senju.

i lost and i lost and i lost. i cannot recall what i had any longer.

[seinjv]

seinjv: a study in profound grief and chosen isolation, loss of girlhood, ptsd and unhealthy coping mechanisms. by nosta (21+)

“ TSUNADE SENJU was not broken into detached pieces of a human yet, not entirely. and one had to be, as a hokage. ”

[seinjv]

@bskrvlle READ PANDORA HEARTS OR PERISH

[seinjv]

ok but who here is old enough to remember LK abridging narut/o for like 8 episodes plus the movie ujisjols

[seinjv]

AnYWAYS I might write Ino too just because

[seinjv]

WHO WANTS A STARTER XO

[seinjv]

In my tsunade’s canon, orochim/aru is DEAD by the end of the series. No redemption nonsense we die like supervillans 💪🏻

[seinjv]

Icb it’s been 12 years on this site for me jjggg hi i am nosta ur tumblr mother, have some apple slices ❤️

[seinjv]

" how did it feel? "

something she should not be asking sasuke, under any circumstances; and yet, a part of her realizes she needs to know. perhaps because it's the closest she'll ever be of understanding what orochimaru felt -- perhaps it'll be the closest she'll ever be of getting answers for questions left unsaid.

don't let it get to you, tsunade - said jiraiya, over and over and over -- it could've been me. or you.

that is what scared her the most, all this time. the notion that it could have been her, and not orochimaru, the one to let her grudge get too far.

" I know i mustn't ask... i can't ask. it'd be unfair to you, and the village. and i am still the fucking hokage, so i should not -- " fingers curl onto the railing of the balcony. you always did what you were told, tsunade. wonder when you'll do what you feel, " but i need to know. how did it feel ... leaving this all behind? taking justice for your own people ... taking justice against what you were taught to protect... i need to know. and i promise i will never ask again." @chidorike

[seinjv]

" you're amazingly stubborn for someone so small. you almost cracked the door in half. "

Words uttered by tsunade to her pupil with a sigh, they spark a memory within her, something that for a moment, keeps her silent as she allows it to take her back.

you're awful stubborn for someone so small, tsunade. and she would punch jiraiya in the shoulder, pretend she wasn't bothered by the way he would grin like an idiot upon saying it. like it was an inside joke of his'.

you're not so small anymore, tsunade. neither is sakura, for that matter.

that is the problem; sakura is growing up to become someone the hokage can see every night in her own reflection. and tsunade knows, better than anyone, what that means. tsunade knows, better than ayone what it's like to be swallowed by grief. eventually, you are spat back nothing but a shell.

" fine, " she exhales another heavy sigh, tucks a strand of blonde hair away from her face and leans a shouolder against the doorframe, " i guess you're just as involved as kakashi or naruto...you care about him, don't you? " it is more to her than that, tsunade can tell, the brightness in her eyes when she mentions his name that sometimes are unshed tears and sometimes admiration. it's somewhat familiar. history repeating itself, " you deserve to know too, whatever we find about him. come inside. " @shannaroka

[seinjv]

WHO WANTS A STARTER XO

[seinjv]

i'm only here for fun traumatized vodka aunt tsunade vibes

[seinjv]

“   i’ll  be  the  strongest  thing ,   don’t  miss  it .   ” ( @9fox )

“   sorry   to   burst   your   bubble,   but   you   need   to   actually   pay   attention   to   what   Jiraiya   teaches   you   if   you   want   to   be   ‘the   strongest   thing’.   and   yes,   i   know   how   much   of   a   pain   that   statement   is.”

Eyes   roll,   arms   folded   over   chest   (   it's   like   looking   at   her   former   teammate,   years   ago,   before   life   weathered   them   both   ),   Tsunade   acknowledges   Narutos’s   potential   –   she   has   seen   what   he   can   do,   what   his   perseverance   and   desire   to   become   Hokage   can   push   him   to   accomplish.   But   the   beast   within   him   is   a   bloodthirsty   monster,   ready   to   tear   apart   the   village   if   allowed   a   glimpse   of   freedom   from   its   fleshy   prison.   Tsunade   knows   it’s   dangerous   to   give   Naruto   that   much   power   -   Jiraiya   knows   too.

