I love and admire Sansa Starks character because I don’t think fans truly grasp just how much strength it took just to survive growing up in King’s Landing as a prisoner of war and the grace needed to handle it the way she did.
The one thing that truly angers me about this fandom is their blatant ignorance of her character. For years, time and time again Sansa is painted as the “weak” damsel in distress because she was unable to escape King’s Landing and was unable to physically fight off those who abused her for years. They miss the entire point of her character. She’s not supposed to fight with a sword. She’s not supposed to survive this world using magic. She’s still here without having all that shit at her disposal.
I resonate with her character because as someone who’s grown up in an abusive situation it’s not always possible to leave. It’s not always possible to protect yourself and you need emotional strength everyday just to keep going. And Sansa does. Not only does she survive, she does it all with grace and never lets her abusers sour her the way they try. A key example is Cersei but we will come back to that later.
This meta will be focusing on her arc from the end of season 1 to the early episodes of season 4 so it will get long.
She has to handle the likes of Joffery. Sansa was Joffery’s plaything to torment. He murdered her father, forced her to look at his head and those of her household, and still, Sansa did not break. She’s 13 when all of this begins and instead she looks Joffery in the eyes and tells him perhaps Robb will give her his head.
What happens when she say this? We all know.
In this moment Sansa learned she could not speak out and if she was going to survive, she had to keep her true emotions to herself and continue on. She ends her season 1 arc realizing all that she knew of the world and royalty was a lie and from here this is her ivory stage when season 2 begins.
Can y’all imagine how hard this must have been for her to say? She’s sitting next to the boy who murdered her father and she musters the strength to look Tyrion in the eye and repeat what she has learned with zero emotions behind it. She detaches herself from this moment so that neither her tone nor her expression could be used against her. But anyone with half a brain cell can see right through it. I’m not going to get into this scene as a whole, but even at this age and already everything that’s happened to her she will not let it change who she is.
She stops Joffery from brutally murdering Ser Dontos and finds a way to not only manipulate Joffery, but save a man’s life in the process all at the risk of her own safety. Her kindness never diminishes and that isn’t easy in the face of such horror.
She received regular verbal and emotional abuse from Cersei who enjoyed mocking and terrorizing her just in a different form from her son’s preferable physical abuse.
She must sit with Cersei and play a part of a happy young girl who’s betrothed to a boy who enjoys abusing her and a family who is actively fighting her own. This whole scene is agonizing for Sansa as Cersei reminds her she will do her duty regardless if Joffery murders her brother. As they speak of her family as traitors and Cersei watches Sansa’s every word. She’s on the verge of tears throughout it but does not let them slip and instead continues playing her part. It’s a horrible scene for Sansa but truly amazing at the ability this girl has in moments like this.
The abuse by the hands of the Lannisters doesn’t ease up.
She is taken in the throne room, stripped threatened, and beaten while the whole court watches and does nothing in this moment. She is powerless to stop the abuse and when she is thankfully rescued from further abuse by Tyrion, she keeps her head high and repeats the words.
If I was a 13 year old girl and had just been beaten by a grown man, I sure as shit wouldn’t have been able to speak let alone kept a straight face and walked out with dignity. This is her subtle resistance that no abuse will break her no matter how hard they try.
Continuing with the horrors Sansa is assaulted and nearly gang raped during a riot. That in of itself is completely terrifying and later we see causes Sansa to develop PTSD. But when Shae is tending to her wounds she is not hateful. She has every right to be afraid and angry but she only asks why the the common folk hated her and if she had food to give them, she would have.
She shows compassion even for those who literally attacked her and has no lingering hate for these people. I respect the shit out of that kind of empathy so big in someone so young and again, her kindness towards other isn’t shaken after seeing how ugly the world can be.
She stops Sandor, and says she should have come sooner to thank him for saving her earlier. She challenges his bitter outlook and asks why he’s so hateful. Yes, Sandor has been through some serious shit and it’s turned him into the hateful man he is today. This is why it’s so important that her spirit is not broken even up until this point.
