all the world's a stage

and we are merely players

[seraphinacohen]

thekhoolest​:

“Go easy on me if my hands sweat too much. It’s something I’ve never actually considered before.” He’d never had a need to. Maybe he could learn something new about himself. This sounded much less scary to learn than something along the lines of how fixed his personality was or what he was supposed to do when his entire family was gone. 

He walked alongside her but she nearly stopped him in her tracks with her words. “I think you’re going to get along really well with my friends.” They shared a similar outlook. He would need to talk to Anu about the house since he knew she was protective, but hopefully it would be clear skies. “I have a lot of training at having acceptable emotions but real ones I’m still working on. It was too much to give away, but he didn’t want to cover right now. “I can say that I’m glad I can beat out two children for holding your attention. I’d think I was doing this dating thing wrong if that wasn’t the case.” 

“Okay,” she said, “I mean it’s fine so far, but if it’s a problem we’ll talk. I don’t think it’s something you have to worry about, though, it just seems like one of those things. Like one of the things that’s tiny and small and— on it’s own it doesn’t really matter.” 

Was she trying to reassure him a little too much about something like sweaty hands? Maybe. But she wanted him to know she could reassure him, that if he wanted to talk about something, even if it was stupid, she’d take it seriously. He took her seriously. The least she could do was return the favor, and even more selfishly, she didn’t want to watch him walk away when he got upset the next time. 

It wouldn’t be immediate. But maybe she could work towards change. “Yeah I think you’re doing this dating thing pretty right. Good kisser, great at asking me what I want, very firm grip on my hand, I’m having a great time. I didn’t think I would be having a great time, I thought I’d be panicking because you’re you. But you’re you. So I’m not panicking.” 

[seraphinacohen]

thekhoolest​:

“Okay then,” He slid his hand into hers, “I guess my first job in the dating realm is to hold it steady for you.” That was a softball. He could do softball, not as well as baseball, but he could do it. 

The rest was a bit hard for him to handle. He was the spare. He wasn’t used to evoking positive emotions in people. In fact, he could remember quite vividly the last time he had. There were a lot of regrets from those days, but he never thought he’d get a chance to try again. The fact that Sera was offering it to him so easily was a relief. “I think I am too.” He smiled. “Tony can be a bit much, but I think he knocked this one out of the park.” 

Reg nodded his head. “Yeah, it’s probably too much of a good thing for you. I can be a lot to handle.” Emotionally, he was still figuring out how to just be. It gave him a sense of restlessness  that he wasn’t sure anyone could handle. “But I’ll be around as long as you have me.” 

Sera grinned. “Yeah?” She interlocked her fingers with his, holding steady, trying to bite down on her grin so her face didn’t split into two. It hurt, actually, how hard she was smiling. Her cheeks were going to burst. She leaned against him as he mentioned Tony, but then she started walking forward, tugging him along. 

“I don’t believe in too much of a good thing,” she said. “I think people should be greedy whenever they can. And I’m pretty good at handling emotions. I’ve had a lot of training. And I like having you around way more than my siblings. I’m sure Shosh’s ego can take it.” 

[seraphinacohen]

thekhoolest​:

“If they shake for too long we might need to get a medical professional to look at them.” He had no idea who was doing that these days. Anu wouldn’t be interested in something that small. “But I’m glad I’m at least meeting your expectations.” This was the one realm he would not give himself any extra credit in. Cricket had made it clear to him that he had a lot of hurdles to overcome here and he would try. 

Reg’s head tilted to the side. “Is that right? I didn’t know he’d gone the full Yenta on you. Sorry.” Things must have been going strangely if even Tony was trying to find a way to intervene. 

He’d just told himself that he would go easy here and Sera was pushing for the moon. He could do it, he just needed some lessons. Damn. If he’d been in a better state of mind yesterday, he could have snuck this in with Wes. Now, he’d be chasing the guy down to pick his brains. If the dude could make things work with Fiona, he definitely knew how to handle high standards. “You can have as much time as you want. It’s not like there’s a whole lot for me to do here. Football training is delayed, so I’m all yours.” 

