Bueno - ni se empesar. My heart has been very very heavy because of all the crazy shit happening in the world, the news broke out of the families, my families, being separated at the US/MEX border. I have felt so helpless since hearing the news and I cannot help but burst into tears every time I read about it or hear about it - I am literally in tears as I am typing. You don’t have to be a parent to understand how cruel and unjust this is - this is about people like you and I (who happen to be running for their lives) being ripped apart and put behind cages/bars/enclosed metal fences, WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT. It’s a #nonpartisan #Humanitarian issue.
I attend rallies and marches throughout the cities, I donate to organizations that help empower and uplift those who feel they don’t have a voice, I support small businesses that have ethical and moral mission statements, etc... I do what I can. This however left me feeling completely helpless and hopeless, I began to just get angry. After having a conversation with my homegirl (hermana) she proposed we take action. So we did. I hope my daughter looks back at her mom and remembers that our families fight these great injustices. I and the people I surround my self with are an inclusive group of people and we don’t tolerate hate. I hope my daughter learns how to stand up for herself and peacefully takes action to HELP OTHERS IN NEED. I hope I am being a strong and empowering example for her.
Stepping into the non remote working world like.....
Before having my daughter I started my very first remote job. It was incredible, meetings and conference calls in my pjs, I mean what’s not to love. It was much more appreciated when I found out I was pregnant. I thought, this is major and it’s going to be easy working from home with my baby. Easy peasy. Oh silly before having kids brain! After the babe, it took me a few months to get comfortable and return to my remote job. I still needed a sitter, which is a whole other post. It worked, it was convenient. Well that remote job came to an end not too long ago and I was offered a position which is part time (love) BUT non remote (ahhhhhhhhhh, leave my kid??!!).
Ok, I’m a week in and everyone has survived and obviously I know I’m not the first mother to go back into an office job after a baby. Yo- it was so tough but on the bright side I am digging not being home all the time. Of course, I miss my kid, but it also helps her figure things out without me. Sure I feel like she doesn’t miss me, it really seems like it doesn’t phase her that I’m gone, but I know that’s not the case. She’s 18 months, making sure she gets her bottle and we have Elmo on the screen are her current priorities.
Next task to tackle - DAYCARE! I have to find one and hopefully be able to afford it.
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SLEEP TRAINING UPDATE!!
Warning: there may be more sleep training updates for the rest of my life.
We’ve been getting shitty bipolar weather here in Chicago (why did I move back from LA??) and decided this was the weekend to do it. Stay low key and began our nighttime rituals for a consistent bedtime schedule for the little ladybug ALL OVER AGAIN.
We began the training on a Thursday, the feelings of anxiety and panic were definitely sinking in once the sun went down, nothing a bottle of wine can’t take care of, specifically a crisp Roquesante Cotes de Provence Rosé. Bedtime was at 9:30pm, I started her ocean sounds then began reading her bedtime storybook, God Bless You + Goodnight, proceeded with her bedtime bottle. Once she finished her bottle, she started to cuddle, her cuddle game is strong, that’s when I knew I had to put her in the crib so she puts herself to sleep. That’s when my heart shattered into a MILLION pieces, I laid her in the crib, she got up SCREAMING bloody murder and her arms were extended towards me. I ignored all of it - yes I know I am terrible, but it needed to be done. I said I would see her in the morning, I was next door and it was now time for mimis. I told her I loved her and I began to walk towards the door, she raced to the end of the crib by the door and screamed and screamed while her hands were still extended. I left, I closed the door. I felt like an the biggest asshole, the biggest asshole who just needed a crisp crisp glass of wine. That night she cried standing for 2 hours straight, she finally figured out that Mama and Papa were not going in to save her, she laid down got comfortable hugged her bunny and fell ASLEEP! She woke up a couple of times throughout the night, cried for an hour and went back to sleep. 8am hit, she was up and I went in with the most falsified positive attitude, horrible sleep makes you a go mad BUT I needed to understand LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL. She was so excited to see me and her papa.
Night 2 - same routine BUT we added a bubble bath to the mix. We her routine at 7:45pm, bath, book, milk, laid her in the crib by 8:50pm. It was her Papa’s night, she ran to the end of the crib and screamed but the door closed. She cried for about 25 minutes then fell asleep. She woke at 5am, cried for a few and went back to sleep Whoa, she was finally getting it. 8am hit and we went in with a more non-falsified positive attitude since we got a bit more interrupted sleep. She was thrilled to see us, we were too.
