O !

[eatsleepcrap]

what’s the difference between a piano, a tuna, and a pot of glue?

[eatsleepcrap]

you can tuna piano, but you can’t piano a tuna

[oilvla]

What does glue have to do with this

[eatsleepcrap]

i knew you’d get stuck there

[sexydilflover]

peter would be the type of person to make ‘your mom’ jokes

[gaylittleinnkeepers]

REBLOG IF YOUR BLOG IS A SAFE SPACE FOR LGBTQ+ MINORS!!

i’m a minor, and lgbtq+, and i don’t know anyone, i don’t have any friends. and i know i’m not the only one who feels that way!

please lmk if your blog is a safe space, for me and my fellow minors!

stay safe out there fellow minors! and members of the lgbtq+ community!

you are loved! have a cookie 🍪

[sexydilflover]

James: Being a mom has made me really tired and so happy.

[sexydilflover]

Sirius: Hi Mia! I just want to say Happy Mother’s Day and-

Euphemia: Awee you’re welcome dear

Sirius: I’m not done. And thank you for not telling my James that I’m your favorite.

[sexydilflover]

Euphemia: I always say if you aren't yelling at your kids, you're not spending enough time with them.

[sexydilflover]

House elf: Good evening. May I take your coats?

Regulus: Oh, sure, thanks.

Walburga: [from living room] That’s the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard.

House elf: Your mother’s in the living room.

Sirius: So last chance to run, huh?

House elf: Excuse me?

Regulus: Just ignore him.

[sexydilflover]

*James and Lily kissing*

James: You know what just occurred to me? That we are very fortunate to have good teeth.

Lily: Yes, very fortunate.

James: Can you imagine if braces were involved in this interaction?

Lily: It’d be a bloodbath

[sexydilflover]

James: Hi guys.

Lily: We’re out of food.

Sirius: Oh, please, we’re stuffed. We’re not eating for a year.

James: Or ‘til tomorrow morning.

Sirius: Whichever comes first.

[sexydilflover]

*James sees a broken mechanical pencil and jumps into the garbage to get it*

Remus: James, that’s the garbage. Stop rooting through the garbage.

James: I will when people stop throwing away useful stuff!

[sexydilflover]

Lily: James, what are you doing?

James: Getting rid of the avacado.

Lily: Since when do you not like avacado?

James: Since the day I said, "Gross. What is this?" and you said, "Avacado."

*A few minutes later*

Lily: Wat's wrong with the tomato?

James: It was fraternizing with the enemy.

[sexydilflover]

James: Why do you smell so good?

Peter: I did laundry. I smell like a baby in a damn meadow.

[sexydilflover]

James: Check it out, Lily…I got you a clownfish.

Lily: I don’t want some janky freshwater bitch fish, James. I want a lionfish.

[sexydilflover]

Sirius: Guys, I think I’m getting my period.

Peter: Okay...?

Sirius: This is a real thing, okay? I looked it up on the internet. It’s called, uh, “sympathy PMS,” right? Now apparently this is an affliction that men suffer from all the time.

James: Right on.

Sirius: I don’t know how it happened, man, but somehow I got on that woman’s cycle of menstruation…and I got that menstruation inside of me.

Remus: Sirius! Men can’t get their periods! Where would they put the tampon?

[sexydilflover]

Lily: I’ll raise the money myself! I’ll get a ragtag group of kids together; an orphan, a lost soul, a jewish kid with a keyboard, a little slut who can dance, and one fatso!

Remus: You already did that. It was the spring musical and it brought in 2 galleons.

Sirius: Can i be the slut who can dance?

[sexydilflover]

James: Damp towel. Damp! It’s like a really big wet nap. I feel like I’m being licked by a sirius in dog form!

[sexydilflover]

lily: Why should we date?

james: Because we’re attracted to each other.

lily: I am attracted to pie, but I do not feel the need to date pie.