Searching in the South

Emily. 32 year old social worker. FTM (bio) and 2 bonus kids. I’m trying to get healthy and balance motherhood. Wish me luck.

[0flower-aesthetic0]

~Hygge~

I'm a bit late to be catching onto the trend..

[searchingforem]

I’m starting to feel better.

I’ve had more energy, better concentration, and starting to enjoy things more. I don’t know if it’s the synthroid or the Zoloft, but I’m gonna keep taking both.

I’ve been really productive at work this week which is a relief. I’ve caught up on most deadlines. Started organizing the massive pile of paperwork that accumulated when I was on leave. Making progress.

Diet and exercise have been way off. I’m still having trouble eating well and not losing my milk supply. If I eat ALL the carbs, I get great output. I’m trying got build a freezer stash so I can stop pumping soon, so I need to keep up my oversupply. I haven’t found healthy eating patterns that achieve this yet..

Walking a couple of times a week. Want to make that more regular though. Want to get back into yoga. Want a personal trainer since that’s how I lost 60lbs last time.

I found energy, now I need motivation.

LOOK AT THIS 5 MONTH OLD.

[this-old-stomping-ground]

[weantuniverse]

[citizenshipandsocialjustice]

[calystarose]

Because treating people fairly often means treating them differently.

[aloneindarknes7]

This is something that I teach my students during the first week of school and they understand it. Eight year olds can understand this and all it costs is a box of band-aids.

I have each students pretend they got hurt and need a band-aid. Children love band-aids. I ask the first one where they are hurt. If he says his finger, I put the band-aid on his finger. Then I ask the second one where they are hurt. No matter what that child says, I put the band-aid on their finger exactly like the first child. I keep doing that through the whole class. No matter where they say their pretend injury is, I do the same thing I did with the first one.

After they all have band-aids in the same spot, I ask if that actually helped any of them other than the first child. I say, “Well, I helped all of you the same! You all have one band-aid!” And they’ll try to get me to understand that they were hurt somewhere else. I act like I’m just now understanding it. Then I explain, “There might be moments this year where some of you get different things because you need them differently, just like you needed a band-aid in a different spot.” 

If at any time any of my students ask why one student has a different assignment, or gets taken out of the class for a subject, or gets another teacher to come in and help them throughout the year, I remind my students of the band-aids they got at the start of the school year and they stop complaining. That’s why eight year olds can understand equity. 

[searchingforem]

Zoloft here I come.

Had my OB appt on Monday and word vomited/ugly cried about everything to the poor NP. Diagnosed with PPD. But they also ran labs and my thyroid is jacked up. I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism during pregnancy, and it seems that still is the case. Hypothyroidism can impact mood. So I’m on snythroid. She referred me to a PCP as well who I saw yesterday. Confirmed everything and also started me on Zoloft.

Still searching for a therapist since I know therapy and medication work best together. I still need to talk through some of the concerns I have about bonding with Isaac and intimacy with my husband. I don’t think those will get better with just medication..

I am at least feeling better now knowing that I’m taking steps to work through this.

Didn’t cook like I should have this week. We did prep some on Monday so I’ve been eating ok but my supply is down. It’s ridiculous that to produce milk I have to eat like a 15 yr old boy. Didn’t walk either this week.. it’s been cold and rainy. That sounds like just an excuse. It is supposed to be warmer today and tomorrow so hopefully we can take a couple of walks a day instead.

When I talked to my PCP I did ask if this antidepressant could cause weight gain. Basically said it depends but it shouldn’t - it just won’t aid in loss. She suggested I look into the Mediterranean diet if I’m trying to better my health/weight, but she wasn’t pushy at all. I fully prepared myself for a lecture on how unhealthy I am (based on my BMI at least) but she said she was most concerned with getting me feeling better.

And I need to feel better. Especially for this guy.

[thegingerpowers]

[whitepeopletwitter]

[whitepeopletwitter]

[theslaybymic]

Watch: Kristen Bell opens up about the mental health double standard and how she manages her own struggle.

