[servitored]

HEAVILY UNDER CONSTRUCTION!!

independent, highly selective edwin jarvis of marvel comics’ earth-616. this is not the ai from the mcu, and it’s not the edwin jarvis found in the agent carter show.  edwin’s history, relationships, and characterization come from marvel comics’ main continuity (earth-616) with a heavy focus on his appearances in the classic, pre-heroes reborn (1996) era.  does not include the events of secret empire (2016) or tony stark: iron man (2018).

rules

sideblog.  follows back from @overclocks.

[glumshoe]

appreciation post for characters who can say “at your service” in a tone of voice that suggests they will gleefully do anything within their power to cause problems for you on purpose

[avengerscompound]

Avengers Unlimited Infinity Comic

[trashmemes]

PSYCH SENTENCE STARTERS   —   quotes pulled from season four of the usa series. feel free to make alternations.

you look… normal and stuff…

please! i haven’t snuck into your apartment for weeks. which reminds me, you’re all out of peanut butter.

i have a secret girlfriend.

oh, let me guess, relationship trouble?  

if you think i’’m sick, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

don’t leave, [name]. you will regret it.

you’re just jealous of his hair.

what are you trying to say, [name]?

i don’t lose things. i place things in locations which later elude me.

sorry, [name], no time for your tomfoolery and silliness.

that’s the most disgusting thing i’ve ever heard.

i feel a hug coming on.

do you have any idea how inappropriate that is?

fishing is one of my top five skills, right behind profiling and ski ball.

the thing is, i have something big to tell you.

i need you to know that… i love you.

you make me laugh and you make me feel like i’m a little bit crazy.

what’re you wearing, ankle weights?

this conversation will only end badly.

i’m just not cut out for this.

[name], you randy little spaniel!

dude, i demand to know what’s going on with you.

i realized, in life, we never have as much time as i think we do.

put down the finger guns.

make no mistake, this is definitely your fault.

i’m out of here. i’m calling a cab.

how much have you had to drink?

all romance ends in despair. or death. but mostly despair. gut-wrenching despair.

you have a tendency to scare my girlfriends away.

what’s with all the secrecy, you handsome, pasty devil?

get your socks ready, [name], ‘cause I’m about to knock them off.

i think i broke my back, and my neck, and my arm.

you don’t like [name] dating somebody.

we’ve known each other forever and there’s absolutely nothing that could dent our impenetrable bond.

sure you don’t want to tag along?

i’m both relieved and offended at the same time.

the doctors say i have a severe concussion, but i fine feel.

you have two peeps, and one of them is made out of marshmellow.

what happened between you guys?

a lot of people want to kill me. i take great pride in that.

that’s a negativo on the sundaes, buddy.

i can make a straw wrapper crawl like a worm.

[servitored]

CAPTAIN AMERICA

He has the decency to blush, though the little smile doesn’t disappear from his face. There were a lot of pros to being engaged. All of them were Tony, of course, and a few of them had been explored this morning. But while Tony slept it off, Steve had figured that could count as a light workout and got himself cleaned up and ready to mostly start the day.

“No alarms, no crying babies, no lab explosions. A rare and silent night.” Steve washed his hands dutifully, drying them off before holding them up like a surgeon, stepping in front of the bowl of bananas. One by one he peeled them, pausing at the end to toss away the peels before b-lining for the coffee. After pouring a cup he wiggled an extra one to see if Jarvis would want any.

“What’re we making and where did you learn it?”

Edwin considered a moment and then held up a thumb and a finger about an inch apart, indicating he’d both let Steve handle the carafe on his own (a mighty feat of restraint) and would, in fact, take a small cup of coffee.  He made it, after all, so he knew it was neither ulcer-inducing or unpalettable for the average individual.  Once he’d been invited to partake at the Baxter Building and had wished fervently he’d politely declined, after both sampling it and learning it had been made by Mr. Fantastic.  That was the day he learned that sludge passing more for motor oil than coffee was not just a Tony Stark specialty.