He   is   just   a   boy   –   said   Jiraiya   to   her,   amidst   cups   of   sake   and   sorrowful   memories   -   he   could’ve   been   me,   or   anyone.   Minato   would   not   want   his   son   to   grow   up   thinking   himself   trash.   Because   he   isn’t.

Teeth   grit,   a   small   puff   of   air   exhales   through   her   nostrils,   she   lowers   her   head   for   a   moment,   uncrosses   her   arms   and   places   a   hand   upon   Naruto’s   head   (   he   has   grown   considerably,   taller   and   taller;   soon   he   will   not   be   that   little   pipsqueak   he   was   when   they   first   met   ),   “   head   up,   kid.   never   ….   never   down,   okay?   you’ll   see   things,   from   now   on,   that   will   fuck   with   your   head.   and   the   trick   is   to   always,   always   remember   what   you’re   fighting   for.   I   know   why   you   wanna   be   Hokage   –   keep   that   thought   tucked   in   your   mind,   always.   ”   a   soft   ruffle   of   sunshine   hair,   she   smiles,   “   you’re   good,   naruto.   your   heart   is   filled   with   goodness   –   don’t   fuck   it   up,   or   you’ll   make   Jiraiya   upset,   and   then   i’ll   have   to   deal   with   his   mopy   ass.   ”

[seinjv]

“   this  place  didn’t  make  me .   ” ( @inlife )

History   is   meant   to   repeat   itself   —   she   worries,   more   often   than   not,   that   the   vicious   cycle   of   fate   they   find   themselves   will   never   come   to   an   end.   Grow   older,   stronger,   bitter   and   detached   and   sorrowful,   is   that   what   awaits   her   pupil?   Is   that   all   that   awaits   Sakura   Haruno?   Tsunade   sees   parts   of   herself   in   her   student   (   it   terrifies   her   to   know   she   might   be   brewing   just   another   version   of   herself,   a   replacem.ent   We   are   all   replaceable   -   Orochimaru’s   words   were   serene   yet   clear   as   a   blade’s   edge   -   you,   me,   Jiraiya.   The   Kages   ).   Tsunade   wonders   if   the   reason   why   those   words   were   never   erased   from   her   subconscious   is   because   she   believes,   deep   inside,   that   he   was   right.

If   a   jonin   dies,   if   a   genin   dies,   another   will   take   their   place.   When   her   grandfather   died,   his   brother   took   his   place.   When   Dan   died,   three   days   later,   another   soldier   was   ready   for   the   slaughter.

Sakura   says   –   this   place   did   not   make   me.   The   war   is   brewing,   she’s   gotten   a   true   taste   of   what   it   means   to   live   in   this   world.   Naive,   cheerful,   headstrong,   lovesick   Sakura   isn’t   so   any   longer;   now,   she’s      a   woman   with   fists   of   steel   and   heavy   burdens   on   her   shoulders.

For   history   is   meant   to   repeat   itself.