Another moment is when Sansa gets her first period and is immediately terrified by the realization she can now bear children for Joffery. She is just a child here and is already forced to fear womanhood by the patriarchal society that she used to do everything “right” by. Now, it’s no longer the future she dreamed of with Joffery. She doesn’t sit ideally by and skip to Cersei of what has happened. She even attempts to hide it along wit Shae before she is found out and is unable to do anything.
She’s taken to Cersei as Cersei, in her own way, tries to pass on some “womanly wisdom” to Sansa on this day. This is an interesting scene for characters like Cersei and Sansa in their position as queens who’s only talent will be recognized in society for their ability to bear children. I don’t think Cersei is trying to mock Sansa here. I do believe she is trying to teach Sansa the things she has learned over time but, it’s subtle in Sansa’s rejection of this particular piece of “wisdom” “love no one but your children.” We see Sansa hold the importance of family very close to her heart and later on with Jon, Bran, and Arya, Sansa doesn’t hold back in her love for those around her.
Possibly one of my favorite examples of Sansa’s clever wit is when before the siege by Stannis, Joffery calls her over to kiss his blade and further torment her that he she will possibly kiss the blood of Robb off his sword. She subtly manipulates Joffery and even tries to encourage him through the poking of his ego that he should go to vanguard as the most dangerous part of the battle.
It goes right over Joffery’s head and he’s not even aware of what is happening. The only one she cannot fool with her real intentions is Tyrion who time and time again sees Sansa as she plays this part and admires her for this performance.
Unfortunately, as she awaits in the room with Cersei and the rest of the ladies, Cersei is drinking and picks out Sansa to keep her occupied. It’s clear from these scenes Cersei’s resentment towards Sansa comes from how much she sees her former “stupid” self in Sansa. Again, Sansa must play the part with her words that she is praying for Cersei and Joffery.
She’s mocked for praying, called a fool, forced to drink, must endure Cersei’s drunken bitterness of her duties as a queen while she even brings up the possibility of Sansa being raped if the city should fall. Note, Sansa was nearly gang raped just a few episodes before this. Cersei tries to advise of ruling through fear but we see later on in the series that Sansa does not keep this idea as she becomes a woman her people truly respect and want as their ruler. An accomplishment Cersei herself never learned.
Sansa’s kindness is showcased beautifully again when Cersei believes the battle is lost and leaves the room while the ladies began to become very frightened. Remember, these are the same women who sat back and snicker at her, and watch as she is beaten. She’s in the room with the same man who took her father’s head and will kill her too if the battle is lost. What does she do? She reassures these women and calms them with a hyme. Only leaving when Shae tells her to. Showing herself as more of a queen than the queen herself.
When she gets to her room, she finds Sandor. The man she was told to fear. He’s drunken and covered in blood with an offer to come away with him. She’s a 13 year old child alone with a man who openly admits he enjoys killing people. Instead, she looks him in the eyes and tells him “You won’t hurt me.” Sure, he’s shown her some resemblance of kindness in the past but it’s hard for anyone to say what he would do when he’s already defied his king and abandons the battle. But above all Sansa shows courage in this moment.
Season 2 ends with Sansa’s betrothal to Joffery ending when the Tyrells come to KL and she’s unable to hide her joy when she leaves until Littlefinger comes to tell her she still isn’t safe under Joffery’s rule. We won’t get into all of it, but it’s another example of just how much Sansa was constantly in danger while in KL in more ways than one.
Season 3 picks up with Sansa as the target for so many around her. Varys, the Tyrells, Littlefinger, the Lannisters. They all see her as a piece and not a person and she is forced into situations beyond her control. A very, VERY overlooked moment of courage and strength is showcased once again when she has lunch with Margaery and Olenna who’s only point to having her here in the first place is to seek info about Joffery.
She’s probed and probed on the kind of person he is. Remember, she doesn’t know the Tyrells well at all. She’s putting herself at a huge risk if she tells the truth. We see Sansa constantly needing to remember her words because one slip and she’s dead.
