Homework lady: "My dog is barking! 🙂"
The dog:

Andulka
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we're not kids anymore.
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ellievsbear

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trying on a metaphor
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Keni
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YOU ARE THE REASON

if i look back, i am lost
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@serapherine
Homework lady: "My dog is barking! 🙂"
The dog:
trips and falls and cracks my head open but it's filmed like a pantyshot
barnyard the original party animals is the uncontested lord of bad implications in childrens movies
ok so like “the secret life of x” movies tend to not strongly explore the actual reasons why, exactly, their life has to be secret… they don’t really focus on it within the narrative. They do usually have some small justification for why animals or video games or toys or whatever have never just revealed themselves:
There’s no stated reason. They just pretend to not be alive. We usually can suspend our suspension of disbelief here because when it’s something like a video game or an emoji because any odd occurrences is perceived as a glitch or something similar but the actual reason why they aren’t too hung up on this kinda shitty lot in life isn’t said
They get something out of their current relationship with humans (like in toy story)
They have some specific reason to hide that they’re alive, like they die if they’re seen (like in the christmas toy)
They perceive themselves as sentient, talking creatures, but humans can’t understand them. They just see a squeaking mouse or an inanimate hot dog or whatever.
and the last one is what most animal movies do, and it’s like, not devoid of weird implications but you can see where it mostly works.
but barnyard is the outlier here: it goes with tier one: the animals can talk and walk on two legs but just pretend that they can’t for unstated reasons.
in the history of the barnyard world non human animals, at some point, decided to just pretend to be unable to speak. a “cow” or a “coyote” or a “hen” do not exist as we know it in the barnyard universe. the baa of the sheep is false; the ewe doesn’t understand it either. they only made up that noise to hide the fact that they speak human languages. a dog barking and running on all fours is a facade. animals naturally walk on their hind legs and made up whole postures just to appear non sentient.
and for what? what do they gain from this? they have no rights and no voice by their own choice. at one point a donkey claims the farmer is a good person because he’s vegan and a pig mentions bacon - this is not a fantasy universe devoid of death and misery and meat. do animals, in hushed whispers, remind their children not to sob in their real voice as they’re taken away? do the dogs not beg for kindness when they’re tied up and hit? do cows and chickens not cry for their life in the slaughterhouses? does a rat not scream a human scream when the trap misses their neck and only breaks their spine? Why? what is the point? They loose so much and have everything to gain.
anyways does everyone remember this really awful cat. it only appears in one scene but i can just sense the porn of it that would pop up if i googled it’s name
This post is like being tied to a chair as a a joker-style villain monologues and presses a gun closer and closer to my head as he reaches the climax of his rehearsed piece on the flaws of society and when he finally pulls the trigger it’s a little flag that says “bang!”
wedding dresses are white specifically so that if the bride goes axe-crazy you can rest assured you will see the blood stains all over her and it'll be sick as fuck
if i was in an alien movie i'd be luring the xenomorph into a hot wok and adding chili, garlic, ginger, shaoxin wine, scallions, white pepper and sesame oil
this is great. slowly we will build a house
Thats crazy dude mind if i join you
most fuckable tetris piece
I
O
T
J
L
S
Z
Explain yourself.
some people might not have seen all of them yet
i am SO glad people are explaining their choices because one of my favorite parts of what’s going on here is the huge variety of reasons and lines of thinking people are using all to arrive at the exact same answer
at this point so many of you have independently described similar personality traits for all the tetriminos that i almost feel like i could draw them as people
they are reading the comments
some wild shit going on in the notes that’s hard to pick up on if you’re not getting notifications every time someone says anything:
for some reason both people who prefer S AND people who prefer Z say they think Z would be kind of mean
people who Don’t pick the T overwhelmingly assume people who do chose it because it looks like a dick, actual given reasons for picking T lean more toward gameplay versatility, sex toy safety (i.e. they ALL look like dicks but T has a flared base), and personality
there’s a fairly even split on use of gendered pronouns for I, O, T, and Z, but people tend to use she/her for L, J, and especially S
there have been multiple unconnected instances of the phrase ‘triple t spin in the pussy’. this doesn’t really matter it just feels worth mentioning
by and large S and Z fuckers are MUCH more passionate about their choices than L and J fuckers
there’s been a tumblr-typical handful of ‘submissive and breedable’ comments, but as far as i’ve seen only the T piece has people explicitly and directly saying they want to get it pregnant. no idea what caused this. the art seems to have made it worse
guys stop calling my tetris gijinkas tumblr sexymen. 3 of them are women
Going to arrange these posts next to each other for beautiful context
they’re from an article on bruises
fucking the everything bagel for everything
everything? including war?
fucking the war bagel for war
horniest battle moments:
- taking your ally's weapon out of their scabard to use yourself
- using someone else's shoulder as a rifle stand
- nudging someone's chin up with the tip of your weapon
- freezing with your blades against one another's throats, breathing into each other's mouths
chikorita gets clowned on a lot for its shit stats and a movepool i would be hard-pressed to describe as "extant" but designwise it's really evocative. it begs the kind of questions that make pokemon so magical: what IF a lima bean was a small dog. what IF instead of a head it had like. a weird nub. with an anime face on it. what if it could throw a fistful of razors across the room
Polycules should be able to trade people like sports teams do
Listen -- you're a good defender and your pussy is fantastic, but that's not what our team needs right now. We're trading you to Greater Boston in exchange for someone who has a car.
applying to jobs if it was good
hey you kind of set off my prey drive. wanna get out of here ? you first
can zelda get him pregnant already damn
can zelda (the princess of hyrule) get him (link the hero of legend) pregnant (cute 🥰) already damn (profanity)
by disagreeing with me on this topic, you're aligning yourself with everyone else who disagrees with me, which includes the Chaos Death Cult, and they chaos kill people so....
we dont chaos kill that many people.
Well If You Say It's Not That Many