how can we satisfy you tonight?

hot, sweaty, and intimate posts featuring Joker Out

[saucyjothoughts]

It's a bik bik weekend for us all... Karneval and 10 years of Joker Out!

Anticipating major FOMO for those of us unable to be there, and also a major post-social-event mood slump for those of us who do attend.

So.

How about a little something to look forward to afterwards?

(details under the cut)

Just for fun - if you want to challenge yourself to do all 31 days and exactly 100 words each, please do! But the important thing is picking something that sparks joy and creativity and getting your ideas out there.

Aim for 50-250 per scene as a guide. Most of the prompts have multiple interpretations; there are no wrong answers! Sauce welcome (obviously), but this isn't kinktober - fluff, angst, or any weird and wonderful concepts you might have in mind are included.

Humans only please - AI not welcome! Be as boring, cliche, and full of typos as you like, as long as it's human!

Post on Tumblr with the tag "JO july drabbles 2026" (or submit anonymously to Saucy if you'd prefer to stay in stealth mode)

Or on A03 in the collection (actually I can't figure out how to start a collection without outing myself so maybe just use the same tag? Or pop it in the title of your series/fic. We're a small fandom, we'll find you!)

And remember that fandom means community - reblogs, kudos, comments and conversations are what it's all about.

Who knows, maybe you'll come across a drabble that will turn into your next favourite multi-chapter longfic?

[ljubitelj-sonca]

JO July Drabbles - Day 1 - Birthday

“Do you think he’ll still wanna eat it?” “What are you talking about, of course he will.” “It doesn’t look exactly edible.” Kris pulls a face. If it’s at the sight or at the comment, Jure can’t tell. “Well,” Kris begins again, “we know it is edible. It’s your fault for trusting the ambitious recipe would hold up with gluten free cake.” “Hey! I thought it would maybe be a bit dry. I didn’t think it would completely fall apart.” Kris’s phone pings. He snorts. “Bojan says it looks like it’s been in a car accident.” Jure sighs. “Sorry, Nace.”

[ana-chronista]

So I decided to give this a go... except I'm not great at writing smut, so please accept this attempt to make you laugh instead!

Day One: Birthday

“Nace,” Bojan announces as he flops down into the chair next to him. “I think we’re gonna need you to peel Jure off the floor and get him onto the plane.” He points, but Nace is already looking up to take in the sight of their drummer, sprawled on his back with one arm cast dramatically over his eyes. Jan shaking the other in a futile attempt to rouse him and looking utterly bemused by this sudden role reversal. Nace takes it as much in stride as he has everything since day one, nodding sagely. “Ah, that’ll be the four day hangovers kicking in.” Bojan frowns, confused. “The what?” “The four day hangovers,” Nace says as though it’s obvious. At the sight of Bojan’s expression, he elaborates, “You know how you hit twenty-five and suddenly your hangovers last twice as long? Well, that doubles again once you hit thirty, and of course Muca’s an old man as of midnight.” He sighs heavily. “The headaches, the nausea, the fatigue... he’ll be stuck in a darkened room throughout, no use to anyone.” Bojan’s mind takes him on a whistlestop tour of every last horror that Jure being out of action for several days this close to Karneval will bring upon their collective heads, before he manages to run smack bang into a realisation. “Wait... you weren’t even drinking any more by thirty, how would you know?” Nace’s composure cracks in a wave of loud laughter, and Bojan is struck once again with the revelation that he really isn’t the calm and responsible adult that he comes across as. It’s not the first time it’s happened, but it’s just as jarring every time. On the plus side, the sound gets a groan out of Jure, so it seems that they won’t need to call for medical attention yet. “Of course it’s not a four day hangover,” Nace says, “There wouldn’t have been enough time for him to drink enough for that before we had to be here. He’s just tired from not going to bed after the gig, that’s all.” He offers Bojan a smile and heaves himself up. “Don’t worry, I’ll grab him.” “Thanks, Nacko, you’re the best!” Nace is already several paces away before it strikes Bojan just how short three years are, and calls after him, “But the four day hangover thing, is a joke, right? Right?” Nace doesn’t answer.

