♥ DEADPOOL SENTENCE STARTERS
↳ feel free to adjust sentences to make it fit your muse better!
❛ Ladies and gentlemen, I give you… me! ❜
❛ I had another Liam Neeson nightmare. I kidnapped his daughter and he just wasn’t having it. ❜
❛ You’re probably thinking, “Whose balls did I have to fondle to get my very own movie”? ❜
❛ You guys going for a bite? Early bird special? ❜
❛ Fake laugh. Hiding real pain. Go get Silver Balls. ❜
❛ What the shit? That’s the coolest name ever! ❜
❛ Now, I’m about to do to you what Limp Bizkit did to music in the late 90s. ❜
❛ A fourth wall break inside a fourth wall break? That’s like, sixteen walls. ❜
❛ My boyfriend said this was a superhero movie but that guy in the suit just turned that other guy into a fucking kabab! ❜
❛ Well, I may be super, but I’m no hero. ❜
❛ But some of the best love stories start with a murder. ❜
❛ Looks aren’t everything. ❜
❛ Ugh, stupid, stupid. Worth it! ❜
❛ That’s right! You’re about to be killed by a zamboni! ❜
❛ Tell me where your fucking boss is or you’re going to die! In five minutes! ❜
❛ I should’ve come and found you sooner, but the guy under this mask, he ain’t the same one that you remember. ❜
❛ After a brief adjustment period and a bunch of drinks, it’s a face… I’d be happy to sit on. ❜
❛ Time to make the chimi-fuckin’-changas. ❜
❛ Oh, I so pity the dude who pressures her into prom sex. ❜
❛ Whatever they did to me made me totally indestructible… and completely unfuckable. ❜
❛ Star in your own horror films. Because you look like Freddy Krueger face-fucked a topographical map of Utah. ❜
❛ Life is an endless series of trainwrecks with only brief commercial-like breaks of happiness. ❜
❛ Finish fucking her the fuck up. ❜
❛ This guy’s got the right idea. he wore the brown pants. ❜
❛ I’d go with you, but… I don’t want to. ❜
❛ I’ve never said this to anyone before, but don’t swallow! ❜
❛ Your right leg is Thanksgiving and your left leg is Christmas. Can I come and visit you between the holidays? ❜
❛ I didn’t just get the cure to el cancer, I got the cure to el everything. ❜
❛ Ahhhh. I’m touching myself tonight. ❜
❛ Ahhh! Your poor wife! ❜
❛ Daddy needs to express some rage. ❜
❛ Shit. Did I leave the stove on? ❜
❛ Well I hate to break it to you, but your forty-eight minutes are up. ❜
❛ Right up Main Street. ❜
❛ Have you decided what you’re gonna say to her? ❜
❛ I bet it’s going to feel really big in that hand later… ❜
❛ This is a shameful and reckless use of your powers. ❜
❛ Why such a douche this morning? ❜
❛ Have you seen this man? ❜