Open to rp responses, but it’s not expected.
Cw: mentions of alcohol and traumatic childhood memories.
Please do not read if these topics upset you or make you uncomfortable.
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It’s not often Kaelith goes to pubs. She doesn’t particularly enjoy them, but on rare occasions she does agree to go out with her team for a bit.
The smell of whisky and beer make her nauseas though.
One such evening the pub was noisy, having grown more crowded as the hours passed and night settled in.
Kaelith had long since stopped processing what was being said. She stayed sober as always, but the disassociating was difficult to keep at bay for too long in an environment like this.
She’d been staring at the table for the past few minutes, feeling a familiar discomfort growing behind her ribs. Something she hadn’t felt in a while…
One minute her half eaten second plate of chips sat in front of her—her colleagues laughing too loudly around her and the scent of alcohol clinging to their every breath—
The next she was in the relative solitude of the alleyway, breathing short and tense before forcing herself to try and calm down.
Crowds bothered her after extended periods, but she’s grown used to handling it over time. Discomfort in general is something she’s grown used to handling.
But social overstimulation wasn’t what’s causing a sting behind her eyes or her shoulders to feel so tight right now.
Unwelcome memories flooded her mind. Triggered no doubt by the prolonged exposure to the scent of alcohol.
She knew it could happen sometimes, but it’s usually not this bad.
Most of the time when she remembered certain things from her childhood, it was a fleeting experience. Something that made her scowl or grimace or need to sit down somewhere quiet for a little while to remind herself where she was.
Sometimes though it felt worse. Like she was being thrown back in time, to where she could hear the voices of those she knew, and feel the same stress.
Maybe it was because she’d had a hard day to begin with, and being here, at a pub of all places, just served to set her on edge.
She should’ve known better.
She takes a deep breath. The air out here wasn’t the freshest, but it was better than being inside.
Even if it did carry remnants of garbage smell from behind the building.
She focuses on the chilled feeling and rough texture of brick wall under her hands where she’s placed them against the side of the building.
Kaelith often told herself that these things from her past didn’t impact her that much. That it doesn’t affect her anymore.
But it’s a hard thing to forget when you grew up with it for over ten years.
It almost makes her feel like a helpless kid again. Hiding in her room, afraid of the resonance of her father’s drunken voice and tracking the sound and vibration of footsteps from downstairs.
She remembers trying to be as quiet and out of the way as possible, hopeful he wouldn’t come find her and begin another one of his nonsensical, long winded rants about whatever the fuck his mind conjured on those nights.
Usually it involved him insulting her somehow by the end of it. Reminding her what a disappointment she was, right after he spewed a confusing load of topics that any adult really shouldn’t seek understanding from a child for.
It always made her feel unsafe. Insecure.
She takes another deep breath, bracing her forearms against the wall now in a grounding attempt.
She’s been to therapy a few times for this. Once she finally got over her own pride and accepted the help. But breathing techniques and repeated mantras of safety in her head don’t always fix how shaken she feels in body.
She stands there a while, eyes closed. The sounds of the pub seem distant to her as she inhales the night air, and hopes to exhale the liquor stench from her lungs along with those tainted memories.
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