[softwetmoss]

I haven't decided where I'm going with these, but the point is, I'm going.

It feels good to write again *throwing my phone across the room to scream into a pillow*

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

[saucyjothoughts]

Hi Saucy! This is my too long Jo July Drabble, hope someone likes it!

He didn't even bring a gift.

It bothers Jan, but what could you even give to a grown man? Nace doesn't seem to care, he just drives the car. Jan still asks about it under the guise of humour. Nace laughs.

"But you will!"

Jan gets even more confused when Nace turns the car onto a tiny side road. "What route is this?" wonders Jan, but Nace is as if he doesn't hear. The road narrows but after a while it leads them to an unimaginably beautiful place. "Where are we? Aren't the others already waiting for us?"

Nace doesn't answer, just grabs a small basket from the trunk. In front of them, a magnificent mountain landscape opens up. Someone has built a log table with benches there. Ok, a picnic for two before the party, Jan concludes as Nace lifts things from the basket. But what Jan first thinks is a tablecloth is actually a towel, and what might have looked like a tube of mustard is lube.  

Nace spreads the towel on the table. Not on top of it, but on the edge, folded twice. He pulls Jan over and as he takes off Jan's pants, he casually talks about how he had long since confessed how he always wanted outdoor sex, but didn't like the idea of branches, ants, and other inconveniences, and Jan had promised to be there if Nace found a way to avoid them. Since then, he has been looking for a suitable place. 

Nace presses Jan against the table, makes sure the towel is in the right place, and snaps the lube.

Jan's moans echo off the mountain walls as Nace opens up his gift.

Darling anonyboo, this is magnificent! 😍😍😍 What a wonderful birthday gift for Nace to open.

[xx-owl-xx]

JO July Drabbles by @saucyjothoughts

Day One: Scars (116 Words)

"How did you get that?" They were both out on the balcony smoking after having shakily put on their boxers and grabbling the closest pack and lighter on their way out. It so happened to be Jan's this time.

"What?" Jure tried to look down at himself, but he wasn't sure what Jan was pointing at.

"That scar." He took a drag and slowly let the smoke out, pointing again at the back of Jure's knee. "Under your knee."

"Oh that! Was working on my bike and got too close to the exhaust." Jan scoffed and pulled the blonde in close to him taking in a deep breath of his hair still damp with sweat.

"Idiot."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Excited to work through these and write for Joker Out again cause I’ve missed it!

I will say all of them will be on some level Jure centric, I know shocker, so prepare for that!

[saucyjothoughts]

Joker Out July Drabbles

Day 1 - Birthday

185 words

(nsfw under the cut)

"Please? It's my birthday." 

The band are mid-tour, everyone getting a little tired and antsy, bodies still achy and they're already back on the tourbus, a long road ahead. It's after midnight and Jure has just turned one year older - a toast, a joke, some nostalgia, and Jure making a wish for a birthday blowjob. 

The rest of the guys laugh it off, fuzzy with darkness and drink, just another of Jure's dirty jokes. But then he's on his knees on the gently rumbling floor. 

He's stroking at Jan's knee and and the rest of the band look to each other, unsure where this might be going. 

No one has had any relief in a while - partners in different countries and no privacy on tour.

"I want all of you. I love you guys."

Jure licks his lips and his eyes wander, his hand venturing further up Jan's thigh. Jan waits for the punchline, for the tension to break. It doesn't. The others are watching, waiting. Kris wriggles in his seat, rearranging himself. 

"Please?" 

Well, it IS his birthday... 

[saucyjothoughts]

It's day 1 of JO Drabbles July 26!

It's midweek and even I am sleepy and unprepared but the joy of drabbles is the low commitment. Just daydream and word-vomit out into the void. Joyous!