“   no   place   makes   anyone,   sakura,   ”   voice   is   exhausted,   paperwork   piled   messily   on   her   desk   to   the   right   (   when   it’s   placed   on   the   very   far   right   of   the   desk,   it   means   it’s   already   been   done,   habits   from   her   grandfather   she   picked   up   as   a   child   ),   “   no   village,   no   training,   no   country.   If   it   did,   then   we’d   all   be   just   mindless   copies   of   each   other.   ”   Konoha   didn’t   raise   warriors,   they   made   themselves   so   out   of   sheer   will   and   sweat   and   bleeding,   “   i   know   you   wonder   about   that   boy,   sasuke   uchiha.   I   know   you   wonder   how   anyone   could   hate   this   place   so   much.   maybe   ….   these   words   are   just   your   attempt   to   understand   him?      ”   Tsunade   understands   him,   Tsunade   feels   the   burning   grudge   (   and   what’s   worse,   feels   the   burning   desire   to   protect   this   place   with   her   very   life   instead   of   tearing   it   to   the   ground   ).   That   deadly   combination   of   emotions   is   heavier   than   any   burden   to   carry. Tsunade   sighs,   through   nostrils   polluted   by   the   scent   of   paper   and   ink,   and   a   tired,   half   -   smile   curves   on   her   lips,   “   don’t   try   to   understand   him,   sakura.   don’t   go   down   that   road   ”   sooner   or   later,   you   will   end   up   feeling   the   same   as   he   does,   “it   is   true   that   this   place   didn’t   make   you;   you   made   yourself   out   of   will.   and   It   is   true   that   all   you’ve   seen   this   past   year   has   been   war…   however,   ”   she   cants   her   head   to   the   side,   “   the   people   you   treasure,   they   are   all   here.   and   as   long   as   you   have   them   by   your   side…   this   place   won’t   be   so   bad.   ”

[seinjv]

I PROMISE TO WRITE HERE NEXT WEEK, life’s just been craycray lately kdkdjdjfjd

[seinjv]

Tsunade feels so much. She feels so strongly, and that is why she copes with her trauma in such unhealthy mechanisms. It’s one thing she inherited from her grandfather, she feels too strongly, cares too strongly.

She cannot compartment her emotions and that is why she did not think she would’ve made a good hokage, because that detachment, that emotional coldness needed to remain steady as ruler- she did not think she possessed it. Because senjus are bound to care and love and be consumed by it.

And it ties to her own personal failures to protect and save those she loved. She’s grown disillusioned with the system but as a part of it, as it’s core, as it’s “princess” by birthright, she cannot simply abandon it entirely. Tsunade feels tied down by it, drowning in her duty as Hashirama’s heir.

And then the only person who would understand it, THE ONLY person she thinks will get it, Jiraiya, tells her he will kill her if she fails. Which to her means he does not see her as a person, but as token face to put on the village. a weapon. And isn’t that what tore them all apart in the first place?

Honestly Tsunade is so complex and filled with guilt and remorse and hatred towards herself and i just eat it all up like cookies

[promptfairy]

❥     𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐈𝐀   (   𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟏   )    [   𝚂𝙴𝙽𝚃𝙴𝙽𝙲𝙴 𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙴𝚁𝚂    ]   .

sentence starters based on lyrics from songs featured on   chungha’s   first studio album ,   querencia   (   2021   ) .   some lyrics have been modified to be more usable .   suggestive themes are  present !!   change gendered language   &   add context to your needs .   happy roleplaying !!  ♡