Sera smiled. “They’re going to be a little unsteady whenever you’re around,” she said. “I’m very good at hiding my nerves when I have to, but I don’t— You make me feel a lot. So it’s kind of hard to shove that aside. And I don’t want to. I’m glad Tony went full Yenta.” 

She couldn’t stop biting her lip. “All mine?” 

[seraphinacohen]

thekhoolest​:

Reg nodded his head in appreciation. “I think I can do that and I’m glad I can count on you for support.” She wasn’t always giving him the exact answers that he wanted, but he liked that she always had his back. He hoped that he’d do a better job of having hers than he had with others in the past. “I’ll get Heli to make me a sash or something.” Any good title came with a way of displaying it. 

He looked around the park. It didn’t exactly scream romance to him. “You sure? I know I’ve never done the whole dating thing, but I think I can do better than this.” He could certainly make things more memorable. 

“Probably. He’s very hopeful that I’ll find someone.” They didn’t talk about it as much as they had on New Years awhile ago, but he could feel it every now and then. Tony held no hope for himself but for others? He really wanted them happy. “He’d probably cook a fourteen course tasting meal if he knew I wanted to impress a girl with it.” 

She couldn’t think too deeply about how easily he said that; I’ve never done the dating thing— because then she’d just think about how he’d wanted to do this with her, and what that meant, and could she hold on to it. “You’re doing a great job so far,” she told him, eyes glinting with mirth. “My hands are still kinda shaking, look. I’m swept right off my feet.” 

And she was. “He was very insistent I come talk to you that night,” Sera told him. “I would say I’m easily pleased but I’m starting to think I should have really high standards. Lean in to the selfishness a little bit. I’m greedy when it comes to spending time with you.” 

[seraphinacohen]

thekhoolest​:

Right. Yesterday and his stunning display of desertion. He couldn’t fault her. Reg had done a bang up job of running at every turn he was offered. First in the woods, then back from the woods, and now with the election. He’d like to think of himself as a steadfast sort, but that would be a lie. He hadn’t stuck near Cricket and he’d given Sera every reason to believe he’d do the same to her. 

“I don’t think I’d get annoyed over that. It was cute.” He’d been oddly charmed by it at the time. “I can see your point though. So, let’s take things as they are. We’re dating and if I can manage that successfully for awhile, then I’ll get the title.” 

He followed in the direction of her finger. He liked having someone to guide him. That wasn’t all Sera was, but it did make things easier. He wasn’t completely adrift. He sat down on one side of the picnic table and dug into his food. “I don’t think this counts, though, I didn’t do anything here except apologize. I’ll ask Tony to cater our first real date.” 

“Great,” she said in relief, patting his chest. Again, because she could, and he was right here, built like a wall, and she could. She could just touch him. She could pat his chest and it was cute and casual and kind of flirty and she was suddenly addicted to standing this close to him. “You should keep thinking that. That I’m cute. And then when you get the title— I should still be cute.” 

“It counts if we want it to count. I want it to count. Tony’s a great cook though, you think he’d do it?” 

[seraphinacohen]

thekhoolest​:

“No, it’s fine. It’s just…” Shit. Maybe he should be honest with her? A novel approach. “You said you wanted to date but you don’t want me tell you things? I can’t figure out what that means fully. It’s not your job to tell me, I just don’t know any of this.” 

Well, he did know some things. “But I do like you.” 

He chuckled softly, “That sounds like a promise I’m going to make you keep.” She was supposed to pick out his food, but he didn’t mind just grabbing a plate of pasta. He let go of her hand just fast enough to serve himself. When he had the plate in hand, he held out his free hand to her, “Where do you want to sit?” 

