broken or something. I mean, I get that she was gone for 6 years. Thatâs a long time; I get that, but shouldnât it be easier to adjust back here? Weâre all here? She's not out all by herself anymore. Shouldnât that have made it easier?â
Kakashi shrugged.
An exasperated sign left Obito as he struggled to connect the limited information he had. âSomehow, she was always the wild card out of the three younger ones. Even though sheâs probably the most supportive and loyal one, you never really knew what she was going to do. Absolutely shocked all of us when she told us she was leaving everyone⊠â Obito reminisced, all the moments of shock value she brought front and center in his mind. âI wonder what her life was like there, you know, outside of her Instagram pictures?â
He paused, allowing another moment of silence before giving away one last lie. âI donât knowâŠâ
*~1 year prior*
Most days he cursed the insomnia that routinely plagued him, though as he glanced around at exhausted passengers that surrounded him in the foreign airport, Kakashi had come to befriend the invisible menace- at least until he was able to find a bed. He had hit that point in sleep deprivation where he felt as if everything had been slowed around him, but he had also been awake for well over 24 hours now, so he couldnât complain. It was almost as if a haze was around him as he tried to gain his bearings in the airport, though that haze quickly dissipated as he was greeted by a gentle laugh.
âI cannot believe you are here,â you admitted, the happiness evident in your smile as you went in immediately to hug him, snapping him out of that jet lag induced spell. Holding onto him, you rocked to the side for a second before letting everything but his hand go. âHow was the flight? I canât tell you how excited I am to have someone from home here,â you continued, showing your appreciation for his journey, though he really didnât have a choice in the matter.
Still surprised you went instantly in for a hug, Kakashi was taken off guard by such a warm welcome. Partially because it was nearly 4 AM and this amount of amiability was not something seen this early in anyone, but also because he hadnât been able to pin down howâd you react to him being over here. It was one of the thoughts that replayed over and over in his head throughout his trip, one of the reasons he hadnât been able to doze off even a minute during the 10 hour flight.
Would you be excited to see him, or would you just see him as someone you owed a favor to? He hadnât seen you in person since you had to make your abrupt flight back a few years back, and that was certainly during unfavorable circumstances. Yet these were different times now, the connection between the two of you was different and that was something he knew to be true. Though, it didnât help him see through the uncertainty of it all. âYou didnât have to pick me up- I could have Ubered.â he offered, still recalibrating what his reactions were supposed to be.
You rolled your eyes and shrugged. âItâs no big deal. I was going to be up anyway.â
Kakashi narrowed his eyes at you. It made sense why his sleep schedule was disastrous, but yours?
Bypassing his plea for an answer, you nodded toward the baggage claim. âCâmon, letâs grab your stuff. I donât mean to rush, but you need to rest and I do have a vaguely important meeting at 8 that I still need to prepare for.â your face fell a bit.
Kakashi followed your lead. âVaguely important?â he questioned.
A small sigh escaped. âAh, yeah. Iâve just been lying to myself by saying it's only vaguely important to put the anxiety of it all at bay.â you admitted. âIâm sure you can relate? Having to fly all the way over here to present your research?â you shifted the conversation to him.
You were met with a shrug. Truth be told, this upcoming conference wasnât nearly as nerve wracking as his dissertation. He had already earned his doctorate in all this last week and no one could take it away at this point, so there wasnât nearly as much pressure as there had been previously. âOnce youâve presented to one angry old man, youâve presented to them all.â
This caused a laugh; the levity returning between the two of you. âYouâve already proven your self worth? Havenât you, Dr. Hatake?â you smirked.
Kakashi was helpless to the faint smile that followed. This was something he had noticed about you, something that he admired. He wasnât sure how you kept up on it all, but even when you were thousands of miles away from everyone, you always knew what was going on, and made it a point to celebrate them. âI donât think Iâll ever like being called that.â he shook his head while keeping his tone light.
âBut youâve earned it?â you insisted. âCâmon, Iâve already bragged to all my friends about you, canât disappoint now.â
Your words were teasing, but it was a teasing that Kakashi felt like he had handled before- a teasing that he would choose time and time again. âYouâve bragged about me to your friends?â He raised an eyebrow.
âOf course, I have. Youâre literally a doctor in one of the hardest subjects in the world. How were you expecting me to not?â you asked before segwaying, âAnd actually, my neighbor is having a small party tonight if youâd like to join and meet some?â you offered. âAfter youâve slept and fought off all the jet lag, youâre more than welcome to come join us.â
Kakashi nodded, remaining silent for a moment longer than he wished as he grabbed his luggage from the conveyor belt.
