Our Lives

I've created this because I want to record what it's like for my girlfriend and I when we're out in public and people can learn from seeing our experiences. This highlights the difference between lgbt+ couples and cis het houples. We're a lesbian couple from Melbourne, Australia. She is Australian and I'm Chinese-Australian. I'm non binary and use they/them pronouns.

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For the first time in a while, I was surprised by peoples homophobia. We were walking through the super market and this random guy about 18 years old who looks high af maintains eye contact with me, grins, and makes the shooting hand motion at my head while strutting past. He looked very happy with himself. My girlfriend was not.

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So I vanished for a while because I forgot I made this but here's a thing cishets don't experience:

Your waitress is mad at you and is passive aggressive the whole time you're there cos you, idk, exist? Lol

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I wrote a poem

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Pronouns

I am currently questioning my gender and considering using they/them pronouns, but I'm worried about doing so. This is because I've been explicitly told by members of my own family, and some friends, that they would never use they/them pronouns. Because its not right because its not proper English. Because its not how things are done. Because its not what they grew up with or learnt at school. Because they are unwilling to change.

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That's the way it is

When I tell my family about anything homophobic, sexist, racist, etc that has happened to me, they just shake their head and say "that's the way people are and there's nothing you can do about it, so you just have to get used to it."

I find this response disgusting and repulsive. It excuses and validates bigoted behaviour while simultaneously discouraging people from standing up against their own oppression, instead encouraging people to be complicit. It also perpetuates the idea that society is unmovable and unchanging, which frankly, is bullshit.

People change. Society changes. Normal changes. Slavery used to be normal. Homophobia was institutionalised. Women were second class citizens. Though these are still somewhat present in some parts of the world, on many other parts, these are seen as abhorrent and illogical.

Remember that next time someone says there's nothing you can do. Remember that at the next protest, the next rally, the next march for fundamental rights and protection. Remember.

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Train

I held back on posting this one for a while because it scared me and I didn't want to think about it.

On the train on the way home from a party, there were three men, who were very big and in their late 20s. They wore business suits and were most likely drunk.

Aside from other offensive behaviour, they wouldn't stop starring at my girlfriend and I, and made comments to each other and laughed at us.

We agreed that if they got oof at the same station as us, we would go straight to the security guards and ask them to walk us to the bus stop.

Thankfully, they got off at the stop after us, but we still called my dad to drive us home instead of waiting for the bus.

This may not seem like much to you, but the fact that we were in a situation where a hate crime could have been committed against us was terrifying. Maybe because thag hasn't happened to me before. Maybe because it was not long after the lesbian couple in London d got bashed on the bus. Either way, I hate that this is something that people experience on a regular basis due to something they can't help.

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Call

Yesterday morning, my girlfriend got a prank call from someone who claimed to have found her on a lesbian sex work site. They also claimed to be trans. Both of these claims were clearly false and this person is a terrible liar. I later discovered this isn't the first time this has happened and the people calling often know personal details, ranging from her name to her address. This is both disgusting and terrifying and I hate that this has become her normal.

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Protest

This is a mixed one.

Cishets have never had to protest, rally, march, petition for their rights.

Cishets have never felt safe and accepted in the chaos and yelling of a demonstration demanding their rights.

Cishets have never felt more unsafe on a train, on the street, in a church than they felt screaming in the middle of the road surrounded by their people and the police.

Cishets have never had abuse yelled at them by strangers in front of hundreds of people and dozens of police, and no one say a word about it.

Cishets have never had to argue with friends and family about their right to exist. Their right to marry. Their right to have a family. Their right to access the services of religious institutions. Their right to be called their name. Their right to be...

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Cars

We were walking back to the house from the car at night holding hands. It was a reasonably dark spot on the street, and seemed kind of dodgy, even though it was only a walk of about less than 20m from where we parked on the street to the house. While we were walking a car slowed down and pulled up right behind us. We both tensed and walked faster back to the house. We didn't wait to see what would happen.

This is what happens when you live in an area that had one of the biggest "no" votes in Victoria. This is the fear you live with knowing that you rent safe enough from your neighbours to walk from your car to your house unharassed for holding hands.

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Mental health

If anyone was wondering if, statistically, queer people have poor mental health, the answer is yes.

I only know one person who is lgbt+ and doesn't have severe mental health issues that impact their daily life.

I'm in the headspace waiting room right now and at least half of the people I've seen are lgbt+

Headspace is aware of this and have quite a few pamphlets and posters geared towards the queer community.

We know it. They know it. Now you know it too. Homophobia, transphobic, biphobia, and in general the anti-lgbt+ rhetoric is severely impacting the mental health of lgbt+ people everywhere.

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Positivity

Came out to my grandpa and he's confused but supportive so yay :) she's going to meet my grandparents on Thursday, so we'll see how it goes :)

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Dad

Back to our regular program of in built homophobia, my dad has asked me not to come out to my grandparents, as he would get in trouble for having raised a gay daughter.

After much arguing, we've agreed that they can meet her next week, after he's told them and given them time to adjust to the idea.

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Break to appease the cat under the house

This is a quick break from homophobia in order to appease the cat who li es under my house.

So apparently there's a stray cat that sleeps under my house and pees on our front door every night. My housemates decided that, in order to appease the cat, they would throw cheese sacrifices under the house in the hopes of saving the door from pee stains. It has not worked.

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By the river

We were walking by the river and we kissed and a middle aged man with his wife walked past loudly talking about how things aren't "family friendly" anymore, because apparently its "not appropriate for children" to witness two people kissing if they both happen to be girls.

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Help

Advice needed that's unrelated to this blog

I was walking around late at night (11pm) and I was at the traffic lights and I saw a car with a man and a young girl in it. She was unconscious in the passenger seat and the car and the man were both stereotypically pretty dodgy. She could be just asleep but I'm worried what if she's not? I've already written down all the details I can remember but idk if it's concerning enough to do something about? What should I do?

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Neighbours

My neighbours, who are also my landlords, are extremely homophobic. I've been informed by their neice (my room mate) that if I were open about my sexuality, I'd be kicked out. As such, when my girlfriend stays over we have to pretend to be friends, and I have to tell my openly lgbt+ friends to be subtle when they come over.

While at my room mates wedding, I was asked if I had a boyfriend, and was told someone nice will come along for me after I said no. This happened while my girlfriend was right next to me.

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Grandma

Introduced her to my grandma yesterday. My grandma introduced her to other people as my "friend", despite referring to my actual friends as my "girlfriends" when some of them aren't even girls.