[scoliosick]

I feel like I have something to prove, that by not seeming desperate, I’m showing you who’s in charge- I control the situation by not going a step farther in order to strip away the power you have over me by not responding. Doing this gives me the upper position; I’m winning.. until you send me a message. It could be a selfie, a message that -in other words- asks me to hang out, or a video of you singing along to songs while you’re driving. Real cute by the way, but please be safe while you’re driving. I, if for some reason no one else, care about and worry for you. You’re such a dynamic soul, and those bits of sunshine you let out for me were tantalizing. You make me want to learn more about you, try to understand you, and all at the same time you make me want to be unconscious. I don’t know if thats a good thing or a bad thing, but it keeps me on my toes for now. You make me want to slow down and take my time. You make me want to chase a life that I’ve always wanted to live, but have not had the motivation to do. But you also make me want to rethink it all. I don’t know how to trust, which isn’t your fault. And I know I shouldn’t listen to what other people say who dont have the entire story,, but not many people are in favor of me and you,, at least that I’ve talked to— they say you’re “bad news,” “not the real *name* anymore,” and they tell me to stay away. I don’t know if you’re going to leave me, so I’m scared to open up completely. Thats never ended well for me. You know exactly what I’m talking about too. You were there when it all blew up,, or should I say when *I* blew up. My subconscious tells me its my fault nobody sticks with me. My mind tells me that there must be a problem with myself if my boyfriend of almost 2 years couldn’t trust me. My mind tells me that I’m definitely an issue if my best friend of 4 years will leave me ignored and alone after sharing the most intimate and (personally) vulnerable of experiences with eachother. My mind tells me that I am the problem and that no one will stay because I am too different. I have too many faults. I’m too independent, I’m too focused, I’m too goofy, I’m too quiet when I shouldn’t be, or I’m too talkative when I probably shouldn’t be. I’m too shit faced when I’m slightly drunk, I’m too boring, I’m too childish, I’m just too me. But none of my issues are your fault. You didn’t hurt me.. First. You’re just proving my mind’s point- I’m going to end up losing you,,, if I haven’t already. I guess this is all to say: please don’t go.

[scoliosick]

Glad you left. I’m soo much better without you.

[scoliosick]

[scoliosick]

I feel like I have something to prove, that by not seeming desperate, I’m showing you who’s in charge- I control the situation by not going a step farther in order to strip away the power you have over me by not responding. Doing this gives me the upper position; I’m winning.. until you send me a message. It could be a selfie, a message that -in other words- asks me to hang out, or a video of you singing along to songs while you’re driving. Real cute by the way, but please be safe while you’re driving. I, if for some reason no one else, care about and worry for you. You’re such a dynamic soul, and those bits of sunshine you let out for me were tantalizing. You make me want to learn more about you, try to understand you, and all at the same time you make me want to be unconscious. I don’t know if thats a good thing or a bad thing, but it keeps me on my toes for now. You make me want to slow down and take my time. You make me want to chase a life that I’ve always wanted to live, but have not had the motivation to do. But you also make me want to rethink it all. I don’t know how to trust, which isn’t your fault. And I know I shouldn’t listen to what other people say who dont have the entire story,, but not many people are in favor of me and you,, at least that I’ve talked to— they say you’re “bad news,” “not the real *name* anymore,” and they tell me to stay away. I don’t know if you’re going to leave me, so I’m scared to open up completely. Thats never ended well for me. You know exactly what I’m talking about too. You were there when it all blew up,, or should I say when *I* blew up. My subconscious tells me its my fault nobody sticks with me. My mind tells me that there must be a problem with myself if my boyfriend of almost 2 years couldn’t trust me. My mind tells me that I’m definitely an issue if my best friend of 4 years will leave me ignored and alone after sharing the most intimate and (personally) vulnerable of experiences with eachother. My mind tells me that I am the problem and that no one will stay because I am too different. I have too many faults. I’m too independent, I’m too focused, I’m too goofy, I’m too quiet when I shouldn’t be, or I’m too talkative when I probably shouldn’t be. I’m too shit faced when I’m slightly drunk, I’m too boring, I’m too childish, I’m just too me. But none of my issues are your fault. You didn’t hurt me.. First. You’re just proving my mind’s point- I’m going to end up losing you,,, if I haven’t already. I guess this is all to say: please don’t go.

[scoliosick]

All that poetically tragic shit I wrote in December can burn in hell. The words sound nice, but the meaning behind them is more lost than a toddler’s attempt to write a sentence.

[scoliosick]

fuck offffffff

[scoliosick]

okay, but like here’s the complete truth- i really only want you. these other people are distractions from the fact that i cant have you because we’re both scared that we’re going to fuck up what commitment should be, thus ruining what amazing friendship we had… but things happened & now its a little awkward, but i feel like it shouldnt be this difficult to just accept that we -mutually- only want eachother and we’d be lying to say that that isnt the truth.