If your drabbles are going on Tumblr, remember to tag with JO July Drabbles 2026

Do any days that tickle your pickle and skip any that don't

[saucyjothoughts]

hi there, i love this blog! We've all seen yesterdays' shower pictures, so I'm probably not the first: shower sex with Nace please 🙏

Let's pretend those shower pictures really were posted yesterday and I haven't completely lost control of my life.

(nsfw under the cut)

You haven't been together long. Things are still new and tentative, you're still learning about each other (intellectually and physically) and this is the first time you've shared a hotel room. It sure beats racing to tidy your apartment before he comes over so he doesn't think you're a slob or having to deal with his weird housemates when you stay over at his place.

You were a little late checking in and now you don't have much time to get ready. The perfect excuse to hop in the shower with him to save time, right?

When he stands again, suddenly taller than you, his erection presses against your tummy. You let it. The soft skin of your belly is slippery and he moves his hips just enough to let the tip of his cock drag up and down your skin, the texture of the contact changing slightly as he leaks precome onto you. You were supposed to be here to get clean. You're going to be late.

In the hotel bathroom, the steamy air fills your lungs with scents of almond milk and lavender from the complimentary goodies. He's already done his hair by the time you step in and realise that the water pressure is hugely better than you're used to, the hot water like a massage against your skin. But while you're trying to do your hair under the water, he's starting to get cold and muscles in close next to you, close enough to push your silky-soft bodies together. He waits so patiently until you're done with your hair to offer his assistance for the rest of your body.

A smooth, creamy soap in his hands, he works the lather over you, starting from your shoulders, your collar bones, and down over your breasts. He spends a long time there and you notice a blush on his cheeks that isn't due to the heat of the water. He was hoping you wouldn't notice his semi, but how can you not when you're this close? You offer him an arm at a time to scrub and he's getting into your underarms and all the way down between your fingers. He asks you to turn around and does the back of your neck, down your spine, his steady hands sinking into your muscles as he works, and down to your butt. His breath behind your ear is suddenly gone and you realise he's getting down on his knees to scrub your thighs, your calves. You turn around again and he's fully hard now, on his knees in the shower for you, washing your feet. There's a cheeky smile on his face, his wet hair slicked back and his inked skin looking good in the water.

But now your kind, fun, handsome boyfriend kissing you and you want him and his hand is pushing between your thighs and between your lips and inside you and he's still thrusting his red, swollen cock against your skin desperate for some relief. How can you deny him when he looks like this?

You turn to face the wall and bend forward a little in this cramped space, resting your forearms on the cold tiles and waiting for him to take you. His hands on you, you lift a knee to give him access, a dangerous move in this slippery place but he supports, steadying your hips and you feel his cock against your butt, between your cheeks, lower, against you lips, and finally inside you. Just the tip, but it makes you gasp all the same.

"You okay?" He manages, intoxicated on this moment but not enough that he can't still pause to ensure your pleasure. It's one of the things you love really like about him. With your nod, he pushes hard, slow, bigger than any of your partners before and infinitely more satisfying. The pair of you find a rhythm under the hot stream of the shower, washing away your sweat and providing a backing track to your breathy moans.

"Can I come in you?" He groans behind your ear, your tight heat so good against his hungry cock. You spit your 'yes's enthusiastically but he doesn't speed up just yet. He's waiting. One strong, tattooed arm finds its way around your body and down your belly to between your legs. It's an awkward angle but he finds your clit and pleasures you with little circles, your knees growing weak and forcing you to rest your head against the shower tiles to resist collapsing completely. The feeling is heavenly, sending ripples of relaxation and affection all through your body while he's still deep inside you, pushing strong and slow.