“   get  up .   are  you  dizzy ??   ” “   follow  me .   faster .   ” “   i  don’t  mind  the  filthy  gazes .   ” “   let’s  go  on  a  ride .   ” “   get  on  my  bike ,   let’s  go .   ” “   get  out  my  way .   ” “   i’ll  show  you  how  i  like  it .   ” “   do  it  my  way .   ” “   raise  your  head   &   look  at  me .   ” “   when  i  say  it’s  done ,   it’s  freakin’  over .   ” “   i’ll  be  the  strongest  thing ,   don’t  miss  it .   ” “   i’m  sicker  than  all  of  them .   ” “   gossiping  lowkeys  don’t  bring  me  no  fun .   ” “   sit  back   &   watch  me  ride .   ” “   you  know  how  i  like  it .   ” “   your  eyes  make  my  heart  flutter .   ” “   you  can  find  me ,   right ??   ” “   i  hope  you’re  different  from  them .   ” “   the  masquerade  is  ending .   ” “   if  you  want  it ,   move ,   honey .   ” “   i  want  to  enjoy  this  moment  for  a  long  time .   ” “   you’re  exactly  what  you’re  meant  to  be .   ” “   why  are  you  judging  me ??   ” “   i  think  the  scars  are  healing ,   then .   ” “   the  feeling’s  back  again .   ” “   i’m  out  of  luck ,   out  of  time ,   i’ve  been  out  of  my  mind .   ” “   you  left ,   but  you  still  can’t  leave  her  behind .   ” “   can’t  you  see  that  i’m  trying  ??   ” “   she  keeps  weighing  us  down .   ” “   i  keep  wondering  if  you  wanna  stay .   ” “   i  keep  trying  to  fly  on  faith .   ” “   you’ve  always  got  an  attitude .   ” “   shine  for  me ,   tonight .   ” “   i  want  to  leave  this  place  without  anyone  noticing .   ” “   i  feel  you  between  the  light   &   the  darkness .   ” “   you’re  always  next  to  me ,   all  the  time .   ” “   why  are  you  so  clumsy ??   ” “   give  yourself  over  to  me .   ” “   come  to  me .   ” “   stay  tonight .   ” “   stay  by  my  side .   ” “   stay .   ” “   you  don’t  have  to  stop .   ” “   tell  me  what  you  want  to  do :   run  away ,   or  stay .   ” “   tell  me  that  you’ll  stay  here  tonight .   ” “   tell  me  that  you  will .   ” “   i  couldn’t  stand  that  you  might’ve  been  in  someone’s  bed ,   with  some   —   …    that  you  just  met  all  over  you .   ” “   you  can’t  breathe  when  your  eyes  are  fixed  on  me .   ” “   i  know  you  think  that  i  don’t  see  it ,   but  i  do .   ” “   your  body  keeps  me  awake .   ” “   i’d  give  it  all  for  a  taste   …   ” “   i  want  you   &   i  know  you  want  me ,   too .   ” “   no  more  games .   ” “   come  through ,   &   i’ll  make  your  dreams  come  true .   ” “   i’ll  keep  you  so  turned  on .   ” “   don’t  make  me  dream  of  you .   ” “   this  bar’s  about  to  close .   ” “   you  said  you’d  take  me  home .   ” “   park  the  car   &   come  on  in .   ” “   i’ve  got  whiskey ,   i’ve  got  gin ,   &   lingerie .   ” “   do  you  see  me  as  a  fool ??   ” “   you  make  me  so  confused .   ” “   every  day  is  the  same :   boring .   ” “   i’ll  be  however  i  want .   ” “   don’t  hide  those  passionate  eyes .   ” “   every  time  i  get  near ,   your  love  escapes  from  me .   ” “   i  hate  your  existence  sometimes .   ” “   i  saw  a  ruby  in  you .   ” “   i  swear ,   i  didn’t  fake  it .  ” “   when  we’re  together ,   we  create  a  revolution .   ” “   blessed  are  the  eyes  that  get  to  see  you  in  life .   ” “   tell  me  what  you’re  willing  to  do .  ” “   you  are  my  spring .   ” “   you  belong  to  me .  ” “   no  one  told  me  it’s  okay  to  not  be  okay .   ” “   i’ll  be  a  light  that  shines  on  you  forever .   ” “   i  will  keep  every  memory  we  shared  in  my  heart .   ” “   finally ,   i  think  i’ve  found  my  place .   ” “   there  were  no  flowers  on  the  path  i’ve  taken .   ” “   you  know  you  messed  up .   ” “   you  should  have  loved  me  at  my  worst .   ” “   this  place  didn’t  make  me .   ” “   i  gave  my  all  to  you .   ” “   there  are  times  where  i  can’t  see  things  that  i  should .   ” “   i’m  always  lacking ,   but  you  make  me  complete .   ” “   i’m  relieved  by  just  hearing  you  breathe .   ” “   when  people  around  me  are  laughing ,   i  feel  like  the  only  one  among  them  who’s  lonely .   ” “   i’m  tired  of  everything .   ” “   please ,   hold  me  tight .   ”

[seinjv]

Im gonna be iconless for a while yes?, because making icons is my greatest nemesis so xoxo