Sera’s eyes widened. “No I just— I don’t want you to feel like you have to. Like yesterday in the church, I don’t want you to think you have to, like, tell me something if it’s your thing that you don’t want to talk about. But I would love to know. I’m all ears. It’s just— I just feel awkward because what if you change your mind? A week ago I was drooling on your shoulder on the bus, and why did I... say that...God,” she said, looking and the ground and laughing at herself. She tucked her hair behind her ear. “I can’t drool on your shoulder and then tell you to be my boyfriend. That’s— like what if I drool again and you get annoyed with that, you know? And it’s fine, I’m not a drooler— I— we should sit. Uh. There.” She pointed. 

[seraphinacohen]

thekhoolest​:

His eyebrows raised. She didn’t really care? He was having a little trouble following her logic. If he was more experience, maybe he would understand better. She wanted to date but she didn’t want to be his girlfriend? He thought those things went hand in hand. She wanted to be around him but he didn’t have to tell her anything. It was a lot of contradictions. He made a mental note to find someone to talk about this with later. 

“Okay, yeah, sounds good.” He might be confused, but he at least knew how to be adoring around her. “So are you going to feed me or are we going to get distracted again?” He looked over at the spread. “Not that I don’t like being distracted by you, but I was hoping to grab a bite or two first.“

“Did I say something wrong?” She chewed on her lip as his eyebrows raised. “I’ve never done this before. I really like you— I hope you don’t think I don’t. I just get really excited about things really quickly and then I’m loud and— I don’t wanna scare you away. That’s all. I just want you to like me.” 

Then, as if to shake her head free of those thoughts, Sera shook her head. “I’ll distract you later. I’ll be very distracting. I’ve been looking forward to it. You should eat.” 

[seraphinacohen]

thekhoolest​:

Reg looked up, but Sera wasn’t looking at him. She was looking at her shaking hands. Why were her hands shaking? He thought they were both reaching towards this. He opened his mouth to say something but she beat him to the punch. 

“It does, a little. I don’t know what dates look like or when…what milestones we’re supposed to work with.” Maybe he should have asked Wes about this when he had the chance. He didn’t think it would be coming up so soon, but he’d been the one to push things in that direction. “I think you should continue to take the lead and I’ll follow where you go.” That way he couldn’t get them into trouble. He could just enjoy her company and she could decide what she wanted. It was easier for him, but it also kept her safe from any kind of pressure. 

Sera shook her head. “I don’t really care. Being around you makes me happy and it makes me feel—” she didn’t have the words for it. “Excited. Energetic. Just— It’s just better than not being around you, so we can be dating. Like going on dates. And you don’t have to tell me anything. Or call me your girlfriend! If you don’t want to. I just want as much of your time as I can get. That’s what I want.” 

[seraphinacohen]

thekhoolest​:

Reg had never done well with questions about himself. He didn’t like to self-examine. All his life he’d been told that his answers didn’t matter, so why even bother giving them. Everything was pre-approved. He had scripts for every occasion. 

He didn’t answer her immediately. There was an easy answer on the tip of his tongue, but it was a script. She deserved better. He wanted to be the kind of person that could do better. So, he took a moment to really think about what he wanted. “In the general sense? I don’t know. But with you? I think…yeah. I might suck at it, but I want the chance to try. If that’s cool with you?” 

Reg gifted her with the longest pause of her lifetime, putting enough space between his words for her to go build the castle she’d need to spend the rest of her life in. “Oh,” Sera said, looking down at her hand. It was shaking and she couldn’t stop it. “I have nothing to compare you to,” she told him honestly. “So all you have to do is make me feel good. And I think you’re really good at that. If that helps.” 

[seraphinacohen]

thekhoolest​:

“You haven’t kept up with training? Coach would be so disappointed.” He laughed to let her know he was kidding. He’d abandoned his morning runs with Young. Not that he was averse to being a hypocrite, he’d done it plenty of times before, but he was trying to be different around Sera. “You can always pick it back up.” 

