only human

i want to sleep forever.

[schg]

how do i even make connections anymore

[schg]

idek what to say. i feel so terrible that i'm not even sure if i'm actually right for feeling this way. mostly a feeling of uncertainty towards something i don't even have a clue on. and that is shitty. i miss hearing his voice. and i miss a lot of things. but i need to live with the fact that in his eyes, i am nothing. i am just a speck of dust, one person in his circle of friends that doesn't really mean nothing to him. i hate feeling this way. i don't like that i feel this way. i hate that my mind and heart is creating this image and that i'm attached to the idea of him compared to how he really is. he didn't even ask me. and maybe it's best if i distant myself from him because this is eating me up. i hate feeling this way.

[schg]

i really hope i die soon.

[schg]

i wonder if i should take meds again. im so suicidal i feel like i can jump on the train track tomorrow

[schg]

of course i will always come here when i have lost the will to live

[la-motomami]

ROSALÍA ☼ LUX

[angelshizuka]

Friendly reminder that autistic people can be depressed and traumatized, this isn't always an "or" situation.

Heck, if anything it's extremely common for autistic people to be either or both. Especially because of the kind of world we live in that hates autistic people's entire existence, wheter they're aware the person they're hating is autistic or not, because our (undiagnosed) symptoms and "vibe" is enough reason for them. It's why stuff like "oh, it's just because of how they grew up that traumatized them/gave them depression why they act like that" isn't a valid argument why someone can't be autistic. Like, whoa... it's almost like growing up undiagnosed until I was 19 left me with permanent trauma or something.

And that's not even getting into how the "not autistic enough" mindset can be really harmful to undiagnosed (and diagnosed) individuals, because that mindset is always fueled by the extremely stereotypical view people have of autism, which is part of the reason so many of us don't get a diagnosis/help until adulthood when the damage has already been done.

I may sound a bit harsh/direct, but this is an extremely personal topic to me and I'm tired of having this same discussion over and over again.

[schg]

does me not being obsessed with a fictional character means im actually not autistic? i have read about someone who is autistic but they’re not fixated on a fictional character. sometimes i keep gaslighting myself. i compare myself to individuals who are autistic. it makes me even more stressed.

[schg]

the thing is. a lot of autistic traits. i have. and when i read them it makes me realise i have been doing that for the rest of my life. i cried when i discovered i might actually be autistic because that explains A LOT. it was a profound revelation that it makes me cry.

[schg]

does me not being obsessed with a fictional character means im actually not autistic? i have read about someone who is autistic but they’re not fixated on a fictional character. sometimes i keep gaslighting myself. i compare myself to individuals who are autistic. it makes me even more stressed.

[absolutegibberishandnumbers]

jokes to make after failure that aren’t self-deprecating:

I’m the best to ever do it

Nobody saw that (best if said loudly)

No one’s ever done it like me

I could be President/they should make me President

Behold, a mere fraction of my power!

The public wants to be me soooooo bad

I’m an expert in (thing you just failed at)

How could this have happened to god’s favorite princess?

Nothing ibuprofen and a glass of water cant fix

I’m being sabotaged

[ashciz-thoughts]

I am DEFINITELY gonna use 5, 3, & 10!!!!! I already say something like 1, which I love!

This is an awesome way to avoid saying negative things about yourself! You may not realize it, but saying lil' insults to yourself even in a joking manner can subconsciously effect your mood and self esteem. So, gearing positive language toward yourself will do the opposite! You'll treat yourself nicely, slowly feel more confident about yourself, and just feel better in general! :]

[callmemanatee]

The way most autism literature describes "literal interpretation" is often not at all similar to how I experience it. Teenage me even thought I couldn't be autistic because I've always been able to learn metaphors easily.

In fact, I love wordplay of all kinds. Teenage me was fascinated to learn all the types of figurative language there are in poetry and literature.

But paperwork and questionnaires are hard, because there's so much they don't state clearly. Or they don't leave room for enough nuance.

"List all the jobs you've had, with start and end dates." What if I don't remember the exact day or month? Is the year enough?

"Have you been suffering from blurred vision?" Well, if I take off my glasses the whole world is blurred, but I'm fairly sure that's not what the intake form at the optometrist is asking.

Or the infamous (and infuriatingly stereotypical) "Would you rather go to a library or a party?" What sort of party? Where? Who's there? I work at a library. Am I currently at the library for work or pleasure? Does it have a good collection?

It's not common figures of speech that confound me. It's ambiguity, in situations that aren't supposed to be ambiguous.

[burntblueberrywaffles]

I LOVE being autistic and trying to communicate because every time it’s

[lu18-07-deactivated20250815]

I hate it.

[thirteens-pocket-watch]

Adults: Following rules is good, not following rules is bad

Little me: Okay :] *follows a rule*

Adults: Oh my god look at this loser. He doesn't know that this rule is Secretly Okay To Not Follow. Dumbass. Let's all laugh at him

[paxyfox]

And then when you don’t follow a rule you’re suddenly a delinquent 😔

[bipolarmango]

My doctor and therapist: now with this autism + ADHD diagnosis you need to learn to unmask because masking all the time will make you burn out again and feel like shit

Other people: well it's just interesting how after getting the diagnosis you suddenly start behaving like that I mean I'm not saying you're faking it's just funny how you suddenly cannot be normal like you were before

[klatchianmist]

I think I'm becoming increasingly grateful that I never really learned how to mask. At best I can be sort of professional for 8 hours a day, but it doesn't feel like I'm actively pretending to be anything, I'm just hiding some stuff. My spouse is unlearning masking, and it seems like it hurt them a lot over the years.

[status-quo-hater]

I think some of you forgot that autistic people sometimes act strange and say things that are poorly worded and speak with incorrect tone and misunderstand or miss social cues because they are autistic

[leon-sin]

"you're so cute!" "I love your autism"

Until you suddenly realize that I am actually autistic and it's not always cute and is in fact disabling in a lot of situations

[anexperimentallife]

[licker-of-guns-offical]

[ID: Nick Fury saying "I recognise the council has made a hierarchy but given that it's a stupid-ass hierarchy I've elected to ignore it.*]

[bootleg-nessie]

I FUCKING LOVE INFORMATION!!! I WANT TO LEARN EVERY THING AND KNOW EVERYTHING!!!!! I WANT TO UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING ABOUT LIFE, THE UNIVERSE, AND EVERYTHING!!!!!! I AM UTTERLY CONSUMED BY MY THIRST FOR KNOWLEDGE!!!!!!!!!!!!