me:stands up
my blood vessels: what the
FUCK
did you just do
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@sexysloth12287
me:stands up
my blood vessels: what the
FUCK
did you just do
Me at social gatherings: *sneezes and makes a note of everyone who doesnāt say bless you*
ā Colin Jost, in Best of Late Night
AB. SO. LUTE. LY.
These little piggies went to market.
When you want ownerās attention.
WANT!
OH. My. God.
Goddamnanit.
Hahahahahahahahahah
@jonasfiel
I thought I was about to read something educational and then you hit me with that shit.
I just....this is higher humor right here. Well. Played.
Emma Thompson, on Harvey Weinstein being just the tip of the iceberg. ā³ Excerpt, BBC Newsnight | October 12, 2017
Fun animal facts I have learned being a zoo docent
1. There are several ways to classify the large cats, one of the more useful ones is into the roaring cats (tigers, lions) and the purring cats (bobcats, lynxes). The puma (also known as the mountain lion) is the largest cat that purrs. Iāve heard it up close, itās amazing. A cheetahās purr sounds like an idling motorcycle engine.
2. Kangaroos cannot move their legs independently of each other, they have to move them in sync - when theyāre on land. When theyāre swimming, they can move them separately. Hopping is their most efficient way to move - a walking kangaroo is awkward as hell. They swing both legs forward using their tail as a third leg to prop up while their legs swing.
3. People often think that flamingoesā knees bend the wrong way. They donāt - the joint youāre seeing in the middle of their leg isnāt their knee, itās their ankle. Their knee is up by their body, and it bends the same way ours does.
4. Giraffes only sleep 1-2 hours a day.
5. Bald eaglesā vocalizations are not what you expect. When you see a flying bald eagle in the movies and hear that majestic caw sound? That isnāt an eagle, itās been dubbed over with another bird, usually a red-tailed hawk. Bald eagles actually soundā¦not majestic. Kind of like if a kitten could be a bird.
6. Elephants are one of only a handful of animals that can pass the mirror test - in other words, they can recognize their own reflection (and not think itās another animal, as dogs and cats usually do). They tested this by placing a chalk mark on an elephantās forehead and then showing it a mirror. The elephant investigated the mark on its own forehead, indicating it knew that it was looking at itself. Ā The only animals that pass this test are the higher primates, the higher cetaceans (orcas, dolphines), elephants, and weirdly, magpies.
7. One-fifth of all the known mammal species are bats.
8. A kangaroo mother can have three joeys simultaneously at different stages of development: an embryo in her womb (kangaroos can do whatās called embryonic diapause which means sort of putting the development on pause until sheās ready for it to develop further), a joey in her pouch attached to one nipple, and a joey out of the pouch on the ground who nurses from the other one. The amazing thing? Each of her nipples make different formulations of milk for each joeyās different nutritional needs.
9. Bonobos, our closest genetic relative (they are more closely related to us than they are to either chimps or gorillas) are almost entirely non-aggressive, matriarchal, and use sex to solve all their problems. They engage in both same and opposite sex interactions, non-penetrative sex (oral, rubbing, manual) and with any age. Thatās an interesting area to work in, lemme tell you.
10. Tortoises have super loud sex. Like, really loud.
11. All grizzlies are brown bears, but not all brown bears are grizzlies (grizzlies are a sub-categorization of the brown bear).
12. Reindeer are the only deer species where both males and females grow antlers. The males shed theirs the beginning of December, the females shed theirs in the spring. So all of Santaās reindeer are girls, heh. I love telling little kids that.
13. If a rhinoceros knocks off its horn, it grows back faster than youād expect. One of ours, Rosie, has knocked hers off twice.
14. Gorillas get crushes on each other. And on the humans that take care of them. Male gorillas also masturbate. I donāt know if the females do, Iāve never seen it. Sometimes itās like a soap opera up in there.
15. Langur monkeys are silvery-gray in color - their babies are bright orange. Like Cheeto orange, I do not exaggerate.
16. Polar bear fur is not white, itās transparent, like fiber optics. Also, their skin is black.
This is all excellent and awesome and I am a happier, better person for this knowledge.
Also, you go badass lady reindeer. Sleigh.
This was really cool to read actually.
Cheeto babies confirmed.
I needed this.
Thank you to all the people who posted this so I ended up seeing it. I really needed this right now. Thank you!
reblog and make a wish! this was removed from tumbrl due to āviolating one or more of Tumblrās Community Guidelinesā, but since my wish came true the first time, Iām putting it back. :)
OH MY FUCKING GOD, ITāS BACK ON MY DASH.
THIS SHIT WORKS OKAY, I AM DEAD SERIOUS.
The last time I saw this on my dash, I didnāt think it would happen, so jokingly I wished I could go to a fun. concert.
AND GUESS WHAT, I WENT TO A FUCKING FUN. CONCERT.
THIS SHIT WORKS, TRY IT.