He let her talk, without interruption. What she was asking for was generally what he expected. Maybe not phrased as…adorable Sera as it was… but certainly some approximation of a, “So, a relationship? That’s what that is, right? Exclusivity and hand holding. I’ve never done it before, so I am genuinely asking. Please be my guide here.” 

Negotiation wasn’t really her thing, and she already knew him and his earnestness enough that if she made a joke about that, he’d tell her she was allowed to ask for things. This wasn’t a formal sit down conference like her dad would prepare for. This was just— she just liked him. “Would you want that?” 

[seraphinacohen]

thekhoolest​:

“Oh.” He didn’t know that was something you could compete over. “The congrats still stands.” 

If she were someone else he would have taken this to a very different place. But Sera clearly wasn’t ready for that and he was trying to remember that. Their dating levels might be similar but other levels were farther apart. “I’m always growing, so yeah.” He eyed the table. “If you gave me a few hours, I could probably put away a quarter or so of this. Maybe more if I was still in training.” 

Be nice to me. Wow. He knew the bar was low for cis guys, but he didn’t realize it was subterranean. Part of him felt like he should be happy with this lowered level of expectations, but expectations were how he functioned. His whole life had been scripted for him, he wasn’t good when he had to improvise. 

“I think being nice can be assumed,” he cleared his throat, “But I meant more in terms of how casual you want things to be? How far you want to take this? Respect is the minimum, not the standard.” 

“Thank you,” she said graciously, watching him as he eyed the table. He was tall and broad and a boy, which meant he could put away food about as fast as someone could cook it. “I miss running,” Sera said wistfully. “It was great free time, but I guess I have a lot of that now too. I don’t have to worry about it.” 

“Respect is the minimum, yes, that— obviously,” Sera said, “but I don’t know what I’m allowed to ask for. Or what you’re willing to give, or what you want. From me. And I don’t— I don’t want you to do any of this with anyone else. The kissing and the hand holding and the— I mean not that we have to do that all the time, but I just— Like. I mean. I like you. I—” it sounded juvenile, but she had to say it, otherwise the moment would pass and she’d regret it and all she’d have to show for it would be a conversation with Cricket where he tried not to show his disappointment and said something about taking what she wanted when life offered it up to her on a silver platter the next time. 

“Okay. So I like you. And I like kissing you, and I like spending time with you, and I don’t think you have to tell me every thought in your head or talk to me all the time or whatever, but I just don’t want to be the same as anyone else in your life. Because you’re not the same as anyone else in mine.” 

[seraphinacohen]

thekhoolest​:

“I don’t know what that means but congrats?” Reg didn’t do school events that weren’t sports related. If things went back to normal, he’d consider changing that. He vaguely remembered Rumi saying something in her speech about performances but everything was a haze of sadness and loss. 

He squeezed Sera’s hand and walked her over to the table. “I know better than to pick for you, but feel free to pick for me. Like I told you the other night,” The better night, the one he’d almost jeopardized with his bullish behavior, “I’m not picky. Although, I guess we didn’t really eat much then.” 

He watched her plate things and studiously avoided everyone else. Cricket’s words were ringing in his ears. He needed the dude to shut up, but it was hard. That’s what twelve years of closeness got you. “So, um, this isn’t really my realm. I think we talked about that a little, but what are your expectations here?” Was that a good way to start? He wished there was someone he could ask, but Wes was too advanced and the other ones weren’t far enough along. 

“I memorize my lines first,” she informed him, not letting go of his hand. Which meant they were walking and she was holding his hand. They were holding hands. 

Suddenly she wasn’t hungry at all. “All of this power might go to my head,” Sera said. “Do you plan on eating a lot today, then?” 

Expectations were so far out of her universe she didn’t know she was allowed to expect anything. She still couldn’t believe a week ago she’d been drooling on his shoulder on the bus and now he was kissing her and holding her hand and asking her what she thought about the food. “I don’t have expectations,” she said simply. “I’ve never done this before. So just— be nice to me? And I don’t mean on a surface level. Just respect me.” 

