Schmerzafte

Avid Reader | LipVes Worshipper | Automotive Enthusiast

[schmerzafte]

Cloudy with a heavy chance of rain. (w/ WJSN Eunseo)

(As always, much appreciation goes to @a-casual-kpopfan for the help given to me by editing this post, it's been a while since I've posted a fic, and I hope my skills aren't that rusty. Love, schmerzhafte.)

Rain.

It always enamours you in this weird way.

It always reminds you of a…

Memory.

Is it sweet? bitter? or something else?

You do not grasp it well, but you feel it anyway.

Especially when you are accompanied by someone you adore, someone you care about, someone you love, and someone you cherish until the end. It always brightens your days when you spend time with her, seeing her smile and laugh whenever you crack a joke or two. It is a smile you will never forget, even if you have already seen it a thousand times. It still hits you deep. And hopefully, you will always experience this forever and ever.

“Hey, dummy! Don’t just blank out like that! I’m here you know.”

And with that, your thoughts that are starting to grow, embracing your memories, fade instantly. Because there is a smile that warms up your life when you look away from the window. It’s the smile that you won’t forget, after all.

“Jeez, I sometimes wonder why you do this often, you know? You always blank out randomly every time we hang out.”

Right. You know that she recognizes this behaviour very well. It always occurs whenever you spend your day alone or with her. The thoughts always linger around, emitting a bright light in what currently is a dark place. It is night, after all, which is always the time when both of you finish work, and decide to spend the rest of your days together, in this café. The café that you know well holds every beautiful moment that you and she create every time both of you come to this place after dealing with the mess that is life, especially when you work in such a busy office, and she also deals with the same thing as you are, albeit in a different environment.

“Yeah, I know. Sorry, it’s just…remembering what happened to us, what we deal with together in life, and what we have to face every day, yet we get to meet here, in the exact same place, every day. It’s just…comforting.”

“After all these years, I’m still confused, and it’s slowly grinding my gears, you know.”

Oh…shit.

You know this expression very well, whenever the mood starts to shift, you can easily recognize it by staring at her face, which, while expressing an angry emotion, seems to make your smile wider, just by imagining how cute she is whenever she gets angry.

“You are a cute princess whenever you get angry, Juyeon. I’m starting to notice that as well.”

“Jeez, focus on the topic! I’m asking you why you do this!” she pouts in the most adorable way possible.

“Well, here’s why.”

And then you do the most sacrilegious thing you’ve ever done in your whole life, one that you never thought you could do to other people. But you need to do it anyway, just to prove a point, just to declare something, to her.

A boop to her nose.

“Hey!”

“That is why.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“It means I love you, dummy, it means that you are important to me, to my whole life.”

The expression suddenly changes, gone is the pouty face that you thought was the cutest thing in the world, and appearing to you, a surprised face that you rarely see, because she always expects the most unexpected thing from you.

But whenever you talk about this kind of stuff, she blushes very easily, like it’s second nature to her. Maybe it’s coming from her past, which you are very knowledgeable about, or because of how much you care for her, she didn’t expect it to come from you, due to how different you are acting towards your acquaintances, friends, or…someone you cherished forever.

“Don’t…just say that to me, after the fact that you BOOPED MY NOSE!”

That blush again, it’s hard to hold a smile and a laugh, seeing that beautiful expression.

“You’re so damn cute, I wish I could see this expression from you every day, every time.” You replied, whilst holding and stroking your hand to her right cheek, remembering how cute she is whenever she gets like this. And you just wish you could do this forever and ever.

“You know you can, right? We always meet at the end of our work, and whenever the weekend arrives.”

“Yeah, but I just wish I could do this to you every day, 24/7.”

“That’s just wishful thinking, you know? Oh, by the way…” she glances at the barista, which you also know well, because, of course, both of you come here after work hours, ordering the same type of drink, and spending the rest of your days together, eventually, someone from the café would recognize both of you well. “The same one!” she spoke to the barista, ordering her favourite drink, which is the hot cappuccino with brown sugar instead of white, which she always claims “It is healthier than white sugar you know. You should try it!” of course you ignored it, but you just love to see her complain about it every time you ordered a drink with white sugar. Those small things are what keep you alive, those memories that you hold forever. But, whenever she ordered a drink, you know damn well you must keep up with her, just to not leave her alone with her drinks.

“Oh, and for me, one espresso with a shot of rum.” You said to the barista. A rare combination, but you know damn well that you must work late tonight because your boss asked for an egregious amount of wishful thinking that gets approved by the department. With how close the deadline is approaching, you know that you must work harder this evening and stay up late, making letters and invitations to different companies.

“Damn, not just an espresso, but a rum as well? Guess your boss is acting up again, huh?” She scoffed at your order. “Yeah, he’s acting up again, asking for ridiculous favours, adding weird things to an already approaching deadline, which means we have to work double the time to requisite more budget and items to the other department.” You replied to her with a disgusted look.

“Well, such is life, sometimes you get a good workplace environment, sometimes you get a shitty one, just be glad that you have a nice workplace, but with the handicap that is your boss.” There’s a hint of truth in what she said. Yeah, you work every day from 9 to 3, but the workplace you live in is comfortable; a good internet connection, pantries with many ingredients to cook something when you have downtime, an actual good income, and many friendly colleagues that always support one another. It is a rare blessing for some people, because many of those people get a shitty workplace, and a shitty boss too. That is what you’re proud of, but of course, the downside is that your boss is a tough one.

“Yeah, you’re right, anyway, the drinks have arrived!”

The barista comes with both of your beverages, her hot cappuccino, and your espresso with a shot of rum. “Still together, are we? What a lovely couple both of you are, I hope the best for both of you, living the best life, and loving each other!” she happily exclaims. You saw your soulmate smile gently whilst laughing, with a hint of blush on her cheeks. That’s a good expression to see. “Thank you, miss. We wish you the same thing as well, we hope your café keeps running well!” she happily replied to the barista, and you as well said the same thing. The café actually runs really well, it was constructed and ran probably 3 to 4 years ago, which is a good accomplishment for a self-owned café. The owner and the staff have been great to both of you, and made a drink named after both of your favourite moments in life, “Cloudy Rain”, a grey-coloured cocktail with egg white that has been shaken in order to form a “cloud of foam” that floats on the top, representing a drink that symbolizes struggle, and a hardship that both of you need to tackle to move forward in life.

“Miss Juyeon, if you have the time, can you come here at around 9.30 a.m.? We need to deliver an order, but when we saw the place where we were supposed to deliver it, we noticed that it’s your workplace. So…if you wouldn’t mind?” the barista hesitantly asked your soulmate. It’s not often that the café gets a delivery order, because it’s supposed to be a “traditional vintage café, which only serves a dine-in customer”, but when there’s an order, it usually comes from your Juyeon’s workplace, because of how she promotes the place to her colleagues and acquaintances, which in turns, creates a huge profit for the café. A rare occurrence indeed.

“Oh sure, it’s probably Hyunjung or Sojung, since both like this place’s beverages. I’m sure it’s the same order as the previous one, correct?” she asked. Call it intuition, but she knows her colleagues well enough to the point where she remembers the exact drink her colleagues ordered every time, she asks them about ordering beverages from the café. “Yes! Wow, someone’s a great colleague, huh? You’re very lucky to have a soulmate like her who cares about her colleagues.” The barista happily exclaimed. It surely puts a smile on your face too, seeing her being this cheerful, especially with how busy both of your life has been, it’s a rare occurrence, but when it happens, it’s a once-in-a-lifetime moment, that you will surely remember for the rest of your life.

But you feel sleepy all of a sudden, it feels like a weight is put on both of your shoulders, and your eyes share the same sensation, forcing a situation that you damn well can’t pull out from, with how intense work and life is. It’s weird, because you’re supposed to be awake, with how you ordered such heavy caffeine, combined with a rum as well. It’s supposed to help you with your work tonight. Instead, it forces you to fall asleep, knowing well that you need to drive home with Juyeon back home, in order to work more, and maybe get a proper rest. But luckily, she notices it well enough.

