Billy Kaplan

Wiccan, ever since Asgardian became a problematic codename. Member of the Young Avengers, usually. Demiurge, eventually. Teddy's boyfriend, hopefully forever. ☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆ [Independent RP blog. Feel free to drop an ask.]

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welp

((My Teddy seems to have disappeared, sooo if there are any other Teddys around, or anyone who wants to RP with Billy, send me an ask! My muse is restless.))

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Starter

[teddybacon]

Teddy frowned deeply, reminded of how Loki had tried to trick Billy into believing it was an option. A strong wave of anger coursed through him but then subsided almost as quickly as it had come when Billy’s voice cracked. 

He shook his head, reaching for Billy’s hands slowly so that he could push him away if he wanted to, “That’s not what I meant… That’s not at all what I meant.” He breathed in deeply, trying to focus his emotions so that he wouldn’t explode on him again, “You do make me happy. That’s why I’d be so upset if you were… gone. Do you understand what I mean?” 

Teddy sighed, looking down between them, “I was supposed to have a calm adult conversation with you. Not chew you out… But it’s so hard to keep a calm head about this…” He wanted to just drop the topic, forget about what Kate had said, chalk it up to being a one time thing, even though he’d tried twice, and lounge on the bed with Billy, one arm around him and reading whatever comic he he had over his shoulder. 

[semiurged]

Billy stared at Teddy’s hand intently, half-aware that he probably looked ridiculous, but he eventually settled on just not moving his hand. Sure, he didn’t deserve it, but if that was what Teddy wanted, Billy wasn’t going to stop him. Besides, his thoughts were spiraling into ten different directions, all of which ended in a ditch. It was all rather dizzying.

“Okay…,” he started, voice still a bit high-pitched. “Okay. What did you mean? What…what do you want me to do? I don’t...” He let out a frustrated, shaky sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose with his free hand. Counted to ten.

“Okay. You aren’t chewing me out, and you’re allowed to be as upset as you want. I don’t want to you have to..tip-toe around me, or anything. Literally or figuratively.” His thoughts shifted to Teddy crawling in through the window months ago, and he dropped his hand from his face. “I’m…trying to understand. I've just been such a...problem lately."

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Starter

[teddybacon]

"What does that mean? Plan A before Plan B?" Teddy asked, a concerned look crossing his face, "Billy? Killing yourself shouldn’t even be a plan!” 

"There are always other ways to solve it!” His resolve to stay calm and collected about the topic and conversation quickly melting. He breathed in quickly, feeling a flash of hurt, “How could you be so selfish? Why is it so easy for you take away the one thing that makes me happy? This is just like the conversation we had before and nothing’s changed.” 

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Selfish. Right. There was no way for Billy to hide how quickly his face blanched, so he didn’t even bother. He examined their hands again, searching for…something. That arm suddenly felt like it had been held straight up for hours, but he hadn’t even had any answers to share. Or comfort.

“I wanted to fix it,” Billy said blandly. Useless, his hand slipped down to the bed, comforted by the fact that it couldn’t sink all the way down. “Loki said that was a way to fix it, a Plan B. I was an idiot for believing him, since he’s, y’know, a trickster god, and it turns out that wouldn’t have even worked…” Because apparently he couldn’t even kill himself properly. “I…didn’t know what else to do, I guess.” His shoulders slumped. “And then I just screwed up again.”

Looking up at Teddy, he gave him a shaky grimace, panic setting in at the back of his throat. “I’m still screwing up at making you happy too, so I guess…nothing’s changed, you’re right.” His voice broke towards the end, because Teddy was right. He was still stuck in the same place. Still wasting both of their lives.

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Starter

[teddybacon]

Teddy frowned and shook his head, “It wasn’t an awkward conversation. It was a serious one. And we talked for a long time. Long enough for me to try and make heads and tails of it all…” There he went, trying to dismiss it all again. Like it was nothing. Kate and him had already figured he would try and do that. 

He held Billy’s hand when he rested it on his shoulder, grateful for the contact, and started back into his eyes, “What does that mean? Mostly just her?” 

Holding his breath and then letting it out slowly so that he wouldn’t suddenly explode on Billy, he squeezed his hand, “You were willing to… kill yourself… mostly because of her. But there were other reasons? Other factors? I need you to tell me. I need to know, Billy.”

