Square 1. 12:50AM
I feel like a fucking idiot. Sitting here imaging shit thats never gonna hapen and then BANG reality strikes. Reading something that just like punches you right in the face. I don’t even think that I’m sad, or if I am I’m hiding it well, I think I’m mad. I must look so stupid. THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED TO FUCKING PREVENT. And yet, here it is. Sad part? if i have the opportunity to stand up, and not commit the same foolish act. I won’t. Because I’ll fall for it all over again. Hopefully, this time I can act apathetic enough to not do that. But that wasn’t what this post was about. im depressed again. Back to square one! again. idk even know what I did wrong. Actually I do, i failed school. And apparently, according to my sister anyway, that is the source of all the fights from my parents. im back to feeling numb agin, thats a scary thought i guess, if anyon even cares , or notices. Ya’ know she actually said that. She said, “This is all your your fault.” She said, “My dad calls me at work saying he can’t take it.” She said, “He wants to pack up his stuff and leave.” She said, “This is your fault, because of you mami and papi are fighting.” She said, “Because of you. Since mami always defends you.” She said, “It’s because you didn’t graduate.” “Its all your fault.” “You’re the reason they’re fighting.” She said all this. And with the most evil loook in her face too. How can someone you’ve known literaly your entire life, your flesh & blood, look at you with such hatred? She hates me, i know it. Even when she acts like a normal sister, i know somewhere in there, in her soul, there is hate. idk, what i ever did to her. but she hates me, i guess she shou idk. im having thoughts again. depressing ones. the suicidal ones have come up a few times too. SO MANY THINGS ARE RUSHING THROUGH MY HEAD I CAN’T EVEN THINK STRAIGHT.