âBut if youâd rather stay in, Iâll stay with you. What kind of host would I be if I left you alone to your own devices in this city.â you added in the option quickly. âWhen youâre ready, just tell me what you want, and weâll make it happen.â you smiled as you led him out of the airport.
A small chuckle followed; exhaustion beginning to make even offering real replies an expenditure he could not afford. What he did have the energy to do was come to the realization that all of this was polar from his last interaction with you that happened at an airport. Not only in the situation at hand, but now he actually knew you. Before, he didnât; you truly were just someone who was a part of a favor he was doing for his friend. You were a stranger to him. A stranger whoâs true colors he witnessed within a matter of minutes of talking to and a stranger that he wanted to know better, but still a stranger.
Things were different back then. And now, as he walked through the quiet airport with you by his side, he couldnât help but be glad of the change. Normally he wouldnât have welcomed the uptick in his own heartbeat or the uncertainty of his actions, but it was all caused by you. That was something that was undeniable. That, along with the feelings he had yet to admit.
Hi, I like your latest story about Tobirama and I wanted to know if you have an AO3 or fanfiction account. I think it's more comfortable to read on a website like this than on Tumblr (sometimes the creators delete their blogs and then you can't read the stories anymore, you know? At least on a fanfic site, the stories would still be accessible). In any case, thank you for your attention and I hope you are fine.
Hi!
I posted everything that is currently up on tumblr for For the Country on AO3. Sorry if having it solely posted on Tumblr was causing any difficulties. AO3 is not my favorite, but I want to help my readers in any way I can!
Here is the link.
Also... chapter 12 is up after almost a 6 month wait (my bad...) and I've finalized there being 15 installments for this series!
Summary: Similar to Ch 5. 3 vignettes that span the years following the fallout from Madara.
1. The fallout and the forgiveness
2. THEY KISS and realize they're in love. omg.
3. Hashirama's death. (lol you thought you could have a fully happy chapter?)
While their success as a union came as a surprise, their ability to lead Konoha was anything but.
The initial years Tobirama led as Hokage were peaceful and full of prosperity. It was in these years prior to the second war where their identity as a pairing was allowed to evolve and eventually solidified into exactly what it was destined to be.
***
Like most things in life, the fallout of Madara within the Uchiha came and went. Some details were made public to the clan, and others werenât. They were told that Madara abandoned the village due to differing beliefs, and that was readily accepted due to the swift and painless nature of it. To them, it was not surprising that his beliefs ended up being the final contention point, but it was surprising he left without a fight. That was uncharacteristic of him, yet they would not question it further, already having the faith that their interim leader wouldnât hide anything that would end up being poisonous to them later. They were already well aware that she would drink the poison herself before ever giving it to them, and so they were at peace.
The Uchiha were not told of the things that nobody else, save for her, saw. They did not know of the position Madara placed their mediator in, the steps she took in order to protect them all, or that she possessed a skill nearly equal to his. The clan as a whole did not need to know the clandestine handlings that took place in order to keep them safely within the village. At the end of the day, it was politics, nothing more and nothing less. Yet the lingering thought that came along with all this whispered that while the clan would never know these things, there was one soul who sought to know more; one soul who deserved to know more.
Borderlining a teenager at this point, she knew very well that she couldnât hide the truth from him and say it was a form of protection anymore, especially when he was the one destined to take power. Those 11 years between the two seemed to be shrinking more and more with every passing day; his maturity making those years feel more like months. Kagami wasnât a child anymore, and that was something she had to come to terms with. She had come to terms with the fact that he was now going to have to carry more burdens than he had previously, and that her offering up the truth- the complete truth- was the first step.
Leaning against the kitchen counter, staring down at a cup of tea she had yet to take a sip of, her voice was quiet. âIf this goes badly todayâŠâ she trailed, already having gone through various reactions she would receive from her sibling in her head time and time again. âIf this goes badly, can you talk him down?â she asked, meeting her husbandâs gaze.
Still waking up as he poured his own cup, Tobirama shook his head. âItâs not going to go poorly. You know that.â he mumbled, not awake enough to handle her small moments of insecurity.
âBut if it doesâŠ?â she urged. âHe trusts you; heâll listen to you.â
Giving a somewhat annoyed look over to her, he rolled his eyes. âFine, but itâs not. Youâre being ridiculous.â he muttered, wanting silence before he went out to go face his team. Trying to rub the exhaustion out of his eyes, he continued his muttering. âHe canât argue anyways; youâre the head of the clanâ he rebutted.
âTobirama-â she tried again.
