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PAIRINGS : tooru oikawa x fem! reader
WARNINGS : cursing , implied car accident
SYNOPSIS : tooru doesnât understand how special you are to him until he comes close to losing you forever . as he struggles to comes to grips with his feelings and balance it with his future , you still have to recover from your own injuries , but without your memories to assist you .
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karmaâs a bitch , and tooru is paying the price for what heâs done . . . he has to make this right with you .
( đ§ . ) a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant , or that has been loved and then lost ; â the love that remains â
â two weeks of tooru having to sit through hell, for the shit he put you through.
â the third years were no longer on speaking terms with him, nor did they even want anything to do with him. the rest of the volleyball team were the first ones to hear of your accident the following day, their faces clearly showing their discomfort around the former captain when a certain someone informed them of your misfortunes.
â he was just angry, he didn't mean to hurt you.
â "get the fuck away from me. i don't want to see your face."
â oikawa slammed his fist against a locker after school; seijoh cleared out for the day, but for no reason in particular, he staggered behind. each day dragged out like a month - students began to avoid him like a plague, their whispers deafening to his ears as he went through growing isolation from the other students. even his fanclub began to disperse every time he entered a room.
â he couldn't bring himself to see you. he wanted so, so badly to go to the hospital and cry to your bed, cry to you, remorse and guilt hung in the air like a thick, suffocating fog. but what was he apologizing for, and why was he apologizing?
â because his stupidity put you in the hospital - in a coma, no less?
â because he deserves the worst boyfriend to ever exist award?
â or was he sorry that because of his actions, he lost everything else in the process?
â in just a short amount of time, tooru's popularity was completely diminished. his reputation was tainted, and no one dared to go near him - for fear that they, too, would be treated the same way. most of his old fans reconsidered their adoration towards the third year, after hearing how he treated you almost everyday. every bad moment weighed out any good, and that was all that spread around the school. nothing else. he made you suffer; now he was the one paying for it.
â pressing his back against the cold lockers, tooru slid down to the ground, knees held tightly in his arms. this became a routine, after the beginning of the second week without you here. this was the one time everyday where he didn't feel the piercing, judging gaze of any other student happening to pass by. it gave him time to wallow in his own self-pity, to wish misfortunes upon himself as he faced an internal war, all because of you.
â he should've treasured you more.
â how did oikawa not realize how much he meant to you earlier? how pathetic was he, to only see the good you saw in him, after almost losing you due to his own selfish actions? the scene played in his head over and over again like an incantation, a curse he put upon himself. his own weaknesses spilled out in fresh, hot tears, streaming down the skin of his cheeks like a whitewater river, stinging every surface it came into contact with.
â he hadn't come in contact with a single volleyball for two weeks. he avoided it like poison - entirely toxic to his system. this entire experience made him question himself as a volleyball player, if he should even pursue it in his future. he read his teammates like a book; the setter knew everyone's strengths, their special points, anything that would bring out their full potential as a player on the volleyball court.
â but he was too fucking blind to see how much he was hurting his own girlfriend?
â if someone happened to ask tooru why he bothered to engage in a relationship with you, he'd hesitate in giving a full answer. come to think of it - he probably wouldn't have been able to give them an actual answer. at first, you were just like the other girls in his fanclub, gawking and admiring his skills and looks from afar. the one thing that separated you from everyone else, was your lucky position as aoba johsai's volleyball club manager.
â iwaizumi was the one who introduced the idea to you, and you took the chance the moment it left his lips. being the manager meant you would be able to get closer to the tooru oikawa; there was no way a chance was going to slip out of your fingers like that.
â you confessed your feelings to him after seijoh won against karasuno during the interhigh preliminaries. it was a jovial day, and oikawa was just so relieved to have won, he accepted your feelings with a full heart, spontaneously asking you to be his. all of that sweetness seemed to go away just a day later, after yet another loss from shiratorizawa. his attitudes and mood swings became worse and worse but you managed, as he still had his good moments, too.
â even now, he sometimes questioned why his thoughts were now filled with nothing but you. why now, of all the times he could've felt this way in the past? must he have been damned to feel like this, when you're now out of reach?
â tooru wanted to see you. he wanted nothing more to see you, to apologize, and make everything right. he didn't necessarily know how he'd make things right, but he knew enough to understand he owed you a hell of a lot of things, an apology for everything he's done at the very top of his list. after all, you were still his girlfriend, right? technically, you two were still in a relationship, as no one really officially called it quits.
â he sprinted to the hospital as fast as his own two legs could carry him, with you being the only thought in his mind. he had absolutely no idea how he was going to be able to see you; how was oikawa going to be able to get permission to visit your room? the decision to turn back was already too late, as he already stepped through the hospital doors, completely out of breath. wasting no time in answering any prescribed formalities in order to receive a visitor pass, he shuffled quickly along, with the memorized directions on how to get to your room.
â there it was. the doorway leading to your room. to you.
â tooru's stomach did flips with every step that inched closer to seeing you, his hands fidgety in fixing his school uniform tie. there were countless things he wanted to say, but had no idea on how to address them properly. he stuffed his hands in his pockets nervously, pressing his lips together as he prepared himself to enter your room.
â and the moment he did, his breath caught in his throat.
â you were sitting there, blank-eyed, staring at the wall across from you. from the looks of your facial features, you were completely disoriented, and such observation was solidified with how frequently you blinked. oikawa couldn't tell if the rising tension in his stomach was fear or happiness. you were supposed to be in a coma - was he lucky enough to visit the day you woke up?
â "y/n! you're okay!" tooru couldn't help but call out to you, stepping closer to your bed as he tried to observe you closely. you had grown paler, and your form, from what he could see, was more frail than he last remembered it to be. "i'm so sorry, y/n. please, believe me! i never meant to hurt you, i was extremely angry. us losing to karasuno wasn't your fault, and it will never be your fault. please, y/n, let me make it up to you. it's the least i can do, as your-"
â "i'm really sorry but, who is y/n?"
â tooru's heart stopped, his heart clenched as his head snapped upwards to look at you, the color draining from his face as he studied yours. you were afraid - of him. he noticed how you inched yourself to the other side of the hospital bed, weirded out by his sudden apologies. something kicked him in the gut at the sight of you, your eyes shaky as you could hardly keep eye contact with him.
â no... this had to be a dream. this wasn't happening.
â "that's a funny joke, y/n... you've always been quite the jokester."
â "i'm not... being funny. i don't know who she is."
â holy shit, you were serious. the terror in your e/c eyes said it all.
â "y-you're... really not kidding, huh?"
â a fearful lump grew in oikawa's throat as you stared at him blankly, but nothing - absolutely nothing - could prepare him for what you said next.
â "no, i'm not kidding... i'm sorry, who are you, again?"
a / n : AND SO IT BEGINS LFMSKFKDKKD n e way yeah !!! now weâre finally getting into the juicy stuff ;) the masterlist will be posted shortly after i post part five , since the next part will officially introduce the supposed âš love rival âš ( iâm sure yâall already know who it is , but for the sake of myself iâm not gonna officially reveal until part five huhu )
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