“Hey, dummy! Don’t go to sleep yet, you must drive us home, remember? Hey! Wake up!” she shouts while nudging your shoulder.

But the rain, the heavy feeling, and the warm sensation of Juyeon’s smile put you to sleep quickly, and you can’t help but notice that the rain continues to ring in your ears, keeping your company. It’s been like this for hours, but surely the rain will end soon, right? You clearly checked the weather app this morning, and it predicted that the rain would come to an end at around this time.

But it doesn’t.

Instead, it’s the sleepy feeling that comes to an end quickly.

You wake up in the same place, facing a window, watching the rain outside, you don’t even realize how long you have been asleep, but there’s one thing you do realize.

A familiar voice peeks into your left ear, shouting.

“Hey, it’s 1 a.m., and we are about to clean up before closing the café.”

It’s the Café owner, nudging your shoulder, whilst on her right hand, holding a broom.

After that, do you realize, that you are still in the same place.

The only difference is that you’re alone.

The heavy sensation that you felt, now comes again, but it doesn’t put you to sleep. Instead, it heavily pushes your mind and your heart. The rain, forcing you to memorize a certain moment that you, and the other person you used to be here with, shared.

With your phone in your grip, you checked, and a notification from the Calendar app came.

“11th November: Cloudy Rain.”

As you pull away from the window and your phone, there you see, on the other side of your table.

Grey-coloured Cocktail, with heavy foam on top.

And a familiar portrait of a person.

In front of it, a bouquet of White Chrysanthemum and Gladioli.

Someone who you’ve cherished all the time.

Who you’ve shared those moments, those memories, those sensations.

Someone, with whom you shared the rain together, after hour, in this very place, with a hot cappuccino, and an espresso with a shot of rum in front of you.

Someone, who you loved, to death.

And indeed, as you stare at the portrait,

of Son Juyeon.

[schmerzafte]

Another Music Recommendation post to fill up my empty wall! Also it's been a while since the last time I post anything, due to the lack of ideas, and I don't have that much time nowadays. So here we are!

Today's music is a throwback one! A classic, some might say. I've always been a fan of MCR, but looking back to their older stuff, especially from this album, it gives me so much memories from my childhood. This song in particular, evoked a flashback to a time where I'm still playing Need for Speed: Underground Rivals (also a classic game), the song just instantly makes me want to headbang to this day!

Anyway, that's all for now. Again, if you have any music that you want to share, feel free to tell me in the ask section! I'm open for anything!

[schmerzafte]

Another song recommendation series to fill my empty profile (also to cure me of boredom lol).

Even though Peggy has released a new collab album with Danny Brown (which is amazing ngl), I still hold this song in rotation. The beat, sample, and Peggy's delivery are everything I love about this song. Totally recommend this to you people who are interested in the underground rap/hip-hop scene.

Again, do recommend me your favourite songs, and I'll for sure listen to them.

[schmerzafte]

Kind of bored, so I'm just filling the feed with a hobby of mine, which is listening to music and playing games, thus making me able to share some of my favourite stuff and whatnot.

Previously I shared The Weeknd's Phantom Regret, now it's turned 180, and we're starting with Animal As Leader's Gordian Naught. AAL is one of my favourite bands of all time (next to Polyphia), their creativity to bend time signature etc is so awesome, and this track certainly proves it, along with Monomyth, which is another great single.

Anyway, feel free for y'all to recommend songs to me, I'll listen to them and give them a thought. Maybe we'll find some common ground. Think of this post as the second series of me sharing my playlist with y'all. Have a good day wherever you are.

[schmerzafte]

Iucunda Memoria

A.N: Hello, it's been awhile, but I'm here again! This fic is inspired by @a-casual-kpopfan, thank you so much for editing and being a massive inspiration (I hate you btw.)

“Nice day, right?”

“Yeah, it’s a bright sunny day.”

The park feels a lot brighter these days, usually it’s empty at this hour, but people are currently playing with their friends, parents with their children, and a couple of people hanging out playing board games, it’s just setting the mood a bit nice. You’re also happy because it’s been months since the last time you had seen her, so it’s a good change of pace to your life since the last few months have been terrible for you. College starting to get hectic and your research has been, well, let’s call it slowing down.

What can a college student do to improve their life?

Normally people hang out at cafes, talking about their life and what’s going on with their studies, discussing assignments, eating together, that sort of thing. But with you, an introverted college student, all you can do is play games on your computer, maybe continue your research, stare at the world from the small window in your room, thinking about what’s going to happen next.

You have your friends of course, but that doesn’t mean that you want to go out with them all the time, the majority of your life is filled with thoughts of happier days back in your childhood and teenage year, and you’re wondering “where did it wrong in your life that led to this point?”

Nonetheless, here you are now, in the park near your university under the bright sunlight, beaming the earth and making the flowers bloom. It’s blissful, everything’s good, and everything’s all right, with you, and your partner.

“Usually it’s empty, looks like people are slowly returning to their usual activities.” You said.

“Right, it almost feels… Unnatural, like something is aligning together for some reason.” She replied.

She got a good point, and you start to think, “what’s going on? Why do I feel sad yet happy somehow?” You’re both here, spending time together just like in the old days when both of you cherished the moment, sitting there on the same bench where you and your partner used to sit since the moment you met.

Where you shared all the moments in your life, and she shared hers with you, creating a bond that you didn’t know was possible, you never thought that someone like you, who is isolating yourself from other people, managed to tie this knot of friendship, and even formed a relationship, something that you didn’t even know exist.

Relationships are a strange concept.

How can someone manage to tie themselves to another person they didn’t even know about?

How can someone develop feelings for another?

Where did it come from?

It’s always a mystery waiting to be solved. At least that’s how you used to think. For whatever reason, you are involved in a relationship too, with someone whom you adored and cherished the most.

Your partner since high school, Jo Haseul.

“What’s going on right now? How are things going for you?” She asked, with that beautiful tone that you used to hear every time she comes home from work, waiting for a call from you.

“Well, the usual, still studying and researching for my thesis, it’s funny seeing my friends graduated earlier than me, it makes me sad seeing my progress, feeling like a failure every time I took a step, but life pulls you back two steps.”

“It does feel weird.” You thought to yourself. Normally, your colleagues would be calling you right now, asking for your help to assist with their research, but ever since you started falling behind, everything feels too fast-paced for you.

Now all your colleagues are already graduated from your university, now working at places you don’t even know about and having no way to contact them, since they are too busy with their work.

The feelings of being forgotten by your friends, and companies, are the worst thing imaginable for you.

“That feeling again, huh?” Forgetting people is something you could never comprehend. How do people just forget each other? It seems impossible, from your perspective. Whenever you made new acquaintances, you always tried to be the best person they can depend on, even though sometimes you are a very awkward person, you manage to find people that you can call “friend”, and form a study group together.

“It’s alright, everyone has their own pace, I think what’s being set for you, is a slow journey, waiting to end with a good one.”

“I always believe that people are meant to be happy, in any way possible, but sometimes, that happiness is there, waiting for the right time and the right place. You just need to discover it, even if it takes ages to find.”

There it is.

The positive attitude about her that you recognize so well. There’s something about being positive that just keeps your day together, even if the storms are gathering, the clouds start to block the sun, everything just turning dark, that positivity is what keeps you alive.

It’s what keeps you from giving up.

“Yeah, I guess. I never know how my life will end, with a blast or a letdown. To be honest, these days I feel like a zombie, walking around lifeless, with no clear goal of where to go, just me, myself and I. It feels weird, but it’s what I’ve been doing, at it keeps me at bay.” You tried to insert your inner thoughts, wanting her to support you again, with that positivity that you missed all the time.