Night 3 - same routine and it was my night, I laid her down at 8:40pm she ran towards the door screamed, I said goodnight and closed the door. She cried for 5 minutes, 5 MINUTES, then went to sleep. I also went to bed, had me a hot toddy, read a book and fell asleep. Could this actually be happening, that’s all I kept thinking. We ALL slept with uninterrupted sleep until 8am, it finally happened.
Night 4 - last night of sleep training according to all the CIO method enthusiasts, sleep training I think is a constant thing. Look I would sneak out as a teenager, it’s going to be a constant struggle, but right now, RIGHT NOW, I will enjoy this parenting accomplishment. Bubble bath, book, milk in bed by 8:30pm, small protest from the little while we left the room. She was out until the morning.
We are now a couple of weeks in and she no longer cares to stand and protest us as we leave the room. She now stays laying down, whines until we leave the room, but is out within seconds. This method worked for us again. It’s not easy but it’s so worth it.
People argue that children don’t feel supported and carry some of these feelings of neglect even if they won’t remember these moment, I will NEVER forget this, it’s also traumatizing for the parents. I cannot be the best parent I know I can be with no sleep, bed sharing is not fun when you have little hands and feet constantly hitting you. I NEED to be the best parent I can be for her and for myself. We got through this, just like we will get through all the other obstacles of life, BUT she will always know we love her and will support her through anything.
Fuck. Where do I even begin... as a new mom spending the first night with my newborn was easy - we both rested bc of the amount of work we equally did during the birth. The second night, not so much. That’s when I got my first taste of the NO SLEEP ZONE. Since that moment, sleeping gives me anxiety. Nighttime would arrive and boom anxiety set in. At 2 months my babydaddy (husband) sleep trained her the cry it out method. Whoa - we ALL CRIED IT OUT. By night 4 this babe was out cold turkey for the night, sleeping anywhere from 10-12 hours, it was fucking amazing.
We recently made the trip back to Chicago, she was 10 months when we did the move, we lived in LA and that’s where the little one was born. Since moving back, consistency and sleeping on her own have gone out the window. She is now sleeping in her crib for the first few hours then the crying begins. We are tooooooooo tired to be in there and rock her ass back to sleep. Everything I read, I really should just stop, says NOT TO ROCK THEM TO BED, put them down sleepy but still awake so they sleep on their own. I have to rock her to bed, she won’t sleep on her own anymore. I cannot think to do the sleep training again, especially now that she’s old enough to stand in her crib. It’s agonizing to think about, for everyone involved including our 10 year old bulldog. Co-sleeping is sweet until her little foot meets your face or you ask without knowing what the five little fingers said to face??!! I miss my space, I miss my sleep. Anxiety is back when nightfall hits.
I can’t be messing up my kid bc I am not following what sleep trainers/pediatrician recommend, right? I will get my bed back one day, RIGHT? She will eventually figure it out and we have to continue to be consistent with our night routine, RIGHT???
Hey hey - writing is not my strongest skill but honestly I can careless. I decided to start this blog for a few reasons;
I have always wanted to do one with my homegirl based on photography and public transit commuter fashion.
Pregnancy - it was pretty dope for me, I am grateful.
The kid is here - WARNING THE KID IS HERE! She’s 16 months and ferocious as ever. I hear it keeps going. So this was more to bitch, complain, share stories, CONNECT bc kids make you want to connect with others more than ever. Also another dope mom homegirl inspired me to do it.
The moment I found out I was pregnant, I freaked. Freaked in a good way, this has happed to me before but my reaction then and the outcome of that pregnancy were not positive. I miscarried, it was not meant to be. It was hard mentally and physically, harder than I ever thought, but a few years later this little light appeared, don’t get me wrong she’s a hott mess but I am learning how to deal. We all are.
Yo, so these ultra sounds are pretty creepy but this one takes it a bit further but in a cool way. I totally see my little one’s personality and I was only 12.5 weeks preggers. Thought it was appropriate since we are kick this off with a wave! 👋🏾
