[senor-monstruo]

You already lower your expectations and standards with regularity. But what of your insulin levels? By the look of it, you should probably spend the same time and effort on lowering them as you do your expectations and standards. Here's why and how!

[senor-monstruo]

The scale's not moving? Oh, and you're sure there's a battery in the fucking thing?! 😒 Welp, time to freak out! But before you do…

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Read this before you go and do that stupid thing you're about to do.

Oh, you do A LOT of stupid things, so what stupid thing in particular?

Ummmmm…dropping your calories absurdly low!

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Like happiness and marriage, carbs and weight gain go together. That's what people think. Well, they're as wrong about that as they are about happiness and marriage!

[senor-monstruo]

Change your workout as often as you change sex partners? Damn, that's a shitload!!! And I bet you're wondering why you're not seeing results!

Program hopping isn't going to get you anywhere on your fitness journey…unless remaining in the same place is your dream destination. Make alternate travel plans with this post!

[senor-monstruo]

Wanna know what's preventable?

Yup, me pointing and doubling over in laughter at some of the stupid stuff you do in the gym finally catching up to you!

I know, I'm terrible!!! But please believe me when I say I'm working on being a better person.

To prove it, here are a few tips to help you avoid injury and ruin my fun…

[senor-monstruo]

Assuming that you even had any, when would you start losing gains if you stopped working out? Yeah, I get it that you don't work out. But if you did, what you'd want to know is…

[senor-monstruo]

People are haters. Yeah, I said it. They're haters!!! While I can't get into all the haters in your life, I can offer help when it comes to weight loss saboteurs.

[senor-monstruo]

Do you eat out on the regular? More than a girl-girl scene? My, that's a lot! That being the case, these restaurant diet tips just might help you…

[senor-monstruo]

This is how to start an exercise program after being sedentary for years. You should probably read it. But that's just what I would do if I were a sedentary person looking to stop being sedentary for longer than a week. Yeah, that's what I would do!

[senor-monstruo]

What are the three macronutrients and what role do they play in you…ummmmm…looking like that? Well, well, well. Why don't you click through and learn you something!

[senor-monstruo]

Know what's weak? Well, besides your constitution.

Bodybuilders, that’s what!!!

Here's why you need to start standing up for yourself, especially against them…

[senor-monstruo]

Sure, you already know why breakfast is an important meal. In fact, you're aware that it's the most important meal of the day. What you don't know is that it's really not.

Ooooooooh, I bet that piqued your interest!

[senor-monstruo]

Does lifting heavy weights make you bulky? Like, will it ruin your figure, as if your figure isn’t already disastrous?

The short answer is NO!!!

The long answer is…wait for it…N-O!!!

[senor-monstruo]

Before you curse your parents out for your crappy genetics, check this out for how you can still gain muscle as a skinny person…then curse your parents out for other things.

[senor-monstruo]

The time of day that you work out may be the difference between you still looking like that and looking the way that you want to look.

Or maybe not.

*shrug*

[senor-monstruo]

Gym selfies are a sign of psychological problems. They're as narcissistic as it gets! So are those endless updates about your kale salad and how many miles you ran on the treadmill.

Are you guilty of these sins?

You know you are, you shallow fuck!