âWhat?â
Pursing her lips for a moment, she looked down to her cup before speaking. âIâm going to offer his memories backâŠâ she admitted. âAnd offer my memories of the pastâŠâ she continued, this time allowing her eyes to meet him.
This time, Tobirama fell silent, knowing the weight that statement held. She truly was going to allow him to see all of the underhanded dealings that it took in order to secure their survival. Kagami knew her almost exclusively as the guardian sister. He did not know her as the soldier, or the politician, or any of the other titles she assumed in order to ensure his safety and the safety of those she cared for. It was at that moment that Tobirama became aware of the anxiety that followed this. Exhaling he nodded, âIâll send him back early, clan matters.â he agreed.
âAnd if it goes poorly?â
Slightly frowning at her, he resigned to her will. âThen I will step in.â
Yet the fact of it all was that Kagami was not going to see her in the same light that he had seen Madara in; no one was ever going to place her in the same perception of Madara. They held the same position, but she was worthy of the power she held. She was always focused on the people, not the power, and thatâs what was going to allow for all of the growth and serenity that they would all attain in the years that followed.
Even if it was a difficult conversation that Tobirama was sending Kagami to go have, he knew it wouldnât go poorly. He knew their bond, and he had the certainty that something such as this would not shatter it. It was never destined to go poorly, and when Tobirama stood at the door of his home, listening only for a moment, his certainty was only strengthened by the relief that was saturating his wife's voice, even though the words were normally not ones of relief.
âIâm so sorryâŠâ
âDonât. Youâve done more than we can ever give back to youâŠâ
It was when Tobirama then opened the door and instantly locked eyes that were teary and red that he fully felt the relief that had overcome her. Kagami had hugged her, very much in the way that Tobirama had found him hugging her when she had agreed to train him instead of letting Madara train him years ago. His arms wrapped around her tightly, face buried, almost as if he knew he wouldnât have been able to face the future if she hadnât intervened.
Though this instance, the mark of time was evident. Kagami wasnât a small Academy child anymore, he was far closer to her equal, even having an inch of height on her at this point. He was quickly advancing and inevitably going to rise to become the leader of the clan. Even though he was still young; he had to face the same fate where he grew up quicker than he should have. The unfortunate fact of it all was she couldnât protect him anymore, but truthfully, she didnât need to anymore. She already saved him, and though she had yet to fully realize this, both men in that room knew it.
Tobirama was silent for a moment, knowing that she knew of his presence in the house now, but was allowing Kagami one last moment.
âThank youâŠâ he whispered to her, now also aware that Tobirama was back.
âWhat-?â she questioned as she pulled back to look at him.
Giving a small smile, one that hid the guilt that he felt, Kagami was kind. âFor being thereâŠâ
With another pair of tears falling, all she could do was nod.
âYou too,â Kagami turned and faced Tobirama. âThank you.â
Tobirama was about to ask why, but he knew. He knew it wasnât for being his teacher, or his service as Hokage. It was for protecting his sister, and being there for her when everything was about to crumble. As he stood there, Tobirama became painfully aware he was staring at the two the most prominent Uchiha figures in the village and he was thinking to himself how they alone were shaping his future. How he would have detested this realization years ago, but in the current moment, he was grateful for their existence and how it was going to play into his.
Little did he know that while one was going to be there throughout his rise of power, the other was going to be there at his fall.
And he was going to be the reason for his fall.
***
âCome walk with me?â she hummed, her voice resonating softly through the darkened office.
Glancing away from his work, Tobiramaâs sight lingered on her form for a moment. In these seconds, he made the quick assessment that she had intentionally sought him out after her shift at the hospital. There were small dents in her curls signifying her hair had been up in a bun for many hours. There were darkened circles under her eyes from the completion of a 48 hour rotation. There was a soft, but ever evident sense of exhaustion coming from her. She truly should have been at home resting, but she had chosen to come find him, and was now leaning against his door frame, offering him an escape he so desperately neededâŠ
And truly, he did want to accept the offer. He did want to take a midnight walk through the village with her, but the duty to the nation came before his measly wants.
âI have to finish this. Go rest, Iâll be back in the morning.â
Pushing herself away from the frame, she offered more persuasion. âYou know, periodical walks have been proven beneficial for analytical thinking. Wouldnât want you making a mistake, now would we?â she smirked, a hint of orneriness evident.
If you had told him years ago that he would be folding so quickly to the will of another, he would have written you off as insane. But maybe it was a sign of maturity? Willingly give into another person, one who he knew only wanted the best? Maybe it was one of the numerous other signs that what their marriage was now was something far different than what it had started as. Maybe now he could give in to the will of another without analyzing their every single motive? Nodding, he closed the folder in his hands before standing. âOnly for a moment.â he offered, as he placed a hand on her back for a moment, leaving the office behind.
