charcoal eater

certified deep sea organism #myechochamber

[seawanter]

i dont want friendships i dont want to be anyone at allllll

[seawanter]

self-isolating from other adults my age like an immature overgrown child. how insufferable can someone get

[seawanter]

likee i'm surrounded by great and accepting people yet i just constantly feel alienated and ostracized. it's my own problem. i can't bear to insert myself into any social situation, even when the other party wants me there. the rift is suffocating and also completely self-made

[seawanter]

the way i've never felt true and genuine connection to another human being 🤣🤣

[seawanter]

does anyone know what this wall of plexiglass is about hahha. its been here like forever between me and everyone else does anyone know whats up with that hahaha

[seawanter]

funny how i want to 🎲 all the time but then the moment i get a worm in my brain about how i somehow have a life-threatening illness i suddenly dont want to anymore 🧐🧐

[seawanter]

how to get over health paranoia fast

[seawanter]

im so sick of this im so sick of this

[local-lesbian-tree-demon]

they should invent a body that feels normal to be inside of

[questionable-method]

no but im so tired of how self-deprecation is always more accepted than self-advocacy. if i say i can't drive because im autistic i get questioned on how exactly that works and given a million suggestions on how to do it anyway and i look like im trying to be special so it's easier to just say im a loser. yeah i don't drive because im kind of a loser lmao. oh well. and people say lmao back and we move on. at worst they say "oh im sure you'll figure it out haha." but no interrogation!! being a loser is more respectable than being disabled. being a loser is something that doesn't make other people feel uncomfortable about their own biases. so no, no im not disabled. i don't struggle to keep friends and do the laundry and make quick trivial decisions and clean my room and brush my teeth because im autistic. it's because im a loser. it's my fault. it is what it is. at least im funny now. do you think im funny? please think im funny

[seawanter]

i need to get out of this town

[avpdhaunt]

jobs for people who cant do or handle anything

[idol-affirmations]

[idol-affirmations]

[roselunde]

Does anyone else have mild psychotic and mood symptoms but not enough to feel valid?

I get paranoid and have unusual perceptual experiences, but not hallucinations. I withdraw from time to time but I'm still sociable. I get restless and sometimes make risky decisions but I always rein myself in. I might sleep for 13 hours and hardly manage the bare minimum for months but I'm still kind of okay. I talk to myself almost all day to keep myself company but only in whispers when no one is listening. I get weird thoughts and think in strange loops and paradoxes for hours straight but I am always aware that it's all nonsense.

Therapists tell me how self-aware I am. Friends consider me the voice of reason. I'm playing a role that doesn't fit my internal reality. And I wish I could just do something crazy to show people I'm not normal.

Of course I won't. I don't mean doing anything dangerous or harmful. For example, I have been open a few times about my bizarre thoughts with my friends. But I don't want people to stop trusting me, or impose their will on me because they think I can't make decisions for myself. So I end up managing on my own, internalising it all, with no one to compare myself to in order to know how normal my experiences even are.

[good-4-her]

[good-4-her]