After talking with Ari (who always knew exactly what to say), Owen decided to give it a day or too before talking to Scorpius. Owen had already probably messed up his life enough by approaching him before, so he didnāt want to rush straight into it. He also wanted to wait for a more appropriate time - first thing in the morning when Owenād had about 3 hours of sleep probably wasnāt it. Owen had spent hours pondering exactly how to apologise to Scorpius, mulling it over before falling asleep, and ignoring his professorsā¦ The opportunity came when Owen wasnāt prepared at all. He was just heading to the Owlery one evening to send a message to his parents when he came across Scorpius attaching a letter to an owl (presumabling to his own parents). Owen froze like a rabbit in headlights in the doorway, before slowly approaching Scorpius. Thankfully, no-one else was in there to witness their interaction, which would be ideal.
āIām an idiot.ā He announced - which was not how heād been planning to start his apology. āIāve been a complete moron; I abandoned you and then expected you to just still be my friend, and Iāve been selfish and treated you horribly and I donāt expect you to forgive me but Iām really sorry.ā He realised he should probably stop word-vomitting so he shut his mouth and stared awkwardly at Scorpius, running a hand through his hair.
Scorpius had, unfortunately, been able to think of little else but Owen for the past few days. Heād run through all their interactions from first year in his head, trying to see them through Owenās eyes, to see if there was any validity in what Owen had said. Heād come to the conclusion that Owen was an idiot, or a liar, or possibly both. It was distracting him from his studying and making him irritable. Except he didnāt speak to anyone enough to take out his irritation, so it was just building up inside him. Yesterday heād glared at Jared, whoād looked so startled itād almost made him laugh.
He wrote his parents his usual fortnightly letter, telling them he was well, he hoped they were well, studying was going well, and Kaelyn seemed well. Okay, he changed the wording up, but the contents didnāt usually change much. He did consider telling them that Kaelyn had a girlfriend, but that would just lead to Kaelyn trying to kill him, and the hassle didnāt seem worth the entertainment. He trudged up to the Owlery and was just attaching it to Hooty when Owen walked in. Great. He watched Hooty fly off, suddenly very jealous. Owls didnāt have to deal with friendship drama. āI agree,ā he said, still watching Hooty soaring away. āYou are an idiot.ā
Owen winced at Scorpiusā harsh tone and refusal to even look at him. āHey, thereās something we agree on, then,ā he said, attempting a mildly jokey tone, which he then regretted. āSorry,ā he mumbled, shaking his head at himself. Joking was obviously not the way to get Scorpius to forgive him. Merlin, he was going to keep apologising to Scorpius for the rest of their lives, wouldnāt he? Or, at least, the rest of their time at Hogwarts - Owen wasnāt exactly going to stalk Scorpius until he was forgiven. Althoughā¦ No, that was stupid. āI was really dumb at 11, and Iām not much smarter now but I like to think Iāve grown up a bit, so I really am sorry. I think I thought I wasnāt treating you that badly butā¦ I was. And I miss you, so the other day I just sort of hoped we would still be friends. Which was dumb and optimistic. And I know that we probably canāt be friends again, although Iād love that, but I just need you to know that I really am sorry. And I know how stupid I am.ā He attempted a smile. Merlin, this was a painfully bad apology.
Scorpius turned and levelled Owen with an incredulous look. It was funny to think that this was all heād dreamt of in second year. Well, maybe not so much funny, more depressing. It wasnāt quite turning out like heād hoped. In his daydreams, Owen had realised his mistakes without being told, and it hadnāt taken him quite this long. He wanted to point out that Owen clearly hadnāt grown up if he hadnāt even realised what was going on, but he wasnāt sure he could be bothered. Everything just seemed like too much effort, that was the problem. āOkay,ā he settled for saying. āThank you for informing me.ā He wasnāt going to slip up and get emotional. And he definitely didnāt want to end up in an argument and end up crying again.