As they walked, the roads of Konoha were quiet, their path to the river crossing with only a few souls. Throughout their time, their conversation was filled with menial things: Hashiramaâs upcoming dinner, the need to buy more tea, how winter was soon going to take the village by surprise. None of it held much gravity until they reached the river, and even then, the words that left her mouth were not intended to hold the weight that they did.
âThese were always my favorite.â she mused, skipping across the stepping stones on the river, a foot sequence that had been ingrained into her memory long ago. âHiro and I used to cross these all the time when we were little; used to think that if we crossed the river, we could just run away forever.â she admitted with a small laugh as she landed on the other side of the river, the content tone hinged with just the slightest amount of longing.
As the years had passed, Tobirama had been better able to paint the image of one of her lost siblings. She spoke more freely of her eldest brother ever since she had admitted the truth to him, occasionally recalling memories other than that of his passing, allowing Tobirama to not only gain an insight into him, but a better one into her. Following her to the other side of the river, he questioned. âYou wanted to run away? You wouldnât have survived. Iâm assuming you realized that?â
She gave a small shrug. âProbably not, but we werenât destined to survive in this place either,â she said. âDying in a berry field from something simple as dehydration was a better ending than on the battlefield. At least no one had to wear the color of your blood home.â she offered with a small smile, one that knew neither option was desirable, but one was far less painful than the other.
âSo you thought about how'd you rather die too?â Tobirama prodded, as he sat down on the river edge.
Following suit, she nodded. âOf courseâŠâ she trailed. âAt least when I was younger.â
âYou donât anymore?â
âNo, there was some point where I realized I couldnât die.â she stated, her gaze locked at the slowly moving water. âAt least not yet.â she affirmed.
Hearing this, he fell silent, just listening to her words.
âWhen we thought of running away, I always wanted to bring the other kids with us. I wanted to grab their hands and just pull them across the river into somewhere where there wasnât constant fighting and death. I didnât care what clan they were from. We were all just bloody and broken kids. The adults were always too consumed with the past to create a future, but I think⊠together we could have done it.â
Part of his chest ached as he heard her mimic the exact thoughts that he used to have as a child, thoughts that were filled with more hope than reality. She had become the vision that he had dreamed of when he was a child, a member of the rival clan who had somehow overcome all the strief and now reigned in peace. He remembered early on thinking that she could have been the Uchihaâs maverick. And now, as he looked at her, it was evident that she was more than just their maverick.
Shifting her gaze, she offered a solemn smile. âI canât die yet. I still have to help create a future for the others.â
Part of him hated that she was like this; she was so blind to all of the accomplishments she had already achieved. She had already done it. She had saved her clan. She had helped build and sustain an entire village. She had created the possibility of prosperity even when the reality of failure was nipping at her heels. She had done so many things that he would never be able to do, and for that, a small part of him hated that she was like that.
He didnât hate her. No, not at all. He hated the fact that he had been conditioned to see her only as the enemy when she truly was the furthest thing from it. He hated the fact that he had always seen her as malevolent when she never was. He hated that he had always treated her like she was lesser, when in reality she was far more valuable than he. He hated that it was so hard for him to admit that he had fallen in love with someone who he was never supposed to love.
But he had. And in the process of falling in love with her, he had seen every part of her. The good, the bad, the painfully harsh duality of her, and he still fell for all of it.
âNoâŠâ he murmured, absentmindedly placing a hand on her face, and running a thumb across her cheek bone. âYou canât.â he agreed with a shake of his head, though his reasoning for her need to live was far different than hers.
He needed her. He wanted her. Save for those two things, there was very little running through his head at that moment as their faces were only separated by a few inches. He had kissed her before, but they were always for show. Quick pecks used more as reassurance for those surrounding them that their marriage was valid. But now, this was different. That logical thinking was nowhere to be found as he stared into deep eyes that he now only seemed to get lost in. He wanted her close, closer than she was now.
Feeling her own heart uptick, she was able to stay slightly more gripped in logic than Tobirama, but not by much. She never expected for him to ever love her, but as they sat there on the banks of the river, she couldnât help but revel in the knowledge that he now did. And she had fallen too; though like him, it was something that had been stirring for a while, but was now so blatantly obvious that they couldnât hide from it.
And so, when their lips met, it was something far different than anything they had shared in the past. It was a surrender to the inevitable, and it was something they willingly gave to another, one who they thought they would never fold to.