“I thought I might add banana nut muffins to the offerings today, they were getting a bit overripe.”  And then he added on, a bit wryly, “The recipe comes from that long honored tradition of reading the back of the King Arthur flour packaging.”

For emphasis he held up and gave the flour a small shake.  While it was true most things made in this kitchen (and the kitchens that had come before it) were a bit more storied and high brow, not everything came from a sacred text of a cookbook or some far off place he’d visited in his youth with the RAF before settling back down in New York.  These were mostly a distraction, in the chance certain members of the Avengers came around sniffing for trouble.  “One of the large tablespoons, if you will, you’ll need to mash the bananas into a thick paste.”

[servitored]

@bowcarried / "You know, i don't think I've seen too many old timey pics of the team. You have any favorites?"

Old timey, she says.  Ah, the foolishness and shortsightedness of youth, unaware that soon enough, twenty years will have flitted by almost unnoticed and they, too, will find themselves taken aback at having things that seem like they were only yesterday be referred to as old.  But that is a lesson Miss Bishop will have to learn the hard way, he’s afraid, and a hard one it is to learn, indeed.

“All of the photographs of previous teams are special, Miss Bishop.”  That’s equanimous, at any rate.  And they are all special, in their own ways, but he’s fairly sure he’s keen on what she’s actually asking.  He hums a moment while taking time to meticulously baste the roast in the pan he’s been getting ready for dinner (and despite what Tony Stark may say, he might not have to these days, with the house no longer being a headquarters of a team, it gives him something to do and ensures he, Captain Rogers, and the young Miss Halley aren’t ordering out...again).  “One only has to look on the walls of the mansion and find them, going back to the earliest days, when I’m afraid to say none of us really knew what we were doing until we were doing it.”

It’s actually a touch comforting that that is one thing that’s never changed.  The walls are still filled with pictures of Avengers, past and present, as they’ve always been.  “The library has a few you might wish to examine.  And, of course, you could ask Captain Rogers, if you like; he has several scrapbooks full of both photographs and news clippings from his joining us onward.”

[servitored]

there’s...so much to touch here.  who does tony consider the one attractive member, he’s absolutely so bi it could be thor or it could be jan, or it could be himself lbr here, though my money’s actually on jan, tbh.  the fact that there was more house staff until it was known the hulk would be in attendance, which is sad.  the fact that i am 1000% sure jarvis has known all along that tony is iron man with his “iron man!  i thought you might arrive early.” because he knows tony never actually left.  also because tony was practically a fetus (he was 23, y’all) and super shitty at the whole secret identity thing.  that jarvis is not as unflappable as he’d have you believe but he gets better as the years roll on.  years later thor can show up and jarvis will have brisket and mead on the go and won’t bat an eyelash.  the fact that this whole issue culminates with jarvis contemplating everything every other avenger has struggled with from time to time, which is if he should finally step away for good or if he should keep going, and like every other avenger for the most part he comes to the conclusion that avengers fight, and avengers don’t give in. 

[servitored]

real talk, the friendship between jan and jarvis is literally the only thing that matters.

[servitored]

dramatique ™ avengers vol 1 #197

[servitored]

@omuses (steve) / Steve stumbles into the kitchen, late for him but still early, rubbing sleep from his eyes. “Morning.” His voice is all gravelly and he cleared his throat before continuing. “Tony’s gonna… sleep.” Steve can’t hide the little smirk at that. “Can I help with breakfast?” 

Professional courtesy dictates to not indicate he’s aware of what that awkward little pause covers, nor why the good Captain is finding his way into the kitchen well past his custom.  That being said, at the moment there is nothing professional about his making breakfast in the kitchen, this is simply old habit.  While the mansion may no longer be Avengers Mansion, there are certainly enough Avengers past and present that manage to find their way here at meal times and...

