a tired god in recovery

post-glory era

[sfalyse]

another day of today’s version of myself taking care of the version of me that will show up tomorrow

[sfalyse]

So maybe a week ago, I made tea in a little glass kettle, and after a couple of days, it started molding. I was looking at this mold every day and thinking, “oh, I really need to wash it,” but I avoided doing it because it seemed too hard and complicated. But at the same time, in my mind, there was always this molded little glass kettle. Today, I finally washed it, and it took literally a couple of minutes?? And I thought—doesn’t the same go for some of our feelings or thoughts? Sometimes you just need to stop avoiding it, because you’re still spending your energy on this thing or feeling by doing so. At the same time, yeah, you need to be ready to do it, but after all, you realize that you spent more energy on avoiding

yeah, the mold

[sfalyse]

okay, so I actually have a vision of what my style looks like, but every time I go shopping, I end up buying completely different things—and then I sit there wondering, why did I even buy this??? As a result, my wardrobe is full of random pieces, mostly statement items, and I constantly feel like I have nothing to wear

that’s why I recently started saving outfits that truly resonate with me, and it turns out I already have a clear sense of the style I want to achieve. I think having a visual reference before buying anything is super important—and of course, having a solid basic wardrobe is key! It’s honestly crazy that I’m only realizing this now

[sfalyse]

BEFORE I FORGET: THIS IS THE WORK

I am my own concept.

Not because I’m special, but because I’m the only material I have total access to.

I am the canvas, the process, the aesthetic, the failure, the refinement.

I don’t need to wait until I’m beautiful to begin.

I begin to become.

I’m not performing confidence.

I’m collecting evidence.

My taste is real.

My eye is real.

My execution is catching up.

No more waiting to get “good.”

I will document the gap between who I am and who I see —

and build the bridge by living it.

This isn’t about looking better.

This is about becoming legible to myself.