“Honestly, that’s what kept me alive all this time, Haseul. You’re keeping me alive, you always believed in me, even though things are going downhill all the time, and I have to thank you for that, for believing in me, for supporting me, for cherishing me, for loving me all the time.”

You smiled at her, trying to lift your emotions back again, after being hit by a massive tragedy that shattered everything to pieces.

Hours pass and the two of you started to pack everything and leave the park, because it’s going to rain sooner rather than later, and you definitely don’t want to be caught standing alone in the rain again, like someone who’s lost.

“Thanks for everything, Haseul. It’s been fun seeing you again after all this time, I’m glad meeting you.” You tried to hold back those tears, and you started to hug her. Wanting to recognize those warm feelings again, after holding back everything, after what happened. But the storm arrived sooner than you thought, and when it came, it destroyed the whole foundation of what you believed in. Those feelings you were afraid of the most, showed up at the worst possible moment.

“Thank you. But who are you?”

[schmerzafte]

Damn. 100 notes? I genuinely thank you from my deepest pit of a heart. Never thought I would be here creating stories that would be enjoyed by many people, yet here I am, smiling like an idiot seeing all of you supporting me. Thank you, once again.

[schmerzafte]

Iucunda Memoria

A.N: Hello, it's been awhile, but I'm here again! This fic is inspired by @a-casual-kpopfan, thank you so much for editing and being a massive inspiration (I hate you btw.)

“Nice day, right?”

“Yeah, it’s a bright sunny day.”

The park feels a lot brighter these days, usually it’s empty at this hour, but people are currently playing with their friends, parents with their children, and a couple of people hanging out playing board games, it’s just setting the mood a bit nice. You’re also happy because it’s been months since the last time you had seen her, so it’s a good change of pace to your life since the last few months have been terrible for you. College starting to get hectic and your research has been, well, let’s call it slowing down.

What can a college student do to improve their life?

Normally people hang out at cafes, talking about their life and what’s going on with their studies, discussing assignments, eating together, that sort of thing. But with you, an introverted college student, all you can do is play games on your computer, maybe continue your research, stare at the world from the small window in your room, thinking about what’s going to happen next.

You have your friends of course, but that doesn’t mean that you want to go out with them all the time, the majority of your life is filled with thoughts of happier days back in your childhood and teenage year, and you’re wondering “where did it wrong in your life that led to this point?”

Nonetheless, here you are now, in the park near your university under the bright sunlight, beaming the earth and making the flowers bloom. It’s blissful, everything’s good, and everything’s all right, with you, and your partner.

“Usually it’s empty, looks like people are slowly returning to their usual activities.” You said.

“Right, it almost feels… Unnatural, like something is aligning together for some reason.” She replied.

She got a good point, and you start to think, “what’s going on? Why do I feel sad yet happy somehow?” You’re both here, spending time together just like in the old days when both of you cherished the moment, sitting there on the same bench where you and your partner used to sit since the moment you met.

Where you shared all the moments in your life, and she shared hers with you, creating a bond that you didn’t know was possible, you never thought that someone like you, who is isolating yourself from other people, managed to tie this knot of friendship, and even formed a relationship, something that you didn’t even know exist.

Relationships are a strange concept.

How can someone manage to tie themselves to another person they didn’t even know about?

How can someone develop feelings for another?

Where did it come from?

It’s always a mystery waiting to be solved. At least that’s how you used to think. For whatever reason, you are involved in a relationship too, with someone whom you adored and cherished the most.

Your partner since high school, Jo Haseul.

“What’s going on right now? How are things going for you?” She asked, with that beautiful tone that you used to hear every time she comes home from work, waiting for a call from you.

“Well, the usual, still studying and researching for my thesis, it’s funny seeing my friends graduated earlier than me, it makes me sad seeing my progress, feeling like a failure every time I took a step, but life pulls you back two steps.”

“It does feel weird.” You thought to yourself. Normally, your colleagues would be calling you right now, asking for your help to assist with their research, but ever since you started falling behind, everything feels too fast-paced for you.

Now all your colleagues are already graduated from your university, now working at places you don’t even know about and having no way to contact them, since they are too busy with their work.

The feelings of being forgotten by your friends, and companies, are the worst thing imaginable for you.

“That feeling again, huh?” Forgetting people is something you could never comprehend. How do people just forget each other? It seems impossible, from your perspective. Whenever you made new acquaintances, you always tried to be the best person they can depend on, even though sometimes you are a very awkward person, you manage to find people that you can call “friend”, and form a study group together.

“It’s alright, everyone has their own pace, I think what’s being set for you, is a slow journey, waiting to end with a good one.”

“I always believe that people are meant to be happy, in any way possible, but sometimes, that happiness is there, waiting for the right time and the right place. You just need to discover it, even if it takes ages to find.”

There it is.

The positive attitude about her that you recognize so well. There’s something about being positive that just keeps your day together, even if the storms are gathering, the clouds start to block the sun, everything just turning dark, that positivity is what keeps you alive.

It’s what keeps you from giving up.

“Yeah, I guess. I never know how my life will end, with a blast or a letdown. To be honest, these days I feel like a zombie, walking around lifeless, with no clear goal of where to go, just me, myself and I. It feels weird, but it’s what I’ve been doing, at it keeps me at bay.” You tried to insert your inner thoughts, wanting her to support you again, with that positivity that you missed all the time.

“Honestly, that’s what kept me alive all this time, Haseul. You’re keeping me alive, you always believed in me, even though things are going downhill all the time, and I have to thank you for that, for believing in me, for supporting me, for cherishing me, for loving me all the time.”

You smiled at her, trying to lift your emotions back again, after being hit by a massive tragedy that shattered everything to pieces.

Hours pass and the two of you started to pack everything and leave the park, because it’s going to rain sooner rather than later, and you definitely don’t want to be caught standing alone in the rain again, like someone who’s lost.

“Thanks for everything, Haseul. It’s been fun seeing you again after all this time, I’m glad meeting you.” You tried to hold back those tears, and you started to hug her. Wanting to recognize those warm feelings again, after holding back everything, after what happened. But the storm arrived sooner than you thought, and when it came, it destroyed the whole foundation of what you believed in. Those feelings you were afraid of the most, showed up at the worst possible moment.

“Thank you. But who are you?”

[schmerzafte]

TRIVIA Series - 001

The fic ‘Regret’ was inspired by this Song/Spoken Word.

The song, when you combined it with what Jim Carrey has gone through (the reborn and healing process etc.), and with Dawn FM’s central theme of “Stuck in the state of Purgatory” gave me the inspiration I need to write the said fic. I love Jim Carrey, he’s a legend, and it shocked me when I hear him narrates the whole album. A legend indeed.

My friend also mentioned that, somehow, the fic explained the “5 Stages of Grief”, and woah, I didn’t realize that until it’s being said to me.

Also, with this post, the asks are open! (in case y’all didn’t notice it before, it’s always open)

[gangplanksorenji]

Your Weakest Smiles

Pairing: LOONA Hyunjin X Male Reader

Word Count: 2415

A/N 1: Henno Orenjideul! It's been a while since I had uploaded a fic and lately our Aeongie made me soft and with that, here's a soft floofy fic for our baby cat! Enjoy and have a great day ahead Orenjideul!

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Breathe in, breathe out. You need to take a break from the sight of the blue screen of death. No, not death but rather a screen printed full of studies and homeworks that can go through to the horizon, considering how many there would be. Being a graduating student has been really stressful and challenging as exams and piles of seemingly endless homeworks is one of the reasons for it yet you study hard to bear a better fruit. 

You looked at your phone to see the time’s set at 2 AM sharp as a deep sigh came out of your mouth, indicating how tired you were on the last days of studying, also stress adding up the burden you’re currently feeling. Drowsiness is the only thing that’s fighting your will to finish your homeworks as you fight it; a soft tone making you startle upon your seat.

“Hey, aren’t you going to sleep?”

