a collection of my personal favorite quotes, phrases, and sayings from the 1998-2006 television sitcom, That '70s Show. change & alter as needed.
"Well, damn, [name], I can't control the weather!"
"If I could run across a beach into my own arms, I would."
"Yelling is the only part of being a father that I enjoy."
"What did you eat for breakfast? Carnation Instant Bitch?"
"Why do you think the Martians won't land here? Because they're green, and they know people are going to make fun of them."
"It's every little girl's dream to get married out of spite!"
"We keep our Christmas decorations down there! Baby Jesus was watching!"
"If this van's a-rockin'... we're in there, doing it."
"Well, I'd like to help, but not as much as I'd like not to."
"Anyone else feel like a rainbow?"
"My heart aches with pain. When I see you, I vomit. Die away from me."
"The beautiful cannot be held responsible for the havoc our looks create."
"My foot is shaking, it wants to kick his ass so bad!"
"Just once, I want the right thing and the topless thing to be the same thing!"
"If you don't get caught, everything is legal."
"I am not drunk! I am upset! ...And drunk."
"Where Zen ends, ass-kicking begins."
"Life is too short to spend it with people who annoy you."
"I'm a hot-looking, smooth-talking, frisky-ass son of a bitch."
"[Name], get in the car. We're going on a freaking date."
"When I go to the hospital, I like to not die."
"Crack a book, you lazy son of a bitch."
"If you really do love her, there's only one thing to do, man. You got to dump her, and live free."
"I'm going to go out, meet some boys, and crush their hearts one by one."
"I'm like ketchup. I go good on everything."
"I was never happy. I was just less pissed off."
"So that's what an adulteress is! I always thought it was a tiny adult."
"For your information, I'm already sorry I was ever born."
"What are you gonna put on your résumé? Dumbass?"
"I'd get up, but my back is still sore from that knife you stuck in it."
"I don't want to go outside! There are people out there!"
"I cannot be held responsible for the things that come out of my mouth!"
"Oh, no. Now I have to act normal."
"You can hit him in the groin with a banjo."
"Well, I've got to go to sleep, because I have a big day of misery ahead of me tomorrow."
"I don't need another friend. I've already got two."
"Seeing you work hard and take pride in what you do... I lost respect for you, man."
"I wanted to get you a card, but they don't have one for our specific situation. So, here — happy first communion."
"I could kill you without making a sound."
"I can't go outside. I'm allergic to pollen. And social situations."