He notes your moans raising in pitch, your body tensing as you're about to come. And all at once he's supporting your entire weight as you lose control, your pussy clenching around him, your moans filling the steamy air, and now he's ready for his own orgasm - pounding into you hard, not letting you come down from your high, the slapping of skin against skin echoing around the wetroom. He comes hard inside you, impossibly wet, his mouth loud against your ear and his hands unable to decide where to squeeze.

You're late for your event.

Neither of you care.

[saucyjothoughts]

Birthday boy

[saucyjothoughts]

Shoutout to fellow ovulating boo who can't stop thinking about Nace.

All I can think of is being manhandled by his strong tattooed arms. Being face down and ass up as he slams his hips into me and smacks my ass.

And ofc Jan can come and play with us too.

(Thanks hormones, im feral. Not overthinking this.. and press send)

I was going to find a cute cuddly smiley glasses picture of Nace and caption it "your boyfriend Nace most of the month" and then contrast it to a sweaty growling tattoo picture and caption it "your boyfriend Nace when you're ovulating".

But search cancelled, because all I can think about it this:

It starts off in doggy but he's ploughing into you so hard that your legs are weak and soon he's just fucking your hips directly down into the mattress, maybe forcing your knees apart with his own to keep you presented so nicely for him, or maybe squashing your thighs together while he's smacking into you to keep you so fucking tight around his cock.

He thinks this will shut you up, keep you barefoot and pregnant satisfied, but you're insatiable like this and no matter how good it feels, you're gonna be ready to go again in no time, spending days soft and wet and dripping with his cum and so, so sensitive.

Maybe he'll stay with you the whole time. Or maybe he'll gift you a vibrator modelled on his own cock so you can sort yourself out while he finally gets a break from your unquenchable thirst.

Or maybe...

"Hey, Jan. Listen, could you come over? I've got stuff to do, need someone to take care of Boo while I'm busy."

[saucyjothoughts]

More Nace posting

[saucyjothoughts]

#werewolf!nace

SAUCY...

🥵🥵🥵

You're really trying to kill us aren't you?

(original thought here)

I can't stop thinking about it.

(nsfw under the cut)

He's almost back to normal now. You can feel his body shift behind you, bones creaking and skin snapping as he falls back into his human form. The claws digging into your hip turn back into fingertips, the growling jaws at the back of your neck turn back into soft lips. Where a thick coat of fur pressed against you, it's now just skin, the familiar texture of your boyfriend's chest hair against your back.

"Shit," he swears, coming back to himself. He's always groggy at first, piecing together the memories of his change, assessing the damage.

He's used to transforming here, in the cage you built into the cellar to contain him when he's in his wolf form. He used to take himself into the forest on a full moon, but the locals were getting suspicious about the loss of their livestock.

What he isn't used to, however, is transforming next to you.

Not just next to you. With horror, Nace realises he's inside you.

He tries to pull his hips back but his body isn't fully human yet, his wolf knot still deep in your pussy, tying his cock inside you.

"Did I hurt you?"

No, he didn't. Somehow, he didn't.

He's the sweetest guy in his human form, always playing with you and caring for you, always trying to be the perfect provider and listener. He's everything you could wish for.

It changes a little when he's about to transform. For a few days before every full moon, his body isn't ready to completely change but something shifts within him. Something is... heightened. There's a desperation in him, a hunger. He keeps it hidden for the most part, the self-control he's been working on his whole life enough to keep his instincts in check. But you can feel it in how he looks at you, how he touches you. How he sniffs you. There is something animal behind his eyes.

"I'm fine," you tell him as he holds you. It's the truth. Your clothes are torn and only a thin layer of straw protects your body from the dusty stone floor. But he's warm against you, still bigger than you even in his human form, and his cock feels so good stretching you out. There is so much of his wolfcum inside you right now, you almost fancy it's enough to bulge your tummy out.

You push your butt back against him, forcing his knot deep and he just about snarls at how good it feels.