Her delicate, soft and breathy voice surely made your heart pound in an instant. Your senses suddenly come back up as your whole body is reinvigorated with that one sentence. 

"I gotta finish this homeworks Jin, I need to and I *yawns* want to…"

"But you look tired and you need to sleep now. It's late at night. Just finish it tomorrow and I'm sure your professor will understand you."

You roll your eyes in frustration as you look at Hyunjin, her face unsure of what's going to happen next.

"These should be done today Jin, the professor won't let us extend another hour for these."

"Then why didn't you do that earlier so you won't be rushing things now?"

"Not when you're the literal backbone of the entire group, Jin. I didn't have much time and I hope you understand it."

A sigh of concern escaped from Hyunjin's lips as you continued working on your homeworks, determined to finish these within the course of your waking spirit. Hyunjin had been really concerned within the past few days of you in the same loop of studying. It's evident in every tone in her voice that she's genuinely concerned and she's ready to be by your side even in your most trying times.

“I know you wanted to finish that but- uhm, f-fine, just finish that, alright?”

“I will Jin, just a couple of questions to be answered and solved and *yawns* and I’m done, I promise.”

“Fine, whatever you want to do…”

You then turned your head back to what you were doing as Hyunjin’s face still shades worry despite the annoyance she’s feeling. Not so long after, she went to the fridge to get you some glass of water as she offered it to you and you refused it nonchalantly. Your actions earned a nuanced pout from Hyunjin again as she walked away, defeated. She just wanted the best for you but there’s nothing she can do if your grades are on the line alongside your stubbornness. She then sat at the sofa and layed down right after as she scrolled and swiped her fingers on her phone to kill the time waiting for you.

It has been almost half an hour since she started browsing and swiping her fingers to the phone with a seemingly endless newsfeed full of different kinds of posts. She then looked at you endearingly whilst you were oblivious about her actions as a smile formed on her face once again. It’s not just a normal smile yet an affectionate and genuine one; it’s special. You were concentrating on your studies while she got up on the couch and approached you slowly as she didn't want to startle you.

“Hey…”

“Oh! J-Jin… Aren’t you asleep?”

“Not when you’re here, still awake answering these problems.”

“Just sleep now Jin, it’s already late at night.”

“I’m not sleeping with you being awake.”

She then gets your extra ballpen near your hand and a scratch of paper as you are confused on what she’s going to do next.

“What are you going to do with those, Jin?”

"Well, I'm going to help you finish those to speed things up."

Her words made you chuckle as you doubted that she could do something to help you, since you know that barely listens to class, might as well read some books in her meantime yet little did you know, she was the opposite amongst all of your claims against her.

She's a clever and a smart student that most of the class didn't know about because of her ignorance in class and her spacing out at most times with her. The claim about her earlier is right, her being the complete opposite in being a stubborn student as the class always earns a gasp from her outstanding exam results which completely surprises you as you get used to it through time. You may think that her acing the exams was purely luck—little did you know that she always reads and reviews her lessons in her meantime alone in her apartment where no one can disturb her as she focuses better whenever she's by herself.

Her quiet demeanor alongside her soft and breathy voice made her known as the "batch's introverted angel" as her overflowing visuals made everyone in awe, even her professors compliment her visuals which always make her heart flutter. Her introverted personality doesn't help her social life at all as she struggles to be in a group to communicate eagerly and effectively, also adding up the rejections she made with a couple of boys trying to be hers.

You're lucky to have her by your side as your girlfriend. The times when you spend together are worth cherishing; all of the laughs you made with her should be treasured despite her what-so-called "robotic aura". It's true yet you didn't mind it at the first place as love has no boundaries.

"You don't trust me?"

"N-no, it's not like that it's just, like, the-uhmm…"

"Hey." Her soft tone reverberates around your head as she slowly holds the palm of your hand, sending jolts in your body as your brain is on the verge of being haywire, the flustering signals sending you in overload being the culprit. 

"I'll help you out, just trust me, okay?"

"Y-you sure? Seems like you know nothing about this because-"

"I'm not in your class? Hmm…" A click on her tongue proves how genuine she is about her aim to help you. 

"I'll help you out and it's true and I will, so, pleaseee?"

Ah, her pleading cat eyes. Your kryptonite. Your favorite feature from hers as she accurately represents a cat between her pleas and you loved it. You could never say no with that Hyunjin in your sight, let alone even in your peripherals or even just her pleading voice itself.

"Fine, fine. It's also gonna be faster, I guess."

"We'll get through this, don't worry. We got this."

A smile shaped your lips as you continue to work with your homeworks alongside Hyunjin. Baffling thoughts lingered your mind on what she could be up to but all you can think about is how thankful you are to have Hyunjin as your girlfriend.

"Let's get started then."

"Well, I already started, tell that to yourself."

"Aish…"

—----------------

"And… you gotta replace it with this."

20 minutes had passed since Hyunjin joined you in this hell of procrastination and you feel like you've been blessed by the gods on how great of a progress the both of you had made. You shouldn't have doubted her abilities to help you as you swallowed all your words against her.

You were in awe of the sight of her flawless beauty right in front of your very eyes. Time felt slower as your eyes locked onto her very features that you adored the most. From her precious cat eyes up to her milky skin, you can’t but daydream about her as you fall under her spell.

“And, am I right Oppa? Oppa? Oppaaaaa?” she then snaps her fingers quickly enough to break yourself from spacing out.

“Ahhhh, AH! Wha- What was that Jin?”

“Aish, you’re spacing out again, we won’t finish if you’re doing this all the time.”

“Can’t blame your beauty for making me starstruck Jin…”

“Uhm, wha- w-what was that?”

You could see the pinkish tint of her cheeks even on how dim the light the lamp is giving. A weak smile forms in Hyunjin’s lips as you could only sense panic right in her trembling hands. You know it’s just one of her rhetorical questions that you find rather cute in a way that she's not used to compliments—you were the first people to compliment her genuinely. 

“I said, you’re beautiful Jin and you know…” you held her hand as you slowly came closer to her, only less than a foot separating the both of you. Butterflies erupted from the both of you as Hyunjin’s heart raced faster on how flustered she’s feeling yet she loved every second of it. 

“You know, I’m grateful for how lucky I am to have you. You may not know how much I appreciate every second with you and now is maybe the time to let you know what I’m feeling.”

Her hands are shaking in response to the words you’ve been saying to her. Not so long after, she came back to her senses and let go of your hand in aims to continue working and helping your assignment as you stopped her again.

“Jin, please, listen to me.”

“Don’t y-you need to f-finish these h-homeworks? W-we gotta finish them n-now or else they-”

Between her stuttering words you stopped her by a sudden kiss on her forehead. She was stunned as she’s redder than a tomato and you just love the sight you’re seeing.

“Listen to me, please?”

“B-but your homeworks? They s-should be finished now!”

A deep sigh escapes your lips as you face opposite her, confusion then painting all over Hyunjin’s face. Did she say something that went too far? Did she say something that made you disappointed? Those questions lingered around Hyunjin’s mind as she tapped your shoulder gently, earning a slight shrug from you.

“Ya, I’m sorry if I-”

“Hey, no no, you didn’t do anything wrong, it’s just..”

“It’s just?”

A short chuckle escapes your lips once again as you can’t handle how funny and red her face is looking. You then held her hand and looked deep in her eyes endearingly as a smile is still painted in your face, much more genuine than before albeit still being on the verge of laughing.

“It’s just, I’m really flustered being with you Jin. Just, so much happiness being with you, and I m-may not express it to you regularly but I’m always grateful having you Jin.”

You caressed her hair and cheeks as she stared into your eyes lovingly. You never thought you'd be this close to Hyunjin since the day you confessed to her as you were only just inches away from kissing her. Hyunjin's bright emanates around the room, rivaling the dimness the room is currently in.

"I'm always thankful being with you too, I'm j-just not used to this."

"I understand Jin, I completely understand."