"I want to help." He added pleadingly.  

[semiurged]

If Billy’s eyes suddenly resembled a deer’s in headlights, at least he recovered quickly enough. Actually hearing it felt…weird. Way weirder than reading Kate’s incessant texts. He could delete the text messages, but Teddy’s words were already out there. And it was much more difficult to ignore someone when they were actually staring at you. And holding your hand.

Teddy’s breath snapped his attention away from their hands, back to Teddy’s face. Billy furrowed his brows, opening his mouth twice before actually saying anything. “I don’t…” Clearing his throat, he started again. “Okay, just. I meant. Okay, let’s put it this way. I tried to make up for being a shitty boyfriend and wound up bringing back a parasite with your mom’s face instead. It was my fault, my responsibility, and that was just…I thought it was the only way to fix it. So…it was circumstantial. The mostly part is just me being an idiot. Plan A before Plan B, Billy…” He made a loose gesture with his free hand, sighing a bit.

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Starter

[teddybacon]

"Hey-uh," Teddy noticed the sudden way Billy tensed up, his open body language closing off immediately. He probably had more or less of an idea what he was going to talk about then. A part of him questioned why he seemed to want to stray from the topic as much as possible, why he didn’t he feel like confiding in him, his boyfriend, his technically- fiancé. 

He reached for Billy’s foot, running his thumb over the heel comfortingly to get him to relax a little bit, “I was talking to Kate earlier… And she told me a few things that happened when I wasn’t there…” His heart beat picked up again, apprehension swimming with his blood once more, “And pointed out a few things that did…” 

He wanted to face palm right then and there. He really should have stuck to his plan, but now he was just building and building up the conversation. Giving it more ammunition to blow up in their faces. 

"Don’t blame her. I know it’s tempting but she’s just worried… Just like I am. Billy… can you- I just. I love you and I hate that I can’t protect you. Not completely. Do you know what I mean?" 

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Billy’s foot twitched at the touch, but it prompted him to exhale and push out the tension again, relaxing his jaw and shoulders once again. He idly wondered how many times he’d need to pull it back and forth during this conversation. His eyes met Teddy’s as he arched his heel into the touch in thanks.

“I don’t blame Kate,” Billy asserted, trying to at least establish fact without making a fool of himself. “She cares. I can’t blame anyone for caring, even if I want to. And that conversation must’ve been incredibly awkward for, well, both of you, actually, ouch. No one would do that unless they were really worried. Besides, she gave me plenty of chances to tell you myself.”  Which I kind of just ignored entirely. And why do I keep talking. Get to the point, Kaplan.

“I’m…really sorry that I worried you guys over nothing,” he continued. “I should’ve just explained it to her properly.” He pushed himself closer to Teddy, a bit tentative, and put a hand on his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I love you too, Teddy. But I don't think I'll be summoning any interdimensional parasites anytime soon, and it was mostly just her..."

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Starter

[teddybacon]

Teddy smiled back at Billy’s smirk, wishing Kate was wrong. He wanted Billy to be as relaxed and happy all the time. He’d shelter him and hold him and comfort him forever, “Really?”

His smile slipped and he looked down at the pile his boyfriend pushed over. He couldn’t shelter Billy from himself. 

"Thanks… I’m not really in the mood to read now though…" Teddy cleared his throat, gathering the courage, and looked back up at Billy, "If you’re not busy then… I was hoping we could talk…" 

[semiurged]

Not in the mood to read comic books… Nope, Billy hadn’t dodged this bullet. Part of him wanted to be mad at Kate, but he didn’t have it in him at the moment. It was his fault, really. The whole mess was his fault. The consequences were literally staring at him in the face.

Billy’s face fell before Teddy even finished clearing his throat. He gripped the corner of the top issue in a futile attempt to pull the whole stack back. Instead, his hand slipped and he ended up making an indent on the comforter. He didn’t look up.

“Ah, sure, what’s up?” he asked, inching back to his previous position.

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Starter

[teddybacon]

Teddy nodded, taking that as an okay to walk in. He instantly felt more relaxed when he found the familiar scene of Billy on the bed, reading comics and looking annoyed at the whatever turn the story had taken. 