The cage mustn't have been locked properly. You could hear the usual howling and crashing as he shifted. You felt bad for him like you always do, knowing how much it hurts him to shift, how scared he always is. But this time, he didn't stay in the cellar. The wolf came creeping through the house, having to crouch to get it's huge, hairy, salivating form through the doorways.

It smashed through the kitchen first, then came upstairs, sniffing the air, looking for you.

You were helpless in front of it, unable to run or hide, screaming his name, hoping there was something left of your boyfriend inside the beast that could stop it from devouring you.

It did devour you.

Just not in the way you feared.

The wolf had seemed to be surprisingly focused on your pleasure, getting off on your fear, your moans, your wetness. It had dragged you back to it's cage and not let you go.

Now, his cock is still pulsing inside you with every movement of your hips, his knot still in full force, holding his hips to your ass.

"Did I...? Did we...?" He's still trying to piece it together.

"I think it's fairly obvious we did."

"Was it... Did you like it?"

Your body twists in his loving, human arms, turning so you can see his face while he's still inside you from behind. His mouth is wet, some of his teeth a little sharper than normal. There's a glint in his eye but he's obviously, undeniably, Nace.

"Best sex ever."

[saucyjothoughts]

Bringing this back for Nace's birthday

[saucyjothoughts]

just read through all the bomiha bits from the 😈 anon and holy shit. reading all of that in a heatwave was a Choice for sure and i regret nothing

Dangerous activities anonyboo! We do love our 😈 anon but they might be a health hazard!

Make sure to think of cool things. Like ice cream, and boys tongues licking it, and sweat dripping down his neck, and... oh dear, too hot.

[saucyjothoughts]

Hello again Saucy. A small thank you for all of the delicious KinkJOber content you've blessed us with.

😈😈😈

He doesn't end up finding someone new, someone steady, not for himself. There was the odd, shared adventure with Chantal, but they were few and far inbetween. There was another man, a few weeks after the last one. Enthusiastic. Sultry. Went to his knees gracefully. Miha managed to keep his mouth shut, but his name was there, right at the tip of his tongue, a call for which the response echoed and mingled with the sounds of his plaything for the evening. It was good, mostly because Miha kept imagining another eager mouth, far more sensitive fingers.

He doesn't pursue anything after that, doesn't stumble into anything.

‘Anything’ ends up stumbling into him.

Miha had woken up briefly when the front door opened and closed, a bit too loudly to be anything but the work of someone moderately drunk. Well, two someones. Miha had ended up on the living room couch for a normal reason, a movie that he dozed off to. He could go to bed, his real bed, but well… no reason to let Kris and Bojan know he was awake. He turns on his side, buries his face into the throw pillows and pretends to sleep through the noise of the boys getting ready for bed.

His dream starts uncomplicated, swirling into something that remains shapeless but stirs arousal in him, like phantom touches, only-

Only real. Real weight on him that grinds against his thigh, real arousal tenting his sweats, real hands pressing down on his chest.

“Bojan?” His voice is a whisper, groggy and thick with sleep.

“Shh, just…”

“What are- You should-” not be doing this why are you here where is- “-be asleep.”

“Soon,” Bojan whispers, lets out a shuddering breath as his hips cant just right. “Soon, I just… fuck, jus’ need this, and… and Kris… uh… Kris is… passed out, he- so drunk, can't do- can't give me what I need.”

Miha's fingers itch. To push Bojan away, to guide him, to keep him still, he can't decide. Bojan, as if sensing his predicament, locks eyes with Miha in the dusky darkness.

“It's not… we're not fucking. I just… I need this. Please? You- you can give me - ah - give me this? Right? Only you.”

Bojan is playing dirty, and he knows it. Miha can't resist, not when Bojan is using his own teasing, his own challenge against him. Hands land on hips, setting the pace. Just this. Nothing else. Bojan setting weight on one hand, pressing into Miha's pec, the other…

“Fuck…” Miha cusses under his breath when Bojan's hand cups him, gives him something to grind against.