YOOOOOOO
I SAW THIS ON MY DASH THE OTHER DAY AND THOUGHT āITS WORTH A TRYā SO I WISHED I COULD GET A 3DS
LITERALLY LIKE 4 DAYS LATER MY DAD SENT ME A PICTURE OF THE 3DS XL HE BOUGHT FOR ME WHILE I WAS AT SCHOOL
IM STILL FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS
holy fuck, I didnāt expect this to work, I was like psh, whatever itās just a quick reblog, but I wished my Dad would actually respond back to me AND HE FUCKING DID A FEW DAYS LATER, I GOT A FUCKING TEXT FROM MY DAD TODAY WHO HASNāT SPOKEN OR RESPONDED TO ME IN MONTHS HOLY FUCK WHAT IS THIS MAGIC IT WORKS.Ā
I WANTED TO SEE MY BOYFRIEND AND I DIDNāT THINK IāD GET DAYS OFF BUT THIS WEEKEND IāM HEADING UP THERE??? THIS IS CRAZY SHITĀ
SO LIKE I JOKINGLY WISHED FOR MY OWN LEN KAGAMINE AND THEN LIKE A WEEK LATER I GOT A LEN NENDOROID??? H ELP
WTF OKAY SO THIS SHOT ACTUALLY WORKS BECAUSE WHEN I WISHED, I HAD WISHED MY CRUSH WOULD LIKE ME BACK AND GUESS WHAT? I HAVE A BOYFRIEND NOW. WHAT THE HELLLLL?????
ok Iāve said this before but IM DOING IT AGAIN THE FIRST TIME I SAW THIS, MY WISH DID COME TRUE SO I REBLOGED AGAIN AND SAID IT IN THE TAGS BUT THEN I WISHED FOR SMTH ELSE AND IT LITERALLY LITERALLY HAPPENED LIKE A COUPLE DAYS LATER WHAT THE HELL SO NOW IM WRITING THIS HERE FOR YOU BC I DONT BELIEVE IN THIS CRAP BUT STILL ITāS AN AWFULLY BIG COINCIDENCE
THE BOY I FELL I LOVE WITH LEFT TO TRAVEL THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD AND HAS BEEN GONE NOW FOR 3 MONTHS. WE HAVENT SPOKEN SINCE BECAUSE I DIDNT WANT TO MAKE HIM FEEL TRAPPED TO ME AND NOT ENJOY HIS TIME SO I WAITED FOR HIM TO CONTACT ME FIRST. I SAW THIS ON A PARTICULARLY LOW DAY WHEN I WAS MISSING HIM SO MUCH I CRIED FROM THE PAIN, GUYS I REALLY LOVE HIM, SO I THOUGHT MEH WHAT THE FUCK, AND WISHED HE WOULD JUST LET ME KNOW HE WAS OKAY.
GUYS.
HE FUCKING CALLED ME 20 MINUTES LATER
20 FUCKNG. MINUTES. LATER.
GOOD THINGS DO HAPPEN. AND ITS IN THIS POST.
I wish for someone to leave something in my ask.
OKAY SO I ASKED FOR A HEDGEHOG AND NOW GUESS WHO HAS A PET HEDGEHOG
I WISHED FOR SNK MERCH THE FIRST TIME.Ā I GOT A JACKET.
I WISHED FOR MY GIRLFRIEND THE SECOND TIME.Ā I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.
THIS WORKs I WISHED I WAS MOVING TO NORTH CAROLINA AND GUESS WHAT GUYS IM MOVING TO NC IN AUGUST I PROMISE U IM NOT LYING
guys ok ur probably thinking that this is all just bs right? WELL I THOUGHT SO TOO BUT I WISHED MY CRUSH WOULD CHAT ME AND HE DID AND IM FREAKING OUT not even kidding i swear on my grampas grave this works
I love this it always works for me yey thank u shooting star :ā)
woah the notes letās hope my wish comes true
pls
you guys. this fucking WORKS. as you can see above, i reblogged this like a month ago and wished for a hamilton ticket. and guess what y'all? iām seeing hamilton in 2 days. ALWAYS TRUST IN WISHES š«
im trusting you all so my wish better come true too
Please....
Seems Legit
Aaron Tveit singing Somebody to Love at The Paramount (2/25/17)
ICYMI @hamilslut
THERE ISĀ SO MUCHĀ GOOD FANFICTION IN THIS WORLD
SO GOD DAMN MUCH
SO MANY FICS THAT I WOULD CUT OFF MY LEFT ARM TO SEE PLAYED OUT
AND PEOPLE CHOOSE FIFTY SHADES OF GREY
Aaron Tveit Paramount Meet&Greet Part6 āØ"Where would you have liked to see Mikeās character go?ā And āIf you could have a dream round of golf with three other golfers, who would they be?ā The Paramount, Huntington, NYāØSaturday the 25th of February 2017