He sat at the edge of the bed, and took in the spread of comics Billy had around him, “I could come back later if you wanna finish.” He offered. He didn’t feel as desperate as before… and some apprehension about broaching the subject was starting to crawl into emotional state. 

Still, he didn’t wanna leave him in the room alone. He could always take a nap until Billy finished reading. 

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Billy cocked his head, frowning a bit. This wasn’t exactly what he’d expected—maybe it wasn’t about that… The involuntary sigh of relief was muffled by the turn of the page. The tension in his shoulders leaked out a bit, letting him slouch rather than prop himself against the wall. He smiled like an idiot when Teddy sat on his bed and set the issue down again.

“I think you’re a lot more interesting than Batman, honestly,” Billy chided with a smirk. As he pushed the stack toward Teddy, inching closer, he asked, “Did you read yours yet? Dunno which ones you’re still following, but…”

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Starter

[teddybacon]

Teddy knocked one more time before turning the door knob, hoping he wasn’t interrupting anything too important. He wanted to wait behind the door. That was the plan initially… 

He didn’t usually plan things when it came to talking to his own boyfriend for God’s sake. 

But his talk with Kate had shed light on a lot of things. Brought to the forefront a list of dark truths he hadn’t realised the severity of before. He knew Billy was… sad. That he struggled with his own self worth on the best of days. He didn’t realise how much or just how serious it all was.

So yes, he’d planned a whole scenario on the way back home of how to broach the subject, how to talk him through it… But once he’d reached his destination, he felt a desperateness fill his frame- And just pushed the door open, forcing the situation to happen faster. 

"Billy? You’re not busy are you?" 

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Billy sucked back a groan as soon as he heard Teddy’s voice through the door. It wasn’t quite as terror-inducing as, “We need to talk,” but he had a feeling Teddy would say something similar enough as soon as he walked in, so that was pretty irrelevant. Almost made it worse, actually.

Teddy’s voice just felt really…desperate. Knowing he was probably the cause of it made his heart sink about six feet. And Kate’s text… Billy really wanted it to be about anything else—like maybe Billy kept leaving his dirty socks everywhere, or Teddy wanted him to stop complaining about Batwoman’s wedding cancelation, or something.

Billy pressed more of his weight against the wall for some support and picked up the issue he had been reading, flipping through it at what he hoped was a steady, natural pace. Even as he tore one of the corners.

“Depends on if you consider me glaring at Batman ‘busy’,” Billy said, contorting his face into a smile. "By which I mean, no, I’m not busy."

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Starter

Billy attempted to blow his bangs out of his eyes—he really needed to get a trim—as he flipped through the latest issue of Batman and Robin. The rest of his weekly pull lay in a pile next to him on the bed.

A gust of wind from the open window brushed the corners of the issue just as his phone vibrated in his pocket. Billy put the issue back on the stack and fished out his phone. It was Kate. <Is Teddy there?> Scowling, Billy sent a rapid-fire text back. <I didn’t hear him come in. I thought he was with you.>

Three days ago, she’d sent him a rather odd text, asking if he’d told Teddy about his “suicidal tendencies.” He’d seen no reason to do so—it wasn’t even relevant anymore, now that Mother was gone, so why bother? She seemed somewhat satisfied, if troubled, with the response, and reminded him for the tenth time that she was there if he needed to talk. They’d settled into their normal perpetual-texting routine shortly after, but for some reason, that last text sent a wave of dread crashing over him. He set down his phone and scowled.

There was a knock on the door.

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About

Billy: post-Gillen’s run. For some insight on how I view Billy and Teddy after the Mother arc, you can read this little essay.

Billy’s TLDR: prone to depressive episodes, totally ecstatic to have Teddy back and being a bit more affectionate than usual, harboring latent suicidal tendencies, trying to get over his various insecurities, still texting Kate way too often, and back to being a full-time Young Avenger.

Mun: My name is Luka and I’m 20 years old, studying Nursing in the USA. I stay up way too late doing things left best for the morning. In fact, I decided to start making this blog around 4am. I read way too many comic books and consume vast quantities of popcorn.

Feel free to drop an ask if you want to plot anything or just feel like enabling my procrastination.