“Let me… feel… you.”

It takes him an embarrassingly short time to cum after he feels Bojan twitch against him, biting back his grunts as Bojan smiles smugly, rubbing him through it.

They don't kiss. It still isn't that kind of exchange. Miha's heart beats under Bojan's hand, the last touch to linger as Bojan climbs off him. He looks like everything Miha wants looking down at him, lazy smile, hair a mess.

“I missed this,” Bojan whispers, then pads off to Kris' bedroom.

😈 boo! I've missed you! This is incredible.

[saucyjothoughts]

Trying to pick a favourite from the BoMiha saga and it might just be this one! Incredible work.

[saucyjothoughts]

Immagine boo handcuffing/tying any of the Jokers to the bed and riding them cowgirl style. Going whichever speed she likes. Sometimes speeding up then slowing down. Which one of them would break first and start crying from all that edging? Which one would be able to last the most? Which one would try to get out of the cuffs just to be able to touch her hips/ass? Which one would try to buck their hips upwards so that she would break first?

Oh anonyboo I love this idea! It's so hot to use your favourite boy as a living sex toy and feel them writhe under you.

(Nsfw under the cut)

Break first and start crying from edging: Bojan. He needs you so desperately and not being able to touch you is torture. He can see your tits bouncing, your hair falling in you face and a sheen of sweat covering your skin. He can't touch you and he whimpers and cries for it. Maybe if he cums you'll take mercy on him.

Last the longest: Jan. He's had experience edging and stopping himself from orgasming. A combination of self pleasure and teasing, and partners who wouldn't let him cum until they allowed him. You can ride him all night long and he'll stay hard for you but he really hopes you'll allow him to cum.

Try to get out of the cuffs: Jure absolutely. He's cheeky and doesn't like being put in his place so he does everything to get out of it. It becomes a race between if he can get put first or if you can make him cum first. He usually wins, his large and rough hands digging into your hips before flipping you over to show you what his hips can really do.

Buck his hips up to have her break faster: Nace. He wants you to ride him. He wants to have you clutching his chest while he fucks into you. Just because he's restrained doesn't mean he's not still dominant and all those hip thrusts he does at the gym have got to be worth something.

Is a good boy and let's you do whatever you want: Kris. He lets his pillow princess tenancies come out and loves when you use his body like this. He knows what he's there for, his arms above his head and his cock hard and pulsing inside you. He is a toy, all for you.

[saucyjothoughts]

It's a bik bik weekend for us all... Karneval and 10 years of Joker Out!

Anticipating major FOMO for those of us unable to be there, and also a major post-social-event mood slump for those of us who do attend.

So.

How about a little something to look forward to afterwards?

(details under the cut)

Just for fun - if you want to challenge yourself to do all 31 days and exactly 100 words each, please do! But the important thing is picking something that sparks joy and creativity and getting your ideas out there.

Aim for 50-250 per scene as a guide. Most of the prompts have multiple interpretations; there are no wrong answers! Sauce welcome (obviously), but this isn't kinktober - fluff, angst, or any weird and wonderful concepts you might have in mind are included.

Humans only please - AI not welcome! Be as boring, cliche, and full of typos as you like, as long as it's human!

Post on Tumblr with the tag "JO july drabbles 2026" (or submit anonymously to Saucy if you'd prefer to stay in stealth mode)

Or on A03 in the collection (actually I can't figure out how to start a collection without outing myself so maybe just use the same tag? Or pop it in the title of your series/fic. We're a small fandom, we'll find you!)

And remember that fandom means community - reblogs, kudos, comments and conversations are what it's all about.

Who knows, maybe you'll come across a drabble that will turn into your next favourite multi-chapter longfic?

[saucyjothoughts]

i cannot stop imagining jan's beard scratching my thighs while he sucks my tdick and eats me out 😵‍💫 having his painted nails dig into my hips, holding me down...