She then pulls you from an embrace despite the awkwardness she's been feeling. It wasn't rushed and it was just pure affection towards you. You loved every second of it yet Hyunjin, on the other hand, almost has tears coming out of her eyes as she's experiencing so much dopamine for her body to handle. After some time, she pushes you slowly as the both of you exchange smiles and laughs. 

"Won't we finish these homeworks?"

“That’s the last one Jin and I’ll just finish it tomorrow, I’m slee-py *yawns*”

“Fair enough, good night Oppa…”

Hyunjin then grabs her backpack gently as she packs her things, one by one and you immediately notice it.

“You’re leaving Jin?”

“You said you’ll sleep, right? Well, I’m going home so I can’t disturb your sleep. Have a nice rest! Goodnight!”

“H-hey!”

A rushing Hyunjin was stopped by your actions on grabbing her wrist. She then looks back and all she can see are your pleading eyes, begging her to stay in your apartment as the night is way too deep for her to go outside.

“Please stay Jin, please?”

“B-but the-”

“It’s way too late at night, so please stay. Please?”

She can’t argue with your pleas as she doesn’t complain about it. She then contemplates for a second as she thinks that you’re right. With a sarcastically defeated sigh, she dropped her backpack and went back to the couch as you attacked her with a sudden back hug; a gasp came out of Hyunjin’s lips. With how much force you had exerted, gravity aids in response as the both of you fell on the couch perfectly; fury painted all over Hyunjin’s face, considering how sudden the fall was that may result into an injury to the both of you.

“Aish! Luckily we feel down exactly on the couch!”

“Sorry! You’re cute though when you’re angry…”

“Yah!”

You then invite Hyunjin into a cuddle as she unhesitantly accepts it. You then buried your head to the crook of her neck as muffled words came out of your mouth, showing affection through every action and syllable you say. 

“I definitely missed you Jin.”

“I missed you too- wait, I really need to go coz’ there’s a class tomorrow.”

“Oh sh- yeah yeah. A-anyways, do you want me to escort you on your way home? Coz’ like, it’s way too late at night.”

“Sure and also, I really did miss you. I think we should bond more, you think?”

“I mean, we already are, but we’re usually not like this. I’m not used to these things but…”

“You’re glad that we're much closer? Healthier, in a relationship?”

“Exactly Jin. Exactly.”

You then pulled Hyunjin in an embrace as you thanked her for opening up and for the helping hand you never knew that would come, but you won’t complain about it.

“Ohh, O-Oh! Shall we go?”

“Yeah, let’s go…”

You then lock your apartment door as you hand your keys down to your pocket. You held Hyunjin’s hand slowly as she had a firm grip after knowing how comfortable she is now in showing her affection towards you. 

“Love you Jin.”

“Love you too…”

“No star can match the brightness of your smiles, even if it’s at its weakest.”

[schmerzafte]

“Regret”

A.N: Thank you for reading this, thanks for the support given by my friends that helped me create this fic!

A.N. No.2: If you know the reference of this fic, you’re the best!

TW: Angst, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort

And if your broken heart’s heavy when you step on the scale,

You’ll be lighter than the air when they pull back the veil.

The thoughts lingers in your head, on and on. You can’t get rid of it, your pain has already begun to reach its peak, with nothing else to ease it.

How can you get rid of it?

Alcohol, smoking, thoughts of leaving this world be it’s too much for you. While the solution you can think of before is a quick getaway from it, it just won’t settle things, it can only worsen the pain and inflict it on another person.

“I don’t even have anyone that cares about me anymore” your brain tricks again.

You have someone, don’t you?

Well, let’s correct that.

You HAD someone.

It’s just that this “someone” is no longer with you.

The struggle you have to face, the pain you have to deal with, the despair you have to survive, all is stored inside your dying heart, facing nothing but looming darkness.

This person, the one that made you the way you are now, is no longer here. The sunshine that once melts your heart, the moon that once brightens your darkest thoughts, the planet that orbits you every day, 24/7.

You still remember her name, isn’t it?

As much as you try to forget about her, you just simply can’t.

Kim Jungeun.

Your everything.

The sudden remembrance gives you that pain again, the panic attack starts to occur, suddenly the world stops, leaving you alone.

Your heart starts to ache,

The tremor in your fingers begin to worsen,

The shortness of breath is leaving you tired,

You can’t think of anything.

“Relax…. take a deep breath”, you said to yourself, “leave those thoughts be, think of something beautiful”.

But that something beautiful, is Kim Jungeun herself. You can’t get rid of her, of course. She’s the one that encourages you to “live your best life, prove to everyone that you are not the person everyone thinks you are.”

You remember those kind words of encouragement, you remember it clearly, the day she decided to leave you alone in your own world.

You start to remember again.

That day, was the day your heart decided to leave your body and soul.

Your mind decided to abandon all hope.

Everything turns into a sinking ship.

I̴t̸’̶s̸ ̵o̷k̵a̴y̵…̴…

I̷͙͗t̷͙͋’̷̹̌s̴̫̉ ̶̲̓o̴͈͗k̴̺͐a̵̮͋ÿ̸̬́…̸̻͛

I̵̢̢̟̬͚̮̹̥̯͈͉̞͚̝͊̾̎́̔͆̂̓̽͘̕͜t̵̛͙̙̦̘̤̹͌̈́́̍̈́̀̀̓̀̒͑͜’̵̧̛̭̫̥̝̪̥͖̗͛͒̈̔͒͌̽͑͗̃͛́s̴͍̞͕̭̜̼͋͗̀̂̐͋͗̿̓̂̋ ̵̘̬̱͑͒̓͒̔̈́̂̾͒̾̊́͂̽͘͘o̶̧͇̻̺̮̙̹̬̹̭̠̿̾̒̐͊̓̚͜͜—̸̲̟̲̯͇̓

…

Ņ̸̙̻̰̩̗̞̠̹̭̣̈́ͅͅƠ̷̮̰̘̪̺̩̩͕̗͚̪̽̇̋͋̌͂̈́̽̚͜͜͝͝T̴̞͓͊H̴̡̥͚̊͋͌̉̽͘͜Į̸̦̱̦̔̍͘͜͠Ṅ̷̦͉͈̰͚͈͈͒G̷̡̫̗̘̰̔̓ ̷̧̹̦͚̻̠̫̣̽͂̇̎̎͛̍́͊̄̏̚I̴̥̣̣̜͉͌̏̀͐͗̔̇͆̅͆̆̍͘͝ͅS̵̯͓͎͙͔̝͓̎͛̐̐̽̌͑͌̿́̕͠ ̴̦̱̥̱̼̩͂̅͊O̴̢͓̯͔͔͍͐̀̀̾̏̑͜K̵̛̛͈̆̈́́̌̊̐̚͠ͅĄ̵̫̃̏̉̄̔̔̒̔̒̽͝͝͠Ÿ̴̬̝͚̫͇͎́

 The scream in your heart constantly repeating “I WANT THIS TO END” over and over, but you deny it, you don’t want to let it consumes you, although it has chipped your mind bit by bit, pieces by pieces. You know there’s nothing else you can do about it, except for accepting the tragedy as a “moments in life”.

But you can’t.

You still can’t accept it.

“Hey, everything’s going to be okay, alright? I believe that you are capable of facing this, it’s part of life, after all”, her words echoed, it has no volume, yet it sounds very loud that it may as well numb your ears, deafening everything this world has to offer.  “How can I get past this, Jungeun? I can’t, I just can’t…” your heart rejects the darkened reality, blinded by the sadness that you have stored inside. “I wish I can… I wish I can join you there, we could be ha –” before your heart finishes its thoughts, you cut it with your own mind, rejecting it. Jungeun would’ve cried seeing you like this, and you know it, and so you decided to bury those thoughts deep, six feet under.

Literally.