Well.  Truth be told, after the peanut butter incident involving Clint Barton (for which he will certainly have to devise a suitable punishment), it seems safer to have things on hand with which to distract the troublemakers of the bunch.  The bananas have been looking a bit overly ripe, so he’s thought to add banana nut muffins to today’s offerings.

“Good morning, Captain.  I trust you...Slept well?”  He is not asking what it may seem like he’s asking and he can only pray Steve Rogers remains as he always has and has not, for instance, decided to take lessons from Clint Barton on oversharing in every department of his personals. 

He starts to offer the bowl he’s intended to start adding the over ripe bananas to, and, thinking better of it, pulls it back.  He’s perfectly fine with having assistance; the Captain takes direction well, at the very least, but it’s more the particulars.  “Bananas peeled in this bowl, if you please, after you’ve washed your hands.”

[servitored]

things to take away from this: 1. steve rogers is such a little shit and he knows he’s stirring the pot 2. avengers holiday family dinners 3. jarvis and jan have had this back and forth for years

avengers #157

[servitored]

@leasung / “All your food was so tiny and cute.” the owl house / accepting

Working with the Avengers (he has never presumed to count himself among them, though many have insisted he should be) over the years has taught him that the universe is a varied, wondrous place, full of people with all manner of notions of propriety.  It has led to some crossing of wires from time to time, where what is considered polite in one corner of the cosmos may not be so in another.  He can write those things off.

This, however.  This is not one of those things.

The only outward sign he’s even taken notice is the way he pauses - he’s only come to offer tea or coffee, as is standard with guests.

“I have known Thor for many years,” he begins, mentally rescinding that offer of a drink.  “He was, as I’m sure you are aware, one of the founders of this lauded group and the reason that those he extends hospitality to, so do I.” 

He gives Loki a shrewd, pointed look.  “And I daresay he is wise enough to keep to the old adage about not insulting the cook.”

[servitored]

a concept: morning after threads but from the longsuffering butler who’s tired of dealing with these supershits’ bs pov.

[servitored]

“i’ll have you know that clint barton used to do 6am flybys on my house with a quinjet.”

@hitsharder explain

[servitored]

.     last time someone charged that much for tea, we threw it in a harbor // bloody right!  someone ought to pitch a load of this in the hudson.

servitored:  edwin jarvis of marvel comics’ earth-616.  independent.  highly selective & slow activity.  mutuals only.  has probably banned you from the kitchen.  sideblog, follows back from @overclocks​.

[servitored]

@omuses (steve) / “I hate everything you’re saying right now.” the owl house / accepting

"Be that as it may."  He's already helped raise one living embodiment of human chaos, though he prefers to think of it as being a guiding hand to redirect those...Mischievous impulses; he can't say he's always been successful in that endeavor, considering not an hour previous that particular whirlwind had emerged from the downstairs workshop covered in soot (excepting where goggles had, presumably, been in use, by the clean streak over his eyes) and wild-eyed with elation, claiming he'd 'done it', whatever it happens to be, leaving dirty footprints and fingerprints on everything he'd come into contact with, though the evidence of that particular mishap has long since vanished.

Edwin hasn't asked.  If there's one thing he's certain of, it's that sometimes there are things he is absolutely better off knowing.

"While I sympathize that you and Mr. Stark were not aware of the oncoming change in your familial status when picking paints for the walls, Captain, I would feel remiss to not remind you that little hands are often most dangerous while idle, and where there are reachable walls, crayons will always find them."

In short:  He's not going to be the one to tell Mr. Stark that little Miss Halley has managed to leave glorious red and purple scribbles on the sitting room's painted walls, that's going to be on Steve Rogers.

"Also, you have a message from a liaison at SHIELD.  Why they didn't bother to contact you directly, I can't say, but I took down the particulars regardless."  He snaps the tea towel he's holding smartly, folding it neatly.  "Will there be anything else, Captain?"

[servitored]

overclocks​:

oh my god is that.  is that tony’s graduation picture?

actually, tho, you know what this really says, and that is that jarvis considers tony’s milestone pictures worthy mansion decoration.  🥰