[scoliosick]

I don’t want you anymore.

[thatcutthroatbonez]

Everything is so peaceful at this time; except my mind

[fragilephantom]

<3

[audiovisual-dept]

[marci1900]

[f-u-g-i-t-i-v-o]

Vintage in black and white.

[fakevirtue]

[teenagecrush]

[orlansky]

A Story Like Mine Poem by Halsey at the NYC Women’s March #tw rape/sexual violence When she said the words, “What do you mean this happened to me?!”, there were no dry eyes anywhere.

It’s 2009 and I’m 14 and I’m crying Not really sure where I am But I’m holding the hand of my best friend, Sam In the waiting room of a planned parenthood The air is sterile and clean And the walls are that…not grey, but green And the lights are so bright they could burn a hole through the seam of my jeans And my phone is buzzing in my pocket My mom is asking me if I remembered my keys ‘Cause she’s closing the door and she needs to lock it But I can’t tell my mom where I’ve gone I can’t tell anyone at all You see, my best friend Sam was raped by a man That we knew because he worked in the after-school program And he held her down, with her textbooks beside her And he covered her mouth and then he came inside her So, now I’m with Sam At the place with the plan Waiting for a medical exam And she’s PRAYING she doesn’t need an abortion She couldn’t afford it And her parents would like…totally kill her

It’s 2002 And my family just moved And the only people I know are my mom’s friend, Sue and her son He’s got a case of Matchbox cars and he says that he’ll teach me to play the guitar…if I just keep quiet And the stairwell beside apartment 1245 will haunt me in my sleep for as long as I am alive And I’m too young to know why it aches in my thighs, but I must lie, I must lie

It’s 2012 and I’m dating a guy And I sleep in his bed And I just learned how to drive He’s older than me And he drinks whiskey neat And he’s paying for everything This adult thing…it’s not cheap We’ve been fighting a lot Almost 10 times a week And he wants to have sex And I just want to sleep But he says I can’t so no to him This much I owe to him He buys my dinners So I have to blow him He’s taken to forcing me down on my knees And I’m confused because he’s hurting me while he says “please” And he’s only a man and these things he just needs He’s my boyfriend so why am I filled with unease?

It’s 2017 and I live like a queen And I’ve followed damn near every one of my dreams I’m invincible and I’m so fucking naive I believe I’m protected 'cause I live on a screen Nobody would dare act that way around me I’ve earned my protection, eternally clean Until a man that I trust gets his hands in my pants But I don’t want none of that, I just wanted to dance And I wake up the next morning like I’m in a trance And there’s blood Is that my blood? Hold on a minute

You see I’ve worked every day since I was 18 I’ve toured everywhere from Japan to Mar-a-Lago I even went on stage that night in Chicago when I was having a miscarriage I mean, I pied the piper, I put on a diaper And sang out my spleen to a room full of teens What do you mean this happened to me? You can’t put your hands on me You don’t know what my body has been through I’m supposed to be safe now I earned it

It’s 2018 and I’ve realized nobody is safe long as she is alive And every friend that I know has a story like mine And the world tells me we should take it as a compliment But then heroes like Ashley and Simone and Gabby, McKayla and Gaga, Rosario, Aly Remind me this is the beginning, it is not the finale And that’s why we’re here And that’s why we rally It’s Olympians and a medical resident and not one fucking word from the man who is President It’s about closed doors and secrets and legs and stilettos From the Hollywood hills to the projects in ghettos When babies are ripped from the arms of teen mothers and child brides cry globally under the covers Who don’t have a voice on the magazine covers They tell us take cover

But we are not free until all of us are free So love your neighbor, please treat her kindly Ask her story and then shut up and listen Black, Asian, poor, wealthy, trans, cis, Muslim, Christian Listen, listen and then yell at the top of your lungs Be a voice for all those who have prisoner tongues For the people who had to grow up way too young There is work to be done There are songs to be sung Lord knows there’s a war to be won

[scoliosick]

okay, but like here’s the complete truth- i really only want you. these other people are distractions from the fact that i cant have you because we’re both scared that we’re going to fuck up what commitment should be, thus ruining what amazing friendship we had... but things happened & now its a little awkward, but i feel like it shouldnt be this difficult to just accept that we -mutually- only want eachother and we’d be lying to say that that isnt the truth.

[scoliosick]

fuck my aching heart,

[scoliosick]

My mom always told me to never say “that’s not fair” because nobody every said the world would be fair. Prior, I took that lesson to heart & never said those 3 words, but now I’m realizing there’s another lesson to be learned.