Think it would do more people some good to understand that they are victims of bigotry because society is bigoted and not necessarily "because" they are the thing people are bigoted towards. Their victimhood is a portion of a larger animal that is not shy about "collateral damage", because the dissent from kyriarchy is always threatening to supremacist structures.
Straight people are absolutely victims of homophobia. Girls too close friends with other girls. When a woman turns down a men and gets called a slur. Men doing anything perceived to be feminine. Years ago a cop tortured and killed his small child because he said the boy was gay. We will never know if that kid turned out to be gay because he wasn't killed for "being gay" but because his father's violent homophobia had him on the hunt for "signs" his child was queer.
Cis people are constantly victims of transphobia. Cis people get transvestigated, gender nonconforming people are attacked in bathrooms, people who "look" or "seem" trans are followed by cops and attacked by security guards. Anyone presenting in a way that doesn't align with the most rigid ideas of male and female are potential deviants who need punished.
White people are absolutely not victims of "reverse racism", but are still not necessarily "exempt" from being victimized by racism and antiblackness. The bar has shifted, and now more groups of white people enjoy being accepted into white supremacy who hadn't been previously--or were conditionally-- for example: Italians, Irish, and Jewish people. The entire concept of "race traitors" is a study on white people being brutalized by anti-Black racism. Racists hate Black folks so severely that white allies and partners are sometimes attacked and killed for it.
None of these people are the main targets of these bigotries, but their privileges are conditional still. Nonconformity and association with the "other" can get those privileges revoked.
But what we need to understand and understand well is that their victimhood in these scenarios is crucially not accidental. It is always a punishment for stepping out of line, either by potentially being the feared/hated category, or for "taking the side" of the feared/hated category. This is always intentional, and framing what happened to them as catching strays or that they aren't even really victims because they aren't the thing that they were hurt/killed over is extremely misguided and dangerous.
Defining ourselves by the violence done to us supports the idea that to exist as we are means to suffer. That a world where we can be ourselves without pain for being ourselves is impossible. It traps us in a cycle of hopelessness. And when we define ourselves by what is done to us, then those who experience what we do must be infringing somehow, because they ARENT us, so they cannot be victims like us. It cheapens their suffering, especially those harmed for allying with us because if to be one of us is such a doomed reality, what does that make someone who chooses to stand with us?
And it also cheapens our identities. It makes our identities and harm synonymous, creating a loop where violence is inevitable and a lack of violence is a lie. Anyone who isn't us is dangerous, and anyone who is us is only ever a victim like us.
It creates insular community that is just as capable of harm as the outsiders, and it deprives us of loving community who actually do know a bit about what it's like to be us, even if they aren't exactly like us.
We are not what has been done to us.