[seraphinacohen]

thekhoolest​:

If she wasn’t holding him this close, he would have argued with her. He would have clarified that he’d been on a losing streak lately and she was the only exception. Maybe he would have been lost in his own problems for a moment. With her breath almost touching his skin, he couldn’t bother with any of that shit. There wasn’t room to be self involved. There was just interest. 

“Oh, okay. I can do that.” He’d been waiting for her go ahead and he was glad to get it. Some part of him was reassured that even though his tight smiles and brusque manner weren’t the right call yesterday, she was still here. She still wanted him to kiss her. He brought his hand up to her chin and pulled her in. 

When he was finished, he stepped back just enough to give her some air. “How was that? For a rookie, you’re picking things up pretty fast.” He didn’t like the idea of doing all this in front of a crowd, but it would be weirder to disappear. He needed to show people he was fine with losing. “At least my apology comes with a feast that won’t poison you. I didn’t have anything to do with the cooking, so you know it’s safe.” He pointed over to the top eight table, “Even for your family.” 

Her hands didn’t move immediately. She was still getting used to the closeness of it all, the soft, firm pressure of his lips, the heat of having someone right here while her whole body was lighting up at the same time. Eventually, though, one hand moved to his cheek, the other still slung around his neck. She blinked when he pulled away, pressing a quick peck to his lips because she could. “You’re doing a lot of the heavy lifting,” she informed him. “But I’m a quick learner. You can ask Rumi. I’m the first off-book, usually.” 

Sera took his hand— because she could— and looked up at him. “It’s a very good apology. And right on time. I’m starving.” 

[seraphinacohen]

thekhoolest​:

“Believe it or not,” He leaned forwards, keeping eye contact with her, “I’m actually out of my depths here, Cohen. I don’t usually try to date someone. So, no script, just a lot of luck.” Maybe he glanced at her lips for half a second, but that was just human nature. He took a step back before he could push her boundaries. 

“You deserve that and more.” He was going to add on but she was distracting him. She was closer than he’d been a second ago and her hands were on him. He took a very deep breath. He could do this. He was the king of maintaining composure. He just wasn’t used to it being this ha-difficult. “Well if you close your eyes, I could kiss you.” Maybe that was the wrong approach here. “Or, I can try and smile less around you. I just can’t guarantee I’ll be effective. You’re really beautiful and funny. It’s hard not to smile.” 

Sera nodded, all hopes of seeming put together— if she ever had— completely disappearing. “You seem very lucky,” she said. “Or maybe I’m lucky and you just happened to get caught up in that. I can be—” Sera looked down. “Your good luck charm?” 

There it was, she thought giddily, the ball of nerves in her stomach dissipating, heartbeat slowing until she could hear her pulse thudding in her ears. He wanted to kiss her, too, Thank God. “You should kiss me now.” 

[seraphinacohen]

thekhoolest​:

“It pops out a lot more around you.” He scratched the back of his neck. Life at the Winthrop-Khoo house wasn’t filled with laughter. Crushing responsibility and tightly locked away feelings were more their speed. He liked the lightness she brought to his chest. He liked that he didn’t constantly think of his responsibilities around her. 

“Oh, I have a lot to apologize for. I’d really like to apologize for not kissing you more, but I think that has to be invited.” He tilted his head, taking her in. “I’d like to apologize for being too in my head to notice the pretty girl sitting next to me. I’d like to apologize for not eating your food that night. I’m sure it was great. I’d like to apologize for not knowing you earlier, but I don’t think you would have liked that version of me.” 

He stepped closer, tempted by her smile. “So, there’s a lot that I could apologize for. I’m sure I’ve missed things, but I’m just happy to be breathing your air right now. It’s clearer over here in unbehaving land.” 