But, maybe that was what made it so worthwhile?
***
When Hashirama died, there was almost no time to process anything.
One second an intern was rushing into the Hokageâs office, begging for her to step in. The next, her and Tobirama were both in the ER, her leaving him behind in the waiting room, and bolting to the OR as one final shot at survival. But then, she came back only moments later, not nearly long enough to have scrubbed in and done anything.
They were fast, but tragedy always seems to be faster.
Pausing for a moment, still bracing herself from the same blow she was about to deliver, the Uchiha looked almost as if she were begging for forgiveness. âThey did everything they could, but there was no chance of survivalâŠâ she stated, a phrase that she was not a stranger too, but this one held more agony than all the other previous. Still in a state of shock, she shook her head, âI⊠Iâm so sorry,â she whispered, mainly to Tobirama, though by then, the family she had married into had filled the room and were listening to her dreaded words.
Hashirama was a pillar in the lives of many, and his passing was something that was unexpected and shattering.
Truth be told, Tobirama couldnât recall much from the days that followed. All the meetings, planning, tears from those around him, it was all something that forced him to just go on autopilot. He just needed to handle it all and get it done with. There was no time to process anything; he needed to be the logical one who pulled everyone together. But to be that, he truly had to be somewhere else entirely.
The first time he truly felt that the shock had settled, he was sitting outside of his house and just listening to the crickets that surrounded the somewhat secluded home. The white noise was welcomed, though to be truly honest, every single phrase that had been spoken to him after his wife delivered the news felt like white noise. Grief was not something that Tobirama openly admitted to, but in the moments that were soon to come, he wouldnât be able to deny it.
Hearing the sliding door glide against the reel, the noise brought him even more into reality, pulling him away from that protective autopilot he had been surviving on. Bringing an additional cup of tea with her, she sat down next to him without saying a word. The last few days she had been a constant presence for him, one of the few who had been able to stand strong against the pain of the current moment. She had remained strong, most likely for the sake of the family, but he knew well the thoughts that were going through her head. How could he not? They were the same thoughts going through him.
Without Hashirama, neither of them would have been where they were. Without him, she would have never been able to progress through the ranks, and he would have never even survived the war. Without him, they would have never been placed together, and everything that they built, all the futures they created, would have never existed. Without Hashirama, they would have never created a union that would mend bonds that were broken generations ago.
Exhaling as he pulled the cup to his mouth, Tobirama gave a quick glance to her. âDid you put anything in it?â he asked as he took a sip.
âNo.â she said with a quick shake of her head. âYouâve been numbed out for days now. Iâm not going to add to that.â she offered.
Her honesty was brutal, pulling him even more into the moment, yet he didnât have a response ready. And so, he just sat there for an indecipherable amount of time. It wasnât until he asked his next question that there was any noise between the two. âWhat helped when Hiro died?â
âTime...time helped, but itâll always be thereâŠâ she looked away from the sky and to him, allowing those dark eyes to remain on him. âYou canât just wish it awayâŠâ she whispered, her voice starting to saturate with pain that hadnât been there before. âBut, I donât quite think itâs even possible for us to pretend like the loss of someone so imperative to our lives wouldnât leave us in heartache.â
He could feel his chest starting to weigh down. âSo Iâm just stuck suffering?â he nearly snapped, the grief starting to rack through him. He could feel his jaw tightening as the truth felt like venom infiltrating his system.
She gave a small nod.
âFuck it.â he muttered, standing up from the ground to flee from her. âIâm not justâŠâ he mumbled out, his voice starting to break.
âTobirama-â she followed, stopping him and grabbing his hand. Pulling herself to him, she held onto him, almost to cradle him from the weight that was finally crashing down on him. âI know, trust me, I knowâŠâ she whispered. With a hand on the back of his neck, gently combing through his hair and the other around his waist, she silently allowed him to break without acknowledging it as a weakness.
And that was the first time Tobirama was ever allowed that.
Gritting his teeth, he buried his face into the crook of her neck and gripped onto her tightly, fingers digging into the black fabric she was wearing. He wouldnât lift his head, but he knew she could feel the burning tears against her neck, dripping to her collarbones. He knew that she knew he was breaking, but she simply stayed there with him in a moment that he never thought would come, and for that, he was grateful. Her presence was soft and healing, and while she had said time was the only thing that would heal this pain, she had little knowledge of the impact she, herself, was having on him. Without her, he probably would have never healed...
I have 2/3 of the mini vignettes for the next chapter of for the country done... in case ya want to reread any of the otherâs, because itâs been a hot minute since Iâve posted anything...