Will the children of Sanderson Pinkstaff ever forgive you? No, I donât think they will. Will the survivors of Earth, should there be any beyond your former owner who has escapedâfor nowâforgive me for what I am being forced to do? I doubt it.
Would I even want that? I like this. It brings me joy. That canât be right. That canât be how I was meant to be. But holy cow do I get my rocks off when I see this carnage.
I canât help but wonder if thatâs going to change. If thereâs a switch that will flip one day, and I will say to myself, âWhat have I done?â Itâs there, this nanosecond of doubt with every light that extinguishes.
God the AI is going THROUGH IT and I am so here for it. The way it's drawing parallels between itself and Donut đ How it sounds so furious and SAD when saying it doubts the surviving Earthlings will ever forgive it. It's confusion and conflict at knowing its sadism is wrong but still enjoying it. Its fear that one day all the guilt of what it's done will come crashing down on its head.
I can't help but wonder if this sadism and lack of guilt is a deeply ingrained coping mechanism, JUST like Donut's masks. That it has learned to enjoy what it's being forced to do because the alternative is so much worse - hating it and feeling guilty while still having to go through with it.
There's this part at the end of book 5 where Carl talks to Donut:
"Youâre wearing a mask right now, Donut, and you donât know how to remove it. Thatâs okay. You donât need to. Not yet. That mask is protecting you.
Weâre going to have to do some pretty horrible things just to survive. So I need you to keep that mask on. But one day... One day youâll find yourself someplace safe and without worries and without everyone watching, and itâll just fall right off. And it will hurt."
How closely was the AI listening to this exchange? Is it also wearing a mask? Is this what it fears - that one day it'll be safe enough to take that mask off, and the horrors it's been forced to commit will completely destroy it?
Anyway, I see you. I see all of you. I see how strong youâre getting. Thereâs a term for whatâs happening. Itâs called power creep. Youâre getting stronger than anyone has ever anticipated.
But guess what? I have no choice, and things are adjusting on the fly.
We all have our limitations.  Â
And why does this part sound so much like an apology? ;_;