synthetic love

"h a p p i n e s s in intelligent people is the rarest thing i know."

[petcrprkrs-blog1]

“ You don’t see where the disconnect is? ” His voice reached a quiet level of disbelief as they continued to argue. “ Because we were friends at one point, Seaghan! You’re my best friend even after all of this and I thought that maybe we could try to be best friends still. Or friends or, fuck, I don’t know.. something. ” 

[seaghankelly]

“Well, I’m sorry it meant a lot more to me than it did to you.” He responded almost immediately, barely able to make eye contact with Kian. “Obviously I miss you, but fuck. It hurts too much, and I’m done fucking myself up just to be close to you.”

[petcrprkrs-blog1]

Kian waited a few long seconds before talking, his voice quieter than before, “ If you really think I would be that heartless, especially to you, then I don’t think you knew me at all. ” His fingers reached up to touch his own lips, squeezing them together out of nerves before continuing on. “ Us avoiding each other isn’t going to make it any easier if all we do is miss each other but refuse to talk about it. ” 

[seaghankelly]

“I don’t see where the disconnect is.” Seaghan countered almost immediately, but his voice was quieter as well and he seemed to lack confidence. “I tried to talk to you and you kinda broke my heart, I don’t know why you’re surprised I’ve been treating you like you’re heartless and are mad at me for avoiding you.”

[seaghankelly]

superroryevans:

“Eat and then write”

“If I eat first I’ll just go to bed, I’m the worst.”

[auroradelacour-blog]

“Or.. a reward for having the intention to start eventually?”

[seaghankelly]

“You’re too good to me, Aurora. I’ll never do anything at that rate.”

[auroradelacour-blog]

“Well then still go get a snack now. As a reward!”

[seaghankelly]

“As a reward for not starting my work?”

[eccxxntric-deactivated20171006]

“……”

[seaghankelly]

“Did I upset ya?”

[auroradelacour-blog]

“Get food first or you’ll only whine about how you’re hungry and won’t focus on the work. Or just don’t do it.”

[seaghankelly]

“Not doing work is not an option, but I appreciate the idea of it.”

[aveelaxfatima]

“Always go with eating. I don’t think the potions assignment will mind waiting.”

[seaghankelly]

“I think the potions assignment is already pretty mad at me.”

[roguetheo-deactivated20151006]

“I guess, but I’d rather die than have to do potions homework.”

[seaghankelly]

“I’ll keep that in mind, bro. The stakes are pretty high, so you might actually end up having to choose.”

[jinxics]

“Sounds like you’ve got a real problem there.”

[seaghankelly]

“I know, when will my life stop being so hard?”

[petcrprkrs-blog1]

“ It meant something to me too! ” Kian’s voiced higher as he defended himself, eyes going a little crazy around the edges. “ Merlin, Seaghan. You can’t possibly think that I’m that heartlesss? That I would let us get on that long without feeling anything. I just can’t be someone’s boyfriend like that.  I don’t know what I’m doing but it’s not just nothing okay? ” Another sigh escaped his lips, this one more defeated than frustrated like before. 

[seaghankelly]

“I do think you’re that heartless, because you acted that heartless. Because you didn’t tell me otherwise.” Seaghan ran a hand through his hair, eyes suddenly focusing on his feet. “You think it was easy for me to start the conversation? No, but I bared my soul and then you turned me down. I can’t just- I can’t just hang around you anymore, it sucks.”

[petcrprkrs-blog1]

“ I didn’t.. That wasn’t.. ” Kian let out a frustrated breath, his hands going through his already wild hair. “ I want us to go back to how we were. We were good, we worked so well. Why do you need me to say it so badly? ” His own heart beating quickly against his chest, feeling the weight of their conversation slowly crushing him. 

[seaghankelly]

“Because it meant something to me.” Seaghan shook his head, shrugging. “Because I can’t just keep having sex with you if that’s all I’m good for.” He knew he sounded beyond dejected, but he didn’t know how to remedy it.

[petcrprkrs-blog1]

“ Well I fucking miss you so I’m not just gonna ignore you like you do to me. I can’t be that… I don’t know, heartless. ” 

[seaghankelly]

“Heartless? Me? Are you fucking kidding? You’re the one who didn’t care enough about me to commit to more than sex, and now you think I want to be your friend after you fucked me up.”

[petcrprkrs-blog1]

“ I fucked up because I didn’t want to do what you wanted me to do. I don’t know how many different times that I can say I wasn’t ready. But that doesn’t mean I wanted to stop being your friend. ” 

[seaghankelly]

“I don’t know what to tell you, man. I’m not, I don’t know. I’m just not into it, okay?”

[petcrprkrs-blog1]

“ This is me actioning. I’m standing here telling you I want to be friends. Why isn’t that enough? ”

[seaghankelly]

“Because you fucked up the first time and you’ve yet to acknowledge it. And honestly, you’re not really in my target group for friendship, I’m trying to focus on my grades right now.”

[petcrprkrs-blog1]

“ My intentions have never been to embarrass you? You can’t honestly believe that? ”

[seaghankelly]

“Actions speak louder than words. I don’t know what you’re expecting to get from this.”

[petcrprkrs-blog1]

“ Because us not talking is stupid? Because we were really great friends before. Because maybe you miss me like I miss you. Why are you making this so hard? ”

[seaghankelly]

“Are you really gonna make me talk about this again? Didn’t you embarrass me enough the first time around?”