Raj (Minister): Dudes, dudettes, dudelings… We are gathered here today to witness the union of these two doodlejumps in matrimony. There is not a single ounce of doubt in me that these two dudes will have an awesome marriage. So if you would, Jake? Your vows?
Jake: Oh, ok. *clears throat* Here I am standing before you, sober, I shaved, and I’m wearing the tuxedo Sean picked for me. I’m even wearing the cologne you and Quinn gave me for my birthday. I even let Diego and Michelle give me a proper haircut, and asked Aleister and Grace about vows. So, here goes:
I, Jacob McKenzie, promise not to get drunk without you ever again. I promise to always ALWAYS do the dishes when you tell me to. I promise to take you with me wherever I go as my co-pilot. I promise not to hide a flask in my boots without you inspecting it. I promise to always ALWAYS hold your hand when you’re given a shot or vaccination or whatever, but only if you’d also hold mine in those situations. I promise to tell you everything and to give you the world because you deserve it all. And I promise to never give up as long as I live. I love you, MC. You’re my princess, and my heart belongs to you. Always.
Craig: *sobs* That was beautiful, bro!
Zahra: *snorts, almost laughing* He’s crying!
Michelle: Guys? Can you maybe shut the hell up before I slap you both?
Lila: *gasps* Play nice, guys!