“Do you have a script somewhere?” she asked, narrowing her gaze and faking suspicion. “You say that almost too well. I’m just talking because I have to process— you’re really smooth.” Around him, with the except of worrying over him at the church, she couldn’t stop wanting to smile. Sometimes she could hold it back, because now was not the time to walk around continuously smiling. She was supposed to be sad. Someone had died. Political strife was brewing, or something, probably. 

But she’d had gone to her first party this week, and then her second, and she’d kissed a boy, and Rumi and Young weren’t going anywhere for the foreseeable future, and she didn’t have to yell at Shosh to fold her laundry or Zeke stay away from the danish she’d gotten on the way home so he didn’t die when she wasn’t looking. 

Sera buried her face in her hands, trying and failing not to giggle. Of all people. “Oh God,” she said, “yeah, I’ll take those apologies. I think I deserve them.” Did she? Was she just saying things now, without thinking about them? Where was Rumi? Rumi knew everything, all the time. Where was Carmen, who apparently was dating one of Reg’s closest friends. “You know,” she said, stepping closer to him and reaching out to fiddle with the hem of his shirt, “when you smile, it’s almost so bright I don’t think I should look at you.” 

[seraphinacohen]

rumibehbahani​:

“Ex-actly.” Rumi agreed, pulling out her laptop. “Now I’m all for doing things that would run afoul of administration censors, but I think that’s a long term thing considering how stressed everybody is. But I think I have a short term answer.” 

She opened the lid and brought up her iTunes. “So when I auditioned at CMU they were telling me about these fundraisers they do that are live adaptations of famous TV episodes. Seinfeld, etc. And it seems like the perfect time to get a little TV in, don’t you think?” Rumi rushed on, worried that she was losing her. “We could gender bend, race bend, even do something intentionally bad like reality TV. It could all be very Elizabethan, the crowd shouting things out, us feeding off them. What do you think?” 

Being around Rumi was always so easy. Even when they weren’t on the same page, she knew Rumi’s ideas would help her bring out something better in her performances. It was incredibly selfish to think about— which she’d been doing a lot this week— but she was grateful that for however amount of time they were here, at least she still had her friend, her mentor. 

Not, Sera reminded herself, that being here was a good thing. It just wasn’t all bad, was all. “Cast it like Hamilton,” she said, nodding. “But with better singers than Lin. I love it. What show should we do? I’ve never seen Seinfeld. Maybe something more recent? New Girl? Or we make a parody of something dramatic? Or it could be improv, what if it wasn’t just the crowd shouting things, but deciding what we should do? Like we could start with an episode and then they’ll just tell us what to do and who knows what’ll happen?” 

[seraphinacohen]

thekhoolest​:

Reg laughed. That was a good one. She was quick. “Maybe. I think I swung too far. I went past the outfield and straight onto another…” he stopped, did she know much about sports? He hadn’t seen her at any games. “Sorry, that was a baseball reference. I overshot the middle and went too far. It won’t happen again.” 

“Oh, you haven’t?” He looked around for a minute. “I guess I should introduce the two of you. Sera, this is Reg Khoo. He’s got a bit of a reputation for being either too quiet or too much of a jerk. It really depends on who you ask. He’d really like to be less of a jerk around you, but it is somehow surprisingly harder than he thought it would be.” He held his hand out to her. “Nice to meet you, Sera. I’ve heard extensively of your beauty, grace, and kissing skills. You definitely live up to the hype.” 

“You have a really nice laugh,” she told him, tilting her head up at him, hair falling over her shoulder. “You should bring it around more often.” Even if she didn’t understand a single thing about sports, which Sera didn’t, factually, she’d still listen if it meant he was laughing like this. Easily, at himself, and good-naturedly at the fact that she didn’t know what the hell he was talking about. “You can overshoot whenever you want.” Sera waved her hand. “I don’t care. And for the record—” she covered her cheeks with her hands, the hot blush working its way up her neck and face the more he spoke— “Thank you. For saying all of those things. I almost can’t even look at you right now, God, I— You’re not too quiet or a jerk. You don’t have anything to apologize for.”