Enneagram Type’s Childhood
Children with the One pattern try hard to be good. They have an unconscious feeling of needing to justify their existence. They became their own disciplinarians and often the discipliner of other siblings.
One or all authority figures are either inadequate, not present, or too demanding and punitive. When the parent is not present, they decide to make their own rules and moral code. When the parent is too punitive, they internalize these rules.
They feel deep guilt, intrinsic inner flaw, and try to cover it up with an identity of being good and responsible. They can perceive others as having less integrity, being lazy and messy.
Children with the Two pattern learn to put other’s needs first - to give in order to receive - and that love must be earned. They try to read the needs in the family and see how they could fulfill them.
They often learn to please the opposite sex parent and this becomes a special relationship, which causes a difficult relationship with the same sex parent. It also leads to a triangulation, which is often carried out in adulthood.
Children with the Three pattern do not feel valued for themselves. They get praise for what they do and become productive to get this praise.
They often unconsciously adapt themselves to become what the nurturer wants them to be. They often pursue a career that may make their nurturer proud of them.
They have a deep feeling of shallowness and deceit, their insides do not match the image they have created.
Children with the Four pattern feel different than their parents. They believe they are not seen by their parents.
There is the feeling that they were kicked out of the nest because there is something tragically wrong with them. Often there is some event that changes the family structure and stands out as the event that changed everything.
Some remember a time when everything was wonderful and a moment when they were rejected for no apparent reason. They spend their childhood trying to regain love by being special.
Children with the Five pattern feel unsafe in their families. They experience their families as intrusive and overwhelming. There is no privacy, no where to hide except in their minds.
They experience the emotional needs and expression of their parents as invasive. Some create an inner fantasy world.
Children with the Six pattern experience their parents as inadequate and unable to protect or care for them well. Early in childhood they feel safe, as they get older something happens that makes them perceive their parents as inadequate.
Usually this occurs during the phase of separating when they need a strong parental figure to show them what is and isn’t safe about the world. At this time they experience parent(s) as inadequate - absent, unavailable, weak, etc.
Children with the Seven pattern feel cut off from the nurturer, causing frustration and anxiety. They feel there was not enough love for them in the family.
Sometimes there is someone needier who requires more attention. Sometimes the nurturer is distracted by emotional pain to give to all the children.
Their role is to be positive, not need much, and help everyone be happier, particularly the nurturer. As adults they often have a close bond with their mothers.
Children with the Eight pattern grow up quickly for a variety of reasons. There is violence in the family or around the family. The protector is missing and they must protect and provide for the family at a young age.
They survive in bad neighborhoods - survival issues are important. It is not safe to be gentle or giving, that seems weak and soft. They feel rejected/betrayed and learn to be tough.
Children with the Nine pattern feel overwhelmed by their families. They try to disappear and/or make peace. They dissociate from drama by becoming invisible or mediating.
They are very low maintenance. They learn that having needs, getting angry, or having difficulties is not acceptable. They lose energy and become listless.
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