But she does go through with it and looks Olenna in the eye when she says Joffery is a monster. That ^^^ took unbelievable courage under the circumstances and I don’t see how fans can miss the weight she was under and how careful she had to be at all times.
Her hope of escape and perhaps a chance at a happy life or, at the very least, somewhat of a happy life are within reach with a betrothal to Ser Loros and it’s taken away just as soon as it appears. Instead, she’s forced to marry a man twice her age and into the family she loathes, who’s only intentions are to still her claim to Winterfell and usurper her ancestral home from under her. She’s left with no choice but to go through with it and she keeps her head high throughout the ceremony. Even after Joffery threatens her with rape and she must await with a drunk Tyrion expecting the night to end with having to sleep with him whether she likes it or not.
She’s 14 during all of this! And it’s amazing just how much Sansa has endured throughout her time in KL.
We end the season with the reaction shot of Sansa after the news of the Red Wedding. She cannot say a word or express any type of grievances towards the death of her mother and brother publicy and she’s still within the clutches of those who were behind it. She’s still married to Tyrion and is still very much the property of the Lannisters. Tyrion knows there is nothing to say to her and walks away.
Season 4 begins with Sansa still greatly affected (and rightfully so) by the aftermath of the Red Wedding. She isn’t eating nor is she sleeping and can only think of the gruesome ways on which her family was brutally murdered. Again, she is 14 and handling all of this completely alone for the most part but what’s extremely resilient of her shows in the next episode when she is confronted by Ser Dontos.
Lastly I want to focus on her last two scenes in KL before Joffery’s death and she is smuggled away.
Her conversation with Ser Dontos and at Joffery’s Wedding.
When Ser Dontos comes to give her the poisoned necklace, he also thanks her for saving his life and I’ve brought this up before but, look at her reaction.
It’s a small, but very important example of Sansa’s kindness. She doesn’t even believe she did anything special and shrugs it off as nothing even though it was a HUGE act of bravery. Especially when compared to how everyone else witnessing the act does nothing but can only look on not wanting to get mixed into the mess or consequences of speaking up.
This reminds me so much of the rest of her siblings who see it as simple decency even if it’s downright fucking heroic of them.
Now the wedding. Joffery’s wedding is anything but pleasant for her. She must sit as Tyrion’s wife while Joffery takes every chance to torment both Tyrion and Sansa. Starting with the big preformece of the war of the five kings parody. One of the performers as Robb Stark. She must watch as her brother’s who’s death is still very, very, fresh be mocked.
She can not say a word but instead looks on at the act with a straight face and is unable to show any signs of pain. That alone is not an easy thing to do. Especially given the circumstances! But she continues to play the part she’s played for years and doesn’t shed a tear.
Her last show of resistance in KL is when Joffery is being especially petty and obnoxious towards Tyrion, forcing him to be his Royal cup bearer as he drops his cup and forces Tyrion to get it from under the table. Sansa breaks this act as she reaches down to hand Tyrion the cup. Subtle, yet open defiance of what Joffery is doing to Tyrion in this moment and she doesn’t even need to say a word.
She’s smuggled away while Joffery is dying and so ends her arc in King’s Landing since her arrival as a young child.
It had been painful for Sansa in so many ways and what I respect is she never loses who she is. She never stops being kind, decent, empathetic, and she never forgets who she is as a Stark. So many have tried to break her down but her inner strength stays true. She grows, damn right. She learned a lot, fuck yeah. But she comes out the other end not bitter nor broken. She’s always been a survivor and as we’ve seen time, and time again that’s not an easy thing for characters in this story. Especially a young girl like her. And I respect the hell out of that and can relate to far more than I could any other character in the series. She’s taught that you can’t always fight those who hurt you, but that doesn’t mean they can win.
Sansa Stark wasn’t ever the girl who was supposed to drop kick her enemies or burn them alive. She was the girl who’s eniemies made a grave mistake turning her skin from porcelain, to ivory to steel and she’s all the better for it.