And so those thoughts begin to fade away, the pain stopped, the tears dried out, and the heart stopped screaming. Instead, you’re being shown something, a vision? a dream? “What is this?”, you ask yourself. And as the vision reveals itself, you realized that Jungeun is still there, still smiling, still living her best life. You began to wonder, what is really going on? Where are you?

“Oh….”, your head starts to clear bit by bit.

“That’s right…”, you start to realize.

Your body starts to feel calm, the weight that rests heavily on both of your shoulders lifted itself, the pain that you always feel, fading away…

“I know where I am now….” The thoughts getting clearer.

Thanks for everything, Jungeun.

Thanks for letting me see the world from a new perspective.

Thanks for making me realize that there is happiness somewhere.

I can see it now…

And the tears in your eyes, finally gone, decided to open both of your eyes.

I’m in purgatory, after all.

[gangplanksorenji]

a lippu fic! and, ooh-OH! 😮 it’s an angst…

guess i gotta cry again for my babi owlie…

-🍊

[schmerzafte]

Yesssss thanks for crying to my fic LMAO

[schmerzafte]

“Regret”

A.N: Thank you for reading this, thanks for the support given by my friends that helped me create this fic!

A.N. No.2: If you know the reference of this fic, you’re the best!

TW: Angst, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort

And if your broken heart’s heavy when you step on the scale,

You’ll be lighter than the air when they pull back the veil.

The thoughts lingers in your head, on and on. You can’t get rid of it, your pain has already begun to reach its peak, with nothing else to ease it.

How can you get rid of it?

Alcohol, smoking, thoughts of leaving this world be it’s too much for you. While the solution you can think of before is a quick getaway from it, it just won’t settle things, it can only worsen the pain and inflict it on another person.

“I don’t even have anyone that cares about me anymore” your brain tricks again.

You have someone, don’t you?

Well, let’s correct that.

You HAD someone.

It’s just that this “someone” is no longer with you.

The struggle you have to face, the pain you have to deal with, the despair you have to survive, all is stored inside your dying heart, facing nothing but looming darkness.

This person, the one that made you the way you are now, is no longer here. The sunshine that once melts your heart, the moon that once brightens your darkest thoughts, the planet that orbits you every day, 24/7.

You still remember her name, isn’t it?

As much as you try to forget about her, you just simply can’t.

Kim Jungeun.

Your everything.

The sudden remembrance gives you that pain again, the panic attack starts to occur, suddenly the world stops, leaving you alone.

Your heart starts to ache,

The tremor in your fingers begin to worsen,

The shortness of breath is leaving you tired,

You can’t think of anything.

“Relax…. take a deep breath”, you said to yourself, “leave those thoughts be, think of something beautiful”.

But that something beautiful, is Kim Jungeun herself. You can’t get rid of her, of course. She’s the one that encourages you to “live your best life, prove to everyone that you are not the person everyone thinks you are.”

You remember those kind words of encouragement, you remember it clearly, the day she decided to leave you alone in your own world.

You start to remember again.

That day, was the day your heart decided to leave your body and soul.

Your mind decided to abandon all hope.

Everything turns into a sinking ship.

I̴t̸’̶s̸ ̵o̷k̵a̴y̵…̴…

I̷͙͗t̷͙͋’̷̹̌s̴̫̉ ̶̲̓o̴͈͗k̴̺͐a̵̮͋ÿ̸̬́…̸̻͛

I̵̢̢̟̬͚̮̹̥̯͈͉̞͚̝͊̾̎́̔͆̂̓̽͘̕͜t̵̛͙̙̦̘̤̹͌̈́́̍̈́̀̀̓̀̒͑͜’̵̧̛̭̫̥̝̪̥͖̗͛͒̈̔͒͌̽͑͗̃͛́s̴͍̞͕̭̜̼͋͗̀̂̐͋͗̿̓̂̋ ̵̘̬̱͑͒̓͒̔̈́̂̾͒̾̊́͂̽͘͘o̶̧͇̻̺̮̙̹̬̹̭̠̿̾̒̐͊̓̚͜͜—̸̲̟̲̯͇̓

…

Ņ̸̙̻̰̩̗̞̠̹̭̣̈́ͅͅƠ̷̮̰̘̪̺̩̩͕̗͚̪̽̇̋͋̌͂̈́̽̚͜͜͝͝T̴̞͓͊H̴̡̥͚̊͋͌̉̽͘͜Į̸̦̱̦̔̍͘͜͠Ṅ̷̦͉͈̰͚͈͈͒G̷̡̫̗̘̰̔̓ ̷̧̹̦͚̻̠̫̣̽͂̇̎̎͛̍́͊̄̏̚I̴̥̣̣̜͉͌̏̀͐͗̔̇͆̅͆̆̍͘͝ͅS̵̯͓͎͙͔̝͓̎͛̐̐̽̌͑͌̿́̕͠ ̴̦̱̥̱̼̩͂̅͊O̴̢͓̯͔͔͍͐̀̀̾̏̑͜K̵̛̛͈̆̈́́̌̊̐̚͠ͅĄ̵̫̃̏̉̄̔̔̒̔̒̽͝͝͠Ÿ̴̬̝͚̫͇͎́

 The scream in your heart constantly repeating “I WANT THIS TO END” over and over, but you deny it, you don’t want to let it consumes you, although it has chipped your mind bit by bit, pieces by pieces. You know there’s nothing else you can do about it, except for accepting the tragedy as a “moments in life”.

But you can’t.

You still can’t accept it.

“Hey, everything’s going to be okay, alright? I believe that you are capable of facing this, it’s part of life, after all”, her words echoed, it has no volume, yet it sounds very loud that it may as well numb your ears, deafening everything this world has to offer.  “How can I get past this, Jungeun? I can’t, I just can’t…” your heart rejects the darkened reality, blinded by the sadness that you have stored inside. “I wish I can… I wish I can join you there, we could be ha –” before your heart finishes its thoughts, you cut it with your own mind, rejecting it. Jungeun would’ve cried seeing you like this, and you know it, and so you decided to bury those thoughts deep, six feet under.

Literally.

And so those thoughts begin to fade away, the pain stopped, the tears dried out, and the heart stopped screaming. Instead, you’re being shown something, a vision? a dream? “What is this?”, you ask yourself. And as the vision reveals itself, you realized that Jungeun is still there, still smiling, still living her best life. You began to wonder, what is really going on? Where are you?

“Oh….”, your head starts to clear bit by bit.

“That’s right…”, you start to realize.

Your body starts to feel calm, the weight that rests heavily on both of your shoulders lifted itself, the pain that you always feel, fading away…

“I know where I am now….” The thoughts getting clearer.

Thanks for everything, Jungeun.

Thanks for letting me see the world from a new perspective.

Thanks for making me realize that there is happiness somewhere.

I can see it now…

And the tears in your eyes, finally gone, decided to open both of your eyes.

I’m in purgatory, after all.

[schmerzafte]

Does the pain that burns inside heal?

This is my first time creating a real fic, the previous work is just a joke I’m going to post probably once a month. Other than that, suggestion/feedbacks are open, thank you!

TW: Angst, Hurt, Damage Control

As the light dims through your hazy eyes, you began to wonder…

“What am I even doing here in the first place?”

Of course you don’t want to be here, at your friend’s party. You hold the thoughts of not going there, but the promises are already made. And here you are, sitting on the red stool, in front of the bar, there’s nobody there, except for the bartender, who is currently cleaning the glass, whilst humming a familiar tune that speaks to your ears.

Why do you hate the party so much?

Other than the fact that she’s here.

That’s right, she’s here.

Your ex, Ha Sooyoung, is here, currently having fun with all your friends and drinking lots of alcohol. Bottles are laying here and there, and you just sit there, contemplating all the choices that led to this decision.

“Why did this happen?”

The thoughts linger inside your head for months now, after everything that happened between you two, all of your feelings are thrown out of the window at that moment, you screamed, but no one can hear your pain or your thoughts. Everything is hazy, and there’s nothing you could do about it, both of you already made up the decision to burn the bridges down and go your own separate ways.

