It's 9am, the sound of running water comes through the right wall
Breakfast sounds like lids being placed on pots, dishes and cutlery thrown into the sink
Dragging the trashcan across the kitchen floor, it's full and it's not even 11 am
The TV is on, volume at 35. Nobody is watching it.
Fans are on, the AC is off
Water is running on the sink again
The doors open and close, steps in steps out
They don't have inside voices , their kids cry for the wifi password, their screens are also at full volume
Lunch rush and all burners are on, water is boiling over, spoons clink at the edge of multiple pots, lids are placed, plates are placed, glasses are being filled.
The sink is on again
The TV is now at 40, 3 tablets are blasting short form videos at full volume
The AC is turned on again, the compressor roars as it turns on then hums on the background
Keys jingle as they land on the table
Steps in steps out
Fridge opens and closes again
Drag the trashcan is full again
Whistle to get attention
Replies from across the house
They don't know how to speak indoors
The pots are placed in the cupboards, their doors slam shut
The door open and closes again
My door never closes yet theirs are shut, and open and shut again.
Engines start, cars leave and other park
The laundry room is in my room, the washing machine has been rumbling since 7am
The TV is still on, but no eyes lay on it
Clink clack slam and hum
The noises never stop
I want to sleep but I can't because the noises never stop
This love is infatuation, I placed you in the front and center stage of my life, now my protagonist is gone.
You are experiencing what I could not give you, what I thought you were incapable of, you outgrew me and I overestimated my usefulness.
I don't want an apology, you didn't do anything wrong, I just want a role in the play that is your life, even if it's not the costar, just a small role, a reference , a wink to my involvement during the 1st act, a conclusion for me to exit stage left.
Everyday I wake up at 6:45am, wash my face, get dressed and eat a bowl of frosted flakes; no milk on my bowl since I don't like mushy cereal. Then I drink a glass of orange juice and one cup of milk, brush my teeth and wait for the bus.
I'm the first kid on the route, and sit behind the driver. As the bus fills up no one willingly sits next to me, everyday is someone new. They all have their buddies and cliches.
School goes fast, second subsidized breakfast, 1st 2nd and 3rd period flash by. The hallways rumble, some slow some fast, some greet, some fight. I go to lunch and meet my friends, group A is an echo chamber but group B is fun to argue with.
The afternoon class periods are a drag and I want to fall asleep,
The bell rings and I head to the bus. I sit behind the driver but this time I'll be the last to get down.
I thank the bus driver and head back inside my house, do homework, chores and play RuneScape, shower and repeat again tomorrow.
It's late, going through old conversations on this site.
Did not have many to begin with, some of these dashboards have not been updated in years.
Could send them a text, but I hardly think they'll reply after 8 years of absence.
Some have changed names, cannot remember who they were. Would like to learn who they are.
A hotdog would be so good right now but I don't want to stand up, I'll just starve 'till sunrise.
I have many manuscripts to transfer to this place, a shout for attention, begging to be noticed, hoping to be chosen.
I close my eyes and feel waves, sinking deeper into the mattress, the world continues to spin, unaware of what I am going through, the world keeps moving, they are moving on too. My troupe disbanded one too many times, and I'm left to hold the big top from collapsing.
Ok so last time i talked about how sniper and spy canonically don't hate each other and it's actually more bickering and bantering between close people, which you can find here
BUT. Let's do talk about hate. And obsession.
(Because it's fun to interpret ships in various ways and i like every interpretation of them)
This is more of a fanon interpretation so it's more about my own thoughts!
I mentioned this in my last post but i do think hate is an incredibly compelling factor to explore, especially for a relationship between sniper and spy, who probably are the most i've seen be depicted as antagonistic towards each other in the fandom.
Emotions aren't black and white. The definition of hate describes it as an intense and passionate feeling. There's a reason why enemies/rivalry in fiction is known for having chemistry and tension. It's essentially a deep emotional connection with each other. It mirrors the expressions of romantic love/eroticism, albeit in a negative light.
Love and hate are two sides of the same coin. I think there's a lot of potential to explore how and where the line blurs between them and the complicated feelings that come with it.
And with hate comes obsession, they're constantly intruding your mind.
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Ok would you believe me if i said sniper already has the base to build obsession?
Is it casual to sacrifice your organs shutting down just to get back at the enemy? The jarate comic shows this as a lighthearted joke but the idea of being consumed by thoughts to take down and humiliate the enemy spy to the point of taking pills that ruins your internal organs and a tonic to ignore all the pain seems pretty intense??
Mind you the classic sniper also sacrificed his well being and perhaps even his sanity for the enemy spies. It's generational/hj.
They have three corresponding voicelines, spy's voicelines are not sniper exclusive but sniper's are spy specific, using his vocabulary and responding back to him like it's personal.
Mocking spy's dislike of getting blood on his suit, and feeling the need to quip back at him by emphasizing your and adding a wanka like it's a second thought, when he doesn't even disguise/deceive like spy there was no reason for him to say that except to be petty.
Some of you may already know but i Love the scar that was added to sniper's model after meet the spy, i think about it a lot.
Let me be dramatic for a moment.
The whole thing about respawn being revived exactly as you were before(gamewise ofc, i love the respawn glitches hcs) but the fact that canonically there was an exception to that small scar means so much to me. It disrupts the order and the constant clean slate forms they regain after being brutally murdered.
I think it has the potential to be used as motivation or something to hold onto to feel a more intense emotion in this monotonous war. And who's to say that emotion can't be hatred that brings you adrenaline and tension and restlessness and a violent fixation on the enemy spy?
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Hate usually gets muddled with passion, and there's this animalistic rage that comes out when you get so blinded by hate. It turns into a fight between two predatory animals, who scratch and bite at each other with nothing else but the need to put the other down in mind. And that brings a lot of grit to their relationship, it makes them feel raw and gritty.
Take in the fact that they do have opposing views on the matter of assassination and lifestyle, and the disgust they have for each other is more prominent.
The idea of sniper, who's usually nonchalant and in his own words, "a professional", losing his rational side to get back at the snake. And the idea of spy, who carries himself as a composed gentleman, wanting to step on and grind the filthy bushman into the ground, is a really entertaining aspect to explore and expand.
