Despite 2 Corinthians 12 being one of my favourite chapters of the bible, I don’t think I fully realized what it meant until this morning while I was struggling to get out of bed.
Yesterday I encountered the story of a girl who was born with a deformed leg (read: stumped). When she became a Christian, the Church was hopeful that God would heal her leg (read: grow a new one) under the context of being born again as a new creation. They even marked where her leg had been to show the progress of growth as they prayed over it.
I don’t know about you, but I have not heard of any modern day miracles where someone grew a new leg. And in this story, God didn’t grow her a new leg either (not that it isn’t possible). Instead, she had to realize that even though God’s victory is complete, it will not manifest fully until the new creation of the world.
In essence, how full or complete will God’s healing be on this side of eternity? Will He always remove the thorns from our side? Paul writes no, and in what I’ve seen, that’s true. While God may heal, He always does what brings Him glory, and sometimes that involves living with a stumped leg.
Our depravity is manifested in us as well, even after we are saved. It doesn’t change our salvation, but it does show that healing on this side of eternity is not shown in the way we always expect.
Sometimes that means struggling with homosexuality despite being made new and loving God.
And sometimes that also pertains to mental health.
As someone who struggles with anxiety on a regular basis and has been consistently praying to God to heal and remove it, being confronted with the fact that this may not go away was not … pleasant. In fact, it just made me even more anxious (read: I nearly had an anxiety attack over this revelation).
What about all those passages in the Bible where God explains His peace, or when he talks about the birds of the air and the flowers of the field and tells us not to be anxious?
I always thought that if I wanted to overcome anxiety, I had to put more faith in God, to trust Him more completely - and while on one hand that may be true, there is no guarantee that God will choose to heal me and remove this thorn. I will still experience depravity so can I claim that I will be completely unwavering in my trust for Him? In my experience, it has made me cling to Him so much more than if I wasn’t riddled with mental health issues. Perhaps that’s why - that my anxiety is actually necessary for me and is an avenue through God uses to connect with me.
So what do I do in light of all this? Perhaps striving to overcome is too exhausting, but I can trust that God has given me strength to at least bare it.
And hope. There is still hope despite this because healing is still possible - if not in this lifetime, then the next. That is my hope.
My anxiety is more than a stumped leg or a thorn at my side - it has become my cross to bare.
So I will pick it up. I will choose to live a life like Jesus and follow Him. I will choose obedience despite hardship but especially, I will choose love despite suffering. That anxiety would not become a hindrance to life, but open a way for new life in God for His glory.
“Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.’ And he who was seated on the throne said, ‘Behold, I am making all things new.’ Also he said, ‘Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.’ And he said to me, ‘It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment. The one who conquers will have this heritage, and I will be his God and he will be my son.’ “
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