But strange events happened in life, and here you are, seeing her again. She’s the reason you don’t want to attend this party, you know she’s going to be there, she’s the Diva of your college, the maid in distress that every person wants to save, the mermaid that pirates are yearning to see, the shining moon that you wish you can forget that it exists.

But the moon exists there for a reason,

The moonlight is always there, to light your darkness.

 “Can I have more shots?” you said to the bartender, knowing that you had already taken five shots of vodka, trying to drown away the pain that you are currently facing.

“No, you already drink half the bottle, I can’t get you wasted and faint in this hotel” the bartender replies.

You contemplate again, looking at the shot glass that you just took 5 minutes ago, you wish you can leave this party sooner, but you remember the promise you made to your friend, that you’re going to stay until the party’s over.

So there you are, staring at the shelves of high-quality drinks, trying to burn the image of this place, and the memory of it.

But fate always finds a way to knock you up,

As you stare blankly at the shelves, a familiar voice rings your ears.

A familiar voice that haunts your mind, heart, and soul.

The voice that you can’t forget.

“Hey, Gajja”

Suddenly, the whole world shifts, the scale tips to the other side, and the feeling of trauma suddenly came back to you.

Her.

Ha Sooyoung’s voice reached out to you.

“What do you want?” your calm yet drunk voice replies to her.

“I didn’t expect you to be here…” she answers, silently, but you hear it loud and clear.

“I don’t want to be here, Sooyoung. I know that you’re going to be here, and it fucks me up thinking about being in the same room with you again.” You replied to her with nothing but pent-up stress that’s been lying inside you.

Sooyoung seems to shift, you can see her emotion starts to dissipate, from calm to the look as if she regrets making the decision that led you to pain and misery.

Before you know it, she sits next to you and turns to face you, seeing eye to eye once more.

What can I do to erase the beautiful images that appear in front of me?

“I’m sorry.” She said. “I’m sorry that I—”

Before she continues, you interrupt her.

“Apologies are taken, and that’s that. We have no reason to talk again, you made it clear that you are going to take your own path and see through the end, without me being there. Because you don’t see me at all.” Is all you can say to her. Clenching the glass, that is slowly cracking from the force you applied to it.

“I know…and I messed up, I shouldn’t do that to you, knowing how huge your efforts are towards me..” she said, with tears starting to fall from her beautiful eyes.

The beautiful tears that strikes your heart makes you want to –

No.

You can’t let her control your emotions like this.

You know that she did this just to play with you again, ruining your efforts to forget everything about her.

“I’m sorry for what I’ve done, Gajja.” she continues. “I’m sorry for not seeing you eye to eye, I didn’t realize what I’ve said until I see the impact it has on me.”

That’s bullshit, right? You thought to yourself.

You always felt that she doesn’t regret everything she said in the past, you’re always so sure that it was the truth, and that you both go on separate ways because it’s “for the best”.

The bullshit you have to face, all that nonsense that instils its pain on your mind.

“What’s done is done, Sooyoung, you can’t fix the damages you’ve made.” You tell her, knowing full well what she did to you.

“But that’s the point, I want to fix the damages I’ve done to you.”

Your heart skips a beat,

Suddenly the whole world falls silent,

There’s nothing left but Sooyoung’s voice in your head,

She must be mistaken, why the hell did she say that all of sudden?

“I’m sorry for everything, Gajja. I’m sorry that I made that decision. I realized that the decision I made months ago are from my own side, without hearing your thoughts.” Tears start to flow from her eyes, slowly ruining the beautiful makeup she applied, as you start to see the broken façade that she’s showing to you.

“Why now? You have the choice to take your words back months ago. Why do you do this now? Are you trying to ruin all my efforts to forget you?” You didn’t realize it, but tears had already fallen, emotions thrown, and feelings dumped.

Before you know it, she jumps from her seat and hugs you, tightly.

“Because I still love you, I still hold the same feelings for you, and nothing’s going to change me from that.”

Did you hear that correctly?

No. This can’t be.

Why now?

Why?

As you felt her tight embrace on you, you start to release all the pent-up feelings, the rollercoaster of emotion, and the rain that is tears on her.

“I want us to be back, I want us to be together again, I want us to experience that whole life again, just the two of us.” Sobbingly, she still holds you, just like how she used to do it in the past.

“I…” she left you speechless, with nothing to say.

“I..still love you too, Sooyoung”

Words are said.

Yet damages are already done.

Bridges are burned.

But the tie that you both once had, starts to reconnect again.

Maybe, the pain can be healed.

[schmerzafte]

Heejin: LOONAVERSE Creation, and How it Ties to Nietzsche’s View of the Universe

This is a joke of a dissertation/research paper, I don’t know if it will reach many, but I just want to write this as a joke. So there you go. Again, sorry if it doesn’t meet the expectations. See ya!

                           Schmerzafte#0009

                           LOONAVERSE-001

                                        2022

                                 ABSTRACT

The creation of LOONAVERSE is always interesting in its topic, how Jeon Heejin discovered the universe, how she manipulates time and space to unfold multiple stories and created a different personification of animals in the forms of humans (well, mostly human). In this joke of a dissertation/research paper, the author will analyze how LOONAVERSE was created from the perspective of Heejin as the "ruler" of LOONAVERSE, how the Alternate Universe presents itself from 12 perspectives of a human living a different life, how they all interact, and how it all relates to Friedrich Nietzsche's view on the creation of the universe.

Keywords: LOONA, LOONAVERSE, Universe, Jeon Heejin, Nietzsche, Creation, Simp.

                           INTRODUCTION

Long ago, the four nations lived in peace; Goddess, Angels, Celestial Beings (if you know you know), and Humankind, also simps. These nations lived in peace, until the ruler of Valhalla, Jeon Heejin, decided to play with Humans, and created the LOONAVERSE. Heejin’s creation of the cosmos infuriated the other goddess, as she converted those angels into the embodiment of animals inside the universe she created. Heejin realized that the invention she had made could give rise to intriguing stories with several, but unconnected episodes (well, some of the chapters connected in some way), and somehow the angels found themselves living a different existence, not as deities but as humans. (Although a particular goddess found herself as an android, but turned into a human sometimes in the chapter, idk the stories and theories are WILD). These angels have no idea what has happened to them, but they feel as if something or someone has tampered with their lives, and they continue to live their new lifestyle while searching for an explanation.

Heejin, while creating the universe, becomes interested in becoming a part of it as she transforms into a different person, and she questions what will happen to her friends. In this again, joke of a dissertation, the author decided to delve into the creation of the so-called LOONAVERSE, How Jeon Heejin messes up the lives of her friends, the angels, and how it relates to Friedrich Nietzsche's concept of the universe, as well as an analysis of the traits of each goddess. With the development of this dissertation, a research issue arose: "Can each separated goddess communicate with the other?"

             THEORETICAL FRAMEWORK

(P.S. This is an optional chapter you can skip; this is just me being addicted to creating dissertations).

In this research, the author uses Friedrich Nietzsche’s view of the Universe. Nietzsche, although well known as a philosopher, contributed himself to other work that belongs to various degrees, such as art and physics. Nietzsche’s view of the universe correlates with Roger Boscovich, a physicist, and also philosopher, view of force, which Nietzsche wrote in this book, Beyond Good and Evil, that quotes “Boscovich taught us to renounce belief in the last bit of earth that did ‘stand still’, the belief in ‘matter’, in ‘material’…” Nietzsche also views that the universe, or world, is due to the involvement of “Force”. To the detriment of materiality, Nietzsche emphasized the concept of force (Kraft), in that the physical universe is a manifestation of forces, which, in Nietzsche's view, are interpreted as wills to power (Nietzsche, 1886). This, in turn, makes Nietzsche a firm believer that the concept of “force” is nothing but an empty word, that needs to be explained with a “supplementation”, and the said “will to power” is what Nietzsche believe to be the completion of said Force.

