izzy's playlists!
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@seahorsesurrogate
Not the update I wanted to share.
CW for loss
During my first ultrasound we found a blighted ovum. They had me come back a week later to see if any fetal growth occurred, but I knew it was a formality. The sac remained empty, and I was given pills to pass it at home. Which was a lot more painful and draining than I had anticipated.
Dont know what this means for the future. I need to get my baring back.
Morning sickness has calmed down a lot thankfully! We have our first ultrasound soon so thats exciting
Pros to being a surrogate:
I help a family!
I donāt have a baby to take care of when Iām postpartum
My autoimmune diseases leave me alone while Iām pregnant!
Cons:
x10,0000
I am so violently ill with morning sickness.
Ive tested positive! On home tests. Our first transfer! Cautiously optimistic and telling just few people since itās so early. but yay!
I feel as hurt as I was struggling with my own fertility as Iām seeing N struggle with the news of his poor egg health. I want to help but Iām useless when itās his eggs. Everyone is sad and going through this alone
Shockingly bad news about the retrieval. They got four eggs and only one was mature, and it was not fertilize. This is devastating and I feel so awful for N. Everyone was floored at the results. Unsure of next steps.
iām really sorry for a lack of updates recently, but everything has happened really fast. N has been on his progesterone shots and tomorrow he goes in for egg retrieval. Shit is getting real FAST. Trying not to get ahead of myself because we are going to wait until implantation for numerous reasons, but omg. Itās fucking happening!
Iām going for moral support and to help with him post retrieval because he is generally very sensitive to surgeries and procedures. I feel like Im going to fucking throw up already because Iām nervous as hell for some reason lol. I could be pregnant this year at some point!!!! Science is cool
My IP [N, from here on] is having his own fertility appointment soon. I have been sick as a dog so as Im barely on the mend, Iāll probably have to miss it. But. Things are slowly developing. From research we both did, it appears he will have to go on fertility treatments for a number of weeks before they can do egg retrieval on him. I donāt know how much time everything will take.
Funding for surrogacy is essentially non existent for cis straight couples. So him being a single trans father probably wonāt be receiving big grants anyway. Heās saved money through the years and has gotten help. Heās has a very loving community around him that Iām sure would step up for him with help, he it financially for the treatment and procedures or just being his village after I deliver.
Now, Iām still preparing myself as best as I can mentally. I was starting to physically keep myself active to build stamina, but then I got sick. But even so, I think Iām ready for this more and more. Iāve been discussing it in therapy. My therapist is looking for resources for me as well. In the meantime, all I can do is work on myself.
I think weight loss isnāt a prerequisite to being pregnant by far. Iād just prefer to be more fit by the time things actually start to come into motion. I guess you could say I am cautiously optimistic.
Having many talks about the future lately.
Iām off T, extremely naturally fertile. In different circumstances, I would feel confident in trying for baby in about 2.5 months from now. Because this will be a reciprocal IVF type deal, Iām completely thrown for a loop. This is so costly. The IP has a deep desire to use his own eggs, which I completely understand. But I feel a bit like a sitting duck as we wait for his appointment to check on his fertility.
In the meantime, Iāll be focusing on optimizing my body and mind for another pregnancy. It is feeling a bit more real now. We are in regular contact with each other. Me getting off T was encouraging for him. Heās not been on T for a number of years, I believe coming on 5 or so. Since his emergency hysterectomy. He did retain one ovary, but from the sounds of it, his fertility is very low naturally.
Iām beginning to fear that I wont be able to conceive with his eggs. Iām getting ahead of myself. But I have doubt and anxiety. This is someone I care for deeply and respect wholeheartedly. In a different world, we would be parents together.
May 26, 2025
So, I missed my shot the other day and decided to just stop T for now. I had a long talk with the IP, my good friend, and this seems to be something they really want more than I realized by conversing via text and email. I have some hesitation, mostly health related, that they've talked me through. I think this would be healing for the both of us.
We might have to do some traveling for better queer and trans friendly care. I don't know how that will fare with my kids. But it's not impossible. I am tired and pissy from the sudden drop of T. But I think it's better to be off T for longer before we try to get me pregnant. Didn't expect to update this soon after my last.
may 2025
iām starting this blog to log my experience. iāve been approached by one of my oldest friends to possibly act as a surrogate for their future child. iām a trans man who is a father of two boys, and this would not be my first surrogacy. i have significant trauma in regards to pregnancy and surrogacy. but i would like to help this friend if i am able.
for the better half of a year, weāve had discussions about the logistics of this, and it seems closer to really happening. nothing set in stone yet, i am still on testosterone and will continue to be on it until there is a plan in action. thatās all the update we have for now.