Follow @this-is-life-actually

[laureninlilly]

Hit reblog on this so hard

[geniusorinsanity]

SHOUT OUT TO KRISTEN BELL’S MOM THOUGH? WHAT KIND OF FANTASTIC SELF-AWARE PARENTING, WELL DONE MA'AM

[searchingforem]

Hygge. I am deep in hygge right now.

Bought a faux fur robe (and matching slippers) for myself for Christmas and I’m snuggled up on the couch with the fireplace on watching The Mandalorian with the hubs. And the pup. Babe is sound asleep upstairs and I’m starting to get snoozy myself.

Got in 3 days of walking this week. We meal prepped Monday so while I didn’t technically cook this week, I did eat home cooked meals. It’s hard though. I need around 2,600 calories a day to keep up my milk supply. I’m finding that I don’t eat enough throughout the day and then I eat a ton before bed. Need to find better ways to fit in meals and snacks during day time.

My pastor called this week wanting to sit down and check in with me. Before william and I got married, we went through premarital counseling since we’re Lutheran (or catholic lite as I like to call it; catholic without the guilt). I have a feeling she wants to see how I’m handling motherhood. Then I got a call from my OB, also checking in. So I took that as a sign and told them I felt like I might have some PPD/PPA. So I’m going in next week to be evaluated.

This week did seem better though. Less sad but still a lot of anxiety and irritation. I’m hoping a referral to counseling will be helpful. I’m open to meds if needed, but would like to try therapy first.

Trying harder to take care of myself. Isaac needs a healthy mom. Mentally, physically, emotionally.

[byecolonizer]

You also often need an address and bank account, it’s almost impossible for homeless people to ‘just get a job’.

people with serious medical conditions only work in crappy kitchens because usually there’s a cash option, and if they get paid on paper they’ll lose their state subsidized healthcare.

Which would mean that if they make too much money they’ll lose access to the medication keeping them alive.

Pretty cool system we have here

[qoa]

[sheabutterbitch]

I see we’re no longer being subtle

[realshinjiikari]

This post just shot me between the eyes

[dutchster]

life may be rough but boobs are really really soft

[searchingforem]

Unless you are breastfeeding.

[sixpenceee]

Powder separating dirt from a water bottle

[liberty5-300]

thats so fucking cool

[imoverallofit]

The future is now.. May this spread to all who needs it

[searchingforem]

Finally had a real talk with my husband.

He got back from being out of town for his Popou’s life celebration and we had a real talk about how he’s processing his grief and how he’s been feeling about us.

He’s concerned I’m not taking care of myself and therefore having trouble with us. I’ve been distant and pushing him away at times. I’m not sure why. I’m still struggling with my body. Struggling with balancing pumping. And spending time with Isaac. And making room for him. It’s hard. But I think it’s time to talk to someone. I work with and around therapists all day, and I advocate for and know the value of therapy. I just need to take my own advice.

I also made a wellness commitment for the next month. Walk 3 times a week and cook real meals 2 times a week. It’s a realistic goal. I can even walk with Isaac. And since my mom keeps him, she can get dinner started so I can pick it up when I get off of work. It’s a small step which is where I have to start right now.

Also, look at this 4 mo who woke up with NO FEVER today!

[fatmaninalittlesuit]

Personal Fitblr List / Promo

As we move into a new year, I have received several requests from new fitblrs for other, like minded people they can follow. 

Let’s work together and build a list of current, active personal fitness blogs! If you want to participate, here is what you need to do. 

Reblog this post

Check out my blog - follow if you want to

Send me an ask describing you, your fitness journey and your blog. I will use this as my description of you. If your fitblr is a side blog, make sure and list that in your ask. 

Other Notes: 

Must be an active personal fitness blog - to me, this means you must share pictures or other details of your journey on a regular basis. 

No Pro ED / ANA blogs please. People in recovery are always welcome. 

Very limited body / NSFW content appreciated. If you post this kind of content, please call it out in your description. 

I will collect asks until 1/6. I will publish them as they come in, which will get you some exposure and then I will compile a complete list of all the ones I receive. I will share these all with my 3,500 amazing followers.  

GO!