āThank you for informing meā? Owen didnāt know how to respond to that or what to do now. Saying āyouāre welcomeā definitely wasnāt the move. He floundered for a moment, staring around the room at the owls who were definitely judging him right now. āI, uh, support you if you want to punch me or something. Although youāre too good a person to do something like that. Not that it would make you a bad person if you did, because I deserve it. Oh Merlin,ā he muttered, realising he really needed to shut up. Despite not knowing what to say, he felt like he needed to fill the silence as Scorpius clearly wasnāt going to.
As awkward as his conversation with Kaelyn had been, this was worse, it was vastly preferable to this. āPunch you?ā he asked, incredulous. They were wizards, for Merlinās sake: if anything, he would curse him, but he wouldnāt do that either. He was perfectly aware that his family was still under scrutiny and cursing someone would cause utter chaos. And even after all this time and hurt, he still couldnāt do anything to harm Owen. āDo you think that would make us āevenā?ā
Owen was getting more flustered by the second, trying to remind himself that he deserved to feel this bad; heād been a terrible friend. āI mean, I donāt know, if you want,ā he said, before scoffing at the idea that it would make them even. āOf course it wouldnāt make us āevenā, I hurt you much worse than anything could physically hurt me. I just meant, like, if it would make you feel better? Even slightly? I just feel like I deserve some sort of punishment.ā He shrugged uncomfortably, running his fingers through his hair.
āI donāt want to punch you,ā he said, but he didnāt quite want to admit that he couldnāt bear to hurt Owen. āI donāt think Iād be very good at it; Iād probably end up hurting myself more than you. Itās a very Muggle way of dealing with things, anyway.ā He realised a moment too late that this probably came off as an insult to Owenās family, but he simply meant that he wasnāt raised that way and would be far more likely to stick with wizardry. He wasnāt about to try to explain himself though. āI think itās very unlikely it would make me feel better. It would just make you feel better.ā He stared at Owen for a moment, wishing for a way out of this conversation, and found himself asking, āWhat do you want from me? Do you want me to hurt you so you can feel like youāve been punished, so you can stop feeling bad, and leave me alone again?ā He knew Owen had said he wanted to be friends, but that was inconceivable. If he wanted to be friends, where had he been for the last several years?
Owen was a tad offended by the implication that because his mum was a Muggle, he was more inclined to Muggle forms of violence instead of cursing, but he couldnāt deny that Scorpius probably would injure himself if he hit Owen. āThen curse me,ā he offered instead. This was starting to sound masochistic. He didnāt know how to reply to the fact that it would make Owen feel better, not Scorpius, because that was probably true. Was he still being selfish? He contemplated what he wanted, trying to think it through so he could word it right, rather than just stumbling his way through his words like usual. āI would love to be friends with you. I miss you. But I get that you probably canāt bear to be friends with me again, even though I promise Iād never fuck it up that badly again (although I canāt promise being perfect). So if you want me to leave you alone, I will. I just want you to be happy, Scorpius. I know itās far too little, too late, but I value your happiness more than I value mine, so even though I miss you, please just tell me to fuck off if youād rather.ā He looked beseechingly at Scorpius.
Scorpius shook his head, but had no excuse for why he wouldn't curse Owen. He really hoped that Owen wouldn't read too much into it. Hopefully he'd assume that, like punching him, it was because it wouldn't make Scorpius feel any better. Scorpius listened to Owen's speech, and tried to work out how he felt about it. Clearly, Owen felt bad, and had decided that this would make everything right. He was probably hoping that Scorpius did tell him to fuck off, he thought bitterly, but then he tried to reconcile that with the boy he'd known in first year and couldn't. Owen had never been malicious, just selfish and lacking in empathy. He'd been so lonely for the last several years, and he had missed Owen so much, that he just felt his willpower crumble entirely. "You don't have to leave me alone," he said, slowly. "We can try being friends." Even though Owen would abandon him again sooner or later, his brain added instantly, which was a good start to their new friendship.