I used to think of Jan as one of the more gentle jokers but those jarms he's been working on have got to be for the purpose of pinning you to the bed (or wall, or table, or floor, or tree). I'd quite like to see how those pecs are looking these days, and that ass, and those thighs... Maybe he'll give us a show at some point. You just know he'd spend forever between your legs, letting you feel his beard and his tongue and his nosering against the soft skin of your inner thighs, letting one hand squeeze tight onto yours and the other play up and down your legs and over your belly, trying to hold your hips still as you get more and more sensitive, more and more desperate for it, louder and louder until your dick is sore and throbbing and his beard his sopping wet and only then does he finally take pity on you...

[saucyjothoughts]

So, about my uncle's suicide: I've never wanted kids, crippling fear of getting pregnant, didn't understand why people would want them, etc. but I wasn't antinatalist, it was just that vague feeling of "I have depression and ADHD and if I had a kid they'd probably have it too and I would never be able to forgive myself for being the direct reason someone is suffering the same way I did and do". Ya know, which skirts the line of eugenics a little bit, but whatever.

When my uncle passed, it was like... A bomb. I looked around me and realized that all my relatives, acquaintances, all the people I've known... I can barely remember anyone who's ever even been able to "break even" in the happiness/suffering department. Even if you're a loving, stable parent (which my grandparents weren't lol) there is absolutely no way to guarantee that your child will ever be happy. But suffering is absolutely guaranteed. Why sentence someone to that? There's no rational reason to having kids. And this is turning into the stereotypical antinatalist rant fhfhdjkdnsj so yeah, it just put things into perspective.

About my intense relationship: idk, I'm just sad, Saucy. They broke up with me to focus on their studies, but wanted to remain friends. I took some time to regroup and we started talking again, but then... Idk, either they were sucked deeper into their studies or it is I who suck, and without the romantic/sexual aspect I'm worth nothing. One of the two.

I've always found it extremely difficult to connect with people, and maintaining them was almost always impossible. So on top of losing someone very dear to me, it opened old wounds back up.

And they... I felt like Cinderella while we were together. Like I had left all the shit that my life had been behind. And then.................. Nope. Back to this bullshit. It was all just a dream.

Sorry about the rant, as foreshadowed above I don't really have anyone to talk to lol.

This might be just me projecting my currently unachievable desires of getting the fuck out of here, but I fully support you leaving everything behind and moving to a city where no one knows you

I see, so it's more for yourself and your family than a generalised thing? I get it. I, too, fully intend to be a genetic cul-de-sac due to my family history of mental ill-health, but I actually find that kind of freeing. No pressure, just focusing on myself. Yes being alive is awful, but it's also wonderful. The joy is as inevitable as the suffering. When you're depressed, wanting to be dead feels like an objective truth, but nothing is objective in this world. I've met many, many dogs who have been happy despite everything, all they know is family and love and adventure. Their version of the world is beautiful, and I want mine to be, too. It's not selfish or short-sighted to be happy and there have been so many moments in my life where I've been glad to still be alive and still experiencing and I know there are more of those moments to come and I'm excited to find out what they're going to be. I lost a depression buddy relatively recently and since then, I feel like I kind of have a duty to experience as much joy as possible, because she can't anymore. That said, I did fail miserably at trying to reduce my antidepressant dose this year, so don't listen to anything I have to say.

Also, isn't it funny how so many of us who never want kids still harbour a solid breeding kink?

Sorry about your relationship - it sounds like they just weren't feeling it any more and we're trying to be kind about it. That doesn't have to affect your self worth. "back to this bullshit" but soon, back to the joy. Then back to the bullshit. Then back to the joy. Then back to the bullshit again. Then more joy. Life is peaks and troughs. Just gotta keep going and enjoy the good times while they last, and trust that they will come again.

Big fan of changing your life instead of ending your life, if you're lucky enough to be able to do so. Have run away and started again many times over the years!