Nietzsche described the world as it is in his writings as a universe filled with force, with no origin, end, or definite amount, and that the world is, as Nietzsche previously said, a desire to power. This generates the impression that Nietzsche perceives the world or the cosmos as a single force that tempts us to give it greater power. According to Nietzsche, the universe, including humanity and nature, is a manifestation of force, an entity that is always in pursuit of "power," a "desire to live," and a "cause to exist.". With these arguments, the author made the argument that Jeon Heejin, one of the angels, created the LOONAVERSE in order to challenge humanity and the other angels to search for this "power" and "force" in order to make humanity and the other angels reflect on their creation and realize how their power can shape and alter the universe as a whole. (By this point, if you’re still reading this, I warned y’all that this is a joke, don’t take this seriously, please).

                               DISCUSSION

*(A.N.: Wow, y’all still reading this? Why?) *

*(A.N. No.2: In this part, I combined fiction and reality, AS A JOKE.) *

In this part of dissertation, the author refers to Roseade’s beautiful dissection of the LOONAVERSE (I recommend y’all read the theories, it’s awesome if y’all are into LOONAVERSE).  In the theory crafted by Roseade, Heejin’s creation of LOONAVERSE is to “see more colours in the universe”, as stated in her play, ViViD. (Roseade, 2019). As a goddess, Heejin sees the world as “bland” and “colourless” that needs more brightness, as her colour represents a Bright Pink, a colour that, in research by YunJung Hong, described as “a reflecting modern society’s demands of masculinity to change into a more sophisticated and soft image” (Hong, 2020). The creation of LOONAVERSE started with the creation of said colours and implement to her angels, a shade of Yellow for Hyunjin, Green for Haseul, Orange for Yeojin, Light Pink for Vivi, Red for Kim Lip, Blue for Jinsoul (although Black also counts as her “sub-colour”), Purple for Choerry (this is also a case of double colour, as Choerry is also portrayed as White), Burgundy for Yves,  Peach for Chuu, Eden Green for Go Won, and Gray (it’s debatable between Black and Gray, also White) for Olivia Hye. These colours represent the dynamics and brightness of the universe, which Heejin always visioned for her said “LOONAVERSE”.

With the implementation of colours complete, Heejin decided to throw them into the newly constructed LOONAVERSE, an Alternate Universe with parallels to our world, but with a striking contrast: no humans have been seen in any area of the globe, with the exception of the angels brought to the world. Heejin's act of casting her angels can be interpreted as Nietzsche's view of the universe, which is adding "will" and "force" to the world, thereby completing it. By sending the angels, Heejin is indicating that these angels are needed for their will to be created, and their power to complete and alter the world, as Nietzsche dictates that these are the requirements that individuals and nature require. Heejin failed to see that the requisite power is literal, since certain angels are stated to acquire the capacity to alter time and space. Three angels have the power: Kim Lip, Jinsoul, and Choerry. These three angels established what would eventually be known as the Odd Eye Circle, a term derived from the unique trait that these angels possess: a single-coloured eye that reflects the colours that Heejin bestows upon them. These angelic talents give them the motivation and capacity to alter the LOONAVERSE as a whole, as well as the ability to communicate with other angels. The will to change the world also reflects Nietzsche's interpretation of "God is dead, and we have killed him!" in his critically-acclaimed book, Thus Spoke Zarathustra, which is a book describing how we, as individuals, reject the concept of God, as a metaphor that human (and angels, in this case) can have free will, can live freely, without having its purposes gifted by God, implying that we should create our own purposes to live and dictate our own way of life (Nietzsche, 1883). Nietzsche believed that humans (as well as angels) should revolt against God, just as the angels did later in their lives. With the "death" of God (or goddess in this instance), the angels are no longer obligated to carry the duty that Heejin bestowed upon them. As a consequence, Heejin has no authority over any living creature in her reality, and with this philosophy applied, Heejin herself has no power; hence, she has joined the world she herself created. And connecting with Nietzche's argument of the creation of the universe, with the three angels gaining their own will and power, which is manipulating time and space, the three angels can connect with the rest of them, uniting as an entity that defies God(dess) and creating their world as they see fit.

                             CONCLUSION

*(A.N. No.3: wow you’ve made it to this part, congratulations!) *

*(A.N. No.4: No seriously, thank you for reading this joke of a dissertation). *

The development of LOONAVERSE by Heejin parallels the notion of the Universe by Friedrich Nietzsche, which claims that "Will" and "Force" are used to create the universe or world. Both are metaphors for a cause or the needs that entities must fulfil in order to complete the world. Heejin creates the LOONAVERSE so that the angels may earn their own "Will" and "Force" in order to finish their share of the world-building processes, and so that the angels can link more intimately than ever before. Heejin failed to see that the "will" and "force" that she bestows onto the angels are literal, as some of the angels got the ability to alter time and space, allowing them to combine with other angels and rebel against the Goddess. According to Nietzsche, the universe is God(dess)-less, which means that the notion of God is nothing but a thinking, a misinterpretation manufactured by people to feel that there is a purpose for an entity to exist on earth. The world that denies the existence of God(dess) rendered Heejin powerless and threw her into the world she created so she could see what entities are like if they do not believe in the notion of God(dess). With the powers that are gained by the Odd Eye Circle angels, by the means of time and space manipulation, the author argues that there is a possibility that the angels can reconnect with each other, and bring forth the required “Will” and “Force” necessary to rebel against the Goddess.

                             REFERENCES

Hong, YunJung. (2020, November 30). A Study on Characteristics of Pink Color and Fashion Images Used in Gender Neutral Men’s Fashion. DOI: https://doi.org/10.12940/jfb.2020.24.5.52

Nietzsche, F. (1883). Thus Spoke Zarathustra: A Book for All and None. German: Ernst Schmeitzner.

Nietzsche, F. (1885). Unpublished Fragments (Spring 1885-Spring 1886): Volume 16.

Nietzsche, F. (1886). Beyond Good and Evil: Prelude to a Philosophy of the Future. Leipzig: C.G. Naumann.

Roseade. (2019, April 27). LOOΠΔ THEORY [long texts warning]. Retrieved 27/5/2022 from http://aminoapps.com/p/e1c1tm

[schmerzafte]

untitled | 27/05/2022: Introduction

Hello, Schmerzafte here! I’m a joke of a college student that does little bit here and there, one of the examples is writing. I’m inspired by many of my friends and that their masterclass of a creation gives me will and motivation to write something that is outside my specialty (fics etc.). So most of the stuff here are poorly written and might not be in y’all alley, so I’m sorry if my writing didn’t meet the expectations.

And boom, the first thing I’m going to post after this will be a joke. So yeah, that’s it.

[sinswithpleasure]

Hello! I was wondering why I’ve been blocked by some writers on this website even though I’ve never done anything offensive to them. Since you follow them, can you ask why? Thanks!

Who am I supposed to ask? I don't know who blocked or didn't block you.

Edit:

This is why, you fucking cunt. We watch each other's asks well.

@nsfwmaemi sends his regards and says if he could block your two-faced ass again, he would.

[passingnotions]

pff this is fucking gold, look at this clown

[firagaarmor]

well...this is hilarious XD

[a-casual-kpopfan]

AYO, This man is tweaking on something 😂

[schmerzafte]

NO FUCKING WAY

[a-casual-kpopfan]

Let’s start a thread?

Let’s share our wallpaper/Lock Screen? 🤪😌

[a-casual-kpopfan]

Since we’re adding desktop wallpapers to the mix too 😌

[schmerzafte]

We doin' desktop too? LOL

Also thanks, you made me clean my desk just for this :)

[a-casual-kpopfan]

Let’s start a thread?

Let’s share our wallpaper/Lock Screen? 🤪😌

[schmerzafte]

Errrrr why not?