They're all the same. They'll leave you broken and shattered in the end and all you're ever gonna have is just you. Only you.
It's quite tiring. Being the only one who's always ready to fight yet never been fought. Always the only one holding on yet never been hold on to.
Maybe i opened my heart too soon. Maybe this is what i get for loving too much and just get lost in it. Maybe i'm just not enough for anyone or maybe i'm too much for someone. Maybe maybe maybe. I don't know.
I fell in love too soon i guess. I fell in love with this guy who made me see things clearly. Some may wonder how i opened up my heart again after it being so shattered by my previous relationship. Some may wonder how i fell in love with him despite me still being broken.
It's the kind of love in where it unknowingly heals you. The kind of love in where you can finally breathe because he filled the empty gaps. The kind of love so refreshing that it drains out the toxicity of the previous one you had. The kind of love that you would move mountains for. He made me feel free. Loving him, being in love with him wasn't hard. It was easy. It was just me and him. Distance didn't matter. Age didn't matter. Numbers didn't matter. It was almost perfect. Almost.
Loving someone is a choice. A choice that comes with a consequence that you're gonna need to face. It's a choice of working things out and working it out together. It's a choice of giving it up because there will be better.
Oh how i wish what happened was the former.
Our love was short lived. He chose to give up because he didn't want me to miss the chance of finding someone better and be happy. I chose to stay because he's the only one i would ever want and in the back of mind, will always want. It was a battle of fighting and giving up. I didn't understand his reasons at first nor did i ever understand why he thought of that. I didn't want us to end because what we had was so good to throw away. It wasn't worth throwing away but for him, it was. It hurts. A lot. Because when you really love someone you're suppose to fight for it.
My hands were already bleeding holding on and he still wanted to let it all go. I never understood his reasons. I didn't understand how come he's just willing to throw it all away. I was so hurt seeing that it was so easy for him to just give up. I was in pain because no matter how many times i've been hurt, i could never give up on someone that i really love. I could never do it. Maybe it was why i never understood why would you give up on someone you had so much plans for, because you're suppose to overcome problems together and work things out with each other.
It took a while but it came to the point that it started to hurt so much that i just had to start letting go. No. We didn't fight. We didn't shout at each other. No. It was a painful yet beautiful way of separating. I tried understanding his point. No matter how hurt i was i just had to understand that this is something that i need to do for him. I didn't want to force a relationship that he wanted to let go. I didn't want to force him to stay when he wants to leave.
Maybe, just maybe if i do this, maybe we'll cross each other's path again and maybe things will work out better. Who knows. I don't know. Maybe we'll find someone else in the future. Nothing is ever certain.
I love him. More than anyone else'. I was at my happiest when i was with him. I don't know if he knows that but i really was. I didn't want to let go but i just had to. If that's where he's going to be happy.
I will always love him. It hurts thinking that someone else is going to make him laugh, make him smile, brighten up his day. It hurts because all i ever wanted was for that someone to be me but now i can't.
It hurts yes but if that someone can make him happy more than i did. It's okay.
Maybe the reason why he came into my life is for me to open my eyes and see the world. I will always thank him for that. He may not be a part of my future anymore but he's a chapter in my life that will always be a blessing to me. And a part of me will always have him. My heart. My love.
Our story is not really that different from any other out there. One thing is for sure though, he's always going to be my comet. 💫